When Your Parent Loses Their Spouse

Posted on March 28, 2019 by Chris Messina under Uncategorized
Leave a comment

“And the two shall be as one” just rolls off our tongue. But think about it. What does it mean to the one who lives when their partner has died? Are they now a half? Families are interesting in that we tend to “know” our family member as their role relates to us. Mom is mom, dad is dad. We kids typically don’t really see the couple side, or the work side, or the friend side of our parents.  

So how must it feel to lose your life partner? Try to step into your parent’s shoes. Pretty quickly in a marriage the jobs are assigned. She does the laundry, he cooks the dinner, she manages the household budget, and he manages the retirement plan. Sure, they have separate interests but look at all those shared interests. Are they lost with this death? What happens to their couple activities?   Do friends still invite them for bridge or to join the bowling team when they become a single? Life changes drastically when death parts a couple.

If your parent begins to date, it is not so easy to move from your point of view to understanding and accepting theirs. For a child it may feel too soon, like your living parent is replacing your deceased parent. Perhaps this new wife or husband is stepping in a way that you thought you would. She is going to the doctor’s appointments with dad or cooking dad dinner when you expected to fill that role. He is mowing mom’s lawn with dad’s lawn mower no less! It’s hard.

Consider working on changing the way you look at this budding relationship.  How hard would it be to live as a half when you have been married for 35, 50, or even 60 years? Maybe this new relationship is a search for the happiness they had with your deceased parent? Try to understand that as we age, time really is limited and precious. And honestly…maybe they can’t wait. Maybe they need a partner, or another half, to be whole again.

Elements of a Great Obituary

By West Cobb Admin • February 11, 2025
Some obituaries are simply informative. They let the neighborhood know when someone in their community has passed, inform them about when and where the funeral will be held, and detail the decedent’s family who will be grieving their loved one. These are the most basic versions of an obituary. And while there’s nothing wrong with writing one that’s on the plainer side, there’s a reason why these aren’t the obituaries that go viral.

Organ Donation: What is the Process?

By West Cobb Admin • February 6, 2025
We know that organ donation has the power to give new life to people in need, but just how does it work? The process starts when you sign up, but the actual donation portion happens after you die — and it has to happen fast. So, what does organ donation look like?

Mother’s Day

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
Mother’s Day is celebrated in 40 countries around the world. But, getting it started was not a slam dunk. Having a day just for moms was the brainchild of one Anna Jarvis, an American peace activist. When Anna’s mother died in 1905, she began lobbying the United States Congress to designate a single day as Mother’s Day. Although she was never successful with Congress, by 1911 all the states in the United States had embraced the concept of Mother’s Day. Finally, in 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May officially Mother’s Day.

Honoring a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
Memorial Day is a time to reflect and give thanks to the people who gave their lives to ensure your freedoms today. It’s a day to honor lost lives and support the loved ones those soldiers left behind. They all have sacrificed much. It’s important that we do what we can to give back.

So You Want to Donate Your Body to Science

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
By donating your body, you’re making a difference in death. Medical researchers rely on whole body donation to do everything from testing new medical devices to studying diseases to find potential cures. Donation services are always looking for people who are willing to become whole-body donors.

Am I Too Young to Plan My Funeral?

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
If you are thinking about planning your funeral it is a good sign you are not too young. Although most people tackle this task when they are preparing to retire or after the children have left home, many plan sooner. In reality, most plan because they want to or need to. Age is not the determining factor. Whatever the reason you are thinking about planning your funeral, trust yourself. It is a good enough reason. Don’t worry that you are not “old” enough.

Do I Have to Have a Burial Vault?

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
While you might be looking at burial vaults, liners, or urn vaults as simply added expenses, there’s a reason why cemeteries require you to use them. Burial vaults and liners keep a graveyard level, both for safety and to preserve the beauty of the cemetery ground. When your loved ones come to visit, they’ll be seeing a stable gravesite, safeguarded for years to come.

How To Prepare for a Funeral? Contacting Loved Ones

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
The death of a loved one is often the most challenging thing one will face in one’s life. It’s overwhelming, disheartening, and saddening for you personally, but also for those around you. As you prepare for the funeral, you’ll need to start contacting loved ones. How do you determine who to tell first and how?

What is a Burial Vault?

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
When you think about the process of burying someone who has passed on, you’re likely familiar with a few terms. You probably know what a casket is for, what it’s made out of, and where it goes. You might understand a bit about the embalming process and how a body is prepared to be laid to rest. But do you know what a burial vault is? It’s a term that many people are unaware of, but it provides support for the deceased and is becoming more and more common, especially in certain areas.

Where Can I Scatter the Remains of a Loved One?

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
It’s better to scatter your loved one’s remains either on private property that you own or on public land. When it comes to your property, what you do with it is your business. With public land and waterways, local authorities will be able to answer any questions you have to be sure that you are scattering your loved one’s ashes in an ethical, environmentally conscious way. Give your loved one a goodbye in a beautiful location, knowing that you’re not doing harm.
More Posts