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Why Do Funeral & Cremation Costs Vary in Marietta, Georgia?

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 14:00:30 GMT

Summary

• Funeral and cremation costs often vary based on location, facilities, staffing, and service options.

• Families in Marietta may notice differences depending on whether a funeral home offers on-site cremation, larger gathering spaces, or additional amenities.

• Personalization, professional care, and the level of support chosen all contribute to total cost.

• FTC pricing transparency requirements help families compare providers confidently.

Why Do Funeral and Cremation Costs Vary?

Families in Marietta often wonder why funeral and cremation costs differ between funeral homes. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), pricing variations are common nationwide and typically reflect regional operating expenses, staffing requirements, and the types of services selected. All national data referenced is accurate as of 2025.

Regional and Overhead Differences

Funeral homes located in growing communities like Marietta may have operational expenses that differ from rural or major metropolitan areas. Costs related to staffing, facility upkeep, and property needs often impact how funeral homes structure their pricing. These regional differences help explain why prices may vary even when services appear similar on the surface.

Facilities, Services, and Personalization

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) requires funeral homes to offer a General Price List (GPL) , giving families clear insight into available services and their associated costs. Funeral homes with on-site crematories, spacious visitation rooms, or reception facilities may charge more due to additional staffing and maintenance requirements. A family’s choice—whether a traditional funeral, memorial service, or direct cremation—also plays a major role in overall price, as do personalized elements like music, video tributes, flowers, or food offerings.

Professional Care and Transparency

Behind every funeral or cremation arrangement is a professional team providing preparation, transportation, documentation, and ongoing support. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) emphasizes that this expertise is a significant part of the value families receive. Comparing GPLs between funeral homes may help families choose the level of service and care that best reflects their needs and wishes.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do funeral prices vary between different providers?

Prices often differ due to location, staffing, facilities, and the level of personalization offered, according to the NFDA.

Are funeral homes required to provide price lists?

Yes. Under the FTC’s Funeral Rule, funeral homes must provide a detailed General Price List (GPL) before families make decisions.

Can preplanning help manage funeral or cremation costs?

Yes. Preplanning may help families secure current prices, clearly document their wishes, and ease emotional and financial stress later on.

Written for West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory, proudly serving families in Marietta with compassion and care.

About West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory

West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory, located at 2480 Macland Rd, Marietta, GA , has long supported families throughout Marietta and the surrounding communities. The funeral home is committed to offering compassionate guidance, clear options, and meaningful services tailored to each family’s needs.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How Much Does Cremation Cost in Marietta, GA?

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 14:00:24 GMT

Summary

• According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280 as of 2025.

• A direct cremation, which does not include a ceremony, typically ranges from $2,800 to $3,000.

• Cremation costs vary depending on service selections, merchandise preferences, and local factors.

• Families in Marietta can choose cremation options that reflect both their needs and their loved one’s wishes.

How Much Does Cremation Cost?

Families in Marietta, Georgia, often ask how much cremation costs and what affects the total price. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) 2024 General Price List Study, the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280 as of 2025.

This typically includes professional services, transportation, and use of facilities for a gathering or memorial service.

For those seeking a simpler option, direct cremation—which does not include a visitation or ceremony—generally ranges from $2,800 to $3,000. Even with this modest choice, funeral professionals ensure the cremation process is carried out with dignity, care, and respect.

What Factors Influence Cremation Costs?

Cremation costs vary based on the type of service selected, whether a family chooses a memorial or celebration of life, and any merchandise options chosen.

Families may also select an urn or keepsake that reflects their loved one’s preferences, which can affect the final cost.

Local factors may also influence pricing. Funeral homes that operate an on-site crematory or offer extensive facilities and staff support may have different pricing structures.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) requires all funeral homes to provide a General Price List (GPL) so families can explore options clearly and confidently.

Planning ahead can also help families manage costs, ensure personal wishes are honored, and protect against future inflation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is cremation typically more affordable than burial?

Yes. Cremation is often more affordable because it does not require cemetery property, a burial vault, or a casket, though total costs vary depending on the services selected.

Can families still hold a service with cremation?

Yes. Many families in Marietta choose to hold a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life either before or after the cremation process.

What does direct cremation usually include?

Direct cremation typically includes transportation, basic professional services, care of the deceased, and the cremation itself, without a formal ceremony.

Written for West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory, proudly serving families in Marietta with compassion and care.

About West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory

Families in Marietta, Georgia, can turn to West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory for compassionate, professional guidance. Located at 2480 Macland Rd., Marietta, GA 30064, the caring team can be reached at (770) 419-9234 to discuss cremation services and preplanning options.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How Much Does a Funeral Cost in Marietta, Georgia?

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 14:00:36 GMT

Summary

The median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is about $8,300, according to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA).
The median cost of a funeral with cremation is around $6,280, based on the NFDA’s 2024 national study.
Funeral costs vary depending on service choices, merchandise selections, and the level of personalization a family prefers.
Understanding national averages helps families in Marietta make informed decisions when planning a meaningful tribute.

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Families in Marietta, Georgia, often wonder what influences the cost of a funeral and how to plan in a way that feels both meaningful and manageable. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is around $8,300, while a funeral with cremation averages about $6,280. These national figures, accurate as of 2025, provide a helpful starting point when thinking about funeral planning.

Funeral costs vary because each family’s needs, traditions, and preferences are unique. A traditional funeral with a viewing, ceremony, and burial may include multiple elements that affect the total cost. A funeral followed by cremation typically involves many of the same professional services but may differ in merchandise choices or final placement decisions.

Other factors often influencing costs include transportation needs, use of the funeral home’s facilities, and the level of personalization a family prefers. It is also important to remember that NFDA national medians do not include cemetery expenses, which vary by location and are usually billed separately.

Most funeral services typically include professional guidance from the funeral director and staff, care of the deceased, use of facilities for visitations or ceremonies, and transportation. Families may select merchandise—such as caskets, urns, or memorial items—based on their loved one’s preferences and the type of service they choose.

Many families find that planning ahead offers peace of mind. Understanding general cost structures and available options can make it easier to make thoughtful decisions and create a tribute that honors a loved one’s life.

Frequently Asked Questions

What factors influence the total cost of a funeral?

Funeral costs often depend on the type of service, merchandise selections, and the level of personalization a family chooses. National averages provide a useful frame of reference when planning.

Are cemetery costs included in national funeral averages?

No. Cemetery costs—such as plots, markers, and opening and closing fees—are generally not included in NFDA national averages and are typically billed separately.

Does choosing cremation always cost less than burial?

Not necessarily. While the median cost for a funeral with cremation is typically lower, the overall cost depends on the specific services and merchandise a family selects.

Written for West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory, proudly serving families in Marietta with compassion and care.

About West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory

Families in Marietta, Georgia, can turn to West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory for caring and professional guidance when planning ahead. Located at 2480 Macland Rd., Marietta, GA 30064, their dedicated staff can be reached at (770) 419-9234 to answer questions about funeral planning and available options.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Elements of a Great Obituary

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Tue, 11 Feb 2025 18:13:24 GMT

Some obituaries are simply informative. They let the neighborhood know when someone in their community has passed, inform them about when and where the funeral will be held, and detail the decedent’s family who will be grieving their loved one. These are the most basic versions of an obituary. And while there’s nothing wrong with writing one that’s on the plainer side, there’s a reason why these aren’t the obituaries that go viral.

Every now and again, we come across an obituary that sticks with us. At the end of 2021, Renay Mandel Corren’s son, Andy, penned her obituary, which quickly spread across the online world. Whether or not Renay really came up with the name for Sunoco or had an affair with Larry King isn’t the point. The point is that the obituary painted a lively picture of a flawed, spirited, and real person who left behind stories that could fill a hundred books.

When Andy Corren wrote his mother’s obituary, he didn’t set out to go viral, but he did strive to write something that truly sounded like his mom. Let’s break down how to write an obituary that’s just as powerful.

What Do You Need for a Great Obituary?

1. Start with the basics.

Before you begin writing an obituary, be sure that you have all the information that you’ll need about your loved one. An obituary generally includes the person’s name, birthplace, and age, though you may also want to have the date and cause of their death. You’ll also want to include who the decedent is survived by, like their spouse, children and children’s spouses, and grandchildren. If they were preceded in death by anyone, like a parent or spouse, you should add that as well.

2. Compile stories.

The length of an obituary depends on the publication that it will appear in. The average size is around 200 words, but some publications will let you go longer. However, the best obituaries focus less on word count and more on substance. An obituary that includes just the basic facts will likely be pretty short, but if you want to write a great one, it’ll be longer. You want to paint a picture of the person you loved. To do that, talk to their other loved ones. Collect stories that show who they were. Did they have a “bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke, and loud” like Renay? Or did they live more quietly, reserved but kind? And were they nationally ranked in cribbage like Renay claimed to be? Every person is a sum of a million tiny details. An obituary should utilize the details that make them stand out the most.

3. Try writing in your loved one’s voice.

A great obituary sounds like the person who passed away could have written it. In Renay’s case, even those who didn’t know her could hear her voice coming through. It’s easy to picture her speaking, telling the stories that Andy reiterated. You could read their relationship right there on the page. If your loved one was known for a dark and dirty sense of humor, why ignore that voice in their obituary? An obituary doesn’t have to be a list of facts. Aim to match your loved one’s voice so that anyone who reads their obituary can hear what they sounded like.

4. Think about how they would want to be remembered and whether the tone you choose is appropriate.

Renay’s obituary works because it matches her as a person. And at the age of 84, she lived a full life. Matching the situation is also an essential part of writing an obituary. If someone died younger, especially of a grave illness, having a humorous obituary that pokes fun at the decedent might not be in the best taste. Consider the situation that you’re writing for when you decide on the tone of the obituary.

5. Don’t forget to include funeral information.

If you’re holding a public viewing or funeral, you’ll want to be sure that the obituary includes that information. If it doesn’t, you run the risk of the grieving family having to field questions during a time when they shouldn’t have to continuously be disturbed. Additionally, you can use the obituary to describe how the decedent wanted to be remembered. Sending flowers for a funeral is a lovely thing to do, but some people prefer to use their death to encourage others to donate to their favorite charities. If the person you’re writing the obituary for was a big fan of animal rights, for instance, you may want to include in the obituary, “In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to your local animal shelter.”

Writing an obituary can be tricky, but what matters most is telling the life story of someone you loved. Be honest about who they were, and people all across the world can come away from reading it feeling like they knew them too. With a great obituary, even in death, your loved one can touch so many lives.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Organ Donation: What is the Process?

Thu, 06 Feb 2025 16:40:36 GMT

We know that organ donation has the power to give new life to people in need, but just how does it work? The process starts when you sign up, but the actual donation portion happens after you die — and it has to happen fast. So, what does organ donation look like?

How do you register to become an organ donor?

The process to sign up to become an organ donor is pretty simple and can be done in one of two ways. You could go to your DMV and sign up there. Many people opt to register whenever they get their license renewed. But although you get your license renewed every two to 12 years, depending on your state’s law, you only need to register to be an organ donor once.

Another way to sign up is by going through your state’s registry, which you can find at OrganDonor.gov. The website will take you through the process required by your state. Fill out the form there, and you’ll be registered as a donor.

What happens after you register?

While you’re living, nothing happens after you sign up to become an organ donor. Your next license will indicate if you’re a donor, and you’ll be a part of the potential donor bank in the U.S. But the keyword is potential.

After you die, doctors will determine if your organs are viable for donation. Every nine minutes, someone is added to the transplant waiting list, which currently already holds over 106,000 people. So your organs may save the life of someone on that list. However, certain medical conditions, including HIV, actively-spreading cancer, or a severe infection, could prevent your organs from being viable for donation.

Even if you do have a serious condition, you may still end up being an organ donor. After examining your body, doctors may determine that certain parts can be transplanted, even if other organs cannot be used. Registering to be an organ donor is always a good idea as you’re increasing the pool of potential donors for those in need. Let medical professionals determine later if you’re a good fit, rather than writing off organ donation because of an illness.

What happens if you become an organ donor?

How and where you die also affects if you can become an organ donor. You have to be in the hospital, on a ventilator, and have an injury where your brain cannot recover. The process for donating your organs actually starts when you’re considered legally dead, but your body is kept alive on life support. You must be regarded as brain dead, and your heart may also no longer be working, but your other organs are being kept functioning. Only your physician can make the call that you’re legally dead.

After that call is made, and while you are still on life support, the organ procurement team goes to work to determine which organs can be transplanted. Depending on your condition, all of your organs or some of them may be viable, but the brain is never able to be transplanted. The heart may be able to be used, but that would depend upon if the heart is already considered dead. Hospital staff will also seek authorization from your family. If you signed up to be a donor, that information is shared with them. But if you didn’t register, they can still make the decision to donate. Often, families hesitate to decide to donate their loved ones’ organs because they’re unaware of their wishes.

Once the organs are tested and deemed useable, and if your family authorizes the donation, the organ transplant team finds matches on the national transplant waiting list and coordinates with those patients’ surgeons to schedule the surgeries. You will be returned to your family, who can continue on with your funeral plans.

There’s a common misconception that organ donation alters what you can and cannot do at your funeral. Many believe that you can’t have an open casket after you donate your organs. However, organ donation does not change your ability to have one. The donation process happens very quickly, as it must in order to ensure that the organs are still working properly. Your body is released back to your family just as fast. Any incisions will have been closed so as to allow for an open casket funeral.

Becoming an organ donor can save the lives of up to 75 people, but myths about the process can prevent some people from registering or stop their families from giving their approval. However, the organ donation process is respectful, quick, and doesn’t change any funeral plans. When you register to be an organ donor, be sure to talk to your family about your choice. Having one conversation could mean that you end up saving or changing lives when you pass.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Why Do People Have a Viewing or Open Casket?

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:51:17 GMT

An honest question. The idea of seeing a loved one’s body put on display for all to see might be different to some, but a major comfort to others as they say goodbye and begin to let go. An open casket does help mourners accept the reality that their loved one has moved on and will help them to do so as well.

Is there a difference between an open casket and a viewing?

The term ‘viewing’ is used for a more intimate and private time before the public funeral for the family to gather together with their loved one and say their personal goodbyes before greeting and visiting with those outside the family who have come to pay their respects at the funeral. The casket is often open for the bereaved to “view” the decedent and visit with one another. The casket may then be closed before the public funeral.

An open-casket funeral means that all friends and extended family will have the opportunity to view the body of their loved one for the entirety of the funeral.

Should we have an open casket funeral?

Families often consider several factors before deciding whether to have an open-casket funeral, including:

· Cause of death . A mortuary will have an easier time preserving some bodies over others because of this.

· Religion and culture . In some cultures and religions, an open casket is not practiced.

· Funeral date and viewing . If the viewing and funeral are much later than the death, it may be more difficult or costly to preserve the body for a longer period of time. Open caskets on average occur within a week of the death to best serve the needs of the bereaved.

An open casket is ultimately for the comfort of loved ones

The dressing and display of the body in an open casket are done to help resemble the deceased as they were in life to comfort friends and family. Often a final goodbye and perhaps a prayer occur before the casket is sealed once and for all. Grief is a strong force and an open casket is only meant to ease that pain.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Honoring Military Heroes on Veterans Day

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:48:15 GMT

Veterans surround us every day, even if we don’t know it. They could be a grandparent, a coworker, a neighbor, or another person who’s a part of our daily lives. These people missed milestones with their families. They may have missed their child’s first steps. Perhaps they missed their first anniversary with their spouse. And they may have watched some moments that will stay with them forever.

Their sacrifices are why we honor them every Veterans Day. So, how did this holiday come to be? And how can we best say thank you to veterans on this day?

Why Do We Celebrate Veterans Day?

Veterans Day didn’t start out as Veterans Day. Originally, it was called Armistice Day. And although it did honor the military, it was celebrated for a different reason than we celebrate Veterans Day. Armistice Day was held in honor of the end of the fighting in World War I, which occurred at 11 a.m. on November 11, 1918. The belief at the time was that World War I would be “the war to end all wars.” But that was far from the truth.

Though Armistice Day celebrations date back to the 1920s, Congress made it a national holiday in 1938. It would be only a year later that Germany would invade Poland, and World War II would begin. The meaning of Armistice Day changed significantly in the recognition that there were more soldiers to honor than those who fought in World War I.

The first celebration called Veterans Day was started by a World War II veteran named Raymond Weeks in 1947. The event was held on Armistice Day, but it was meant to honor all veterans. In 1954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed a bill officially changing Armistice Day to Veterans Day. Although Congress would later try to change the date of Veterans Day to the fourth Monday in October in 1968, it was clear that November 11 remained the true date of Veterans Day in the public’s mind. As a result, the date of the holiday was changed back to November 11 a decade later.

Though Armistice Day honored the soldiers of World War I, Veterans Day, as we celebrate it today, commemorates all veterans for their patriotism and willingness to serve their fellow man. Veterans Day remains a day of reflection upon their service and the sacrifices they made. Veterans Day is often confused with Memorial Day, but Veterans Day is meant to be a day to give support to veterans still with us, while Memorial Day is intended to be for fallen soldiers.

How You Can Honor Veterans on Veterans Day

1. Observe a moment of silence.

In 2016, President Barack Obama signed a law asking Americans to voluntarily pause for two minutes on Veterans Day for a moment of silence. Americans are asked to use this time, which begins at 2:11 p.m. EST, to reflect upon the sacrifices made by veterans to protect and honor America and our freedoms. While this moment of silence is not mandatory, it’s a way to show respect for the veterans among us.

2. Volunteer at a VA hospital or nursing home.

The Department of Veterans Affairs, or the VA, hosts many facilities across the country that provide care to returning veterans, including hospitals and nursing homes. Although these locations need support year-round, Veterans Day is a great time to volunteer because many of these facilities host events in honor of the day. Call your local VA hospital or nursing home to ask how you can help. Even if no events are being held, you can make a veteran's day by simply spending time with them at these locations.

3. Recognize the veterans around you.

One of the most important things to do on Veterans Day is to recognize the sacrifices of the veterans around you. You have veterans all around you, perhaps even in your own family. Be sure to thank these people for their service, but you can also go a step further and show your thanks through acts of kindness. Maybe your neighbor is a veteran. Give them a token of thanks, such as flowers or baked goods, or invite them over for a meal in their honor. Do what you can to show kindness and support to veterans on Veterans Day.

4. Organize a Care Package Party.

Veterans Day is also about recognizing those who are still serving, who are missing home and the comforts within it. Many organizations ship care packages to soldiers overseas to give them some of these comforts. Get involved with these organizations by rallying some of your friends and family to put together care packages for these troops. If you know someone personally in the military, you may send packages to them for them to distribute to their troop, or you can let one of the care package organizations mail your gifts to other soldiers for you.

5. Raise funds for veteran-related charities.

Donating what you have is a wonderful way of showing support, but you can go further by asking others to donate around you. Try organizing a fundraiser to raise money for veteran-based charities or your local VA office. You will likely need to take several days beyond Veterans Day to put this fundraiser together.

Remember that Veterans Day is a day of recognizing sacrifice. More than the veteran themselves sacrificed to protect this country. Many charities support the other lives that are touched by military duty, such as a spouse who is taking care of the home while their partner is overseas or a child who will miss the holiday season with their parent. Since Veterans Day is close to the winter holidays, you may consider using your Veterans Day fundraiser to acquire gifts to provide to struggling families who won’t see their soldier during the holiday season. Supporting veterans is also about supporting the people they love. So, pick a charity that touches you and provides help to soldiers and those they love alike.

Your community may already have events planned to raise funds for specific groups. If you would rather not create your own fundraiser, contact the organizers and ask how you can get involved. Donating your time is as valuable as donating your other resources.

When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Organ Donation: Who Can Donate?

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:44:53 GMT

When you opt to become an organ donor, you may save a life. According to the Organ Procurement and Transplant Network , over 106,000 people are currently awaiting donations. But far more people are awaiting transplants than there are donors. Every nine minutes, another person is added to that waiting list .

Choosing to become an organ donor means that you are helping to get that waiting list down. You are creating opportunities for doctors to find matches for your organs, which allow them to perform life-saving transplants. But just because you sign up to become an organ donor doesn’t necessarily mean that your organs will be useable.

Can Anyone Sign Up to Be an Organ Donor?

Registering to be an organ donor is a simple process. You could go to your DMV to register in person or sign up through your state’s registry . There’s no age limit to sign up to be a donor, though you may have to get permission from your parent or guardian in some states if you’re under 18. You also don’t have to be a citizen or even a permanent resident to become a donor.

Due to the great need for donations, doctors are eager for sign-ups for potential donors. Because not every organ will be a match for every patient, it’s crucial that the donor pool is vast. Your gender, race, ethnicity, or age don’t have to match the person in need, and anyone of any background is encouraged to register to donate.

If I Sign Up, Will My Organs Always Be Donated?

You will likely never know if your organs will be donated because doctors decide after you die if your organs are viable for transplants. Certain health conditions may prevent you from being able to donate. If you have actively-spreading cancer, HIV, or severe infection, your organs would not be accepted for donation.

If you have any of these conditions, does that mean you shouldn’t sign up to be a donor? Absolutely not. Let medical professionals decide whether or not you can be an organ donor. It may be that some of your organs can’t be transplanted, but other organs and tissues may still be viable. If you never register, those useable parts can’t go to someone in need.

Can I Donate My Organs While I’m Still Alive?

In addition to being an organ donor posthumously, you can also opt to be a living donor. However, because of the risk of surgery, becoming a living donor is significantly more complex and has more rules.

About four out of every 10 donations come from a living donor. The most common donation is a kidney, but you can also donate one liver lobe, a lung or part of one, part of the pancreas, or part of the intestines. As a living donor, there are more options for tissue donations rather than organ donations. You could contribute skin, bone, cells from bone marrow or umbilical cord blood, amnion, or blood and platelets.

Although anyone is encouraged to sign up to be an organ donor after they die, the same cannot be said for donating organs while alive. Surgery complications are always a risk, but there’s also the added concern of your insurance coverage rate changing due to the surgery or experiencing medical problems post-surgery.

While being a living donor is an admirable decision, hurting yourself to help others isn’t the best idea. It’s vital that you weigh the risks before doing anything as serious as donating a piece of or an entire organ. However, donating blood or bone marrow is significantly less risky and may be a better option if you’d like to be a living donor.

Unlike deciding to be a living donor, anyone can and should consider donating their organs after death. Doctors are desperately in need of donations at all times. It’s estimated that 20 people die due to a lack of donor organs every day in the U.S. Registering to be an organ donor when you die could save the life of up to 75 people. In death, you’d be helping people to live fulfilling lives with less pain and more happiness.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is a Desairologist?

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:36:57 GMT

A funeral should always be about the loved one who has passed. It’s a time for celebrating their life and giving their friends and family a chance to say goodbye and grieve together. That’s why professionals in the funeral space, like funeral directors or advanced planning specialists, work in the background, making sure that the focus is away from them and instead on the decedent.

But many people work to create a funeral befitting of the one who has passed on. A funeral home’s staff is filled with workers who take great care not only of the loved ones coming to celebrate but also of the decedents themselves. When families want a viewing or an open casket, the decedent should ideally look as they did in life. That’s where a desairologist comes in.

What Does a Desairologist Do?

The term desairology dates back to 1980 when Noëlla Charest-Papagno published “T Desairology: Hairstyling for Decedents ,” a book that taught the art of mortuary cosmetology. It’s a desairologist’s job to ensure that the decedents are prepared to be seen before they are cremated or buried. A desairologist, or mortuary cosmetologist, will apply makeup to the decedent, ideally making them look like they did when they were alive.

Desairology takes a talented hand because there’s more work to be done on a decedent than a living person. Humans begin to decompose minutes after death, which is why embalming is so crucial for a funeral. Embalming is also essential for desairology. Our tissue becomes very soft shortly after death, making it harder to apply makeup. But embalming helps to keep tissue firm, allowing the desairologist to get to work to create a warm and life-like complexion.

Still, even after embalming, other issues can arise that force the desairologist to adapt. Our skin often changes color in death, which means that a mortuary cosmetologist would have to counteract the transition. How much work a desairologist would have to do also depends on how the decedent passed on and if certain wounds need to be covered. Often, a family member will give the desairologist the makeup that the decedent used in their everyday life. Using the same makeup can help make the loved one look more like they did while alive. But the mortuary cosmetologist also has their own inventory of cadaver makeup.

A desairologist may also cut hair, but while makeup can be taken off and reapplied, there’s no fixing a haircut gone wrong for someone who is deceased. Although hair will grow back for the living, it, of course, cannot when someone has already passed on. For anything considered a permanent removal, like shaving a beard or trimming hair, the desairologist must get special permission from the decedent’s family.

Do All Funeral Homes Have a Desairologist?

Most funeral homes have someone who does mortuary cosmetology, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have a dedicated desairologist on staff. Often, the embalmer will also be the one to apply makeup and make the decedent ready for viewing. It’s the embalmer’s job to make sure the decedent is well-preserved and even reconstructed if need be.

An embalmer has to go to school to study mortuary science, but they must also receive a specialized license before entering the workforce. During their time of study, they may attend training in mortuary cosmetology. A funeral director may also receive training in desairology, but it’s most common for an embalmer to have additional skills in mortuary cosmetology.

Still, not all funeral homes have an embalmer or a funeral director with training in desairology. These funeral homes will typically not have a desairologist on staff, but they will likely hire freelance mortuary cosmetologists to fulfill this need.

What Education Does Desairology Require?

So, how did the desairologist you’re working with get to where they are today? If the funeral home has an embalmer who does mortuary cosmetology on their own, they may have taken classes while studying mortuary science, which is a requirement to work in their chosen career. However, if you’re working with a freelance mortuary cosmetologist, they likely have a very different background. There’s no specific degree for mortuary cosmetology, nor is there a prerequisite that one has to obtain one to work as a desairologist.

Instead, this desairologist likely underwent training the same way any cosmetology student would. They must have had a high school diploma and then gotten a degree in cosmetology from a state-approved training program. Then, they earned a cosmetology license by taking an in-depth exam following their degree. Since mortuary cosmetology is such a specialized area of study, it’s likely that they gained additional experience by finding contract work or taking on an internship at a funeral home.

Though desairologist isn’t a term that gets used very often, desairology is an everyday, essential part of the funeral process. Whether you’re working with an embalmer who practices mortuary cosmetology or a freelance desairologist, you’ll know that you’re with someone who has trained to provide care to your loved one. Thanks to their work, you’ll be able to say goodbye to your loved one while they look just how you remember.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Mother’s Day

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:31:53 GMT

Mother’s Day is celebrated in 40 countries around the world. But, getting it started was not a slam dunk. Having a day just for moms was the brainchild of one Anna Jarvis, an American peace activist. When Anna’s mother died in 1905, she began lobbying the United States Congress to designate a single day as Mother’s Day. Although she was never successful with Congress, by 1911 all the states in the United States had embraced the concept of Mother’s Day. Finally, in 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May officially Mother’s Day.

There are as many ways of celebrating Mother’s Day as there are mothers. Mothers are notoriously known to sidestep any efforts to get them to tell their child how they would like to celebrate their day. It’s not unusual to hear things like “oh just” or “don’t make a fuss” when you ask a mother how she’d like to celebrate her day. Sometimes it might be best for the child to use their powers of observation and recollection to figure out a fitting surprise celebration.

What does she like to do? Perhaps a day relieved of meal preparation duties would be appreciated? If you decide to take mom out to dinner, think about where your mother would like to eat as opposed to where would you like to take her. Is your mother into adventure eating or is it you who wants her to try Tagine? Just take some time to figure out what she might like. If you are stuck call her best friend and ask for suggestions. Try your best to make Mother’s Day all about mom.

Gifts are another opportunity to surprise your mother. What does she enjoy doing? Is your mother a gardener, an artist, a gourmet cook, an exercise enthusiast? Consider a gift or gift card that supports her interests.

Don’t underestimate the gift of time. Not every gift needs to break the bank. Time together like taking a walk, sharing an activity, or just talking is a wonderful gift. Consider giving your mother “service time” (washing windows, weeding a flower bed, or painting a room). Helping with something she would like to get done—but might be a stretch for her to do herself—really is priceless.

For those who have lost their mother, the second Sunday in May is an opportunity to remember her. Perhaps you will call your siblings and take a walk down memory lane. Think about what she did for you, how she shaped your life, how she handled the hard times and the good times.

“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” —Tenneva Jordan

“All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” —Abraham Lincoln

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”- Sophia Loren

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

The Value of a Cemetery

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:24:39 GMT

When you walk into a cemetery everything changes. The pace changes, you become aware of your surroundings, you feel the sun on your face, you smell the clean air, you walk slower. The sounds change, you hear the bird song, you talk softer. You feel calmer. There is no place quite like a cemetery. Be it an old cemetery or a newer one, like the nave of a church, cemeteries have that feeling. They have soul.

Everyone knows cemeteries are special. They are protected. When a new highway is built it goes around a cemetery, instead of going through the cemetery. Housing developments are planned to spare cemeteries. Children are hushed when they visit a cemetery, they know without being told they are in a special place.

In the cemetery, the sharp edges of our everyday life feel out of place. The ring of a cell phone seems shrill. And yet, things that would feel wrong and out of place in the real world, feel right in the cemetery. Things like a husband sitting in a lawn chair reading the paper in the “presence” of his deceased wife, or a wife talking softly to her husband about her life plans moving forward, or a person quietly working out grievances held in life with a deceased family member - all of this feels natural in a cemetery. Cemeteries are for grieving. A person can grieve in a cemetery in comfort and without judgement. Cemeteries are for remembering. In the cemetery the love you felt from your grandmother, father, sister, husband or child comes back to you like a warm hug.

Cemeteries are by definition a “final resting place”. They have a permanence that on first blush it is easy to gloss over. But when one takes a moment to let those words, final resting place, really sink in we realize we are talking about a forever place. It is that place where grandchildren always know the grandfather who taught them to fish or the grandmother who made those perfect cookies, is resting forever. No matter how far family may scatter, or how seldom they actually get to visit the cemetery, there is comfort in knowing where family rests. Graves are seldom moved in the name of progress. It is reassuring for future generations to have a record, to know the place where their ancestors will be in perpetuity.

Over time, a cemetery becomes a garden. It improves with age. Ashes may be scattered in some lovely places but many of those lovely places become something else as time passes. The trickling stream is dammed and becomes a reservoir. The farm is sold and becomes a housing development. The golf course changes hands and becomes a shopping mall. Not every place improves over time. The cemetery stands the test of time. It always has soul.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Choosing Cemetery Property

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:21:54 GMT

Regardless of the type of disposition (burial or cremation), choosing a “final resting place” is an integral part of laying a loved one to rest. The cemetery is the most commonly selected location for a loved one to rest in perpetuity. Whether you are making this decision for yourself in advance of need or deciding for a family member who has died, you should know there are options available that will support your individual values.

Above Ground Burial – Cemeteries will often have a number of choices for above ground burial of both body and cremated remains. These include:

A Community Mausoleum which may be a garden structure or an indoor structure. A community mausoleum is made up of a number of individual adjacent spaces joined in a shared structure.

A Private Mausoleum is a stand-alone building that holds the remains of a family. Individual family members are buried in above ground crypts.

A Columbarium can be either public (shared structure) or private and are meant for cremated remains. Columbarium niche may be constructed with a glass door to display an urn or with a solid door usually with the date of death and the name of the deceased engraved in the stone.

In Ground Burial – This is the most common form of cemetery burial and is used for both full body casketed burial and the burial of cremated remains. Most cemeteries will require the casket or urn be placed in an outer burial container or vault at the time of burial. You may have the opportunity to choose among several options.

An Individual Plot is usually sold as the right to bury one individual person in either a casket or an urn. In some cases, cemeteries may allow for one casketed body and one urn to be buried in an individual plot.

Double-depth Plots offer the option of a deeper plot allowing for two burials that are one on top of the other. This option is not offered in all locations due to topographic limitations.

Family Lots are an option for family members or even friends who wish to be buried in close proximity to one another. In order to satisfy this wish, cemeteries often offer a number of adjoining plots in a group as a family lot. Some cemeteries will take it a step further and offer Private Family Estates. These are gated or hedged to offer privacy. They are really a cemetery within a cemetery.

Green Burial is earth friendly burial and may take several different forms. The body is usually not embalmed or embalmed with eco-friendly embalming fluids. Often the body is placed in contact with the earth either wrapped in shroud or placed in a bio-degradable container. Not every cemetery offers this option, but when it is important to an individual nearly every funeral home and cemetery can make some simple adjustments to their normal procedure to accommodate a family and provide a “greener”, if not strictly, green burial.

Cremation Gardens offer a garden like atmosphere for cremated remains which may be buried, scattered, or placed in a communal ossuary structure. Often these gardens will not permit monuments or head stones but will allow a flat marker. This is done to enhance the garden like atmosphere.

Not every cemetery will offer every option mentioned above and some may offer options not discussed here. It is prudent to speak with your funeral director or your cemetery service provider in advance of need. The weight of choosing a final resting place for a loved one can be heavy. Seeking out the help and guidance of these professionals before there is a time constraint is a wise choice.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Honoring a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 15:37:04 GMT

Each year when Memorial Day approaches, American citizens get some mixed messages about what the holiday is really about. For many people, Memorial Day is a day off from school or work where they can engage in a BBQ or spend their first day at the beach of the year. But that’s not really what Memorial Day was created for. So, why do we celebrate Memorial Day? And how can we celebrate it with the origin in mind?

Why Do We Celebrate Memorial Day?

Originally known as Decoration Day, the United States has been observing Memorial Day since the years following the Civil War. By the late 1860s, Americans had begun holding tributes for the countless fallen soldiers of the war. The Civil War claimed more American lives than any conflict in U.S. history and led to the creation of the first national cemeteries. Many Americans began visiting the cemeteries during this unofficial holiday to decorate graves with flowers and recite prayers.

Though the holiday was originally meant to honor the fallen soldiers of the Civil War, it has since grown to commemorate the lives of all military personnel lost in any war. Though the first official Decoration Day was on May 30, 1868, it’s believed that the traditions date back earlier, just on different days. However, once Decoration Day began, many Northern states adopted the custom. By 1890, each Northern state had made it an official holiday. However, Southern states honored the dead on separate days.

The day eventually became known as Memorial Day and continued to be honored on May 30. But in 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. The act declared Memorial Day a federal holiday, but it changed the date to the last Monday in May to establish a three-day holiday weekend for federal workers.

While many people today consider Memorial Day to be the unofficial start of summer and a day filled with family get-togethers in the newly-emerged summer sun, it’s important to remember it’s more of a day for commemoration than celebration.

How Can You Honor a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

1. Fly flags that honor soldiers.

Many Americans choose to fly the American flag on Memorial Day as a symbol of patriotism and to honor those who have fallen. However, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs, there are specific guidelines on how to fly it. You should fly the flag at half-staff from sunrise until noon. Then, it should be swiftly raised to the top of the staff until sunset. You can also choose to fly additional meaningful flags for the U.S. military, such as the POW/MIA flag, a reminder of the missing and imprisoned soldiers of the Vietnam War.

2. Place flowers on a veteran’s grave.

Families often visit cemeteries on Memorial Day to decorate the graves of family members who were veterans. It’s a beautiful way to say thank you to these fallen soldiers. However, if you don’t have a veteran in your own family, you can visit a veterans’ cemetery to decorate other graves. The Department of Veterans Affairs keeps a database of all the veterans' cemeteries so you can find one near you.

3. Wear red poppies.

World War I took the lives of an estimated 8.5 million soldiers. Across northern France and Flanders, or northern Belgium, clashes between the Allied and Central Powers destroyed the fields and forests, taking countless lives with them of soldiers and civilians alike. But in the spring of 1915, bright red poppies began appearing in the battle-scarred land. Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae used the poppies as inspiration for his poem, “In Flanders Fields,” which was written from the point of view of the fallen soldiers.

The poppy has since gone on to become a symbol of remembrance. It’s not just an American tradition, though. Several countries don the poppy every November 11 to commemorate the 1918 armistice. However, in the U.S., the poppy is more closely associated with Memorial Day. To wear a red poppy in the U.S. is to honor those who have sacrificed their lives in the name of their country.

4. Support a charity for fallen soldiers and their families.

A part of honoring fallen soldiers is recognizing how much they left behind in the service of their country. Those who died protecting their country had families who loved them and now may struggle through their loss. Whether you’re able to donate money or time, Memorial Day is a great day to spend time helping these families. However, it’s worth remembering that these people need help year-round, so try to look out for opportunities throughout the year to donate what you can.

5. Participate in a Memorial Day event.

Many cities and towns throughout the U.S. hold Memorial Day events, such as parades or walks. These events often raise funds for military-based charities, but they’re also an opportunity to shine a light on what Memorial Day is really about. Be on the lookout for events in your area. If you have the ability, get involved with the creation of the event to ensure that it’s befitting of Memorial Day’s history.

6. Pause for the National Moment of Remembrance.

Each year on Memorial Day, there’s a National Moment of Remembrance. Lasting just one minute at 3 p.m., Americans are asked to silently reflect upon their freedoms and the sacrifices that were made to uphold them. You may also listen to “Taps,” which is often played on local radio stations to commemorate the moment.

Memorial Day is a time to reflect and give thanks to the people who gave their lives to ensure your freedoms today. It’s a day to honor lost lives and support the loved ones those soldiers left behind. They all have sacrificed much. It’s important that we do what we can to give back.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

So You Want to Donate Your Body to Science

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 15:33:32 GMT

Some people wish to be organ donors, but others want their whole body to make a difference. Donating your body to science is a way to help the future of health, giving medical students a chance to study real human anatomy, practice their future profession, and research and find treatments for deadly diseases.

By donating your body, you’re making a difference in death. Medical researchers rely on whole body donation to do everything from testing new medical devices to studying diseases to find potential cures. Donation services are always looking for people who are willing to become whole-body donors.

But just because you want to donate doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to become a donor. Not every body is the proper specimen for study. If you’re hoping to donate your body after death, it may be wise to familiarize yourself with the parameters of acceptance so you can confirm whether you will be eligible for participation.

Why Can’t You Always Donate Your Body to Science?

According to the Mayo Clinic , several issues may prevent you from donating your body to science. If you have a communicable disease, like HIV or hepatitis, you may be denied the ability to donate. Beyond diseases, the body's condition may also affect whether or not you can donate your body to science. If you’re substantially over or under average body mass, medical researchers will not be able to use your body.

The same problem applies to whether or not the body was already autopsied, has been embalmed, or is already decomposing. If you planned your funeral and wanted to go through the traditional processes of a funeral, like embalming, you cannot then donate your body to science later.

Your family may also prevent you from being donated. If the next of kin objects to your body being used for scientific research, it’s their legal choice to make. It’s crucial that, if you want to be donated to medical students and researchers, you make your plans known to your next of kin. Since they have the deciding vote, they need to be made aware of your final wishes.

How Can You Find Out If You Can Donate Your Body to Science?

If you want to be an organ donor, you can simply register in person at your local DMV or sign up online with your state’s registry . But it’s not so simple to donate your body to science. For starters, the process must begin long before your death. You could sign up with a program like Science Care , a body donation service that works with medical researchers and educators around the world, or an academic medical center like the Mayo Clinic . Look for the American Association of Tissue Banks accreditation to ensure you’re working with the right place. You could also donate directly to a school’s medical program.

But no matter where you choose to register, you’ll begin an in-depth process to determine if your body is a good fit. Through thorough medical vetting, these institutions will ask you questions about your current health and address if anything is preventing your body from being able to be worked on by medical researchers. That information is kept on file until you die, and your body will then be examined again after death to see if it’s still viable for donation.

What Happens If Your Body Is Accepted?

If your body can be donated to science, it will be transported to the facility where it will be utilized. The body will continue to be used until it is no longer an effective tool for study and research. This length of usefulness varies depending upon where you’ve donated and what types of studies will be run on the body. For instance, the donation may last from two to 18 months for the University of Minnesota's medical school. For the Mayo Clinic, studies of donated bodies are usually completed within six to 15 months.

What happens after the body’s usefulness has ended also depends upon where you donate. Some institutions will return the body to the family, to be cremated or buried depending on their wishes. But others will keep the body instead and be the ones to decide on its final resting place. Just like you should ideally preplan your funeral before your death, you should plan for what happens to your body after it has completed being used for science. Talk to your next of kin about what will happen to the body, if it’ll be returned or kept by the institution, and if they should expect any correspondence from the research facility after the body is no longer useable.

Can You Decide How Your Body Is Used?

While certain programs may allow you to opt out of specific types of research, as a whole, you can’t decide what your body will be used for. You may hope that your body is used to find a cancer cure, but it may be used for something entirely different. It’s up to the researchers to determine what your body is most needed for.

But regardless of how it’s used, donating your body to science is a way to further research for essential procedures, medication, treatments, and beyond. Should you choose to donate, and if you are accepted, your body will be used to advance medical science and benefit the world.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Jack be Nimble & Quick … Get Your Affairs in Order!

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 15:21:59 GMT

One thing we have come to realize this year is the value of being nimble, agile or light footed. Our world has been turned inside out. We have all come to expect the unexpected and to realize that little is certain. Getting a handle on life in 2020 has been a little like nailing Jell-O! Being flexible and prepared has become more important than ever before.

Many of us have reevaluated our preparedness for everything from fire and flood to shortages of toilet paper and food. Being prepared, in this uncertain world, relieves anxiety. We just feel better when we have a stash of canned goods and a couple of cases of TP at the ready.

No one wants to think about a family member losing their independence or becoming ill or worse: dying. Still, it is something we should consider. Is there someone you could become responsible for if they fall ill? Do you have a medical power of attorney for that person? Is there an advance directive for health care? Is there a funeral plan? Who would be responsible for you if you were the one who became ill and not able to make your own decisions? Does that person have a POA for you? Have you provided an advance directive? Do you have a funeral plan? Does your designated person know who to call and what you would want them to do?

The documents that meet the legal requirements in each state for a medical POA and advance directives are generally available on-line. A funeral plan is something you do with a funeral director or funeral planner. Nearly all funeral homes have someone on staff designated to help people in their community with advance funeral planning. This service is usually provided free of charge and the funeral home will keep a copy of your plan on file at the funeral home.

Funeral plans are, by design, nimble. They are portable so if you move you can take them with you. They can also always be changed and updated should your ideas about your service change over time.

If you have been putting off taking care of any of these documents, now is the time. You will feel better when it is all done and in order.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Am I Too Young to Plan My Funeral?

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 15:17:34 GMT

If you are thinking about planning your funeral it is a good sign you are not too young. Although most people tackle this task when they are preparing to retire or after the children have left home, many plan sooner. In reality, most plan because they want to or need to. Age is not the determining factor. Whatever the reason you are thinking about planning your funeral, trust yourself. It is a good enough reason. Don’t worry that you are not “old” enough.

What are some of the situations that prompt younger folks to consider planning their funeral? There are many. Maybe they are concerned about the person who would be responsible for arrangements if the unexpected did occur. It could be they do not have confidence in the family member who would be legally in charge, or they have strained relations with family and would prefer someone other than family handle the arrangements. Some may not want to burden family with decisions or financial responsibility while others don’t practice the same faith as their family members and would prefer a different kind of service. A lot of people have a clear idea of what they want, and they prefer to take matters into their own hands to assure what they want to happen does happen.

A funeral that is planned in advance may be either funded or unfunded. An unfunded plan includes recording your preferences for disposition (burial or cremation) and services (faith based, life celebration or both) and keeping them on file at the funeral home. A funded funeral plan is both planned and paid for by the person making the plan.

There are some real financial advantages to planning your funeral when you are younger rather than waiting until you are older. Most funeral homes have advance planning experts on staff who will explain these advantages to you at no cost and without any obligation. All that is needed is to call the funeral home and ask for a consultation appointment. Spending a little time with one of these funeral experts will allow you to have all of your questions answered.

Some of the advantages you will want to explore are the ability to pay for your funeral using a program that will allow you to pay in small budget friendly monthly payments. These programs, usually available only through a funeral home, have the added advantage of covering the entire cost of your funeral should you die before you have completed your payment plan. The coverage your funeral home can offer is vastly different from so called “final expense” plans that are available through typical insurance companies. Be sure to ask the pre-arrangement specialist at your local funeral home how the plans they offer work.

Ask how inflation protection is built into the plan. This feature alone can be a real advantage for those who plan when they are younger. Funerals, like most products and services, increase in cost over time. This makes planning sooner rather than later less expensive in many cases.

There is no need to worry about the “what ifs” just ask, “What if I move? What if I change my mind and want to be buried instead of cremated? What if I marry or divorce? What if funerals become virtual in the future? What if a meteor wipes out the planet earth?” Just ask. The advance planning expert at your local funeral home has answers.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Do I Have to Have a Burial Vault?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:52:02 GMT

When you preplan for your funeral, you may wonder which expenses are really worthwhile. Of course, you’ll need a casket, but what about everything that goes around it? Do you have to have a burial vault? Or can you just use a burial liner or even nothing at all?

Do I Really Need a Burial Vault?

The choice for a burial vault might not be yours to make. Although using a burial vault is not required by any state or federal law, most cemeteries do require that you use one. In the long run, not using a burial vault may cause problems for the cemetery. Without a burial vault, the cemetery will have to deal with the risk that the ground could collapse around the casket, which is particularly common in areas that deal with a lot of high groundwater.

But even in drier areas, cemeteries might not want to take the risk. A lot of maintenance is required in order to take care of a graveyard. Heavy machinery like lawnmowers and excavators often have to go over gravesites. If that ground is not completely solid, it could cave in under all that weight, damaging the casket below. Plus, keeping the ground level prevents injuries to the staff or guests coming to pay their respects to their loved ones.

Can I Just Use a Burial Liner?

As their names suggest, burial liners and vaults differ because one is simply lining the casket, and the other is enclosing it. Unlike a liner, a vault provides a seal to protect the casket. Both are used to keep the ground from collapsing around a coffin. Still, a cemetery may specify that a burial vault is necessary because it’s considerably stronger and protects better against the elements.

It’s worth noting, however, that neither a liner nor a vault will fully protect against water, dirt, and other debris. Although a burial vault does come with the added benefit of a seal around the casket, according to the FTC’s Funeral Rule , it’s illegal for a funeral provider to claim that a vault is waterproof or fully protects against anything getting inside the vault and casket. By extension, it’s also illegal for a funeral provider to suggest that using a burial vault will slow down or halt the decomposition process.

If the cemetery of your choosing allows you to use either a burial vault or a burial liner, the choice is up to you which one you’d prefer. A burial vault is more expensive than a burial liner, as the burial vault covers the entire casket, provides a seal, and also has an inner lining. As such, the burial vault offers more support and protection than the liner.

What Kind of Burial Vault Can I Get?

Your burial vault must be made from materials that don’t degrade quickly. Metal and plastic are two such options, but the most common (and typically least expensive) choice is concrete. Similarly, the inner lining of a burial vault must be made of materials that are tough and degrade slowly. Some options include fiberglass, plastic, stainless steel, copper, and bronze. Stainless steel and bronze are two of the most robust choices, but fiberglass and plastic are more economical.

Burial vaults also differ in the type of seal that they use. One method, the top seal method, uses a seal between the lid and the walls of the vault. But the air seal method uses air pressure to create a pressure seal so that the added top seal is unnecessary.

If I’m Cremated, Do I Need an Urn Vault?

Burial vaults aren’t just for those who choose to be buried. One type of burial vault, the urn vault, is for those who are cremated and whose remains will be buried. Urns are rarely fully sealed, so if your remains were to be buried, you could run the risk of the urn not being stable enough in the ground. When dealing with extreme weather, the urn’s position will be even less stable. Placing the urn inside an urn vault will help it keep its location and prevent its lid from getting dislodged.

While you might be looking at burial vaults, liners, or urn vaults as simply added expenses, there’s a reason why cemeteries require you to use them. Burial vaults and liners keep a graveyard level, both for safety and to preserve the beauty of the cemetery ground. When your loved ones come to visit, they’ll be seeing a stable gravesite, safeguarded for years to come.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How To Prepare for a Funeral? Contacting Loved Ones

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:49:33 GMT

The death of a loved one is often the most challenging thing one will face in one’s life. It’s overwhelming, disheartening, and saddening for you personally, but also for those around you. As you prepare for the funeral, you’ll need to start contacting loved ones. How do you determine who to tell first and how?

Call those closest first

Immediate and extended family members along with close friends are who you should be contacting first. They are the ones who were most important to the deceased, and it is imperative they be made aware first before funeral arrangements are made. As you make your rounds, it will be a good idea to ask for up-to-date information including email addresses so details can be shared as the funeral approaches.

Consider sending out an email

An email chain can be started with those within the deceased’s communities, religious groups, and workplace. Keeping the email short will allow easy circulation and sharing. Keep funeral details short and omit any sensitive information that the family would want to keep private.

Social Media and Obituary

Writing an obituary can be really challenging for a few reasons, but chief among them is grappling with summarizing the life of your loved one in just a few paragraphs. Don’t worry about getting it perfect; the main purpose of an obituary is to inform the surrounding community of the death and memorial. You’ll have the chance to tell your loved one’s full story at the service. Be sure to have another set of eyes on the obituary as it’s written; this could spare any potential headaches arising from spelling errors or incorrect details.

And lastly, social media will reach the rest of the deceased’s circle of connections. Be careful to inform the immediate family and inner circle before sending out any social media post. It really should fall to the very bottom of the priority list in terms of spreading the news and is best for minimizing any hurt or shocked feelings. Keep the post brief, and consider linking the published obituary and service details. A good post will generate condolences, the sharing of memories, and support.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is a Burial Vault?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:47:34 GMT

When you think about the process of burying someone who has passed on, you’re likely familiar with a few terms. You probably know what a casket is for, what it’s made out of, and where it goes. You might understand a bit about the embalming process and how a body is prepared to be laid to rest. But do you know what a burial vault is? It’s a term that many people are unaware of, but it provides support for the deceased and is becoming more and more common, especially in certain areas.

What is a burial vault?

A burial vault is a lined, sealed container that goes around the casket. Though burial vaults used to be made of wood or brick, the burial vaults of today are much sturdier and made from metal, plastic, or, the most common option, concrete. A burial vault will enclose the casket completely, which is different from a burial liner, which only goes on top. The vault also typically contains an inner liner, usually made from plastic or metal, which helps prevent debris from getting inside and reaching the casket.

The burial vault is a way to protect the casket, as well as the cemetery, from the elements. Without a burial vault or burial liner, the ground may cave in under a grave, especially if the area is known for having unfavorable weather. Sinkholes around caskets aren’t uncommon, particularly if the location has moist ground throughout the year.

While a liner won’t, a burial vault will also protect the body inside the casket from the elements. A burial vault cannot stop the decomposition process, but it can prevent water and dirt from entering the casket.

What are the different types of burial vaults?

Burial vaults can be made from many different materials, but the main thing that these materials must have in common is that they don’t degrade quickly. That’s why metal and concrete are such popular choices. But burial vaults can also differ in the type of seal that you use.

In order to protect the casket from the elements, the vault must be adequately sealed. One way to ensure that is by using a seal between the lid and the walls of the vault, which is the top seal method. Another option is the air seal method, which uses air pressure to create a pressure seal.

If your loved one is cremated, you still might want a burial vault. An urn vault is for cremated ashes. If you decide to bury your urn, it’s a good idea to put it in an urn vault because urns are rarely fully sealed. Plus, flooding and other extreme weather can eat away at the urn’s location in the ground, but an urn vault can help it keep its place.

Do you need a burial vault?

Whether or not you’re required to get a burial vault depends on location. If you’re in a place where you’re at risk of the ground caving in, you’ll likely need one. That means that if your soil is generally wet throughout the year, like in coastal regions, you’ll probably need a burial vault.

However, the choice might not be your decision to make. Most cemeteries will require you to get a burial vault or at least a burial liner. The cemetery is at the most significant risk should you choose not to get one. If you don’t get a burial vault, the elements will begin to eat away at the casket, causing it to lose its structural integrity. Since nothing will be holding that casket up, the cemetery will be at risk for a cave-in. When you consider that cemeteries often have to rely upon heavy machinery like excavators, it makes sense why they would want to be sure that their ground is secure.

It’s vital to get a robust and enduring burial vault for the safety of your loved one’s final resting place. It’s worth the cost to ensure that their gravesite will remain intact for years to come. And when you go and visit them, you’ll know that you’re walking on secure ground.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Where Can I Scatter the Remains of a Loved One?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:45:59 GMT

Whether your loved one was a beach enthusiast or a theme park fanatic, you might be thinking about where to scatter their cremated remains to pay tribute to what they loved in their lifetime. But just like if they wanted to be buried, a lot of thought should go into your loved one’s final resting place.

Scattering the ashes of someone you loved is a beautiful way to say goodbye. There’s a feeling that they will find peace in the place that made them so happy while they were alive. But unfortunately, scattering remains is not that simple. There are a lot of rules and regulations about where you can distribute the ashes of someone who has passed on. Here’s where you can and definitely can’t be scattering ashes.

Where can you scatter a loved one’s remains?

For starters, your private property is always allowed to be a final resting place for your loved one’s ashes. It’s your property, and you can do what you want with it, to an extent. Scattering ashes in your yard isn’t a risk to your community, so you’re welcome to do it. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that you may have to disclose that there are human remains on the property should you ever decide to sell your home.

Another common option is to scatter ashes at sea. However, specific rules and regulations apply in these cases. According to the EPA, scattering ashes in the ocean counts as a burial at sea . If you want to have a burial at sea, it will need to be done at least three nautical miles from shore. You must either scatter the ashes on their own or have them in a biodegradable urn. If you want to drop anything else with the ashes, like flower petals, be sure that they are also biodegradable. If your loved one was a furry friend, you will need a special permit, but human remains don’t require any sort of permit. However, any burial at sea must be reported to the EPA within 30 days of the ceremony.

These rules only apply to scattering the ashes in an ocean, but if you’re hoping to place them in other bodies of water, different regulations may apply. It is illegal to scatter ashes in inland waters in some states, so before planning any ceremony, call the health and environmental agencies in your state to be sure it’s allowed.

Like the ocean, scattering ashes is generally allowed at national parks, but certain rules are in effect. For instance, you’ll typically need a permit. You should always request permission from the chief park ranger and ask for the limitations of where you can scatter the ashes. For instance, there may be an environmentally sensitive area of the park where the ashes could be harmful to plant life. On the other side, you also shouldn’t drop the ashes too close to a trail, as you could run the risk of the ashes disturbing other travelers.

Similarly, you’re allowed to scatter ashes on uninhabited public land in most cases. It’s very common for someone to want their loved one’s final resting place to be in a tranquil forest. However, although it’s usually legal, you’ll still want to contact local authorities to be sure. And, just like with national parks, don’t ever scatter ashes too close to a trail.

Even if your loved one didn’t want to be buried, they might be allowed to be scattered in a graveyard. But whether or not they are allowed depends on the cemetery’s rules, local ordinances, and if the graveyard is public or private property. Be familiar with your town’s laws and contact the graveyard before attempting to scatter ashes there. Many privately-owned cemeteries now contain scattering gardens, which is the only place that they allow remains to be spread. The use of these gardens also often costs a small fee.

Where can you not scatter a loved one’s remains?

When it comes to most public land, you’ll need to contact local authorities or your state’s health and environmental agencies before planning any ceremony to scatter a loved one’s ashes. But as long as you follow local and federal regulations, you should still be able to give them the send-off you were hoping for.

Private land, however, is generally more off-limits. Of course, you wouldn’t just show up at your neighbor’s house ready to scatter ashes without your neighbor’s permission, but it’s important to remember that private land often has public access. For instance, your loved one might have been a big baseball fan, but you can’t go to Fenway Park and just drop their ashes there. Fenway Park, like any major league baseball field, is privately owned. And while you can ask permission from the park’s owners to spread the ashes, the answer will most likely be no.

The same applies to a theme park. For years, there was an urban legend that people were scattering ashes in Walt Disney World, but it turned out not to be so much of a myth after all . People attempt to sneak their loved one’s remains into the theme park every day, and if caught, security will escort the guests off property. Perhaps even worse, those remains can pose a health hazard, which is why as soon as ashes are found, the custodians will have to suck them up into a HEPA vacuum. The bag inside a vacuum is likely not the final resting place you were hoping to give your loved one.

It’s better to scatter your loved one’s remains either on private property that you own or on public land. When it comes to your property, what you do with it is your business. With public land and waterways, local authorities will be able to answer any questions you have to be sure that you are scattering your loved one’s ashes in an ethical, environmentally conscious way. Give your loved one a goodbye in a beautiful location, knowing that you’re not doing harm.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is Prolonged Grief?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:44:16 GMT

Grief is a normal part of life. After losing a loved one, most people will experience grief in some form. That feeling can go on for a while, but as the adage goes, “Time heals all wounds.” As anyone who has ever lost someone very close to them will tell you, time may help, but it doesn’t fully heal. Years after that person’s death, you’ll still think of them, still wish they were around, but you’ll have moved on with your life. The wound will still hurt from time to time, but the feeling of grief will no longer be all-encompassing.

At least, that’s what traditional grief looks like. However, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) has recently coined a term for when grief doesn’t heal the way it’s expected to. In the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a new entry has been added: prolonged grief disorder (PGD) . The admission comes at a time when so many are experiencing grief in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. How can we all move on following such mass death? The answer is that not everyone is moving on at all.

Why is prolonged grief disorder different?

PGD happens when someone close to the bereaved has died within at least six months for children and at least 12 months for adults. Children and adolescents may develop a preoccupation with death and the circumstances around it. On the other hand, adults are more likely to develop intense longings for the deceased. But the main thing that makes this different from normal grieving is that those feelings are disruptive to the point that you severely struggle to function in your everyday life.

Any form of grief may make it harder to get through the day, but what marks prolonged grief disorder is just how much more of a struggle it is. Some symptoms include:

● A feeling that part of you has died too

● An unwillingness to accept that your loved one has died

● Intense emotional pain, which could manifest as anger, sadness, or even bitterness

● An inability to be around other people

● Emotional numbness

● Intense loneliness

● A belief that life is meaningless

● A loss of interests, hobbies, and other things that used to make life more enjoyable

For a professional to diagnose you, these intense reactions must be ongoing most of the day, every day, for at least a month. Although anyone could have PGD, studies have indicated that it’s most common in women. Children and adolescents can also have the disorder, but it’s worth noting that, in general, children’s emotional reactions are stronger. Keeping this in mind, a doctor may be more hesitant to diagnose a child with PGD.

Why is prolonged grief disorder controversial?

PGD came about after studies dating back several decades concluded that people were experiencing bereavement beyond culturally accepted norms. So although the timing of the APA adding PGD to the DSM may make it seem like it’s just a reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic, the reality is that people have been struggling with prolonged grief for much longer.

However, not everyone is happy that PGD is now an accepted disorder by the APA. Because grief manifests differently for everyone, some experts are concerned that mental health professionals will be diagnosing many people with false positives simply because their emotions may be a little stronger than “normal grief.” Calling someone who is grieving the death of a loved one “mentally ill” could have negative consequences for anyone struggling to find normalcy in bereavement.

Ultimately, though, the addition of PGD to the DSM may prove to be a good thing for grief sufferers and grief researchers. Because PGD is a recognized disorder, researchers will be more likely to secure funding to study the disorder and grief in general. Additionally, mental health professionals providing care for grief sufferers will be more likely to be reimbursed for their treatment, making grief treatment more accessible, especially if they need long-term care.

Is there treatment for prolonged grief disorder?

PGD can persist indefinitely without treatment, leading to substance abuse, suicidal thinking, sleep disturbances, and impaired immune function. However, with treatment, the prognosis is much brighter.

PGD may sound similar to depression , but it actually doesn’t improve with traditional depression treatment, like antidepressants. PGD is unique in how it affects our brains. Essentially, PGD is more like an addiction. By refusing to acknowledge that a loved one has died, we reward ourselves by living in blissful ignorance. We don’t want to lose that reward. PGD treatment relies on managing reminders of your loved one’s death, strengthening relationships, and understanding grief.

A feeling of hopelessness can mark PGD, but with treatment, there is hope that you can continue with your life. You’ll likely still miss your loved one, and sometimes missing them may hurt a little more than usual, but the goal with treating PGD is for you to be able to live a fulfilling and active life, even if they’re not there to live it with you.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Is It Bad Luck to Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:41:24 GMT

Definitely not. In fact, if one were to ask the children and family members of those who planned their funeral in advance how they felt about their family member’s foresight they would no doubt tell you they felt very lucky indeed.

Imagine this: your phone rings or buzzes or sings and you answer or check your messages only to find out someone you care about has died. Maybe they succumbed to a long and difficult illness or perhaps the death was caused by an accident or a sudden unexpected medical event. What happens next? If you are one of the family decision makers, you begin to come together. That coming together can mean a drive across town or it may involve booking a flight. It can mean a series of telephone calls or a Zoom style family meeting. There will be questions that need to be answered and decisions that must be made.

Where did the death occur? Who do you call to transport the body? Where will the body be taken? Which funeral home will be used? When will a service take place? Will there be burial, cremation or something else? Will there be a spiritual component? Who will prepare the death notice? Who will take care of writing the obituary? How much will everything cost and who will pay? How soon will funds be available? There will be many decisions that must be made in a short period of time.

Now, imagine there is a plan in place. Funeral arrangements have been made and paid for in advance, maybe even years before an illness was even known about. Imagine family members knowing exactly who to call, what will happen, how much it will cost and how all the services will be paid for. Luck is with those who prepare. It’s called making your own luck.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

It’s a Funeral … Go Ahead and CRY

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:39:57 GMT

Should Americans get more comfortable with tears?

When it comes to funerals Americans can sometimes feel uncomfortable both shedding tears or observing their flow from a fellow mourner. Perhaps you have attended a funeral and noticed those who need to weep often leave the room? They retire to the restroom or go outside for a breather. Why? What triggers tears? What are tears made of? Is there any benefit to shedding tears?

Human beings actually shed, on average, between 15 and 30 gallons of tears each year. Both sexes cry. According to research, women cry an average of 3.5 times per month and men cry an average of 1.9 times a month. Tears are produced by the lacrimal gland located just above the eye. The lacrimal gland receives signals from both the autonomic nervous system and the frontal lobe of the brain. Humans produce three distinct types of tears. Each type has its own trigger, chemical make-up, benefit, and each looks different under a microscope.

Basal tears are in the eye all the time. They lubricate, nourish, and protect the cornea. Basal tears shield the eye from dirt and debris. They are made up of a protein-rich antibacterial liquid that helps keep the eyes moist every time a person blinks. Basal tears are not unique to humans, as animals also produce this type of tear. Under a microscope these tears look like delicate branches of a tree or undersea coral.

Reflexive tears/onion tears are the tears that are triggered in response to an irritant. Smoke, wind, and chemical irritants trigger these tears. They come in greater quantity than basal tears and contain more antibodies to help fight bacteria. Their job is to flush the eye of the irritating substance. Under a microscope these tears look like a close pattern of dense snowflakes.

Emotional tears are our funeral tears. They are also the ones we shed when we hear the national anthem and see our flag waving, watch our grandchild play the flute in her first music recital or score his first soccer goal. Emotional tears are amazing. These tears are unique to humans. They are triggered by the frontal lobe of our brain in response to our human experience. Their chemistry is different. They are thicker than our other tears making them more visible as they make their way down the cheek. These emotional tears contain additional proteins and hormones, they contain a natural pain killer as well as endorphins. Science is catching up to the ancient folk wisdom that says, “you’ll feel better after a good cry”. Under the microscope these tears actually look different based on the emotion that triggered them. Emotional tears look like fractured glass. ( Rose-Lynn Fishe r "The Topography of Tears")

People may try to suppress tears if they see them as a sign of weakness, but science suggests that doing so could mean missing out on a range of benefits. There is still much to learn about the science of tears, but newer research indicates:

1. Tears have a self-soothing effect. Shedding tears helps people regulate their own emotions, calm themselves, and reduce their own distress. Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps people relax.

2. Crying helps people get support from others around them. Human beings are social. Crying is an attachment behavior: it rallies support from people around us and has an interpersonal social benefit. The human body is simply marvelous. Emotional tears literally stick to our face so others can see we need help!

3. Weeping helps to relieve pain. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may ease both physical and emotional pain and promote a sense of well-being.

4. Crying may help lift people’s spirits and make them feel better. Oxytocin and endorphins can help improve mood.

Maybe it is time to embrace our tears—or at the very least, respond with a hug and kind words when we see someone at a funeral crying.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is Direct Disposition?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:37:51 GMT

What is direct disposition?

Who can provide this service?

When does direct disposition make sense?

Direct disposition is a term used to describe burial or cremation that takes place directly following death. The deceased is removed from the place of death and taken directly to be either buried or cremated. There is no preparation of the body or opportunity for family members to see the body before the burial or cremation takes place. A memorial service may follow direct disposition.

Direct disposition providers include cremation societies, direct disposal facilities, and funeral homes. Cremation societies may contract in advance to provide cremation for a predetermined fee. Most often the fee will include removal of the body and transportation to the cremation facility provided the death occurs within a prescribed geographical range. If death occurs outside the area additional fees will be charged. Frequently these cremations take place in very basic stripped-down facilities similar to a warehouse or a strip mall. They are typically no frills, no public admittance buildings. They are usually the lowest cost alternative with the least amount of service options when someone dies.

Direct disposition can also be arranged through a funeral home. In this case the family will be offered the option of viewing either with or without embalming before the cremation takes place. This viewing can be particularly important to family members who live in a different part of the state or country. These folks often have a need to see the deceased if they were not present at the time of death. The funeral home will transfer the deceased from the place of death to the cremation location. The funeral home can also help with a memorial service held either at the funeral home or even an off-site facility.

The option of Direct Disposition makes perfect sense for families with a religion that dictates the body be either buried or cremated within a brief period. It can also fill a need when the budget is very tight, or the person has little or no family connections. Sadly, some people make this decision based on dollars alone without considering the impact on family and friends. They never check with their local funeral home to learn about the services available and the cost of those services. This can add needless pain for family and friends.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Why Using a Family Owned Funeral Home Matters

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 20:35:49 GMT

If you are like most Americans you are probably shopping local, but maybe you have not stopped to think about why you are drawn to working with local businesses.

Researchers tell us local businesses are more likely to utilize other local businesses, making our communities stronger. For every $100 you spend at a local business $68 will stay in the community. Locally owned independent businesses return more than three time as much money to the community in which they operate than chain competitors. Locally, family owned funeral homes hire local, use other locally owned businesses when they need service, and contribute to the community.

All of that is important. However, when a family member dies, few of the reasons discussed above are likely to come into play as you pick up the phone to call a funeral home. There is one reason that is top of mind in that situation, and it does matter. It is there right in front of you even if you are not fully aware. When something is important, like how your family experiences the death of a beloved family member, we all seek accountability. We want a provider who is connected to us. When it is something important, we want someone who cares about how they do their job. We want someone who will see us at church or at the ball field. We want to use a funeral provider that is accountable to the community.

It is the reason we like the locally owned appliance store over the big box store. Our local store cares if the microwave works. If it does not work, they will fix it. It is the same reason we like to shop at the local farmer’s market. The big chain supermarket might hide the old soft berries at the bottom of the basket. The farmer, who is your neighbor, will not. When a service provider is your neighbor, they are accountable for their work. You know where and how to reach them to tell them they did a good job, or where they did not meet your expectations. We all know full well accountability is hard to get from the big guys. Just take a moment to think back to that last call you made to your cable or internet provider. How long were you on hold? Accountability is the reason we choose locally-owned whenever we can.

A family-owned funeral home is connected to the community and answers to that community. The funeral director’s children go to school with your children. They know you and understand your needs. If you are fortunate enough to have a family-owned funeral home in your community, place your trust in them when the need arises.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Thinking of Your Own Mortality

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 18:55:29 GMT

According to the Center for Disease Control, the average life expectancy for a person living in the United States is 78.6 years. Women on average live slightly longer than men. Our own mortality is not something most people think about on a daily basis. However, it is something that bubbles up in our consciousness from time to time.

Sometimes the death of a famous person who was a contemporary of ours will trigger the thought that someday we will be gone. Even a major purchase like that of a new roof can trigger a reality check. Do you want a roof that is guaranteed for 50 years or will you spend less and get the 30-year roof? A near miss with an illness of your own or a friend’s experience with an illness can be a reality check. At times like these, people understand the fragile nature of life.

When the thought that you will one day die hits you, most people start to consider their preparedness. Have you and your spouse talked about and made the decisions that will assure arrangements go smoothly? Will your children have the same idea of what you would like done? Or are they all singing from different song books?

How many times have you thought about doing something about your level of preparedness? How many times have you let that thought go without taking action? It is easy to procrastinate about getting your funeral arrangements in order, written down at the funeral home of your choice, and informing your children of your plan. After all, it is the last thing you need to do. Really, the last.

However, it won’t be the thing you want to do when you get to the end. No one is guaranteed of advance notice of their death. For some it is sudden and unexpected. The thing is, it is much easier to get this little job done than most people think.

The funeral home of your choice has a person on staff who is designated to help people of all ages plan their funeral in advance. There is usually no cost for this consultation. Getting a plan in place is a great relief for you and it is a thoughtful gift for your family. When you die, deciding what should be included in your funeral will not be something your family wants to do either, but they will have no choice. They will appreciate your kindness toward them if you have provided them with guidance.

The year is drawing to a close. Perhaps it is finally time to make the call and set up a time to meet with the advance planning professional at the funeral home of your choice.

The process is easy. Nearly every person who makes the call ends their time with the advance planner by expressing relief and commenting, “this was so much easier than I expected.”

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Memorializing an Avid Gardener

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sun, 04 Aug 2024 16:25:05 GMT

When a life ends, we remember. We remember the love, the bonds, and the passions of the person who died. A well put-together funeral that honors the life, faith, and relationships of the deceased is the first foothold on the path of healing for survivors.

Funerals that reflect a person’s interests can be powerful. They provide comfort for the family left behind. Funerals help change the focus from the cause of death, to the life that was lived. That remembering is comforting. So how can a family weave their mother or father’s love of gardening into the funeral service?

Be it a love of growing vegetables, flowers, or both, there are hundreds of ways to reflect a person’s passion for gardening in a funeral service. A few ideas follow:

· Get that great picture of your gardener wearing their favorite gardening hat, face streaked with dirt and trowel in hand. Blow it up LARGE and display it during the visitation or memorial.

· Ask friends and family to bring a small potted flower or plant in lei of traditional funeral flower arrangements and have a plant swap … those who attend the funeral can take home a plant to grow in their own garden in remembrance of the gardener.

· Use your gardener’s favorite flowers or an arrangement of vegetables as the casket spray

· If you really want to go big, consider what florists can do for weddings and talk to yours about bringing a garden to the church or funeral home.

· Give a packet of seeds or a pair of garden gloves as a favor to funeral attendees

· Include a garden-themed poem in the funeral service

· Have a memorial tree planted at your local arboretum to honor your loved one.

· Ask your funeral director to help you find funeral products that reflect that love of all things gardening to support the service choices you have made.

The ideas above are just a short list of possibilities. There are many more, you just need to do two things. First, be open. Think about that person you love, talk with the others who loved them. Ask yourself, “how do we showcase that gardening passion in the funeral or memorial service?” Second, ask for help. Tell your funeral director what you want to do. Challenge him to either be creative or help you connect with other professionals in your community who can support your goal. Your funeral director wants you and your family to have the absolute best, most meaningful funeral service. He or she is there to help you, just ask.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Attending a Lot of Funerals

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sun, 21 Jul 2024 19:01:47 GMT

Funerals are beautiful celebrations of life that allow us to say goodbye to people we loved. But there may come a time when attending a funeral is sadly no longer a rare occurrence. Having to attend many funerals can be overwhelming, instigating feelings of grief for many different loved ones. What can you do to help yourself when attending too many funerals becomes overpowering?

What to Do When You’re Attending Many Funerals

Recognize that you can only do so much.

A funeral can be a celebration for someone who has passed, but it’s also a chance to be there for those who remain. Especially if you were very close to the person who passed, you’d naturally want to do all you can for the people they loved. That desire comes from a good place, but when you’re attending a lot of funerals, you may quickly find yourself overextended. Wanting to help is admirable, but remember that you’re experiencing much grief right now. It’s not easy to lose so many people you love in a short amount of time. Taking care of yourself is essential too.

Consider speaking to someone.

Especially if you’ve reached an age where many of your friends are no longer with you, talking to a mental health professional is vital. You’re experiencing grief, but so many funerals can also trigger some thoughts about your own passing. While talking to your family may be helpful, a mental health professional with experience helping others overcome grief can guide you through the tough questions. Depending on how your loved ones passed, you might also want to work with a professional with particular experience, such as one who works with people whose loved ones passed from advanced age or terminal illness.

Know that it’s okay to decline.

Attending a funeral allows you to pay tribute to someone you loved. But that’s not to say that it’s the only way. When you’re going to many funerals, you may become overwhelmed. You’re grieving too, and losing so many people one after another is heartbreaking. Sometimes, a funeral is too much when you’re already emotionally exhausted. If you find it too difficult to go to another funeral, write a letter of condolence to the remaining family. You may want to explain the situation, but you don’t need to present your emotional state. It’s more important to spend the letter talking about the person you and they are missing. Talk about how much you loved them and what they meant to you. If you’re feeling up to it, you can offer support to the remaining family, but if not, it’s enough to say that you’re sorry for their loss and that their loved one will be greatly missed.

Spend more time with the ones you love.

You may find yourself thinking about your own mortality when you’re attending a lot of funerals. It’s natural to have questions and worries, especially if you’re of an age where it’s hard to know how much time is left. A big part of enjoying the time we have is spending it with those who matter to us. Especially after losing many people very quickly, you should try to remind yourself that you’re still not alone. There are people out there who love you and who you love back. You may feel lonely after losing so many loved ones, but combatting loneliness starts with recognizing that it’s never too late to forge deeper bonds in our lives.

Don’t mask your thoughts.

Losing loved ones, especially many in a short time, can trigger symptoms of anxiety, such as racing thoughts. Many people try to cover their thoughts, searching for distractions. But those distractions only mask the symptom rather than treating the root of the problem. Refusing to recognize your thoughts only makes them fester, which can worsen anxiety. Instead, spend time with your thoughts and learn how to cope with them. Find ways to address your anxious thoughts. Working through a plan with your mental health professional is a good way to combat how you’re feeling properly. Some methods of managing anxious thoughts that may help include taking time every day to write out how you’re feeling, doing deep breathing exercises, or having a daily session of either walking or sitting meditation.

For many of us, once we reach a certain age, we’ll sadly begin attending many funerals. But whether that stage in your life comes tragically early or much later on, you must take care of yourself. Grief is a sneaky emotion. Taking care of your mental health can help prevent it from becoming too overwhelming. Even still, it’s okay to miss people. You’re going to miss talking to them, seeing their smiles, hearing their voice, and all the little things that they brought to the world that made it a brighter place. Nothing takes away the pain of losing them, but working with a mental health professional and continuing to live each day in the best way possible can make the world feel a little less dark without them.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Where Not to Scatter Cremated Remains

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sun, 07 Jul 2024 12:53:58 GMT

For many folks the absolute “best” final resting place is someplace they loved when they were alive. Their “burial” plan is not to be buried at all, but to be cremated and have their ashes scattered at a special location. For those who prefer scattering there are a wide variety of options available. Still, not every scattering idea is a good idea. To help you determine if your scattering plan is a good plan be sure to consider these four things.

1. Think about the location of your choice. Is it legal and will it work? With permission from the owner of the golf course ashes could be scattered. Without permission scattering on private property that belongs to someone else is not legal and may not go smoothly.

2. As you put together your plan keep in mind scattering does not eliminate emotion. Family members tasked with scattering a loved one’s ashes experience the same emotions as those who stand at the graveside and watch the casket being lowered into the ground. No amount of creativity in the selection of the location will eliminate the emotion of the task.

3. You need a plan. “Just scatter me” is not a plan, it is a shift of responsibility. Someone in your family is going to be required to figure out when and where this scattering will take place if you do not.

4. Seek professional advice. Your funeral director can help you plan and prepare for a successful scattering.

Scattering at sea

There are laws. Federal law protects the oceans. See United States Environmental Protection Agency Burial at Sea for detailed policy information. Scattering in the ocean must take place at least three miles from shore, the ashes can go in, the container may not. That is unless it is biodegradable, then both the container and its contents can be commissioned to the sea. The expense of purchasing a proper biodegradable cremation urn is money well spent. The sea will be moving, maybe a little, or maybe even a lot. A smooth operation is critical to everyone feeling good about the dignity of the ceremony. Your funeral director can help you find a proper container for scattering at sea.

Consider using an offshore scattering service instead of a friend with a boat for the actual ceremony. A service gives your family the benefit of experience. They will know how to position the boat in relation to the wind and waves in order to assure a pleasant experience. Professionals will also be prepared for the needs of the family on board. They will not be surprised or unprepared for sea sickness of guests. Your funeral director is your best resource for finding this kind of service.

Scattering on public lands

States have jurisdiction over public lands and waterways within their boundaries. Laws vary widely from state to state. Be sure to ask your funeral director about the laws in your state. Seek advice and take care to be sure the scattering ceremony your family has planned will not run into an embarrassing roadblock midway into the ceremony. Share your plan and ask for the professional advice of your funeral director.

Scattering on private property

Scattering on private property requires the permission of the property owner. Resist the temptation to skip the permission step. Scattering on property that is not your own without permission is a recipe for disaster.

In addition to giving careful consideration to the scattering location it is always a good idea to consider the feelings of the mourners. It is easy to move forward with the desire of the deceased to be scattered and still satisfy the needs of mourners who may not be entirely comfortable with scattering. All that is required is good communication. Talk to your family about your plan well in advance. Find out who is and who may not be comfortable with your desire.

One of the lovely things about cremation is that the ashes can easily be divided. A family member can retain a small portion of the remains in a keepsake urn, garden bench, paperweight or even a piece of cremation jewelry. The remainder can then be scattered according to the wishes of the deceased.

One final consideration if you are thinking of leaving your family scattering instructions -be sure to think it through. Consider how your desire will play out for at least the next two or three generations. Will your beloved garden still be in the family? Or might the property be sold? Who will keep the urn after your wife dies, how about after your daughter dies? Think about how those who mourn you may be impacted by your desire to be scattered.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Funerals of Our Presidents

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 17:21:35 GMT

A funeral offers a chance to say goodbye, but how do we say our farewells to those who forged the path of our nation? Presidential funerals have proven to be groundbreaking occasions that set the tone for how the nation grieves. Let’s take a look at how we as a country said goodbye to some of our most beloved leaders.

Funerals of Our Presidents

George Washington

Our first president passed on Dec. 14, 1799 , with the request that he not be buried for three days’ time. George Washington had a great fear of being buried alive , which was why he asked for the three days. During that time, he was held in a mahogany casket in Mount Vernon’s New Room.

On Dec. 18, his military funeral was held in Mount Vernon and became a template for future funerals honoring military officers. As Washington was a devout member of the Anglican Church and a Freemason, both Anglican and Masonic burial services were conducted in his honor. After his pastor gave the eulogy, 11 artillery pieces on shore were fired off, answering the echo of the minute guns’ crack from a schooner on the Potomac River. He was buried in a tomb in his beloved Mount Vernon.

John Adams

Our second president passed on the 50th anniversary of the passage of the Declaration of Independence. He was entombed in Quincy, Massachusetts , on July 7, 1826. Minute guns were fired from Mount Wollaston throughout the entirety of the ceremony, with several adjoining towns joining in with ways of paying homage of their own, with bells tolling throughout Massachusetts and beyond.

Thomas Jefferson

Though Thomas Jefferson and Adams fought very publicly for a time, they rekindled their friendship in their later years. Perhaps their brotherhood is why they passed on the same day . On July 4, 1826, Jefferson passed around noon after falling into a coma the previous day. It’s said that Adams fell into unconsciousness around that time before awaking again at around 5:30 P.M. to say his final words, reportedly either “Thomas Jefferson survives” or “Thomas Jefferson still lives.”

Jefferson himself had requested a simple ceremony . No invitations were sent out, though friends and visitors were welcome to go to the gravesite once he was buried. He is believed to have been buried in a simple, wooden coffin. He was laid to rest in the Monticello graveyard just one day after his death on July 5.

Abraham Lincoln

It was believed that when the 16th president was assassinated, dying on April 15, 1865, the American citizens were not yet ready to say goodbye. So, they were given a chance to . Although Mary Lincoln wanted her husband to take a direct route to where he’d be laid to rest in Springfield, Missouri, Lincoln’s secretary of war, Edwin Stanton, convinced her to approve a path that saw him retrace the steps he took from Springfield to the nation’s capital four years earlier. The president was embalmed, a relatively new process at the time, to allow citizens to say goodbye to him in the form they remembered him in.

At each stop on the railroad journey, thousands came out to see Lincoln. In fact, the trip was largely considered a unifying force for the Democrats and Republicans in the North during such a divisive time. Alongside Lincoln on his journey was the body of his 11-year-old son, Willie, who died of typhoid three years earlier. When the funeral procession ended at Oak Ridge Cemetery in Springfield and following an hour-long eulogy, both father and son were laid to rest in a limestone vault, with the doors and iron grating then shuttered.

Theodore Roosevelt

At the time of Theodore Roosevelt’s death , the then-vice president, Thomas Marshall, said, “Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.” The 26th president, known for his strength, died on Jan. 6, 1919, in his sleep after suffering a coronary embolism, though his health had been declining for some time.

Not one for grandiose affairs, a private farewell service was held at his home, Sagamore Hill, in Oyster Bay, New York. A modest funeral was then held at Christ Episcopal Church in Oyster Bay before Roosevelt was buried on a hillside on Jan. 8 in Youngs Memorial Cemetery, overlooking the town. A bugler blew Taps as family members and dignitaries walked up the snow-covered hill to the burial site. When the ceremony ended, only one person stayed behind — former President William Howard Taft, who stood by his sometimes political ally, sometimes foe’s grave weeping long after everyone else had left.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

FDR’s health had long been declining, a secret hidden from the public, but by the time he entered his fourth term, that secret became harder to keep. FDR was getting frailer with every photograph, and he eventually passed on April 12, 1945, in Warm Springs, Georgia . The Ferdinand Magellan train brought him back to Washington on April 14, where he was then carried on a caisson from Union Station to the White House. Over 500,000 people gathered silently to watch the procession before hundreds of mourners were invited to pay their respects and see the president a final time in the White House’s East Room.

Recognizing that the nation was at war and that many citizens were overseas, FDR requested a simple funeral with few formalities. Following the service, he was returned back to Union Station, where he’d begin an overnight journey to Hyde Park, New York. He was then brought to the edge of a meadow below his home, where a battalion of cadets awaited him. U.S. Army Air Force P-47s flew overhead, and once he was lowered into the ground, an honor guard of cadets fired over the grave.

The funerals of presidents signal a time of a nation in mourning. Much has changed over the years from the days of Washington’s burial, and one could argue that Lincoln’s funeral truly set that tone. It became normalized for the public to be allowed a chance to say goodbye as well, whether that be through a funeral procession or a viewing. Presidential funerals are as much a chance for us all to say farewell to a fallen leader as it is for us to come together as a nation.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Procrastination and Funeral Planning

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 18:44:24 GMT

Another year over and you made it through without getting that funeral plan completed. But there it is, still on your to do list. How many years have you been thinking about getting this done? If you are a procrastinator this is the one you can put off until the very end. Then it will become a job for someone else.

Still, if it is on your list there must be a reason. Perhaps you want to be the one who decides what is done and how much is spent on your last good-bye. Maybe you were the one who had to take care of a parent’s funeral and you do not want to leave yours to your children. You had a reason. What was it?

Why do we put things off? What’s the benefit of procrastination? What’s the harm?

We are naturally conditioned to avoid unpleasant tasks. It is estimated that 10 to 20% of people put off regular dental visits. Why? Not because the results are good, that is for sure. People procrastinate because they are scared. They fear the dentist. And how does that work out? When they finally see the dentist, it is because they are in pain. It is an emergency. Avoiding the regular checkup, procrastinating, does not help. It makes the dental experience more painful and even more expensive. No benefit at all. Putting off funeral planning is a lot like putting off seeing the dentist, nothing good comes from procrastination.

Funeral Planning will not kill you. You will have to acknowledge your mortality, but then you do know you will die one day, don’t you? So, what are you waiting for? Do you think planning will be easier if you wait until you are ill? No, of course it will not be easier if you are sick.

Actually, the longer a person waits to get a plan in place the fewer payment options they will be able to take advantage of and the costs increase. A younger person can plan, and if they choose to, purchase insurance for their plan so when they die the insurance company will cover the funeral cost. Coverage like that does not get cheaper as we age, it is the other way around. Funeral costs, like most costs, have historically increased over time. There is no point waiting. The cost will not go down.

Experience tells us people who complete a plan feel good and are pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. On average it takes about two hours to complete a funeral plan. You will most likely be able to choose to have a planner come to your home if you don’t want to go to the funeral home. Planning your funeral is not difficult. Just call the funeral home and set up a time. Do not wait. 2021 will be over sooner than you think.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Driving By a Funeral Home

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sun, 26 May 2024 02:30:07 GMT

Imagine you’re driving past a funeral home. As you approach, you can see people dressed in mourning clothing coming out of the facilities and climbing into their cars or limousines. But just before you drive by, those vehicles begin to pull out of the funeral home’s parking lot. You’re now encountering a funeral procession. So, how can you treat this important ceremony with the respect it deserves? Although many states have different rules when it comes to driving around funeral processions, here are the general rules of the road when you spot one.

What to Do When You Encounter a Funeral Procession

1. Yield the right of way.

Generally, funeral processions have the right of way. It’s important to obey this guideline as it may just prevent an accident. In many states, a funeral procession may go through a red light if the lead car has already crossed into the intersection. Because a funeral procession may operate under different rules from other vehicles on the road, it’s essential to exercise caution when driving around one.

Not only is it respectful to yield the right of way to ensure that the procession stays on time and all together, but it’s also better for both their and your safety. Just as you would yield the right of way to an emergency vehicle, you should yield to a funeral procession.

2. Do not cut in.

It’s extremely disrespectful to cut into a funeral procession. In some states, doing so is actually illegal. A funeral procession is a ceremonial event in which people are mourning. You should not do anything that interferes with this ceremony. Also, the drivers will not expect you to cut in, which may mean that they won’t be looking out for your vehicle. A collision may end up being the result. If you need to take an exit on a highway and cutting in is your only option for reaching it, you should wait to take the next exit.

3. Do not pass the procession.

Just like you shouldn’t cut in, you also shouldn’t pass a funeral procession. And just like cutting in, it’s illegal to pass a funeral procession in some states. Speeding up to pass a funeral procession may cause an accident. You may pass if you’re on a highway with two or more lanes going in the same direction. You should only ever pass on the right if the procession is traveling in the far left lane.

4. Look for the last car in the procession.

Most often, the last car in a funeral procession must have its hazards on. It also may be marked with two flags to designate its status. To ensure that you don’t mistakenly cut off a funeral processional, keep an eye out for the final car’s markings.

5. Do not tag along.

When you do spot that final car, do not decide to join the procession. Because a funeral procession can move through traffic with certain restrictions lifted, some drivers, unfortunately, believe that they can simply join the mourners and receive the same treatment. But just as you shouldn’t tail an emergency vehicle to get to your destination faster, you shouldn’t tag along when you see a funeral procession. Not only is it very disrespectful, but it’s also not likely to work. The last car in the procession is marked as the final car. You may be pulled over if you’re spotted trying to tag along. Doing so is considered interfering with the procession, and it’s illegal in some states.

6. Pull over if you’re able.

Most often, the best thing to do when you see a funeral procession is to pull over. It’s safer to allow the procession to pass without any potential obstructions. However, it’s not always possible to pull over. If you are on a road with the space to pull off to the side, you should do so and wait until the procession has fully passed.

7. Wait patiently.

Whether you’re pulled to the side of the road or simply waiting at an intersection for the procession to pass, you should always wait patiently. Do not honk, yell, or make gestures, even if you’re frustrated that the procession is taking a while. Remember that the people in these vehicles are mourning the loss of a loved one. Even if you want to make a gesture of support, it’s best to wait silently and patiently instead.

It can be frustrating to get stuck behind a funeral procession. But it’s important to remember that it’s only a minor inconvenience in comparison to the situation the people in the procession are dealing with. They’re grieving the loss of a loved one. The day of a funeral is often difficult, and the last thing the mourners should have to face on such a day is someone causing an accident because they tried to cut the processional off. You should always be respectful to a funeral procession, both out of kindness to the mourners and for the sake of safety for everyone.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Five Themed Funeral Ideas to Personalize a Funeral

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sat, 11 May 2024 18:15:12 GMT

A picture is worth a thousand words. Pictures bring memories to life; they stimulate conversation and can illustrate an entire lifespan.

There are different ways to use pictures in a funeral service. Many funeral homes have resources onsite or know just where a family can find what they need. Photos can be enlarged or displayed on a board or placed in albums on a table. Photos may also be incorporated into a slide show or shown in a loop on a video monitor or flat screen.

The exercise of going through family photos and choosing which to use for the funeral is cathartic in and of itself. As the family members sort through their photos and discuss which to use, stories are bound to be shared. This activity is healing. It helps the mourners move from thinking and talking about the cause of death to thinking and talking about the life that was lived.

As the pictures are selected and decisions are being made about how to share them, think about how time will come into play. How long will people be comfortable standing in front of a flat screen? Ask your funeral director for guidance. Consider sharing photos in more than one format, or having more than one video set up, or showing more than one video at different times in the service. Ask for what you want and need.

Music

The span of a lifetime can be reflected in the music a person listened to and loved. From Frank Sinatra to Pavarotti, boy band to the church choir, music is the background of our lives. Including music in a funeral service can bring life to the service. Do not be afraid to step out of the box. If the one you loved really liked to rock it out at top volume go ahead and ask to play one of their favorites loud, as visitors leave the funeral home. Talk to your funeral director about how you can include the music that reflects your loved one.

Stories

A good speaker, who knew well the person who died, can bring both tears and laughter to a funeral service. However, not everyone is a good speaker. Choose wisely and do not be afraid to ask what is going to be said. Surprises can be upsetting to some and funerals always leave a lasting impression. Do not be shy. Ask the speaker what is being planned. This extends to the religious officiant as well, especially if the clergyperson is not well known to the family.

Your funeral director has a lot of valuable experience. Be sure to tap into that experience. Ask her how many speakers to have and how long a service should last. Be sure to watch for overlap in stories. One person talking about the time the football tickets were left at home for the big game is probably enough. Nobody wants to be second up with the same story prepared and rehearsed.

Public speaking is in the top five fears of nearly everyone. If your circle does not include a good storyteller, ask the funeral director if there is a Funeral Celebrant in your community who could help with this part of the service.

Passions

The things a person loved help tell their life story. It could be a team they watched or a sport they played. Some people are passionate about their work, others are inspired throughout their life by a hobby or pursuing a talent. Regardless, passions help to define a life. It is no wonder mourners wish to honor their loved one’s passion when life comes to an end.

There are different ways this can be accomplished. There are caskets that honor a team or school. Favors that reflect a love of gardening, cooking, golf or almost anything, can be given to attendees. “Secret” recipes can be shared. Once again, your funeral director will be an excellent resource to help you incorporate the passion all the visitors will recognize into the service.

Faith

When family members all share a common faith with the person who died, this part of the funeral service usually comes together easily. However, it sometimes happens that more than one religious affiliation is practiced within the family. In this case, the religious portion of the service is usually a reflection of the faith of the deceased.

When the deceased was not religious but close family members have a strong religious affiliation, who performs the service and how the religious service is handled may become tricky. It is always helpful to remember that funeral services leave a lasting impression. For this reason, it is important to try and please all close family members. Your funeral director can help sort this out.

In summary:

A funeral may include some or all of the elements mentioned above. It should reflect the life of the person who died and bring comfort to close family members. Funeral directors are eager to have the service meet the family’s desires. Still, funeral directors are not mind readers.

In order to meet the expectations of the family, members must listen to each other and communicate openly with the director. If there is something important to one or more family members, what it is and that it is important must be shared with the funeral director. Seek the professional advice of your funeral director and be clear and firm regarding any elements that will be crucial to the success of any family member’s grieving process.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Funeral Humor – Creating Levity in a Stressful Profession

jana.hice@wcfhc.com (Jana Hice) — Fri, 26 Apr 2024 15:04:01 GMT

As a subject, death can often make people uncomfortable. And as a result, that discomfort extends to how people feel about the funeral profession. For many people, the first time that they enter a funeral home is when a loved one passes. Because of this connection, many people associate funeral homes and what’s inside them with morbidity.

So, it can be a bit of a shock to find that funeral directors most often aren’t the caricatures we see in movies and storybooks. They’re not as frightening as one might expect, nor are they creepy, despite the fact that some may find what they do a bit scary. Just like with many professions, working as a funeral director is a multi-faceted role. And, believe it or not, some funeral directors may even try to bring some comedy into their position. Why is it essential to create a little levity as a funeral director? Although not every funeral director attempts to be funny, here are a few reasons why one might.

Why Your Funeral Director May Be Funny

1. Death makes people uncomfortable.

Funeral directors know that, for many people, death is an uncomfortable subject. It’s scary to think about a time when you’re not physically here anymore, and it’s upsetting to remember that there will be a time when your loved ones can’t be with you in person. But funeral directors also know that there’s a way to break through the uncomfortableness of death: humor. It can be disarming to hear a funeral director be funny. And that unexpectedness can give you a little shock to your system. Though you were uncomfortable moments before, your surprised giggles can make you feel more at ease.

Funeral directors are inherently very adaptable people. They strive to provide the form of comfort that you need the most during this stressful time in your life. For some people, being made to laugh is the best way to give them comfort. Although not all funeral directors are naturally funny, they aim to do their best to provide the care that you require.

2. Humor can help you cope with grief.

Laughter does a lot for us, perhaps more than we know. It helps our immune system, combats pain, and boosts our endorphins. And it also helps us when we grieve. Many bereavement groups incorporate humor for this exact reason. One study found that widows and widowers who could laugh and smile about their loved ones experienced less depression and anxiety . Laughter cannot remove the pain of losing a loved one, but it can help us grieve with less severe symptoms.

Grief is complicated. Though we usually experience the strongest symptoms of grief for only a few months after a loss, those feelings often turn into integrated grief. Though integrated grief is easier to live with, it’s also longer-lasting. Grief becomes a part of our lives, which is why it’s essential to continue to find humor. As the study of the widows and widowers shows, finding humor can help both during the initial period of loss and the subsequent years with the overall grieving process. Funeral directors may not be grief counselors, but they strive to help us in any way they can while we mourn the loss of our loved ones. Creating levity through the funeral planning process can be one way to help.

3. Humor can help you cope with stress.

Funeral planning itself can be stressful. Hundreds of decisions must be made. There’s a lot on the planner’s mind about whether or not they’re making the right choices. Would the funeral they planned be the one that their loved one wanted? Those kinds of questions can inch their way into the mind of the planner, causing stress over their decisions. There’s often a feeling of anxiety as a funeral nears. Will everything go right? Although a funeral director and their staff will always do their best to assuage these fears in families who come to them in their time of need, it’s often hard to get their stress to dissipate.

Like grief, humor can do a lot to help stress . Laughing actually activates your stress response. A strong belly laugh increases your blood pressure and heart rate, but only briefly. Once you’ve calmed down again, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, giving you a calm feeling. Laughing also soothes tension and aids in muscle relaxation, helping to decrease the physical signs of stress. In the long term, laughter improves your ability to cope with difficult situations and overall mood. A funeral director may find ways to incorporate laughter with the goal of relieving some of your funeral planning stress.

4. Funeral directors want to help you continue on with your life.

Funeral directors aren’t afraid of talking about death, but they do know that many people would rather not think about it. And they also know that no one comes to them for funeral planning in a happy mood. When most people plan a funeral, they are doing so with some distress as they’re just beginning to live a life without the person they love. These people are struggling, and the funeral director wants to help them through this new way of life.

A part of helping is telling them that it’s okay to keep living. And a big part of living is finding the humor in life. When you’ve just lost a loved one, you’re likely experiencing acute grief, a period of grieving when your symptoms may prevent you from going about your everyday life. You may find it hard even to smile. It can feel wrong to laugh again when you’ve just lost someone you love. But a funeral director may try to encourage you to laugh again and to let you know it’s okay to find joy in life, even when you’re missing someone you love.

Not all funeral directors are the same. Some funeral directors prefer to remain more serious through the funeral planning process. And that’s okay too. But if you begin working with a funeral director who brings some levity to your situation, you may find that it’s helpful to your stress levels and your grieving process. Funeral directors aren’t the frightening figures of childhood stories, and they certainly don’t want to scare you. Some of them will even try to make you laugh, making a stressful situation a little bit lighter and a little bit easier.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Is Go Fund Me the Best Way to Pay for a Funeral?

admin@wcfhc.com (West Cobb Admin) — Sat, 13 Apr 2024 00:37:06 GMT

Funerals are a way for people to celebrate the lives of their loved ones, but these celebrations often have a price tag that can be very high for the average family. A funeral with a viewing and a burial can cost upwards of $7,000 . And when you consider that many families are also attempting to pay off additional expenses, like medical costs, after their loved one passes, they can quickly struggle under the weight of their financial burden. It’s no wonder why so many families turn to GoFundMe to ask for help covering all the costs, but is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Should you use GoFundMe to pay for a funeral?

When GoFundMe launched in 2010, it changed how everything from novel inventions to wedding ceremonies were funded. It’s likely that at some point in your life, someone you know has used GoFundMe, and maybe you’ve donated through it yourself. GoFundMe has also changed the way that we pay for funeral expenses.

In most cases, a decedent's family will pay for the funeral and disposition of their loved one. With GoFundMe, more of the burden is relieved from the immediate family. Suddenly, people you didn’t even know your loved one knew are donating through GoFundMe. Students of a teacher they haven’t seen in years want to donate. Coworkers from companies your loved one hasn’t worked at in decades decide to contribute. Neighbors, friends, and even friends of friends want to help in any way that they can. GoFundMe can be a wonderful resource that just goes to show how many lives your loved one has touched throughout their life. But although GoFundMe has proven to be a valuable resource for many families attempting to pay for funerals on their own, the best way to pay for a funeral is to pay into the costs before they happen.

Is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Although it can be unpleasant to think about a time when you’ll no longer be around, planning for your funeral is a gift to your loved ones. And that includes planning for the expenses that come with a funeral and disposition. Although many people believe that having life insurance is enough, life insurance often doesn’t end up covering the total cost of a funeral, which can lead to your family paying out of pocket for funeral expenses later on. But there are other ways to pay toward your funeral.

One option is to talk to your chosen funeral home about planning and paying for your funeral in advance. When you preplan your funeral, you can decide to pay for your plans in advance. You’ll work with the funeral home to make your arrangements, including what services you want to hold, whether you’d like to be buried or cremated, and what type of casket or urn you’d like. After you decide on all these details, you’ll be able to pay for them through the funeral home.

Funeral homes typically offer a variety of payment plans, including the option to pay for your funeral and disposition in full. By making these payments in advance, you’re saving your family from financial strain later on. When you pay in full, you’re guaranteeing that the funeral you plan is the one that your family will be able to hold for you. There will be no need for a GoFundMe after you pass because you already funded your funeral yourself.

GoFundMe has undoubtedly changed how we fund funerals, but the best way to pay for a funeral is always by planning ahead. As you plan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your options for prepaying for your funeral and disposition. By paying for your funeral ahead of time, you’ll save your family from surprise expenses down the road. If you’re covering the cost of your funeral now, your family won’t need GoFundMe later.

If you’re looking to cover the costs of a funeral for a loved one who did not preplan or prepay, your funeral home may be able to help. Some funeral homes offer a crowdfunding service that functions similarly to GoFundMe. Before making a GoFundMe account, talk to your funeral home about what kinds of crowdfunding services they offer.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Three Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral When Your Family Doesn’t Live Close

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:29:53 GMT

Reason Number One:

The need to make that first call, the one to the funeral home, nearly always catches people unaware and off guard.

Even when a death is clearly coming it is almost always unexpected. “Mom was 96 but we just talked to her on Sunday, and she was fine. Hospice told us it was just a matter of days, but we just stepped out to the store for a few minutes, and he was gone. She was doing so well, we were surprised.”

When a person dies the first order of business is calling a funeral home to come and take the body into their care. When family doesn’t live close, they may not be familiar with the funeral homes in the area. Which funeral home should be called?

Even with all of today’s wonderful ways to connect it can take hours to track down immediate family members. This one is in a meeting, that one is picking up kids at soccer practice, someone is at the gym and has their phone on silent. It can take a while to reach everyone and get them to weigh in on the decision about which funeral home to call. In the meantime, someone waits.

Reason Number Two:

The people who you love and who love you are going to be very busy just getting there. It’s not a good time to be making the big decisions. Burial or cremation, church or not, celebration of life, which minister, what restaurant, wood casket or metal, visitation the day of service or the night before?

Your far-flung family will be trying to book flights, pack suitcases, arrange for the dog to be taken care of, get someone to fill in for carpool, and get time off work. Their minds will be racing. It’s not a good time to make decisions that they will live with forever. Funeral decisions carry a lot of weight. Everyone wants to get it just right. No one wants to wish they had buried mom in her red dress instead of her blue dress for the rest of their life. Just think how much better it would be IF they just had to get there and meet with the funeral director you selected to review the plans you left for them.

Reason Number Three:

Your family needs time to be together. They need each other. They need to remember the stories, look at the pictures, cry together, and hug one another.

The plan you leave for your children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers, and friends is a gift. You give them the gift of time to lean in and realize that they have lost you. This is precious time they have together. There will still be much for them to do but when you have lifted the weight a little, you leave room for them to work together and be creative. They can pull their talents and put their own touches on the framework of the funeral plan you provided for them.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Moving on (Too) Quickly for Others

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:27:45 GMT

What does grief look like? You might be thinking now about the five stages : anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But what happens when someone goes out of order, skips a step, or doesn’t go through them at all? Although you may think it’s a sign that something is wrong, the truth is that we all experience grief in different ways. And someone may move through grief faster than someone else.

First things first, forget what you know about grief.

In 1969, in her book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the Kübler-Ross mode l, which became known as the five stages of grief. And although we typically associate this model with describing how we grieve someone’s death, that’s not actually what it was made for. It’s meant to give structure to how someone comes to terms with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. The five stages of grief were never about grieving a loved one’s death.

However, other studies have tried to apply the model to grieving a loved one, only to find that it doesn’t really work the way that people believe it does. A 1981 study that looked at individuals who had been widowed for various lengths of time found that the pain and stress of widowhood persisted for years, with no subjects falling into particular stages at certain times, as the five stages of grief suggested they would. A 2002 study took a look at people before and after their spouses’ deaths and found that only 11 percent followed the Kübler-Ross model’s trajectory.

So, if the five stages of grief aren’t scientifically accurate, why do we hold onto this idea that there’s a “right” way to grieve? When a daughter loses a father, is she wrong to go back to work the same week? When a husband loses a wife, is he wrong to be on a dating app by the end of the year? Perhaps yes and perhaps no. But these feelings are personal. And although you may imagine that you’d grieve in a certain way if you lost someone close to you, you cannot know what their grief is like.

What should you do if someone you love is moving on “too” quickly?

One thing that should be considered before you try to intervene when you think someone is moving on very quickly is whether or not they are really moving on at all. In the case of a daughter going back to work, she might not be trying to move on. She might simply be looking for a distraction because being at home is too painful. In which case, be kind and don’t remind her of her loss. Be a friend, let her talk to you about her loss if she wants to, and otherwise be someone she can turn to when she needs to take her mind off grief or funeral planning. Although she may look like she’s moving on quickly on the outside, she might still be grieving, just in a different way from your personal grieving process.

But what about a husband who is looking to remarry soon after losing his spouse? Men are significantly more likely to begin dating after being widowed, and they’re more likely to do it sooner as well. After 25 months following the loss of a spouse, 61 percent of men are in a new relationship, compared to just 19 percent of women. So, do most men then move on too quickly? Regardless of gender, people who remarry after their spouse’s death report lower levels of depression and greater life satisfaction and well-being than those who don’t. But because men are more likely to have fewer friends than women, husbands often rely on their wives as their primary source of emotional and social support. When a wife dies, a husband may suddenly feel cut off from those crucial outlets, which propels him into the dating world sooner than a woman who lost her husband.

Should you intervene if someone you love is looking for love after losing their spouse? If you’re very close, you may consider voicing your concerns, but keep in mind what they gain in their life by remarrying. The thing about moving on is that it’s taking steps to keep living. It doesn’t mean that there’s no grief remaining. A person who loses a spouse needs to learn to live without them, but they still will miss their presence. And if that person remarries, it doesn’t mean that they’re replacing their spouses, nor are they trying to forget their spouse and all the memories they made together. They’re just searching for more fulfillment in their lives, and for many people, that includes learning to love again.

Ultimately, only one person can decide if they’re ready to move on, and that’s the person who lost their loved one. If you think you’re ready to move on in terms of dating again, it’s important to ask yourself if you feel prepared for this new change. Can you let someone else into your life? Can you love your new partner the way they deserve to be loved? If you know wholeheartedly that you can, you’re ready. But no one else can answer those questions but you. And if you’re seeing someone you love move on in a way that you don’t think you could or would, remember that you’re not the one who experienced their grief. Only they know what their grief is like and whether they’re ready to move on. All you can do is be there for them as they try to make this new transition in their life.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Do You Have to Be a Funeral Director to Work at a Funeral Home?

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:24:36 GMT

When we talk about working with a funeral home to plan a loved one’s funeral, one person who plays a central role in creating an event that celebrates that loved one’s life is the funeral director. A funeral director is essentially your go-to person at the funeral home, there to provide care and support during an incredibly challenging time. They oversee and direct all funeral services, from viewings and visitations to burials and cremations. But there’s even a lot of work that funeral directors do behind the scenes that families don’t see, such as organizing transportation for your loved one to and from the funeral home, coordinating receptions, and ensuring that all necessary paperwork is filed properly and in a timely manner.

There’s no doubt that a funeral director plays an essential role in every funeral, but luckily, they don’t have to do it alone. Especially in larger funeral homes, there can be plenty of people to assist the funeral director and care for families during this emotional time.

Who works at a funeral home?

One essential part of a funeral home is an embalmer. In the United States, 50 percent of people are embalmed. Embalming is often necessary for funerals and viewings so that the loved one will look more like how families and friends remember them. Although many funeral directors are also embalmers, it’s very common for larger funeral homes to have several embalmers on staff. Not only do embalmers have to have a special license, but they also must have a degree in mortuary science and have undergone an apprenticeship under an experienced embalmer.

An embalmer may also work as a mortuary cosmetologist, also known as a desairologist. In this position, they work on the hair and makeup of a decedent, an essential part of preparing a loved one for their viewing or open-casket funeral. However, not all embalmers are desairologists, and it’s not uncommon for larger funeral homes to work with additional mortuary cosmetologists.

Although funeral directors oversee all ceremonies, those events couldn’t happen without the work of funeral attendants. Attendants work under funeral directors to ensure that everything runs smoothly so families needn’t worry and can simply grieve in peace. They assist in setting up funeral rooms, transporting caskets, and doing anything a funeral director may need of them.

Not every funeral home has the same type of staff, but advanced planning advisors are often a crucial part of the team. When you pre-plan your funeral, you’re reducing the stress of your family having to wonder if they’re giving you the funeral you truly want. Without pre-planning, an already difficult time becomes even more challenging. Advanced planning advisors work with people who want to save their families from that distress. When you work with an advanced planning advisor, you’re giving your family a blueprint of what you want your funeral to look like. When the time comes, the advanced planning advisor will work with the funeral director and other staff members to put that plan into action.

Just like a funeral home may have someone on staff to help before a funeral even needs to happen, it may also have someone who works with families after the funeral ends. Because funeral homes are such an essential part of a community, many funeral home staff members consider being an active member of their community to be part of their job description. But for some people, their job is solely about caring for the community. Some funeral homes provide aftercare, which means that staff members help families during their time of grief. Since that mourning period doesn’t end with the funeral, neither does the care these funeral homes give. These workers may be grief counselors, or they may go by a different title, but in their role, they make sure that families don’t have to go through mourning alone.

But many other people play essential roles in creating funerals that celebrate an individual’s life. Administrators and administrative assistants keep a funeral director on track, ensuring they have everything they need to take care of any families who come to their funeral home. They work to create a friendly but professional atmosphere, giving comfort to the families and their guests.

Although the funeral director may be the face that you associate with a funeral home, they’re surrounded by people who care about their community and want to be part of making a funeral a cherished event that celebrates the life of someone who meant so much to so many people. Working in a funeral home takes a kind demeanor and temperament. From administrative assistants to embalmers, funeral home staff members are unique individuals who will care for people during one of the most challenging times in their life. After years of training, these community-minded individuals love the opportunity to be of service to people in need.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Cremation After the Funeral Service

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:22:40 GMT

Cremation rates have been on the rise in the United States for many years, with the rates reaching all the way to 57.5 percent in 2021. By 2025, that rate is expected to climb to 64.1 percent. With the cremation rate continuing to rise , it’s becoming more and more common for funeral homes to be holding funerals for loved ones who will be cremated. But how does funeral planning work when your loved one will be cremated?

Can my loved one be cremated after a funeral service?

A common misconception exists that says that you can’t have a funeral service if your loved one is going to be cremated. However, this belief is false. Cremation does not preclude a funeral service. Your plans for your loved one’s service do not have to change due to cremation. You can still have a traditional funeral, if you so choose, where your loved one is present prior to their cremation.

When making plans for your loved one’s funeral, talk to your funeral director about wanting the funeral before their cremation takes place. You may have either an open or closed casket funeral, and you may not even need to purchase a casket. Many funeral homes offer families the ability to rent a casket for the length of the funeral because your loved one will not then be buried in the casket. You may also hold additional services before the cremation, such as a viewing or visitation.

Similar to how a burial may happen directly after the funeral, your funeral director can work with a crematory to ensure that cremation occurs right after the funeral service. The funeral home may have their own crematory on-site, making this planning process simpler, or they may work with a respected third-party cremation provider. In the case of working with a different provider, the funeral director will also organize transportation for your loved one to their cremation.

Even if you held a funeral before your loved one’s cremation, you might still want additional services. You may opt for a committal service, which is when your loved one’s cremated remains are either buried or interred in a columbarium. Or you may want a scattering ceremony, where your loved one’s ashes are spread in a location that meant a great deal to them in life. These services are often smaller than a funeral. They allow for close family and friends to say a last goodbye to a loved one as they’re placed in their final resting place.

What if my loved one is cremated before the funeral service?

Some people opt for direct cremation before a funeral service, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a service at all. Although you can’t have a funeral with a casket present or a viewing, you can still have a memorial service after the cremation.

Because a funeral with a decedent present usually has to happen within a certain amount of time, having a memorial service after cremation affords families more time to plan. Memorial services can happen on the same day as a cremation, but they don’t have to be. Some people prefer to take more time to plan the service, and it’s not uncommon for a memorial service to happen weeks or even months after cremation.

A memorial service can function similarly to a funeral service. You can still have all the aspects of a funeral you may want, such as a eulogy, but the only difference will be that your loved one may be present in an urn, as opposed to being there in a casket. Your family can then choose how they’d like to store or scatter the cremated remains.

Whether you’d like a funeral before cremation or a memorial service after cremation, a funeral home can help. Talk to your funeral director about what you picture for your loved one’s services, and they’ll be able to guide you toward a decision that’s right for you and your family. In either case, you’ll be planning a ceremony that honors the life of your loved one, regardless of what their final disposition may be.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

10 Ways to Customize a Funeral

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:20:50 GMT

Funerals aren’t one-size-fits-all. One of the most important steps in funeral planning is customization. How is this funeral right for your loved one? How are you celebrating your loved one’s life through everything from the floral arrangements to the clothing they’re wearing? What makes this funeral uniquely your loved one’s funeral? Here are a few ways to customize a funeral for your loved one.

10 Ways to Customize a Loved One’s Funeral

1. Put together a community project.

When you’re thinking about how you can honor your loved one in their funeral, consider that you don’t have to do it alone. A community project to display at the funeral brings people together. Try to think of a project that fits something that your loved one enjoyed in their life. Maybe they were always in the kitchen, baking their favorite recipes. You could ask funeral-goers to contribute recipes that the decedent shared with them throughout their life for a recipe book. Or, if they loved to sew or crochet, you could make a memorial quilt, with everyone contributing their own granny square that they feel symbolizes the decedent.

2. Incorporate beloved items into a display.

Funeral flowers are a lovely way to honor a loved one, but consider taking the arrangements a step further and incorporating items that remind you of your loved one into the displays. If your loved one’s favorite thing to do was to be out on their surfboard, catching waves, build a floral display around the board. Or you could create a separate display outside of the floral arrangements. If your loved one received honors for their service in the military, for instance, you could build a section of the funeral where their metals could sit amongst photos of their time serving.

3. Have something for guests to take home.

The idea of funeral favors isn’t all that common, but it’s a way to have your guests bring something that reminds them of their loved one home. You could put together seed packets from your loved one’s garden if they were known for their green thumb. Or, if they were known for making the best jams and jellies around, use their recipe to make some small containers to give out at the funeral.

4. Make a memorial slideshow.

A memorial slideshow can be shown during the funeral, but it can also be put on loop to be projected throughout a viewing or reception. No matter how you choose to show your slideshow, it’ll be an homage to the life that your loved one lived. Ask family and friends to send you their favorite photos of your loved one, or ask them to put them all in a Google Drive folder to make collecting them a little easier. You could use slideshow services like Microsoft PowerPoint or Google Slides or a service that’s directly made for memorial slideshows, like Smilebox’s memorial slideshow maker .

5. Choose meaningful clothing.

It used to be more common that a decedent would be dressed in semi-formal clothing, but that tradition has been receding. Now, it’s considered less necessary to have a decedent dress more formally, and it’s more common for them to be dressed in a way that reminds funeral-goers of who they were. When you pick out clothing for your loved one, look for outfits that you have special memories of them in. If your loved one always wore their favorite colorful dress to every occasion, perhaps they should also wear it for their funeral. But even then, you don’t have to pick out clothing that they wore only to formal events. If your loved one loved their blue jeans, there’s no rule that says that they can’t wear them for the funeral.

6. Arrange for military honors, if applicable.

If your loved one was a veteran, you could plan to hold military honors at their funeral with the help of your funeral director. All honorably discharged veterans are entitled to military honors. By law, that includes an honor guard detail consisting of at least two members of the U.S. Armed Forces, one of whom must be from the decedent’s service branch. The ceremony includes the playing of taps and the folding and presentation of the American flag to the decedent’s next of kin.

7. Dine on their favorite foods and recipes.

Food has the power to bring back so many memories. To incorporate food into a funeral, you could plan a reception with all of their favorite meals. Another way to make food a part of the funeral is by baking a few of your loved one’s most beloved recipes and putting them out during the service. Pick recipes that are easy to eat and not too messy, like a cookie.

8. Organize a scattering ceremony at a special location.

A funeral ceremony isn’t the only event that you can plan for your loved one. You could also host a number of additional events, including a scattering ceremony if your loved one is to be cremated. A scattering ceremony is often very personal because you’re deciding where to spread their ashes based on what they loved in life. Although you can’t scatter ashes just anywhere, you can spread them in certain places like at sea or in a national park. Just make sure that you’re following all local, state, and federal restrictions.

9. Print photos for a display or scrapbook.

Sharing photos of your loved one adds to the celebration of your loved one’s life. There are many ways to make pictures a part of the funeral beyond the memorial slideshow. You could print poster boards of your loved one to greet guests at the entrance. Or you could make a collage to add to other displays around the room. Many funeral homes also offer photo printing as a service, so talk to your funeral director about your photo options.

10. Add music.

Music is a powerfully connective force, and if music was especially important to your loved one, find a way to add it to their funeral. You could make a playlist of their favorite songs to play during the viewing or hire a singer to perform one of their favorite songs during the funeral service itself. You could also hire a band or solo artist to perform at a reception.

Customizing a funeral looks different for every family, and you may have some of your own ideas about ways to make your loved one’s funeral personal to them. Whatever your ideas may be, talk to your funeral director about them. Even if you believe they may be challenging to do, funeral homes have plenty of experience turning those unique ideas into beautiful aspects of a loved one’s funeral.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is a Green Funeral?

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:17:54 GMT

The term “green funeral” refers to ceremony, service, and body disposition that focuses on preservation of the earth. Many of those who live “green” also wish to end “green”. Just as living green is carried out in different ways and with many choices, there are also many different methods of having a green funeral. Your funeral director is your best guide to the green funeral options available in your geographic area.

For one person living green may mean passing on the offer of a plastic straw. For others, green may mean living off the grid and bicycling to work. One can be all in, or just a little green. Funerals can also be greenish or very green.

Sometimes a green living choice comes with a cost savings and sometimes going green costs more. For example, you’ll use less fuel with a hybrid automobile. Using less gas will generate a cost savings. However, you will usually pay more for a hybrid car than for the same make and model that is not hybrid. Green is not about saving dollars—it is a lifestyle. A belief system motivated by a sense of responsibility for our home, the planet earth. It is a choice.

If you are motivated to pursue a green goodbye, you will be pleased to know that your choice will not require that you give up any of the healing aspects of a funeral service. Service, gathering, and viewing the body can all be included in a green funeral.

Funeral directors have access to environmentally friendly embalming chemicals. If your family prefers to have the body present for the funeral service that can be accomplished. Should a private family viewing be more in line with your green funeral plans, the body can be simply prepared without embalming to make that experience possible for family members.

Green cemeteries or green areas in traditional cemeteries usually do not require a burial vault or grave liner. The body is shrouded and placed directly in the earth or placed in a biodegradable container which is buried. Those who opt for a green burial do so because disruption to the earth is minimized. No harsh chemicals from embalming, no treated wood or metal casket and no metals or concrete from a grave liner are introduced in the grave space. If you remember our hybrid car example something similar occurs with green burials. In most cemeteries a green burial space will cost more than a traditional burial space, but you will not incur the cost of the vault.

For those who prefer cremation you will need to know that all cremators (the device where cremation takes place) are not created equal. Newer models tend to have a smaller carbon footprint. Ask your funeral director which providers in your area are the most environmentally friendly.

There are also many different green options when it comes to the final resting place for cremated remains. Cremated remains can be incorporated into objects that become family heirlooms, or, they can become part of an underwater reef. There is a nearly unlimited number of earth-friendly alternatives of what to do with cremated remains. When making funeral arrangements tell your funeral director that green is important to you and ask for help in finding service providers that support your values.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Should We Have an Open Casket?

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 21:11:25 GMT

“I was very surprised at my reaction. Seeing John in his casket wasn’t something I was looking forward to. His daughter (from his first marriage) really wanted an open casket. So, I agreed. Mostly just to remain on good terms with my stepdaughter. He looked so peaceful. He had a Mona Lisa smile. I am so glad I didn’t stick to what he and I had talked about. The opportunity for that last good good-bye ended up meaning the world to me… and his daughter.”

Many long-standing funeral practices, like viewing the deceased, are undervalued today. Perhaps we should think again? Maybe go slowly? Allow for individual family members to say goodbye in a way that is most meaningful to them.

There is a value to “seeing” the deceased. If you doubt that value think about what happens when there is a sudden, unexpected death. Body recovery is high on everyone’s list. Seeing is believing. Some family members may find an opportunity to see the deceased helpful. Some, like the woman who wrote the opening quote, may be surprised at the comfort the opportunity to see the person they love at peace brings.

The funeral director is there to guide you. Ask questions. How can we give my grandson an opportunity to see his grandfather? What if some family do not wish to see dad? Mom didn’t want an open casket but some of us would like an opportunity to see her one last time. What can we do?

Funeral directors are always willing and able to allow for individual family differences. A daughter who prefers not to view the body and grandson who would very much appreciate an opportunity for a face to face farewell. One need not exclude the other. Funeral directors have solutions. When you meet with yours, be open. Share your family’s needs and ask questions.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Must I Wear Black to a Visitation or Funeral?

Sat, 09 Dec 2023 22:54:26 GMT

What to wear to a funeral has changed and continues to change with time. We are more relaxed, less formal in 2021 than we were even ten years ago. Still some basic principles endure. A funeral is a somber respectful occasion.

1. Unless religion or local tradition dictate, black is no longer required. However subdued colors are always appropriate.

2. That said, in some instances the family may request that guests wear bright colors or even fan attire to reflect the interests of the deceased. Of course, if this happens you will want to honor the wishes of the family.

3. If you are struggling to decide what to wear think about what you would wear to an interview for a job that you really want to land.

4. For ladies a dress, a skirt, or dress slacks will be lovely

5. For gentlemen slacks and a shirt with a collar will do nicely. This is a good time to skip the ball cap.

6. Clean and neat goes without saying.

7. Finally, it’s not about you. It is not your moment to shine. Attendees come to offer comfort or show respect for human life. Think about the principal mourners when choosing your attire. If your grandfather died what you wear should not cause your grandmother to gasp.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How Do You Help Someone Who is Grieving When You are Grieving Yourself?

Sat, 09 Dec 2023 22:50:18 GMT

Perhaps you begin by just believing in yourself. Even though you may feel empty you have something to give. Even if your emotions are right there on the surface, it’s ok. Even if you are trying to immerse yourself in your life to avoid your own pain, surrender. Join hands with your fellow mourner and let yourself feel.

When you mourn with someone who shares your loss you are not there to fix anything. You can’t cheer up a mourner, you can’t absorb or eliminate their pain. You needn’t hide your own pain, there is no need to put on clown face. When you are invited to share time with your grieving friend or relative just slow down, lean in, measure your words, use the name of the person who died, and listen. Hear what they are missing and feeling about the person you both loved. Share what you loved and miss about your person. Cry together. Acknowledging the pain is comforting. It’s enough.

People travel through life finding their way. It’s a bit like we are writing a script for our life or a book about the life we anticipate. In most cases the narrative is not reality. Often, we go to college to be one thing and end up being another. We marry the boy or girl of our dreams and then we find out what we dreamed wasn’t reality. We have children and we find out real flesh and blood children are not necessarily what we put in our script. Our script doesn’t include the challenges we face in real life. But the challenges come, and we are resilient. We do our best. Sometimes our best is excellent and sometimes it’s just passable. We get hurt and we survive and are happy and then the cycle happens again.

Rarely do we include the death of a dear friend, wife, husband or child in our script. When it happens, we suffer. We mourn. We may never understand but we have survived in the past and we will again.

Perhaps in time we will add something from the person who died into our life. We will embrace something they loved and incorporate it into our story. Because they loved the sunrise, we’ll become an early riser and marvel at the dawn. Because they never knew a stranger, we’ll talk to the person who checks out our groceries. Because they taught little children to read, we’ll volunteer to read stories to little ones at the library.

Mourning takes time. It cannot be rushed. For some it takes months and for others longer. Mourning has up and downs, good days and not so good days. Mourning is a journey. It can’t be skipped. It’s personal and yet it does not need to be solitary.

Laura Jean Truman tell us …

You can’t heal people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can promise they won’t journey alone. You can loan them your map. But the trip is theirs.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Many Shades of Green Burial

Sat, 25 Nov 2023 16:22:43 GMT

For those who choose to actively live lightly on our earth the question of how to leave when we die can be confusing. Fortunately, just as in green living, there are many options for green burial. As with all end-of-life decisions, your local funeral director is your best resource. He or she will help you sort through the choices and find a solution that supports your values, comforts your family and fits within the budget.

The “greenest” burial will not introduce any inorganic materials into the grave site. But, just as in nature there are many shades of green. It is possible to be kind to our earth without sacrificing our comforting rituals and ceremonies. Think of burial like transportation. Walking in shoes made of organic materials is probably the most earth friendly mode of transportation, but that would be very impractical in the world we live in today. So, we do our best. Maybe we carpool, drive a hybrid or electric vehicle, or source our food locally. We just try. The same is true with burial. If it is important to you, there are many options you can discuss with your funeral director about how to go green or greenish.

The greenest of green burials will take place in a designated natural or green cemetery. Depending on the rules of the individual cemetery the body may be shrouded and placed directly on the earth. No vault will be required or permitted. The objective is for the human body to be absorbed by the earth in the most expeditious manner. Some of these cemeteries will permit a wooden casket, or a woven basket made of natural untreated materials as a receptacle for the body. Natural or green cemeteries maintain their grounds with minimal intervention and organic materials.

Designated green cemeteries are often more costly than standard cemeteries. Still, it is possible to have “greenish” burial in a less expensive conventional cemetery. In this case you would ask your funeral director about using eco-friendly embalming fluids. The cemetery’s requirement to place casketed remains in a vault or grave liner can often be met by requesting permission to place the casketed body directly on the earth. The grave liner can then be placed over the casket, open end down on the earth. In this case you would discuss natural casket options with your funeral director. Most casket makers offer natural untreated caskets that are beautiful.

All the rituals; viewing, faith-based ceremony, celebration of life, burial, and even flowers date back to the earliest people who inhabited the earth. They all have a purpose. Respect and reverence for life, an opportunity to “see” one last time in order to process our loss, to put the death in the context of our belief system, to have a place to visit and remember. It all happens for a reason. Being green doesn’t mean loss of any of the aspects of death care that provide comfort for your family. When being green is important to your family, talk to your funeral director and just do the best that you can.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Cremation Near Me

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Cremation Near Me

When looking for a cremation service close to home, your first call should be to your local funeral home. The people there, who are a part of your community, know all about cremation. The funeral home will either provide cremation at their facility or will have extensive experience with local crematories. Either way, you can rest assured the cremation of your loved one will be carried out with the proper care and respect.

Funeral homes provide a full menu of services. You choose. Use only what suits your family. Cremation providers, on the other hand, tend to offer cremation of the body only. Often no care is offered for the mourners. There is no help or guidance should the family like to have an opportunity to host friends who share the loss or to celebrate the life that was lived. Your local funeral home can help you put together a very small service or a very large service depending on the needs of your family.

Disposition of the body is only one aspect of what needs to be done when someone dies. Cremation is not the end. Cremated remains will either need to be buried, scattered or retained for generations by a family member. Very often cremation only providers will return the cremated remains of your family member by mail in a bag or box. The funeral home on the other hand will provide help and guidance regarding legal scattering, products that support family retention of cremains, or burial and retention in a columbarium niche.

When your brain is fuzzy because you have lost someone dear to you, clarity is important. The last thing a family needs are hidden costs and surprises. The widely advertised prices for bare bones cremation frequently do not include everything you need and certainly do not include what you may want. When those items are added to the cost many people have found they are spending more than what they would have had they engaged the services of the local funeral home.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Cheap Funeral Homes

Thu, 08 Jun 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Cheap Funeral Homes

The thing about cheap funeral homes is the business model works for them and may not necessarily work for you. You, the person who has just lost someone you love. You, the person who needs the services of a funeral home.

Cheap funeral homes hang their hat on volume. They are playing the numbers. Lots of funerals, little service. The bar is low by design. The professional staff to funeral ratio is low. Fewer skilled people doing more funerals translates to less overhead for the funeral home and determines their profitability.

That can mean families have less time with the funeral director handling their family member’s service. It can mean less consistency. You may not be able to talk to the director you worked with yesterday, today. Fewer people doing more nearly always increases the risk for error. Many people need more help and guidance than they expected when they are tired and numb following the loss of someone dear. The kind of service, how do I write the obituary, how do I notify social security, how do I access my father’s veteran’s benefits, is often not a part of the service model for low-cost funeral providers.

Cheap funeral homes usually have bare bones facilities. The location may be in a light industrial or shopping area. The building may be more like a warehouse and less like a home. The atmosphere may be less comforting than what you and your family are accustomed to when you have worked with your local neighborhood funeral home in the past.

Cheap funeral homes tend to advertise a low-cost bare bones service. Often this service does not include what you expect from experiences you’ve had in the past. You may find things you expected to happen are not going to happen or can only be done at an additional cost. For example, the low advertised price may not include an opportunity for out-of-town family members to say a final good-bye.

As you move closer to what you wanted and expect in a traditional funeral you will move farther away from the low advertised price that first drew you in. By the time you get what you want, if you can get what you want, you may find you are spending more, not less, than you would have spent at your own hometown funeral home.

Before you decide on a funeral provider call your local hometown funeral home. Be up front and clear about your budgetary needs. Funerals leave lasting impressions; they can heal but they can also hurt. You only get one chance to get it right.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Nice Looking Funeral Home Doesn’t Mean Expensive

Thu, 25 May 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Nice Looking Funeral Home Doesn’t Mean Expensive

It’s not unusual for your local hometown funeral home to look better than your own home. However, that neatly mowed lawn and manicured landscape doesn’t mean expensive or out of reach. What it does mean is the people who work there pay attention to details, they care about the quality of their work, and they care about you.

A neat and tidy environment calms the mind. According to a 2011 Princeton study, “ While our brains are perhaps the most complex structures in the universe, capable of doing amazing things, they’re also easily overwhelmed. A cluttered environment makes it more difficult to focus on a specific task.” That said, anyone who has ever experienced the death of a close family member or friend knows loss makes it difficult to think straight. The funeral home provides what mourners need, even if they don’t know they need it. You are offered an orderly, calming environment in which to wrestle with the impact of the death of the one you loved.

The funeral home is always company ready. The furniture is pleasant to look at and comfortable to sit in. It is free of pet hair. The carpets are vacuumed, sometimes in neat rows with military precision. All of this is provided so you don’t need to worry if your home is ready to receive guests. The funeral home is your place to receive your friends and family. A burden is lifted from the family when they know they have the support of the staff and a neat and tidy place to receive their friends without having to lift a finger.

How the public spaces look reflect how carefully and respectfully the funeral directors and staff care for your deceased family member. The staff is equally obsessed with the paperwork that needs to be completed, the clergy person has what they need to provide the service, the cars and drivers are escorted safely to the church or grave-site and the deceased is presentable. The great attention to detail the funeral home staff provides translates to comfort and peace of mind for the family members.

So, don’t be put off or intimidated by the lovely décor and neatness of your local funeral home. It’s all a part of the service.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Is It Okay to Laugh and Smile at a Funeral?

Thu, 11 May 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Is It Okay to Laugh and Smile at a Funeral?

It’s common to see tears shed at a funeral. What’s less common is to hear uproarious laughter. Why would someone laugh during a funeral? Well, it happens more often than you’d think. But is it okay to laugh and smile at someone’s funeral? Whether or not it’s all right to get the giggles depends on many factors.

Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral?

It’s not only okay to smile at a funeral but it’s also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It’s also a nonverbal way of showing support. Seeing a flood of sad faces can make the bereaved feel more overwhelmed, but seeing a smile can ease some of that tension.

A smile is also not in any way disruptive. Smiling during a eulogy isn’t going to upset anyone, nor would it draw any unwanted attention to you. So, if something makes you smile, don’t repress it. And try to muster up a friendly smile when talking to the deceased’s loved ones.

Is It Okay to Laugh at a Funeral?

This question is trickier. Yes, it’s okay to laugh at a funeral, but there is a time and a place for it. Funerals don’t always have to be a strictly somber event. They can be a celebration of life. And one way to celebrate that life is by remembering all the beautiful times you had together. If you’re standing around recounting old stories with friends and family, and one story makes you giggle, you’re not being rude. You’re celebrating the full life the deceased lived.

The same rules apply to the eulogy. It can feel strange to laugh during a eulogy, but if the speaker is clearly telling a funny story or even a joke to lighten the mood, you should feel free to laugh. It’s not impolite to laugh when it’s clear that was the intention of the eulogist.

Death can cause anxiety, and laughter can help relieve that feeling. So don’t hold back laughter if the situation calls for it. But you might want to try to repress that laughter if it’s coming out inappropriately. Sometimes, when people feel so much anxiety, they laugh hysterically, even if nothing is funny. These moments of laughter aren’t okay at a funeral, especially if they happen during a more somber time, like if a eulogist is telling a story that’s definitely not funny. That sort of laughter can be disruptive and can call unwanted attention to you when the spotlight should be on the deceased’s life.

What Do I Do If I Start Laughing?

If your anxiety has bubbled into laughing uncontrollably, you may want to remove yourself until you calm down. But you can also try other techniques to relieve your stress. Try taking deep breaths. Take a breath in and count to four, hold for four, breath out for four, and then hold for four. Do this repeatedly until you feel calmer.

If that doesn’t work, try closing your eyes and imagining you’re in a safe, comfortable place while you breathe. Doing so will help you forget about what’s causing your anxiety long enough for you to stop laughing.

Something you may feel inclined to do is chastise yourself for laughing or remind yourself that you’re “supposed to feel sad.” Forcing yourself to feel sad when you’re already likely sad will make your anxiety worse, which will make your laughter worse. Be patient with yourself because the angrier you get with yourself, the more likely you’ll just keep laughing.

It is more than okay to laugh and smile at a funeral, but it’s essential to recognize that there is a time and a place for laughter. If you find yourself laughing when it’s not appropriate, remove yourself or take measures to lessen your anxiety. But don’t feel bad if you laugh at a joke — that moment of laughter is good for everyone.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What Do I Do With The Flowers?

Thu, 27 Apr 2023 04:00:00 GMT

What Do I Do With The Flowers?

After any funeral, there are still a lot of questions about what comes next. In addition to dealing with grief, loved ones have to take care of the deceased’s estate and their final wishes. And although sending flowers to a funeral is a kind gesture, those flowers add another thing to do for the bereaved. Flowers brighten up any funeral, but what can you do with them after the funeral is over? Here are a few options to either keep and create a memorial keepsake or donate them and make someone else’s day.

Donate the flowers — mindfully.

A few places that you could donate to include a church, retirement home, or hospice care facility. Before you donate, give the location of your choice a call to confirm that they can accept flowers. The answer is often yes, but it’s better to be sure before you head over to deliver them.

It’s essential to keep in mind, though, that you might have to do some rearranging with the flowers before you deliver them. Donating an arrangement in the shape of a cross wouldn’t be exactly fitting if you were to send the flowers to a secular location. Or, if the arrangement is very oversized, the people you’re attempting to donate to might not want the hassle of having to find a place to put all of it.

It’s also crucial that you remove any cards from the arrangements before donating them. A card that says “I’m sorry for your loss” might be upsetting or at least not well-received at a hospice care facility.

Place them at another gravesite.

Instead of donating to the living, you could also donate to someone else who has already passed on. Fresh flowers on a grave are always a welcome sight. They add some beauty to the cemetery, and for many people, it’s a way to show respect and love for the spirits of those no longer with us.

Preserve the flowers and gift them to loved ones.

Flowers on their own, of course, will not last forever. But you can preserve them to create memorial keepsakes. Preserving flowers is an easy process. All you have to do is put the flowers between two pieces of paper and close those sheets of paper inside a heavy book. Let the flowers dry out for a few days, then remove them. The flowers should be pressed and dried once you take them out.

You could leave the flower as is and create a keepsake from there, as a memorial bookmark, or just simply decorate with the flower on its own. But you could also create a shadow box with the flowers inside, alongside other trinkets that remind you of your loved one.

If you want to take things a step further, you could take the flowers apart to use them in other ways, like filling a glass ornament with dried flower petals or even painting something in remembrance of your loved one using the petals. These keepsakes could be just for you, or you could make many and gift them to other people who loved the person who passed.

Put flower petals inside of funeral jewelry.

Funeral jewelry, or cremation jewelry, is a popular way to keep the one you lost close to your heart. For cremation jewelry, a tiny bit of ashes is placed inside a compartment in a piece of jewelry, like a locket. People can opt to include more than the ashes inside, though, like adding bits of dried flowers from the funeral.

Even if your loved one was not cremated, you could still make funeral jewelry, perhaps by putting the dried flowers in a necklace or pendant. It’s another way to create a memorial keepsake that you can cherish always.

Flowers are a lovely way to brighten up a funeral and celebrate the deceased’s spirit. And after the funeral, they are a great way to spread a little joy or keep the memory of your loved one close to you.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Funeral Jewelry: What is it?

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral Jewelry: What is it?

When you lose a loved one, it’s hard to go back to everyday life. Things don’t feel normal. It can be hard to come to terms with them not being around, not just for the big moments but for the little things. You miss picking up the phone and hearing them at the other end. You miss how their famous dishes smelled or how they used to laugh so hard at their favorite movie. You miss them just being around.

That ache for a loved one’s presence to still be around is a big reason why funeral jewelry is so popular. Funeral jewelry comes in many forms and can be referred to as cremation jewelry, memorial jewelry, or even mourning jewelry. Let’s look at the history of funeral jewelry and how it exists today.

The History of Funeral Jewelry

Throughout history, every culture had a different way of saying goodbye to a loved one. And there’s reason to believe that many cultures also incorporated funeral jewelry into goodbyes. In fact, funeral jewelry may even predate recorded history.

One of the earliest examples of funeral jewelry was actually referred to as mourning jewelry, though there is a more common name: memento mori. The phrase means “remember you will die,” and it was meant to encourage people to think about their own mortality and to remember to pray for themselves and their loved ones.

During the Renaissance, memorial jewelry was more common, which didn’t keep any part of the physical being, but they were inscribed with the name and date of death of the person who had passed. These jewelry pieces were typically rings, and they were given to close family members and friends of the deceased.

Up until the reign of Queen Victoria, funeral jewelry was often very macabre. But the Queen was a great lover of romance and fashion. When any of her loved ones died, especially Prince Albert, she commissioned mourning jewelry filled with jewels. The pieces were grand and elaborate. They often had the name of the loved ones written on them, but some also contained things like locks of hair. As the trend of jewel-encrusted mourning jewelry spread through Queen Victoria’s court, the Queen had essentially started a new era of funeral jewelry.

In America, mourning jewelry was especially prevalent during wartime. Using pieces of hair, either in a locket or braided into earrings or necklaces, was particularly common. In the Victorian era, people believed that hair contained an immortal quality, but another helpful part of using hair was that it was an inexpensive way to have a loved one close to your heart. During the Civil War, men would leave locks of hair behind with their beloveds so that if they died, they could use the hair for mourning jewelry.

Funeral Jewelry of Today

Today, hair is still a common aspect of funeral jewelry, but there are many options to create a keepsake to remember a loved one. Cremation jewelry is one typical example, though it comes in two different forms. Traditionally, cremation jewelry is a piece of jewelry that contains a tiny bit of ashes of a loved one in a closed-off compartment. That compartment can additionally hold a lock of hair or dried funeral flowers. Lockets are a common choice, as they can also have a picture of the loved one.

Another option, though, is to commission cremation ash jewelry. This type of jewelry is actually made from the ashes of a loved one, rather than simply containing the ashes. Choosing this type of memorial item allows the wearer more say in what it looks like, and it could take several days to several weeks to make.

If your loved one is not cremated, memorial jewelry is still an option. This type of funeral jewelry does not contain ashes, but it may have an engraved photo or the thumbprint of your loved one.

It’s not just people who can be remembered with funeral jewelry. Many pet owners choose to carry a piece of a beloved pet with them after they pass, like a piece of jewelry with their pet’s pawprint or containing a lock of their fur.

There’s no right or wrong way to choose your funeral jewelry. What matters is what makes you feel closest to the person (or pet) who has passed. Funeral jewelry can be a small comfort for those missing someone, allowing them to feel like a piece of their loved one is with them always.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Grief … Feeling Relief

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Grief … Feeling Relief

Sometimes death comes at the end of a long and arduous struggle with illness, addiction, or mental illness. Often, there is relief. Not always, because with grief none of the many emotions that people feel is something everyone feels, but sometimes mourners feel relief. Relief the pain and struggle have come to an end.

Relief is the grief emotion many feel, but few talk about. Sometimes people are silent because they are self-judging, and the relief generates guilt. Sometimes, they don’t share their feeling of relief because they are unsure how others will react. Relief is defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. It is a perfectly normal grief emotion.

Mourners who have also been long term caregivers may have grieved for the one they love over the course of the illness. They may have grieved every loss of function over the days, weeks, or years as they occurred. Caregiving, even when it is done with tender love, is taxing. It is difficult. Feeling relieved does not mean a person does not also feel sad, lost, or scared. It is not surprising that care givers often experience a mixed bag of emotions including relief when the person they cared for dies.

If you are uncomfortable with this feeling it might help to take some time and list the caregiving duties you have been shouldering. Look at your list. Step outside yourself. How would you expect your best friend to feel if they had been doing what you have been doing? Feeling relived of the stress of the illness or care is not the same as feeling relieved of the person. Be clear about your feeling.

If you are not yet keeping a grief journal, give it a try. All it takes is paper and pen, or a keyboard, and the determination to devote a few minutes to your own self-care each day. Your journal does not judge, offer advice, or tell you how you should feel. Your journal just listens. Most people who journal are surprised at how this activity helps them find their way as they journey through their grief.

Not everyone who dies was easy to love. If you are grieving someone who was addicted to drugs or alcohol, suffering from mental illness, or who was abusive, of course you will feel some level of relief. Remember the definition of relief: a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. Feeling relieved is not the same as feeling happy. Allow yourself to feel all the complex emotions that come with death. Try to embrace the feeling of relief along with all of the other emotions you are experiencing.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What Happens to My Funeral Plan if I Move?

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 04:00:00 GMT

What Happens to My Funeral Plan if I Move?

For most folks, as they approach middle age, they experience moments when they question their preparedness for the end of life. Am I saving enough for my retirement? How do I expect my retirement to look and feel? When I die will I be buried or cremated? Will my funeral service be faith based, a celebration of my life or maybe a little of each? These thoughts naturally come about as we reach the age where we experience the death of our parents and sometimes even the death of some of our peers.

Still, many people are reluctant to “take the bull by the horns” and get their “ducks in a row”. They may review the retirement plan with their financial advisor or review their will and trust plan with their attorney, but they stop short of putting together a funeral plan with their funeral director. After all, they reason, the funeral is literally the last thing they will need to do.

Sometimes the procrastination is because they are unsure about where they will be living when they die. What if I plan my funeral with my local funeral home and I move before I die? What happens to my funeral plan in that case? Maybe we’ll move someplace with warmer winters? Perhaps we will live near the coast or a golf course? Maybe we’ll move to be closer to the kids and grandchildren.

There really is no reason to go through life unprepared. Funeral plans, even when they are paid for in advance, will be portable. They move with you. This is how it works.

When you get ready to pack those boxes for the move, call your funeral home and set up a time to meet with the planning director to review your funeral plan. In preparation for that meeting think about your move.

Are you moving to your “forever” location?

Who are you leaving behind … Children? Grandchildren?

How rooted are you in your current location? Did you grow up there? Is this where most of your family lives?

If, after talking with your funeral director you decide that you will want to have your funeral in your new location, he can help you by suggesting funeral homes for you to interview in your new town. When you meet with the new funeral director in your new town you will review your plan and compare costs in your new location with what you have arranged previously. Funerals vary in cost by location. Nothing in New York City is the same price as the same item somewhere else. For example, a Big Mac costs on average ten dollars in New York. The same Big Mac meal in South Carolina will average about six dollars.

You can expect that there may be a difference in the cost for the funeral you plan at your new location as well. It could be that more dollars are needed to have a similar service in your new location, or you may be paying less in your new hometown. Your new funeral provider will help you make the necessary adjustments.

On the other hand, you may decide to keep your funeral exactly where you have originally planned. When you have lived your life in a location, worked, played, and raised your children there you may want your funeral to take place in that town. Before you move your funeral to your new town, consider who will attend your funeral. If your family is rooted in your old town, you may want to keep your plan as it is and come “home” at the end of your life. When you review your funeral plan your director will help you find the solution that is best for you and your family.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Should You Use the Deceased Person’s Name When Talking to Mourners?

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Should You Use the Deceased Person’s Name When Talking to Mourners?

Very often people feel uncomfortable using the name of a person who recently died when they are conversing with family members. No one wants to add to the burden of those who are mourning. On the other hand, those who are grieving know who died. They know the name. Avoiding using the person’s name can feel artificial.

There are some cultures where not using the person’s name is a mark of respect. For example, Australian Aboriginal peoples do not use the name of the deceased but instead refer to the deceased as “kunmanara”, which translates to “what’s his name”. In America we fill in for the person’s name with pronouns – he or she. But one wonders if, to family members, those pronouns feel the same as “what’s his name”?

Many mourners tell us when they don’t hear their loved one’s name, they feel like he or she is erased. They want to hear the name. They want to talk about the person who is gone from their life.

There is, no doubt, a delicate balance to maintain between awkwardly avoiding naming the dead and putting a person who is experiencing raw grief on a path down memory lane they are not yet able to handle. A good rule of thumb might be to use the name in a natural way. In other words, don’t go out of your way to work around using the name of the person who died. Speak naturally.

At the same time do let the person who is mourning take the lead when it comes to the “remember when” conversations. People who are grieving may want to talk about the person who died one day and not the next. Pay attention to cues from the family members.

While there are some things people really don’t want to hear…

There are some words that are comforting…

Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing or not having the perfect words keep you from talking with someone who has recently lost a loved one. Begin by letting go of the notion you can make anything better for the mourner with words. No matter how eloquent you may be, grieving is work. It is the human response to loss. Grief is painful, it is hard, it can’t be fixed with magic words. Let go, relieve yourself of the pressure to say the perfect thing. Let the one who is grieving know they are not alone. You can let them know you care. Your presence, your kindness, helps.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Making the Initial Contact to a Friend Who Has Recently Experienced Loss

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Making the Initial Contact to a Friend Who Has Recently Experienced Loss

Calling or visiting a friend who has recently lost their life partner or anyone close to them can be a challenge. You want to support your friend, but you are just not sure how to begin. Most likely the longer you put off making the call the more difficult getting in touch will become. Now, you are feeling bad that it took you so long to contact your friend, so you’ve added guilt to your mix. Start by taking a deep breath, realize you don’t have to have magic words that will make everything all better. No one has those words. Your caring will be enough.

Sometimes having a well-defined purpose for the call can help you over the hurdle of just getting started. That could be something as simple as offering to share. Making a call to share something you cooked or baked or grew can be the ice breaker you need to get you started. “I just picked up some delicious strawberries, or baked some cookies or made a batch of soup. Could I bring some to you?”

Perhaps your purpose for the call could be an invitation to do something. Maybe an activity that you know your friend enjoyed doing with the person who died. Something that might be difficult for them to do alone. Maybe it is attending a community concert, or play, going to a Friday night art walk. It could be as simple as offering a ride to church and perhaps an offer to get breakfast after the service. People who are accustomed to going out as a part of a pair often find going alone an impossible hurdle.

When determining your reason for calling keep your icebreaker simple. You want to present your bereaved friend with an easy, simple choice. Offering to share cookies you baked presents your friend with a fairly simple choice. Whereas offering to help clear out the deceased’s clothing might be a very difficult decision. Having a purpose for your call should make it easier for you to place the call but not harder for the recipient to receive the call.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What Happens if I Die Before I Complete the Payments on My Funeral Plan?

Thu, 02 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

What Happens if I Die Before I Complete the Payments on My Funeral Plan?

If you purchased an insurance funded funeral plan through your funeral home your family is most likely all set. They just call the funeral home, and everything goes according to the plan you put in place. As long as they follow that plan the cost is covered.

At the time you met with the funeral professional you would have determined the type of service that met your requirements and that you thought would be consistent with your family’s expectations. Those plans led you to an accurate cost estimate for your funeral. You would have been offered the opportunity to pay for that funeral in one single payment or to make payments over the course of years. You would have been asked to answer a few simple questions about your current health and offered coverage for your funeral cost once the policy was reviewed and issued.

If you were in good health, you would have been eligible for full coverage from the date of issue. Full coverage means the entire cost of your funeral would be paid by the insurance company. So, if you die before all of your payments have been made the full cost of your funeral may be paid on your behalf. Your family owes nothing. They are all set. That bears repeating. If your health is reasonably good today, you can be covered for the total cost of your funeral even if you have not completed the payment plan you selected when you die. And unlike other insurance like long term care or traditional life insurance, you only pay for the number of years you selected. You do not have to pay for the remainder of your life to be covered.

If you were not in good health your path to full coverage may have taken a little time. If you die before you reach your full coverage date your family will receive the dollars you paid in plus growth accrued (similar to interest) toward your preplanned funeral amount. In this case the family would be required to make up the difference in cost between the death benefit the insurance company would pay and the cost of the funeral.

Funeral payment plans offered by funeral homes are designed to meet the needs of a whole host of families. Some prefer to pay for the entire funeral in one payment when the funeral is planned. Others prefer to pay over a longer period of time. This choice is made for a variety of personal reasons.

Today, most funeral homes have a planning professional on staff who will meet with you and explain the options that are available to you. There is no cost for this meeting. It is a perfect opportunity to get all of your questions answered. The time to call and schedule a time to meet is now. If you are thinking that you should be getting your ducks in a row, you’re right. Sooner really is better.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What Can I Expect When the Casket is Open at a Funeral?

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 05:00:00 GMT

What Can I Expect When the Casket is Open at a Funeral?

Many families choose to have the body of the deceased present in an open casket during a visitation or funeral service. For them viewing the deceased might be a part of their religious belief or a part of their family’s tradition. These families embrace the opportunity to see the deceased family member one final time. They appreciate the opportunity to quietly whisper a few parting words or leave a memento in the casket. For some seeing the deceased at peace after a difficult illness and death is a comfort. For others seeing helps them accept the reality of the death.

If you attend a funeral or visitation with an open casket you can choose to approach the casket, or if you are not comfortable doing so, you can take a seat in another part of the room. Most often the casket containing the person who died is in the front of the reception room or in a quiet alcove. Guests are not required to approach the casket.

If you do choose to approach the casket, you can expect that the deceased will be dressed in street clothes. The hair will have been styled and make-up will have been applied. Still, you should anticipate that the body will look different than it did in life. Often people want to reach out and touch their loved one. If you do so you should expect that the body will feel cool and firm.

People who choose to come up to the casket will usually quietly say a brief prayer or a personal message. For some this last farewell is a very emotional experience. If you think that you will be emotional you might ask a close friend or relative to accompany, you as you approach the casket. If you are a guest, you should understand the emotions of other attendees and expect tears. Funerals are, as they should be, a safe place for mourners to cry.

As a guest at a funeral or visitation you always want to be mindful and respectful of the surviving family. Your presence can be a huge comfort. It shows you care. You either care about one or more of the survivors or you cared about the deceased. This is a time to share how you knew the person who died. “Your mother was a wonderful teacher, and she made a big difference in my life,” or “I worked with your dad. He was such a nice man. On my first day at work, he made me feel right at home.” Do share your stories, offer your condolences, and use the deceased’s name. Don’t monopolize a family member, make it about you, or be loud, rude, or judgmental of the deceased or other mourners.

If you are part of a family group charged with the responsibility of arranging a funeral, you may find that making the group decision about whether or not to have the casket open for viewing or closed with a picture of the deceased displayed is difficult. From time to time it happens that one or more members of the family would like to have the deceased present in an open casket at the funeral or visitation or both and other family members feel just as strongly that they prefer a closed casket. Fortunately, your funeral director can and will help your family find a solution that respects both points of view and meets everyone’s mourning needs. The owners and staff of your local family funeral home are funeral experts. They will always do their best to accommodate the needs of the immediate family members – even when they are different. Always be open and honest with your director. Let him or her help you.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How and When Do You Pay for a Funeral?

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 05:00:00 GMT

How and When Do You Pay for a Funeral?

A funeral is the closing ceremony for a life. It positions the mourners on a solid footing for their grief journey. Collectively how we honor and bury our dead speaks volumes about who we are as a society. Funerals may be religious, celebratory, private, or very public. Funerals are powerful.

Funeral Directing is a profession. Like doctors, lawyers, teachers, and many other professionals good work is done, and compensation is required. Funerals come with a cost.

In days gone by funerals were paid for by family members, co-workers, and societies. The roots of life insurance are found in groups that came together and created a pool of funds to cover the cost of funerals of the members.

Today, in most instances, adults view covering the cost of their own funeral as a personal responsibility. They make provisions to cover the cost themselves in an effort to remove a burden from their children. Death of a parent typically occurs during the years when children are shouldering the cost of education for the grandchildren and building a retirement nest egg for themselves. Most parents these days choose to relieve their children of funeral costs by providing for the service themselves.

Frequently adults begin to think about how they will prepare for their own funeral expense in their 60s or 70s. They review their options. There is always life insurance. But many question if that is the best way to pay for a funeral. After all, the death benefits from life insurance do pass to the next generation without tax consequences. That is the exception rather than the rule with most other assets. Additionally, when one spouse dies the surviving husband or wife often experiences a reduction in income. It may be best to leave the life insurance for the surviving spouse’s continued living expenses.

For those who are fortunate enough to have investment portfolios, withdrawing funds from them may be an option. However, investments always have their peaks and valleys. There is no way to control when death will occur. Will it happen during an uptick or a down slide?

Funeral homes have the answer. An Advance Funeral Plan allows the responsible adult to decide how much money will be spent on the funeral. This avoids the risk of overspending by emotional family members at the time of death. The funeral home offers different methods of funding a funeral plan. In most cases this includes an option that makes it possible to pay for a funeral over time and be covered for the entire cost should death happen unexpectedly. These plans have the benefit of coverage for the entire cost without the obligation to make payments for a lifetime.

The best time to take care of the inevitable cost of one’s funeral is the first time you think about it. Simply put, procrastination costs money. Costs rise and options decrease as we age. It really is much easier than one might expect. All one needs to do is make a call to the funeral home of your choice. Set aside some time to meet with the advance planning specialist on staff and figure out the best course of action for you and your family.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Grief is Real

Fri, 23 Dec 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Grief is Real

According to the Mayo Clinic, grief is “the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss.”

There is a lot in the sentence above. Take a moment and let it all sink in. Grief is “natural.” It is not weakness. Grief is “universal.” Everyone feels grief. “Individual experiences of grief vary.” We all do grief in our own way.

Grief is most often thought of as the emotional response to loss. But it is more than just emotional. Grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, and spiritual manifestations. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Many psychologists tell us there is no way to avoid grief. There is no way around grief, only through. They counsel that to move beyond the pain of loss a person must feel grief.

Why does grief hurt? The source of the pain is found in the nature of the loss. We are accustomed to thinking of grief as the feeling we have when we have lost someone we loved. But grief can also occur because you have lost someone who loved you. A parent, child, sibling, partner, or friend who really got you. Someone who made you feel loved. That love may have been something you felt every day, or it may have been a subtle rudder to your life. A love you just knew was there even though you did not hear its voice daily. Sometimes the loss is not only the loss of someone we loved, but it is also a loss of the incoming love we received from that person.

Grief may also be triggered by a loss of purpose. When a child dies the mother no longer serves that mother role. When a husband leaves the wife is no longer a wife. When a person has been a caregiver and the person they cared for dies, the caregiver role is lost. It can be confusing for the person feeling this “loss of purpose” grief. Intellectually, a former caregiver may feel relieved their loved one is no longer suffering and may be dismayed at their own feelings of sadness. When providing care has filled a person’s day, loss of the caregiving role leaves a hole in their life. The feeling is grief.

Death, divorce, and break-ups all trigger loss. That can be loss of the future that the one left behind planned to have with the person who is gone. Loss of hope. With the death, divorce, or break-up comes the end of the hope of a cure or of making the relationship work. Gone is the hope of growing old together. Even if the loss occurs after the love has gone, there is emotional pain, grief.

Grief is difficult work. No one can expect to avoid the experience of grief. When the loss—and the grief that comes with it—is associated with a death, we have rituals anchored in thousands of years of tradition to help us. Funerals exist only because our collective experience as human beings have shown us that coming together, sharing our love of the deceased, and getting and giving a hug provides comfort and helps us as we begin the grief journey.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

My spouse died: Do I really need to wait a year to move?

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 05:00:00 GMT

My spouse died: Do I really need to wait a year to move?

Nearly all experts say to wait at least six months to a year after a death or divorce before making big lifestyle changes like moving. Sometimes it is just not possible to allow yourself that much time. When that is the case, understanding the thinking behind this advice may help one avoid the pitfalls of making a quick move.

When a person loses a spouse, it changes everything. If it was a long marriage the survivor has been functioning as a half of a team for such a long time that making decisions alone is a totally new skill. In a marriage of shorter duration loss of a spouse manifests as loss of a future. It can feel like you do not know where you are going. In either case, adjusting to the new reality is a daunting task in and of itself.

Moving a household is third in the top three life stressors. Numbers one and two on that list are death of a spouse and divorce. That is why experts never suggest you take on moving when you have lost a spouse if it can be avoided. Moving is putting stress on top of stress

However, sometimes there is not a choice. When that is the case, understand you will not be thinking as clearly as you normally would. You will also be tired; grieving takes a lot of energy. Consider taking smaller, less permanent steps. Perhaps rent instead of buying a home. If you can, stay near your old home. That will mean less change. You will not be totally lost. You can shop at the same grocery and go to the same doctor. You will be able to continue activities and see friends.

Moving always means packing and sorting belongings. That is a tall order under normal conditions; add grieving to the mix and it may feel overwhelming. Ask for help or hire help. If you can swing it, rent storage for six months and give yourself the gift of time. When you have lost the person you loved, objects associated with that person take on a heightened importance. Lightening your load to make a smaller space work for you or just to make the move itself more affordable may be overwhelming. If you can afford the luxury of putting off difficult sorting decisions, consider it money well spent. Be kind to yourself.

When it comes to the larger furniture pieces, plan carefully. The big stuff usually has less emotion attached to it and it is the costliest to move. Measure your sofa, bed, and dining table. Go to your proposed new space and tape off the space where you plan to place these large objects. If the sofa is going to be too large do not move it, sell or donate instead. Use the dollars you save on moving to purchase pieces that fit your new space.

The important thing is that you are able to rest and relax in your new space. That will not be possible if it is stuffed with too many items. You need room to breathe. You don’t need to feel overwhelmed by objects.

Most importantly, ask for help and accept offers of help. Be specific about what you need your helpers to do. Let go. No one will do everything exactly as you would. Lean in, take a deep breath, eat healthy, and rest.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Why Preplanning is a Good Thing for Parents

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Why Preplanning is a Good Thing for Parents

No one likes to imagine a time when they’re not around to help their children anymore. A parent’s job is never done, regardless of how old their children are. But there may be a time when a parent is no longer there physically for their children. However, there’s one final gift that any parent can give to their child. Preplanning your funeral as a parent can save your child from added pain and stress during an already challenging time.

Why Should Parents Preplan?

If you have several children, you’ll spare them from future spats.

When a parent passes away, it usually falls to the children to plan their funeral and disposition. But what happens when there are several children making decisions? Unfortunately, if they don’t know their parent’s wishes, those children will often butt heads because they all have different ideas that they want to follow. Everyone only gets one funeral and one disposition, so it’s crucial that they properly honor the loved one who passed. But each child may have a different image of what honoring their parent looks like.

By preplanning your funeral, your children will know what your wishes are. There won’t be any competing ideas that can result in arguments. There will be one set of instructions to follow — yours. During a time of great grief, emotions can run high, which can make even the smallest of arguments quickly compound. With your preplanning instructions, they can grieve together in peace instead of fighting while they should be spending time comforting and supporting one another.

If you have one child, you’ll spare them from becoming overwhelmed.

If you do have multiple children, you can take comfort in knowing that they’ll be going through the funeral planning process together. And while that can lead to fights, it can also lead to them feeling less alone during a lonely time, especially if you preplan to make arguments less likely. However, if you only have one child, they’ll be the only one making the decisions around your funeral. They may feel like they have no one to talk to, causing them to wonder if they’re making the right choices with no one else supplying their thoughts. The funeral planning process can feel overwhelming. There are many decisions to be made, from what types of services to have to where your final resting place should be. Losing a parent can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation, in addition to powerful grief. But if your child has to plan every detail of your funeral and disposition while they’re already emotionally taxed, they may neglect taking care of themselves in favor of taking care of the funeral.

It’s hard to be an only child who lost their parent. There are no siblings there to comfort one another. Your child may find themselves feeling more alone than they’ve ever felt. By preplanning your funeral, you take the stress of worrying about the funeral off of them. You’re giving them a gift, saying that they can take care of themselves during this difficult time, rather than thinking about every detail of the funeral.

You’ll know that you’ve done your best to guide your children through the funeral process.

Parents never stop teaching. Whether your child is three or 43, you want to be a source of knowledge and guidance for them. Parents wish that they had all the answers in the world for their children, but one answer that they can give is what they want at their funeral and as a final resting place. Still, because talking about funerals and disposition can be uncomfortable, many parents neglect to have this essential conversation with their children.

When you preplan a funeral, you’re going one step further than simply talking about what you want. You’re giving your children a blueprint. Your children will know that they are hosting the funeral that you wanted, giving them peace of mind. They can mourn without any concerns about whether or not they’ve done right by your wishes. They’ll have your wishes written out for their guidance.

You can opt to prefund, saving your children from future financial woes.

Although you can preplan without prefunding your funeral, choosing prefund can spare your children from worrying about whether or not they can afford the funeral you deserve. Many believe that life insurance will cover the cost of a funeral and disposition, but the funds that your family receives through life insurance are often used to cover other end-of-life care, like medical expenses. At the time of a funeral, services must be paid in full. Without prefunding, your children may end up struggling to cover the costs.

When you preplan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your option for prefunding. They can walk you through the different plans that can help you cover your funeral and disposition in full, preventing your children from having to worry about if their finances line up with the funeral you’ve planned. There are many different options for paying toward your funeral, so working with a funeral director can ensure that you’re using a plan that works best for you and your family.

The best way to preplan, whether you intend to prefund or not, is by working with a funeral home. Planning with a funeral home takes more of the guesswork out of arranging your funeral. Your children will know exactly where your plans can be found, and they’ll be able to work with a funeral director who understands your wishes. Preplanning your funeral with a funeral home is a free process that anyone can do. It’s the best way to ensure that your final wishes are honored.

Preplanning your funeral as a parent is giving a final gift to your children. Losing a parent is something that many people will experience in life, but the loss is always difficult. You can make this challenging time easier for your children by allowing them to grieve in peace without the worry of funeral planning.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

The History of Veterans Day

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 05:00:00 GMT

The History of Veterans Day

Veterans Day, a national and state holiday, serves as a day for Americans to come together to show their deep respect and appreciation for the military veterans of our country. It is the one day a year when we pause, reflect and show our gratitude to all those who are serving or have ever served in our military. So how did it come to be?

What we know today as Veterans Day was originally called Armistice Day. On November 11, 2019, we celebrate the 101 ^st anniversary of the armistice that ended World War I. This armistice was signed at the 11 ^th hour on the 11 ^th day in the 11 ^th month of 1918. At the time, we believed World War I was “the war to end all wars”. One year after the armistice, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed November 11 ^th as Armistice Day to commemorate the end of World War I. In his address to his “fellow-countrymen” delivered from the White House on November 11, 1919, Woodrow Wilson praised the contribution of the American people and shared hope for the future.

With splendid forgetfulness of mere personal concerns, we remodeled our industries, concentrated our financial resources, increased our agricultural output, and assembled a great army, so that at the last our power was a decisive factor in the victory. We were able to bring the vast resources, material and moral, of a great and free people to the assistance of our associates in Europe who had suffered and sacrificed without limit in the cause for which we fought.

Out of this victory there arose new possibilities of political freedom and economic concert. The war showed us the strength of great nations acting together for high purposes, and the victory of arms foretells the enduring conquests, which can be made in peace when nations act justly and in furtherance of the common interests of men.

To us in America the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service, and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of nations.

Of course, lasting peace was not to be. After the Second World War, Alabama veteran Raymond Weeks had the idea to expand Armistice Day to honor all veterans. On May 26, 1954, President Dwight Eisenhower signed into a law a bill presented by Congressman Ed Rees from Kansas establishing Armistice Day as a national holiday eight years after Weeks began celebrating Armistice Day for all veterans. Congress amended the bill on June 1, 1954, replacing “Armistice” with “Veterans,” and it has been known as Veterans Day since.

Memorial Day honors those who died in service, Armed Services Day honors those who currently serve. Veterans Day honors ALL veterans. Thank a Veteran on November 11 ^th and be very proud and happy to go to bed tonight in the United States of America.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Leaving Something in the Casket

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Leaving Something in the Casket

The practice of sending a deceased loved one off with objects from this earthly life is as old as mankind. Ancient Egyptians believed when a person died, they passed into “the afterlife.” Burial goods paralleled objects used in life because it was believed these same objects would be needed in the afterlife. Burial goods included food, drink, tools, make-up, jewelry, pots, gold, and the like.

Even though few people today believe anything placed in the casket will be used by the deceased in the afterlife the practice of placing objects in the casket is alive and well. Possibly it is because letting go of someone we love is so hard, we find comfort in sending something along with the deceased and keeping something that belonged to the deceased for ourselves.

Most casket manufacturers offer caskets that include a small compartment for mementos family members may want to place with their loved one. Many people like to put a personal note in the compartment. A note can allow mourners to express their emotions or to share a thank you or even to say they are sorry or to express forgiveness for a wrongdoing. Grandchildren often like to put a drawing or love note in the little drawer of the casket. Sometimes it is wedding rings or even a golf ball that are buried with the person who died. What goes into the casket is as varied and individual as the person who has died and the family that loved them.

When we humans lose a wife or husband, mother or father, son or daughter, brother or sister, or dear friend, a hole is created in our life. The space that person held in our life is empty. Still, the love we had for them is not gone. Grieving is difficult and lasts for a good while. Anything that eases the pain, even a little, is good and welcome. Sending something off with the loved one is one way we find comfort. Another is to keep something – a remembrance.

Funeral homes usually offer a wide range of funeral goods for this purpose. There are teddy bears made from a grandfather’s flannel shirt or a gold or silver thumb print that can be worn on a chain or on a bracelet. For those who are cremated there is a whole line of cremation jewelry. These pieces will typically hold a small portion of the ashes. All one need do is ask their funeral director what is available. The answer will most likely reveal a wide variety of comforting options.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Planning a Funeral for Someone in Hospice Care

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Planning a Funeral for Someone in Hospice Care

Having a family member in hospice care is not easy. There is no denying death is near. Sometimes the care is difficult, especially when the illness is painful. Life is coming to an end.

Sometimes the funeral is something that the person who is dying wants to talk about. They open the discussion. They want to actively engage, maybe even provide instructions. This can be hard for the family. It may even be tempting to hush the person who is dying rather than embrace their desire and use it.

When a dying person wants to talk about how they will be remembered, it is a gift. It is an opportunity for them to reflect on and share the high points of their life. What was important to them, what it is they loved about their life. What the dying person needs from their family is for those around them to listen. Take it all in. These last requests are an opportunity. They provide the occasion to learn about favorite songs, readings, and stories. These requests can provide the basis for a meaningful funeral that helps family members begin to heal. Hold the hand, share the memories, no need to act … just be.

Of course, this is not the experience everyone has with a family member in hospice. Often the illness and the care that is required is so devastating that it is all that those closest can handle. Still, there is one decision that will need to be considered. Often, as a part of the hospice admission procedure, the family will be asked to designate a funeral home of choice and determine disposition of the body. That is to decide if there will be a cremation or a burial.

Knowing which funeral home to call is helpful. When choosing a funeral home most families will choose the funeral home their family has worked with in the past or the one members of their church have used. Perhaps a family member has attended a funeral that really resonated with them and would like to use that funeral home. Which funeral home to call is really the only decision that needs to be made at this stage. All of the rest, even the bury or cremate question, can wait. The funeral home will help you with everything else when the time comes. There will be time.

The funeral, how a family chooses to remember a beloved family member creates a lasting impression. The funeral changes the focus from the illness that brought about death to the full rich life that was lived. It is the opportunity to remember the childhood, loves, talents, and experiences that made up the fabric of a loved one’s life. The funeral doesn’t heal the pain of the loss that comes when someone we love dies but it does begin the process of healing.

When you have a loved one in hospice care you are in well-trained, caring hands. The medical professionals will walk you through all the stages, they will tell you what to expect, they will hold your hand and relieve the pain of the person you love and are losing. When death comes the funeral professionals take your loved one and your family into their care. The funeral professionals will help you put together a funeral service that honors the person you love and lost.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What Is the Purpose of the Register Book?

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 04:00:00 GMT

What Is the Purpose of the Register Book?

There are a lot of little things that make a funeral special. And one thing that you’ll find at most funerals is a register book. Although it might feel strange to “sign in” to a funeral, register books serve multiple, essential functions. So, what exactly is the purpose of a register book?

What is a register book?

A register book goes by many names, including a funeral guest book or a funeral memorial book. Whatever you call it, it’s a book where funeral attendees can write their names and contact information, as well as stories about the decedent and well wishes for their loved ones. It’s typically placed near the funeral home’s entrance to allow attendees to sign it while they’re about to enter or on their way out.

Why should you use a register book?

When we think of a guest book, weddings usually come to mind. Wedding guests are typically asked to sign into a book where they give their name and often sweet sentiments for the happy couple. Later on, the couple uses that book to send out thank you notes. It also functions as a souvenir for a day that tends to go by very quickly, allowing the couple to read loving messages from guests they didn’t get to spend a lot of time with because they had so many other people to entertain.

Although a funeral and a wedding feel like two very different occasions, they share many similarities. One is celebrating a new life being forged by two people and another is celebrating a life already lived. Both days are often very overwhelming. There are so many people who are there to see you, talk to you, and comfort you. It’s not uncommon for either of those days to go by in a blur. You’ll likely not remember every person you spoke to or every kind word they said to you.

Register books give you a memento from the day of the funeral. You might wonder why you’d want to have those memories from such a difficult day, but afterward, you may find that keepsake gives you comfort. It reminds you of how loved the person you lost was and how many people came out to see them and pay their respects. It’s a comfort to know that your loved one’s memory lives on in all the people who adored them.

But beyond simply seeing the names of the people who came out to say goodbye, the book also contains a treasure trove of stories. Some you may have known, but many others unlock portions of your loved one’s life that you might not have even been aware of. A register book helps paint a picture of who the decedent was, from stories from childhood friends about what they were like as a kid to tales from coworkers and colleagues.

Do you have to use a register book?

No funeral home is going to require you to use a register book. But while you might not have to use one, you should consider carefully if you want to skip having one at your loved one’s funeral. You only get one opportunity to collect those stories and create that keepsake. At the end of the funeral, you may regret not having one as you struggle to remember all the faces that came out to support you, all the kind words that were said, and all the stories you were told.

You may also consider that you want to send out thank you cards to those who came to the funeral. Although this is also not a requirement, it’s a thoughtful way to reach back out to those who reached out to you. You may not know every person your loved one did personally, so you might not already have the contact information for every person at the funeral. A register book would help you collect that information so that you know where to send the card.

Having a register book at your loved one’s funeral may not be something that you’re required to have, but having that token to remember the event and all the people who loved your loved one is priceless. Beyond simply the names of those guests, you’ll have stories that keep their memory alive forever: an eternal comfort and a way to always feel close to the one you love and lost.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Feeling Scared – The Emotions of Grieving

Fri, 16 Sep 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Feeling Scared – The Emotions of Grieving

When a person loses a spouse or life partner it’s not unusual to be afraid. Afraid of the future, the dark, and sleeping alone. After all, a lot has changed. When one half of a couple dies the person who is left behind has many adjustments to make. Some adjustments are small, and some are life changing. Long engrained roles are left unfilled. She paid all the bills, he cleaned the gutters, we shared the cooking. Now the one left behind must do it all. How often do you change a furnace filter? Why aren’t my scrambled eggs fluffy? Do I have enough money? Should I move close to my children? Can I live in my house alone? It’s easy to understand how a person can feel overwhelmed and fearful.

You might just feel like staying in your PJ’s and sleeping all day. After all, you’re not sleeping at night! That’s a short-term strategy, but it’s not a long-term answer. You know what they say about eating an elephant? You have to go about it one bite at a time. That is the strategy for overcoming your fear. It’s not a pep talk you need. What you need is a plan.

Firs t, begin by figuring out what has you feeling off center. Name the fear . What is keeping you awake at night? That may not be as easy as it sounds. In the haze of grief, it may be difficult to identify what is bothering you. Doing something about it can feel impossible.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a hug, you can do this. If you are journaling (highly recommended for those who are grieving) just let it pour out of your head onto the paper. If you are not journaling, make a list. Use the old strategy you learned in school, who, what, where, when and why. Who or what makes you feel scared? Where or when do you feel scared? Why are you scared?

If you need help identifying the root of your fear, get help. A grief therapist may be able to help you identify your fear. Some people find talking with their minister, priest or rabbi helpful. Your funeral director may be able to help you find a grief therapist in your area.

Second, identify your priorities . The list might be long, that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Give yourself the gift of time. You can’t fix it all in a day, but you can get started. Choose one thing to work on. You might start with the easiest or the most pressing. It’s not so much where you begin, as it is that you begin. You will find that you feel much better when you get something on your list started.

Think about what might help. Suppose you are not sleeping well. Perhaps you haven’t been alone at night for a long time. Would a motion sensor light or a security system help you feel more comfortable? What might help you as you adjust to this new reality?

Third, think about who can help you and what you would like for them to do. Do you need to talk to your financial advisor? Do you need legal advice? Can a friend or one of your children help? Don’t be shy about asking for help. It’s a pretty safe bet that you have family or friends who have no idea what to do to support you, but who would love to help you if you ask. Do be specific about what you need. Ask your son-in-law to help you find a security system. The added security may help you sleep better at night.

Finally, review your plan . Is your solution a good one or just a Band-Aid? Eating poorly prepared or take-out food may seem like an easy answer, but it’s not the long-term answer to not being able to cook or get healthy food. Leaving the TV on all night might alleviate sleeplessness, but it’s not a good long-term plan for getting the rest your body needs. Ignoring the change in your financial situation won’t make it go away. It may even lead to a painful reality check down the road. If your plan has holes, dig a little deeper. Think. Ask for help. Make a small start.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What to do with funeral flowers

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 04:00:00 GMT

What to do with funeral flowers

Flowers and funerals have been linked since the earliest times. One hundred thousand years ago at Qafzeh in Israel, possibly the world’s oldest intentional burial site, there is evidence flowers were placed on the graves. Why flowers? Maybe they were placed on top of buried remains to disguise the scent of decay and discourage animals from disturbing the grave. Or perhaps the beauty of flowers has always made them a likely token of esteem for someone who has died. Regardless of the reason, the connection of flowers and funerals remains strong today.

So, what can be done with all those lovely blooms after the funeral is over?

Finally, remember the intended sentiment of the flower. They are meant to give comfort. They were sent because someone needed to express their love and affection for you or the person who died. Flowers are not intended to become a burden; you are not expected to keep them forever. Just enjoy the flowers in the quantity and for the length of time that suits you and then let them go.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What to Do When Someone Dies

Thu, 18 Aug 2022 04:00:00 GMT

What to Do When Someone Dies

When someone dies unexpectedly at home you will call 911. If there is an advance directive you will want to have it in hand otherwise, it is standard procedure for paramedics to attempt to resuscitate the individual. Transportation to a medical facility will likely take place. By way of preparation, if you have signed an advance directive; those most likely to be present should you die, should be aware of the location of the document.

When a person dies at home who has an advance directive that stipulates do not resuscitate and the death is not unexpected you may not be required to call 911. In this case you will contact the person/doctor in charge of care.

When someone dies at home under hospice care the hospice care provider will be able to pronounce the death. Once death is pronounced the funeral home or mortuary of the family’s choice will be called and will come to the home to take the deceased into their care. By way of preparation, the family should choose a funeral home when a family member is admitted into hospice care.

When a person dies while traveling away from home 911 will need to be called. If there is an advance directive requesting do not resuscitate this document will need to be produced for the paramedics. Once death is pronounced by either a physician or the coroner YOUR HOMETOWN FUNERAL HOME SHOULD BE CALLED. Depending on the distance from home, your hometown funeral provider will either travel to collect the deceased or make arrangements to have the body transported to their location. Calling your local hometown funeral home is all that is necessary.

By way of preparation, especially if you are a frequent traveler, you should contact your funeral home to discuss how to prepare for the unexpected. Most travel programs offer insurance protection for health emergencies and return of body expenses for each individual trip you take. Many funeral homes offer similar or better protection for all the trips you may take. The funeral home program is a pay once and be covered program that eliminates the added expense with each individual trip. It will also work even if you are just a hundred miles away visiting the grandchildren.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Thu, 04 Aug 2022 04:00:00 GMT

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

According to the National Funeral Directors Association the median cost of funeral with a viewing and burial was $7,843.00 in 2021. That said, several factors will impact what an individual family will pay for a funeral service. Chief among them is personal choice.

Each component of a funeral comes with a cost. A visitation of just an hour or two held immediately before a service will usually be less expensive than a visitation held on a separate day or evening of longer duration. A pine casket will cost less than a mahogany casket. There is a wide variety of service and product options from which a family may choose. What a family wants, or needs will determine the cost of the funeral.

The cost of a funeral is not unlike the cost of all other products and services. A complicated last Will that takes hours to prepare will come at a higher cost than a simple Will. Some shirts, pants, and shoes cost more than others. As with everything, the material and design as well as the work hours required to deliver a service affects the price.

In addition to personal choice, where you live may have an impact on the cost of your funeral. Cost of living impacts the cost of funerals. Average wage per hour in San Francisco is greater than say in Akron, Ohio therefore you will expect the cost of a funeral service to be higher in San Fran than in Akron. The median cost of a house in Boston is $682,000 in Nashville it is $298,000 it follows that pretty much everything in Boston will be more expensive than in Nashville.

Every funeral home is required by federal law to provide a general price list (itemized price list) to every customer who comes to the funeral home to discuss service options or who simply requests a price list. There are no surprises. During the arrangement conference at least one family member should be paying attention to the costs associated with the choices being made.

Finally, a word about budget. Before the family members responsible for making the decisions get together with the funeral director, they should establish an agreed upon budget. Planning a funeral is an emotional experience. A group of family members may not all have the same idea about what to do and on some occasions disagreements can erupt. No one wants a family to spend more than they can afford. Not the person who died and not the funeral director.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

When Will You Need to Pay for a Funeral?

Thu, 21 Jul 2022 04:00:00 GMT

When Will You Need to Pay for a Funeral?

A funeral is a professional service that is supported with specialized products. It is paid for much like other professional services. Just like at the doctor’s office, you will need to make arrangements for payment before the service is provided. It only takes a little thought to understand why payment before service is the norm for funeral service.

If the deceased has not provided for funeral cost the family will be responsible. Since it may take months for an estate to settle those funds may not be available until long after payment for the funeral is required. This can create a burden for family members who will need to cover that cost from their personal funds while they wait for the estate to reimburse them.

This is something every adult should consider. “Death is often unexpected, and the family is unprepared” is an often-repeated cliché. But it is true. It is also preventable. Every adult, and especially those who do not share access to adequate bank accounts with a responsible family member, should take action.

First, call the funeral home of your choice and make an appointment with their advance planning specialist. Take the hour or two you will need to put together a funeral plan and get an accurate funeral cost estimate for the funeral you would prefer at today’s cost. This will give you a base from which to work.

Second, ask the specialist to explain any programs the funeral home may have in place that will help you assure funds are available to cover the cost should the unexpected happen to you. Ask about inflation protection. Ask about payment options. Ask the specialist to explain how their program compares with other solutions available outside the funeral home. These include POD accounts and final expense insurance products.

Finally, decide what is the best solution for you and your family, keeping in mind someone will likely need to pay for your funeral service before that service can take place.

Your pre-planning can be a lifesaver for family and friends.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

The Pace of Grief

Thu, 07 Jul 2022 04:00:00 GMT

The Pace of Grief

People work their way through their grief at their own speed. Even in the same family, brothers and sisters, parents and children, do not all process their grief at the same pace. Sometimes when a family member seems to be moving at light speed it can be hard for other family members to understand. Moving quickly doesn’t mean they are trying to forget the one who died it just means they, for some reason of their own, need to do, to stay busy. The busyness of doing is this person’s style. It’s how they are coping with the loss.

At the other end of the pace spectrum another family member may seem almost inert. They need to touch and feel and remember. This is their way. Neither is right or wrong but because they are so different, and everyone’s emotions are so raw, the disparity in the pace of grief can strain family relationships.

One of the places where this difference can present itself is in dealing with things. The possessions of the deceased. The slower pace person may find parting with things very troubling. For them these dishes, trophies, books, and clothing are a part of the person they lost. They find comfort in holding, touching, and seeing the belongings of the deceased. For them getting rid of or letting go of these things is just one more loss. They want to sleep in their beloved one’s pajamas and keep as much as possible. Sometimes they need to keep things even when keeping becomes impractical and costly. The speedy one may seem insensitive to this family member. Everyone needs to remember fast is not without feeling. Quick is not easy. It’s just a different way. A different pace of grieving.

So, what motivates the speedy one’s march of activity? Take a moment to think about it. Perhaps this quicker family member has always been a doer? Maybe setting goals, ticking off the to do list is holding them together in their own way. Putting the affairs in order is something they can do when they can’t do what they want to do which is to bring the person they loved back. Slow or quick these are personal styles of coping with loss. Grief is there because there was love. It’s hard no matter the speed.

When you are working with a family member who is frustrating you with their pace, start by taking a deep breath. Take a walk literally or figuratively. Try to get in touch with your own why. Why are you doing what you are doing? What do you really need? See if you can get into the other person’s shoes. Why might they be moving so fast or slow? Then make a pot of tea or coffee and ask for a meeting.

Tell your family member how you want the future to look between the two of you. Let them know how important the relationship you have is to you. Ask, “Can we get through this together?” Work out a timeline. What needs to be done when? Who can do what activity? Are there pressing matters like an estate to settle that will impact the timeline? Use questions to convey what you need. “What if I empty dad’s closet and take those things to go through over the next few months. Then you can have the closet empty, so you don’t have to see his things every day?” Choose your words wisely. Agree to table hot issues and allow time to cool down. Respect the other’s feelings. Be kind. Protect the relationship. Consider bringing in a third party to help you sort out the difficult issues. That could be a grief specialist, your estate attorney, your pastor or a more neutral family member. Before a family relationship becomes spoiled ask for help.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Grief … Feeling Lost

Thu, 23 Jun 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Grief … Feeling Lost

It is frequently not expected, but not at all unusual, for mourners to feel rudderless, adrift, unsure of their own purpose when someone close to them dies. Who am I now that I am not a wife? Sibling? Husband? Child? When an important relationship is disrupted by loss, roles get lost. Now that I am not the best friend who am I?

Perhaps you and your spouse were in the habit of watching Jeopardy every evening. And then there you are, sitting alone at the appointed hour, television on… and suddenly you realize you don’t enjoy Jeopardy. Now what? Do I still eat fish on Friday because Mary said it was good for me? Do I still make meatloaf every Tuesday because it was John’s favorite and his mother always made meatloaf on Tuesday? When someone you were in a close relationship with dies your world changes in hundreds of little ways. You feel lost, because you have lost. You have lost that person you loved who reflected you back to you. It’s like looking into the mirror and finding no image. Without the one you loved, who are you?

As with all of the feelings of grief there is no right or wrong. No should or should not. Feeling lost is what it is. It comes with the territory. It’s part of grief. It’s normal and you will be ok. How a person deals with this feeling is personal. Some will never make meatloaf again and certainly not on Tuesday. Others will derive great comfort from continuing the traditions that were a part of life with the one they loved. Just do what appeals to you. Embrace the opportunity to do something new or feel the warm hug of continuing the familiar.

If you are playing a supporting role to someone who is mourning, hold their hand and walk with them as they navigate their grief journey. Don’t judge. Remember, it’s their journey and their approach may be very different from what you think you would do or what you have done. Join them for the meatloaf and a talk about John and how he loved it or accompany your friend as he or she creates a new normal.

If you are mourning and are feeling stuck and lost, ask for help. Sometimes people who are struggling feel they must “give it some time,” try on their own. Think about that. Does it really make sense to go it alone? If you were stuck in the bottom of a well and a passerby offered help, would you say, “No thanks I really need to try to get out of this deep well on my own at least for a while”? Of course, you would not. Why not get help? What is the benefit? A grief counselor is a like a coach. They can’t do it for you, but they can help you find your way. Don’t be afraid to get a coach. Reach out to a professional grief counselor or perhaps your pastor. Find someone who knows grief and who can help you find your way.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Should We Take the Kids to Grand Pop’s Funeral

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Should We Take the Kids to Grand Pop’s Funeral

Yes, IF the child wants to attend the funeral. Depending on the interest and age of the child, he or she may even want to participate in honoring a beloved grandparent by participating in some part of the service.

No, IF the child does not want to attend or if there are no adults available or in a position to attend to the child during the service hours.

Children who will attend a service should be told what to expect. If the casket will be open, they should be told in simple factual terms what their grandparent will look and feel like. They should know what adults will do and should be given the choice to approach the casket or know what they may do if they choose not to approach the casket. Before going to the funeral home children should be given an opportunity to ask any questions they have about the service or what will take place.

Very young children may be in attendance, not because they wish to attend, but because the adults in the family are all in attendance and there is no one to mind the children. In this case parents should talk with their funeral director in advance about what facilities are available for children. Many funeral homes provide play space, a video area or a break room where the younger children may be taken and entertained during the service. Parents should work out child minder duties among themselves well ahead of the service. Children should not be left unattended in the funeral home.

It is also important to consider how long the children will be in attendance and to bring quiet entertainment or snacks if they will be needed. Children should be assigned a go-to person so they know who can help them find a restroom or answer a question should they need help.

The adult who will be responsible for answering a child’s questions should be prepared to answer in the simplest of terms and then ask if the information provided has answered the question. You want to give just the right amount of information, not too much or too little. It’s a bit like the old story of the older brother who when his new sibling is brought home from the hospital asks, “Where did the baby come from?” The child in the story was looking for a location answer (the hospital) not a reproductive lesson.

Death is a part of life, all living beings eventually die. Regardless of if a child attends a grandparent’s funeral or not, the child should be told of the death and have an opportunity to ask questions. When asked and provided with the information they need to decide, children will let you know if they wish to attend a funeral.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Grief – No Right or Wrong in Grief

Thu, 26 May 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Grief – No Right or Wrong in Grief

Grief is defined as the response to loss. It is most often thought of in relation to death. When someone we know and cared about dies, we grieve. People also grieve other losses as well. Divorce and loss of a relationship can trigger a grief response. Other losses that link to grief include loss of function related to an illness or injury. Not being able to do something that you once did with ease is a trigger for grief. A person may grieve when a friend moves away, or a pet dies. There are many causes for grieving but always, there is a link to loss.

Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone or something dear. Grief is painful yet healthy. You cannot love and lose that love without experiencing grief. Grief is not a weakness. Only people who have had the joyful experience of loving strongly can also grieve deeply. Grief is to love as light is to dark and sunrise to sunset. One is a part of the other. To avoid experiencing grief in life, one must never care deeply for or love another.

The way we grieve is individual. Everyone experiences grief in their own unique way. There is no right way to feel. There is no wrong way to feel. Judging another’s grief, or even your own, is a fool’s errand. A person whose life was intricately entwined with the deceased is often considered justified in grieving. While another family member, who has been more distant, may be dismayed by their own intense grief reaction. The way one feels is just that, it is their feeling. It just is. Some who grieve are surprised at the range of emotions they feel. These feelings come and go and may change from day to day.

In 1969 Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote the book “On Death and Dying”. She described five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages have been criticized because they were incorrectly interpreted as being universally experienced in order. Today, Kubler Ross acknowledges the stages are not necessarily experienced in order and they are not experienced by everyone. It is now known that, although not universal, these five stages of grief are the most commonly observed in the grieving population. Kubler Ross’s stages are:

Denial – A numb feeling of disbelief

Anger – Why me? Life isn’t fair

Bargaining – Could I have prevented this? If only I would have …

Depression – Feeling bogged down in a fog, it’s just too much

Acceptance – The feeling that even though the loss is painful, you will be ok. “I am sad my husband died but I will be alright.”

Doctor Allen Wolfelt is a current writer on the subject of grief and mourning. He is the Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado and the author of The Journey Through Grief.

Dr. Wolfelt tells us: “ To mourn is to be an active participant in our grief journeys. We all grieve when someone we love dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn.”

There are six “yield signs” you are likely to encounter on your journey through grief—what I call the “reconciliation needs of mourning.” For while your grief journey will be an intensely personal, unique experience, all mourners must yield to this set of basic human needs if they are to heal.

When you look at the work and words of these two celebrated authors on the subject of death and grief, it is plain to see how a funeral service is connected to loss, grief, and healing. Before there were books and writers, human beings instinctively knew that when one of their own died, they needed to pause and do something. The funeral is only the beginning, it is not closure. However, the funeral does help with getting past denial and accepting the reality of death. It does support “embracing the pain of the loss and remembering the person who died.” The funeral is a healthy beginning to the work of grieving.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Grief … Feeling Angry

Thu, 12 May 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Grief … Feeling Angry

Your jaw is tight. It seems like those around you are caught up in trivial chores and chatter, everything they say and do is annoying. You want to be left alone, but when you are left alone you feel deserted, unimportant, and forgotten. There is no joy. You are angry. These angry feelings may be hard to accept for both the person with the angry feelings and those close to them who bear witness to the anger. Anger is a part of grief. Not everyone feels anger when they grieve but more people experience anger than we might expect. It’s not at all uncommon.

Being angry does not equate to bad behavior. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a feeling. Feeling angry at your situation, the person who died, or God is not unusual when someone has died, or experienced any profound loss. Still, knowing the feeling is not unusual does not change the fact that it is very uncomfortable to feel angry. No one wants to stay angry and most folks in a supporting role find it difficult and uncomfortable to be a witness to and deal with anger. So, what to do?

If you are a supporter, know it’s not about you. There is something behind anger and it’s most likely not something you did or did not do. Let the eruption pass and at a calmer moment you might let the person you support know you understand they are hurting, you care, and if there is a way you can help you will do your best.

When you are the one who is feeling angry, understand it’s not about you. You are not a bad person. You are experiencing a normal reaction to loss. The uncomfortable angry feeling is letting you know there is something you need to process. Maybe you can work it out on your own, or perhaps talking with a non-judgmental trusted friend will help. Some find a solution on their own when writing in their grief journal. Others find working with a professional counselor helps them identify the root of the anger and come up with an action plan to bring about relief. Your anger may be generated by fear or reluctance to move into an unwanted situation that death has forced upon you. Anger is usually a secondary feeling. It has its origin in another feeling.

Grieving takes time and everyone’s timeline is individual. When you are a part of a grieving group – a family of mourners – the anger can be triggered by the pace of activity. Ask yourself if things are moving too fast? Does your angry friend or family member need the pace to slow a bit? Are you giving the support that is needed when it’s needed or are you perhaps doing something that will need to be done eventually, but that other mourners are not yet ready for?

Death and loss are often the undoing of families. If you care to protect the integrity of the family group, you may need to move carefully. Watch for anger, be impeccable with your words and be slow to speak. Ask questions to make yourself understood. Work hard at communication. Diffuse anger. Let the anger of others roll off your back.

Remember, grief is difficult work. Also remember, nothing lasts forever. This too will pass.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How Much Will it Cost to Pre-Arrange My Funeral?

Thu, 28 Apr 2022 04:00:00 GMT

How Much Will it Cost to Pre-Arrange My Funeral?

The actual meeting with the pre-need specialist at your local funeral home will be free. No cost. If after meeting with the specialist you decide to plan your funeral in detail, there will be no cost associated with putting your wishes on file at the funeral home. Once you have determined what you want (your wishes) the funeral professional will be able to tell you exactly how much your funeral would cost, today.

After you have determined today’s cost of the funeral that meets your desires and will satisfy your family’s needs you will have choices. There are many options for how to pay in advance for your funeral. What works best for you and your family is personal. You’ll want to consider several factors.

It might be helpful to think in terms of buying a new car. If you needed a car, how would you be most comfortable covering the cost? Would you withdraw from your retirement account or investments and pay in one payment, or would you prefer to cover the cost on a monthly basis? Of course, the cost of a funeral is far less than a new car, but you do have similar options. Most funeral homes offer programs that allow an individual to pay for a funeral over three years, five years, 10 years or even 20 years when they are paying in advance. Of course, you can always pay the total amount in a single payment.

The actual dollar amount you would pay monthly is calculated based on the total cost of your funeral in today’s dollars. A more expensive funeral will come with a higher payment per month than a lower-cost choice. As you would expect, the 10 year payment plan will come with a lower per-month payment than a three-year payment plan.

In addition to the current cost, your age may be a factor that impacts the monthly payment amount. Many plans will pay off the balance owed should you die before completing the payment plan. This means older folks who choose to pay over time are a greater risk. So as would be expected they will have higher monthly payments than younger people.

The prearrangement specialist at your local funeral home can explain all of the benefits of prepaying for your funeral in advance of need as well as all the options available to you. At the conclusion of your funeral planning session, you can: Pay today’s cost in one payment or choose a payment plan that suits your budget or leave your plan (wishes) on file at the funeral home for your family to follow at the time of your death.

Prearrangement will allow you to make an informed choice and when the time comes your family will not be caught unprepared.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Funeral Word Quiz

Thu, 14 Apr 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral Word Quiz

Find out how much you know about funeral service. Match the definition to the words below. See how well you do.

Definitions

WORDS

____ Memorial Services ____ Funeral Service ____ Celebration of Life

____ Vault ____ Grave Liner ____ Columbarium Niche

____ Funeral Celebrant ____ Funeral Director ____ Cremation ____ Eulogy

____ Obituary. ____Alkaline Hydrolysis

Bonus Question: To Put a smile on your face. What is it?

A BEER … A BIER… A BEAR

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What is an Ossuary?

Thu, 31 Mar 2022 04:00:00 GMT

What is an Ossuary?

Ossuaries are making a comeback as an alternative final resting place for cremated remains.

In ancient times as far back as c. 40 B.C.E. Ossuaries were popular among the Jewish population. An ossuary is a chest, box, building, well, cave or site made to serve as the final resting place of human skeletal remains. Historically ossuaries have been used in areas where burial space was scarce or in situations where large numbers of people died in a short time such as a plague or battle. The deceased would first be buried in a temporary gravesite and then after some years the skeletal remains would be removed and placed in an ossuary. An ossuary is a communal space where the bones of many people are entombed together often arranged in elaborate patterns. They were always sites of reverence and respect.

There are many historic ossuaries around the world that can be visited today. One of the most recent to be constructed is the Phnom Penh Memorial Stupa in Cambodia. Between 1975 and 1979 the Khmer Rouge killed 1.7 million people. Many of those people were buried in unceremonious mass graves. The Phnom Penh memorial stupa holds the remains of an estimated 10,000 people who were removed from the mass graves and moved to the memorial to provide a dignified final resting place.

Today’s ossuaries are very different in that they do not require exhumation and reburial of bones. Ossuaries today consist of an above ground tomb/marker and an underground vault. Cremated remains, usually contained in a soft material bag inscribed with the name, birth date, and death date of the deceased are dropped into the vault where they rest in community with others. These ossuaries are similar to the ancient in that more than one individual is entombed. They are communal and they hold bone albeit bone fragments produced as the result of the cremation process.

Ossuaries are found in a growing number of cemeteries. They provide a dignified final resting place for those who prefer to be cremated but are not comfortable with the impermanence of scattering. The ossuary space has a low environmental impact, costs less than burial, and gives the family the added benefit of knowing the one they loved rests in a place that will remain intact. Ossuaries provide a dignified final resting place for those who prefer cremation.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

My Financial Advisor Doesn’t Think It’s a Good Idea to Preplan my Funeral

Thu, 10 Mar 2022 05:00:00 GMT

My Financial Advisor Doesn’t Think It’s a Good Idea to Preplan my Funeral

The butcher, the baker, the candle stick maker. Does anyone go to the butcher for a candle? Would anyone even think of asking the funeral director for investment advice? The financial advisor, while very knowledgeable about money and investments, has little experience in helping a family honor the life of someone they love. Yesterday you could hold the hand of your loved one, today you must figure out how to say good-bye. Tomorrow you will begin the difficult task of living without the one you love. In the midst of all of this you will need to plan and pay for a funeral service. Helping families navigate those difficult days or to plan for this inevitable event is the job of the funeral director.

Accessing the dollars to pay for a funeral is where the financial planner can help. A financial planner who is familiar with a family’s financial resources can help them decide how and when to pay for a funeral. In a perfect world the investor, that’s you, would not die on a day the market was down, or just as his stocks were on the rise. He would die when it is a good time to take the cost of his funeral out of his investments. His heirs would not be burdened with tax consequences. Truth be told, life just does not always work out perfectly. We do not decide when we die.

This is what you can do. Plan the funeral with your funeral director. Talk to her about service options that will help your family cope with your loss. Talk to her about how much you are comfortable spending. Become educated about the advance payment options that are offered through the funeral home.

Ask if you can pay for your funeral in monthly payments over a few years. Ask what happens if you die before you complete all payments. Many funeral homes fund funerals with insurance products designed just to pay for funerals. That can mean the funeral will be paid for by the insurance company should death occur before your payments are completed.

Ask what happens if the cost of your funeral increases between now and when you die. Is there protection available for funeral inflation?

Talk to your spouse. If you die first, who will pay for the funeral? Where will the money come from? Will there be tax consequences? Would it be easier for the one who will be responsible if the funeral plan were funded? Decide what will work best for your family.

Now, go to your financial advisor. Ask him if you should pay for your funeral in one single payment now, or should you take advantage of one of the payment plans? Share all the information you receive from the funeral home. Get financial advice, not permission, from the one who looks through the lens of the dollars, the financial advisor. Get your funeral planning advice from the one who helps families cope with death, the funeral director. Make your decisions for the ones you love, with the ones you love, your family.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is a Columbarium Niche?

Thu, 03 Mar 2022 05:00:00 GMT

What is a Columbarium Niche?

A columbarium niche is a final resting place for ashes after cremation. Niches are above ground and are most often built into a wall. The wall is made up of individual compartments that hold an urn containing the ashes of one individual. Columbarium niches are available at many cemeteries and some churches. The niches or compartments may be glass-enclosed, allowing the urn or container to be seen. An alternative design uses sealed stone cubicles very similar to a mausoleum. Sometimes the wall contains open niches. The columbarium wall may be contained in a building or may be free-standing outdoors.

The size of the Niche is usually a standard 9x9x9. This means the choice of urn is limited to something that will fit in the niche. Depending on the design of the columbarium, the choice of urn may be further restricted. There are some columbarium that are stunningly beautiful with glass niches backlit to enhance the display of ceramic urns.

Although cremated remains, or ashes, may be scattered in a location that was special to the deceased, there are laws. Each state regulates where ashes may be scattered. Sometimes scattering is not practical. Often scattering does not satisfy the need of family members to have a fixed location where they can go to remember. A columbarium niche provides a permanent resting place for cremated remains. The cost varies with location but generally speaking it is less than that of burial.

The choice to be cremated does not in any way dictate the type of funeral service that may be held. A full funeral service including visitation with the body present can be held prior to the body being cremated. The service may be faith based or a celebration of life or it may include both. The choice to cremate does require that an individual seriously consider the needs of their family when choosing among the many options regarding a final resting place for the cremated remains.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

Fri, 04 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

The first year following the death of someone dear—a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, or a good friend—is frequently referred to as “the year of firsts.” It will be the first time the holidays, birthdays, and the occasions both sad and happy that were shared and witnessed with the person who has passed will come and go alone, without the loved one. For most people it is a tough year. Still there are things that can be done to make experiencing these milestones easier.

Keep an eye on your calendar. Know what is coming. Be aware of the approaching anniversary, birthday, holiday or time of year when you always took a vacation with the person who has died is approaching. Do not let the day sneak up on you and catch you off guard.

When a sensitive occasion is noted on the horizon it may be tempting to think about just ignoring it and letting the day pass. That seldom works out well. Most find the loss of sharing the day with one’s special person cannot be ignored. Trying to do so may mean spending the day alone with a great big elephant in the room.

These are things everyone who has experienced a loss must go through. There is no going around. Grief is often likened to a journey. The first year is full of milestones encountered along the path to living life without the person who was loved. The end of the journey is not forgetting that person, it is finding a way to live life without the loved one in it.

Decide how you will mark the occasion. For some a trip to the cemetery will feel right. It might be a good idea to ask a friend or someone who shares your loss to come along. For others it may mean coming up with an alternative plan for spending a holiday. If the day was always celebrated with family at mom’s house and it is mom who has died, the family may all need to be included in how the day will be best celebrated.

Just as ignoring the day is not a good strategy, neither is ignoring the fact someone is missing from the celebration. Perhaps it will be appropriate to acknowledge your loss privately by making a visit to the cemetery or church to say a prayer or have a “chat” with your loved one. In some instances, you may find yourself spending the day with others who share your loss. In that case it may be lovely to include a mention, toast, or other remembrance of the one who died.

If you can, avoid spending the day alone. Do something with someone you love. It doesn’t have to be the same thing you always did with the person who is gone. While it may be enjoyable to carry on a tradition for some, for others the tradition may feel hallow when done with a “replacement person.” What you do should be something you enjoy. The idea is to own your loss, making an effort to celebrate the occasion in a way that is pleasant.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Memorial Service – Does My Casket or Urn Need to Be Present?

Fri, 04 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Memorial Service – Does My Casket or Urn Need to Be Present?

A memorial service differs from a traditional funeral service in that it takes place after final disposition. Final disposition is either the cremation or burial of the deceased. So, the answer is no—neither the urn nor the casket need to be present at a memorial service. That said, in the case of a memorial service following cremation the urn may be present if that is the family’s desire.

Because a memorial service takes place after either burial or cremation have occurred, the urgency to put together a speedy service is removed. A memorial may take place days, weeks, or ever years after a death. This allows a family that is spread over a great distance with time to arrange for travel, time off work, return from overseas postings, or whatever would likely make it impossible for all to gather on short notice.

A memorial service also works well when a family prefers to be more creative in their farewell. The additional time supports the family’s efforts to arrange for music or food. It provides more time to gather photos, find appropriate readings, and find the perfect venue for the service.

A memorial service may be held just about anywhere. Many funeral homes have space designated for these services that includes audio visual equipment and, in some cases, catering and food service capabilities. Be sure to ask your funeral director for guidance and advice.

A memorial service may be faith based if the individual’s religion permits. Some religions require that disposition take place immediately after death, making memorial service the standard. Other denominations require the body be present for the religious part of the service, making a traditional funeral service a better fit. Again, your funeral director is well-versed in the religious traditions in your community and is an invaluable resource for putting together a service that supports your family’s faith base.

There are a few considerations that are best not overlooked when planning a memorial service. The amount of time between death and the memorial service can become protracted and that can create a burden for some family members. Be aware that many people have an acute need to gather with friends and family, talk about the person who died with others who loved them, cry in a safe place, and receive a much-needed hug. The memorial provides that opportunity and until it takes place, their pain is fresh; most people find a service helps put them on firm footing as they begin their grief journey. It is a good idea to check in with close family members and establish a timeline for the memorial service that takes everyone’s needs into consideration.

The second consideration is the “creativity” piece. When we have a traditional funeral service or a religious based funeral service there is a fairly clear roadmap. When that doesn’t fit for you, or your family, and you are not a creative group you need to speak up and ask your funeral director for help. Not every family has people who are comfortable with public speaking to deliver a eulogy or put together music or a photo slide show. Your funeral director is a resource, so feel free to ask for his or her help.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Funeral Service and Veterans Benefits

Thu, 20 Jan 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Funeral Service and Veterans Benefits

The Funeral Home is the best resource for understanding Veteran’s Death Benefits.

The Federal Government provides a death benefit for honorable discharged veterans. The dollar amount varies based on where the death occurs (VA hospital) and if the death was service-related. In most cases the benefit is modest and will not cover the entire cost of a funeral, burial, or cremation. Your local funeral home is an excellent resource to help veterans and their families understand the benefit that is available.

www.va.gov

VA will pay up to $796 toward burial and funeral expenses for deaths on or after October 1, 2019 (if hospitalized by VA at time of death), or $300 toward burial and funeral expenses (if not hospitalized by VA at time of death), and a $796 plot-interment allowance (if not buried in a national cemetery).

Most funeral homes will provide a consultation and planning session at no charge upon request. It is never too soon to schedule a meeting with a funeral planner. Understanding exactly the benefit that will be available upon death is the best way for veterans to assure their family is not misinformed and thereby disappointed in the benefit they receive when death does occur.

The funeral planner will review the current benefits available from the U.S. Government. These benefits have been subject to change over the years, making obtaining current up-to-date information important. The planner will discuss your funeral service desires and your family’s funeral expectations and needs. The planner will also discuss the military graveside service and US flag that can be provided, if you desire, upon death. During your planning session you will also review final disposition options. Final disposition is a term referring to a person’s personal preference to be buried or cremated and the location of your final resting place.

During a meeting with a funeral planner the veteran will have the opportunity to ask questions about burial availability in a local Veteran’s cemetery, funeral service and memorial service options as well as review funeral products such as caskets and vaults that honor the different branches of military service.

It is a good idea bring a copy of discharge papers (DD214) to the meeting. Making a list of your questions and bringing it to the meeting as well will help to assure your questions are answered and nothing is overlooked.

It is also a good idea to ask the planner about any programs the funeral home has to help fill in the cost difference between the US Government Benefit amount and the estimated cost of the funeral service. Many funeral homes provide the opportunity to set up manageable payment plans to cover the gap. Some funeral homes even offer plans that provide coverage for the entire cost should death occur before all payments are complete.

Once a funeral plan is completed it should be kept on file at the funeral home along with a copy of the DD214.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How to get the funeral you want

Fri, 07 Jan 2022 05:00:00 GMT

How to get the funeral you want

Don’t be afraid to ask the funeral director your question or to speak up and say what you want.

Some events only happen once in a lifetime. Graduations, weddings, and funerals are a few of these one-time occasions. That means the way the event is marked makes a lasting impression. If the cake at the wedding was supposed to be chocolate and it was not it does not ruin the marriage or even the day, but it can mar the occasion and it is usually the thing that is remembered. It was not right and it is never forgotten.

When a funeral is not “right”, when a minister mispronounces the deceased’s name, or the dress mom always told you she wanted to wear is not the one your brother chose, the hurt can go deep and last a long time. Getting the funeral right for your family is very important.

When you meet with the funeral director do not be afraid to speak up. Funeral directors are kind, caring people, but they are not mind readers. Tell your director what you want. Tell her what you do not want. Ask questions. Tell him about your mother, father, or spouse. Ask how to bring out what you loved about the person you lost. Treat the funeral director like you would a wedding planner. Share where family members are having a problem agreeing and ask for guidance.

Rules are made to be broken. If the number of pictures, songs, or readings recommended by the director doesn’t seem to match what you had in mind, speak up. No one at the funeral home wants your family to struggle to get the number of photos for the video down to twenty when what you really want is forty. If what you really want is for your deceased daughter to wear her cheerleading outfit for her visitation and something else for the church service speak up. Just because the body is usually dressed only once doesn’t mean it must be that way. Funeral directors know how important every detail is to the families they serve. They just don’t know what is important to you if you don’t tell them.

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Why Plan your Funeral in Advance?

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Why Plan your Funeral in Advance?

The strongest and most compelling recommendations for advance funeral planning come from those who have just buried a parent. The daughter who just worked with her four brothers to put together a funeral for their mother will be the first to tell you, “If you have not already done so, please plan your funeral.”

No matter how well siblings get along, making emotionally charged decisions together in a short time frame is hard. A funeral “pre-arrangement” is a gift, and it is easy to do. So, how do you begin?

Call the funeral home and ask to schedule a meeting with the advance planning specialist. Set aside about two hours for this meeting.

As you prepare for the meeting think about those you will leave behind. What will comfort them? How should the funeral service feel? Will Faith play a part? Does a “Life Celebration” feel attractive? Or will your family be best served by a little of each?

Prepare a list of questions. You needn’t know all the answers before you meet with the funeral professional. Your meeting is an opportunity to learn and explore the choices

that are available and find the option that will work best for those you love.

Think about who will be responsible for the cost of your funeral. If you were to die tomorrow who would cover the cost? Understand that planning in advance never means that you must pay the total funeral cost at the time you complete your plan.

Be sure to ask about payment options that are available through your funeral home. Often you will find the funeral home has access to financial products that allow a person to pay for their funeral over time while being covered for the total funeral amount should death occur before payment is complete. Be sure to ask your funeral professional how these plans work. You will no doubt be pleasantly surprised by both the affordability and the flexibility of funding your funeral plan.

Planning your funeral in advance does not shorten your life. It does make the remainder of your days feel a little lighter because you know you have provided clear direction for your family.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Five Tips to Help You Stop Procrastinating About Planning Your Funeral

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Five Tips to Help You Stop Procrastinating About Planning Your Funeral

I’ll get this done … before my birthday, before we travel, before school starts, or taxes are due. It doesn’t matter when, just set a target. It only matters that you do have a deadline, especially if you are a habitual procrastinator.

Something made you realize you wanted to get your funeral plan in place. Maybe you had to plan a funeral for someone you cared about? Or, perhaps, you have a family dynamic that makes you see the value of leaving instruction? Maybe you saw a friend struggle when their spouse died? Whatever it was, write it out, be sure to state your why in positive terms. Instead of “I should,” or, “I need to” tap into that deep motivation. “I want to make my passing is as easy as possible for my wife, daughter, husband.” Post your motivation/why on your fridge.

Funeral homes have a funeral professional who can help you. Make an appointment. Put it on the calendar and sit back and relax.

Share your good news with someone. Tell them when, where, and why you are going to plan your funeral. Maybe ask them to go with you to the appointment if that feels right to you. At the very least ask them to hold you accountable by checking in the day after your planning session to see how it all went.

As the deadline you set or the date of the appointment you made draws near dismiss those second thoughts.

We are all grapes becoming raisins there is no getting around it, and it’s not sad. Raisins are more resilient than grapes and they are sweeter too!

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Burial Vault: What’s the Point?

Fri, 26 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Burial Vault: What’s the Point?

Historically speaking, burial vaults were conceived as a means of protection from grave robbers. They were designed and intended to make it difficult to get into the coffin and remove valuables or even the body itself from the grave. Early vaults were made of wood and were called a “rough box” because they were rustic and unfinished in comparison to the more finely finished coffin.

In the late 1800s grave liners were in common use. These were made of brick on site at the cemetery. Bricks were fashioned right in the grave literally lining the grave space. Over time the concept of protection expanded to include protection from the elements. Family members became interested in protecting the casket or coffin from water, critters, and decomposition in general. Many families today consider “how” they care for a deceased family member to be a reflection of their love for that person and point of family pride.

When burial is selected as the final disposition of the body the deceased is most often placed in a casket. The difference between a coffin and a casket is the shape. A coffin is six-sided, it is wider toward the top third to accommodate the shoulders of the body and tapers to the foot. More commonly used in the U.S. is the rectangularly shaped casket. Caskets are most often made of wood or metal.

Wood caskets can be made of any species of wood and may be finished with ornate carving or may be very simple. The easiest way to understand the difference in cost of wooden caskets is to apply what you know about furniture. Solid mahogany will cost more than a veneer of pine. Many caskets are also made of metal. Carbon steel, stainless steel, copper, or bronze are all used. The cost and durability of a metal casket is directly related to the material from which the casket is made.

Burial in a cemetery usually requires an outer burial container. A grave liner or a vault is almost universally required by every cemetery to protect the casket and the integrity of the grave space from the weight of the earth and the heavy equipment that will pass over the grave in order to provide routine maintenance of the property. Grave liners are no longer constructed on site and made of bricks. They are most often made of concrete. Grave liners do not seal. A vault can be made of concrete or fiberglass, with or without a metal liner. Vaults will have a seal.

At this point you may be thinking, “who cares?” Well that is the thing, many people do care, and they care deeply. Others do not. This is the reason why the trip to the casket selection space at the funeral home and the process of helping a family make a choice that fits their values and budget is sensitive. Open communication regarding values and budget is essential. Funeral directors are there to help, answer questions, and explain differences. They educate and the family chooses.

So, what is the point of the vault? The point will vary from one family to the next. For some the point will be to satisfy the cemetery requirement as frugally as possible. For others the point will be to protect the integrity of the grave as much as possible. It is a matter of personal choice.

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Three Ways to Support Someone Who is Grieving in Isolation

Fri, 12 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Three Ways to Support Someone Who is Grieving in Isolation

Grief is difficult in perfectly normal times. However, when a global pandemic has us isolated, we lose two important comfort and coping mechanisms. Hugs are very hard to come by these days. In normal times the physical touch of a hug fills the vacuum when a person who loves another is at a loss for words but wants to show they care. Those who are grieving now, isolated and alone, have also lost another important coping mechanism. Distraction, via activity, is lost to many. Bridge groups are not meeting, church services and events are cancelled, volunteer activities have been suspended, all leaving mourners with many hours to pass alone.

If you know someone who has experienced a recent loss, look for a way to offer support and show you care. Three suggestions are:

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Funeral Home Near Me

Sat, 02 Oct 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral Home Near Me

Even if you live in a small town, you are likely to be presented with more than one choice when you google funeral home near me. The search will provide you with contact information, location, and perhaps a link to websites of the funeral homes near your immediate location. The search is a useful first step, but most people need more to help them decide which funeral home to use. The eight steps below should get you started on solid footing.

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Why not call the funeral director?

Sat, 02 Oct 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Why not call the funeral director?

A husband and father of four dies suddenly. He languishes in the morgue at the coroner’s office for weeks because no one knows what to do and no one is empowered to act. The only thing the kids and grandchildren can agree on is that their father did not want to spend a lot of money on a funeral.

It is just downright crazy the things folks will do to work around the funeral home when a family member dies. Let’s get real about the widespread and totally unreasonable fear of working with a funeral director. The origin of the fear is the belief that funerals cost too much. Let’s take a look at the reality.

Funeral directors are educated professionals. Like doctors and lawyers, they meet rigorous state requirements in order to be licensed to practice. Funeral directors do expect to be paid for the work they do. However, unlike doctors and lawyers, funeral directors do not typically charge for a consultation. Which means a family can talk with a director about options and cost before they make a commitment to actually have the funeral home provide services.

A person should not expect this is something one should do on the fly over the phone. That is just unreasonable. You would not expect to call Macy’s and ask how much a pair of shoes will cost. Everyone knows it is not that simple. You are going to need to provide more information about the kind of shoe you need to get an accurate cost. In the same way there are literally hundreds of possible combinations of funeral services and products. The cost depends on what your family wants and needs.

So instead, call the funeral home and ask for an appointment with a funeral director to learn about options for service and cost. When you sit down with the director you will be presented with a general price list. This list will detail all the services and costs. What could be more up front than that? What other professional group will provide you with that kind of information?

Be prepared to share both your budget and what is important to your family. Please, do not let unreasonable fear keep you from getting the professional help your family needs when someone they love has died.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Five “to dos” when you hit 70

Fri, 01 Oct 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Five “to dos” when you hit 70

Life from age 70 to 75 is interesting. It might not be a mid-life crisis but nearly everyone finds it is a period of real-life adjustments. In moving from being a 69-year-old to 70-year-old it’s easy to say, so what? Going in, 70 might feel like the new 50. Especially if a person is healthy and active. But by 75 it usually dawns on people that 80 is not going to be the new 60! It’s time to get real and embrace and prepare for life moving forward.

There are both some big questions to ponder and some little things to do to make life going forward easier. In the big category, a couple might consider where they are living. A simple thing like not having a first-floor bedroom or bath can mean a stay in a rehabilitation facility if a hip or knee needs to be replaced. By the time one hits the 75 mark they know more than a few folks who are walking around with replacement parts.

Then there is the question of whether your home is even in the “right” location? Some people choose to leave friends and their current life in favor of moving closer to their children or family. There is no one “right” choice—however, considering the what ifs can help a person be sure they are settled in their own personal happy place.

Much easier, but not less important, is making sure that you have designated someone to make medical decisions on your behalf if you are no longer able to do so yourself. Most folks will choose their spouse. However, it is a good idea to be sure the individual one chooses understands your desires and has the emotional strength to carry out your wishes. In some cases, it may be kinder to designate an adult child to make decisions. Regardless of who you choose, making sure all family members know what you want to have happen and who you have designated to carry out your wishes, can save a lot of family heartache in the future.

Even easier, but still important, is taking a few steps in order to eliminate those little stressors that can ruin an entire day. Making a simple adjustment to your utilities, cable, or telephone can be a real challenge if you are not the person “of record” on the account. If the designated person has died it can get even more complicated.

Check to be sure both spouses have the authority to make changes to the account or service. Be sure the secret passwords and answers to security questions are known to both parties. Watch your “ands” and “ors”. “And” can mean you both have to be involved where “or” means either party can take action. “And” can mean you’ll need a death certificate where “or” can mean full speed ahead.

Finally, it really is time to consider the end. When your children, grandchildren, and friends come together to remember you, what will that gathering look and feel like? Who will be in charge? Who will be responsible for making and paying for the arrangements? This one is the easiest of them all—you simply call your funeral home and ask for a prearrangement appointment. It will take just a few hours to get all your questions answered and have a plan on file at the funeral home. Then you just go right along heading to 80, eating right, exercising, and seeing the world, because maybe 80 is the new 60?

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The Changing Face of American Veterans

Fri, 17 Sep 2021 04:00:00 GMT

The Changing Face of American Veterans

Veteran’s Day is the day Americans set aside to honor all who have served in the military during times of war and times of peace. We thank them all.

Many books have been written and movies made about World Wars I and II, Korea, and even Vietnam. But, what do we know about our post 9/11 Veterans? Who are they? Who do we thank?

When the draft ended in 1973, all branches of the armed services began the transition to the all-volunteer military force we have today. Since that time, the makeup of the military has been changing. While the total number of troops serving is declining, the force is becoming more diverse racially, ethnically, and by gender.

The majority of new recruits come from families with incomes between $38,345 – $80,912. Eighty percent come from families with a history of service. Their father, uncle, or grandfather also served. The share of the US population with military experience is on the decline. Seven percent of the total US population served in 2016 down from eighteen percent in 1980.

Fifty six percent of active duty personal are married, seven percent are in dual military families and thirty nine percent have children. According to a study conducted by the Rand Corporation s ince 2001, 2.77 million service members have served on 5.4 million deployments across the world with soldiers from the Army accounting for the bulk of them. Deployed personnel were under 30 years old on average, over half were married and about half had children.

On average military personnel sign on for four years of active duty plus four years in the reserves. Deployment for service personnel is typically for a period of 12 months followed by 12 months stateside. A post 9/11 service person will very likely see a second deployment during their term of enlistment. Career service members typically rotate 12 months deployed, 12 months home, 12 months deployed, 24 months home.

So, who do we thank? We thank all service men and women. We thank the husbands, wives and children of our service men and women. Post 9/11 military service is a family job.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

How often do I need to change the Furnace Filter?

Fri, 03 Sep 2021 04:00:00 GMT

How often do I need to change the Furnace Filter?

When there is a breakup, illness, or death and the person in the household who took care of the household necessities is no longer available, it isn’t long before you know you need help. Finding someone to do these little jobs can be difficult. It’s a good idea to be prepared to learn how to do some things yourself.

Most furnace filters will need to be changed every three months / four times a year. If you can see dust and dirt or can’t see the fabric pattern of the filter, it needs to be replaced. Keeping up with filter replacement is good for your furnace. It is also good for your health. Changing a filter is a pretty easy task to complete once you know where it goes and how it is inserted into your air handler. Buy a year’s supply of filters, mark your calendar to remind you when it’s time for a change and get someone to show you how it’s done. You want to be as independent as you can be, so take notes if you need to. Tape them to the furnace so you’ll be all set for the next filter change.

Often the “filter changer” was also in charge of auto maintenance so you may also need to know more about care of the car. For example, how often to you need to change the oil in the car? What about getting the car waxed? Some people like to use the dealership where the car was purchased for maintenance. Others are sure they can get it done at an independent garage for less money. Just be sure you are not being penny wise and pound foolish. You might start with the service provider your previous auto maintenance person used. If you have no idea, ask someone you trust.

Typically, oil changes take place based on miles driven and type of oil used. Some cars use synthetic oil which comes at a higher cost but requires changing far less frequently. Find your car’s owner’s manual (it’s usually in the glove box of the car) and read. In the upper left corner of the windshield you might find a sticker that tells you the date of the last change and the mileage when you will need your next change. If you drive very little and don’t hit your mileage, it is still best to keep the oil in your car fresh. Change the oil at least twice a year.

Now, about keeping up with the appearance of your car. It is also good for resale and the look of your car to keep it clean and waxed. Spend the dollars for a hand wax at least twice a year.

If you are lucky, you’ll have a son or son-in-law or maybe even a helpful neighbor who will offer to help with your “manly” chores, but here’s an important tip: Plan your help and coordinate the chores. Ask for help getting the gutters cleaned, furnace filters changed, and light bulbs in the fan all taken care of during the same visit. You don’t want to be that person who is always calling for help. Also, don’t forget to reward your handy person. A gift card for your handyman and his wife to go out to dinner will keep everyone smiling.

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Routine is a Life Saver

Fri, 20 Aug 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Routine is a Life Saver

In times of stress, routine is a life saver.

In times of stress, loss, and change, the most important coping skill is taking control of your time. You must establish a routine. Picture a fish out of water. That’s how a person feels in the midst of grief, loss, or any major life change. Without a plan they flip, flop, and ultimately flounder.

Regular sleep patterns are the foundation of routine. Establishing a regular sleep/wake cycle is easier said than done since we tend to be more restless sleepers when we are stressed. So, here are a few tips.

Even if you are waking in the night and having a problem getting back to sleep, still get out of bed at your predetermined time in the morning. If you need a nap during the day, make it a 20-minute power nap.

Eat your meals at regular times. Regular sleep and eating times help the body establish its circadian rhythm. Take control. Plan your dinner for the evening in the morning and your breakfast for the next day in the evening before you go to bed.

Plan some physical exercise into your day. Anyone can take a walk, or take the stairs, or park the car in the third row instead of the first row at the supermarket. Just make moving a priority.

Make a list of three things you’ll do tomorrow before you go to bed and then do them. Checking off your list helps provide the feeling of accomplishment. Make your bed first thing when you wake up. Start the day the way the Marines do with a job well done. Establish a regular day for changing the bed, doing laundry, and performing your cleaning chores.

Connect with people. Even if you can’t see them in person, just hearing the voice of someone else can help banish feelings of loneliness. Start or join a book club. Have a virtual lunch once a week or month with the guys or girls.

Repetition is what establishes regular habits. You’ll be tempted to abandon your new routine, but stick with it. If you fail at first, start over and try again.

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What to expect when your Catholic friend dies.

Fri, 06 Aug 2021 04:00:00 GMT

What to expect when your Catholic friend dies.

Roman Catholic refers to a religious body that acknowledges the pope as its authority and the Vatican as the center of ecclesiastical unity. The Catholic Church’s position on death is as follows … From the General Introduction of the Order of Christian Funerals: “ The Church intercedes on behalf of the deceased because of its confident belief that death is not the end… The Church also ministers to the sorrowing and consoles them in the funeral rites with the comforting word of God and sacrament of the eucharist.”

Funeral services for a Catholic, in their entirety, will have three parts. Today it is not uncommon for one or more parts to be omitted or abbreviated. Still, the Church recommends the funeral contain all three parts since each has a special function or purpose. The parts include:

When a Catholic dies it is appropriate to:

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After the funeral…what to look forward to

Fri, 23 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMT

After the funeral…what to look forward to

Sometimes the future feels bleak. For those struggling with a recent death in their family or just beaten down by the news, it can be difficult to look forward, to anticipate, to feel hopeful.

Most of us are removed from the rituals of spring. The tilling of the earth, getting our hands in the compost, planting seeds, all simple pursuits that are, by their nature, full of hope. Even if you are living in a community that takes care of your landscape, or a group living arrangement or even in a big city high rise it is really not that hard to grow something. Something that you can nurture, and watch grow – a little something to look forward to.

Grow Something to Eat!

Grow Something to Attract the B’s … Birds, Bees, & Butterflies

Feed the Hummingbirds

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Expressions of condolences

Fri, 09 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Expressions of condolences

Back in the day, before embalming was wide-spread, flowers surrounded the casket and perfumed the air. Today, it is no longer necessary to have flowers scent the air. And yet, there is something comforting about the presence of flowers at a funeral.

Flowers are beautiful. What an amazing way nature has provided for life to go on. The flower is the promise of the future for a plant. Flowers are cheerful. They are calming. When we are the recipient of a floral bouquet or arrangement, we feel cared about, loved, and comforted. Flowers are visual. They are tangible. Family and friends can see the love that was directed at the person who has died. They can see the love that is directed at them in their time of sorrow. So, why not send flowers? Send them to the funeral home or to the home of family members.

If flowers are not how you would like to show your condolences, florists can also offer non-floral expressions.

Many florists also offer a variety of statuary, memorial pieces such as crosses or even throw blankets. Call your local florists and let them assist you with the perfect item.

Another option is to direct the money people would spend on flowers to a charity or a cause that was important to the deceased. A contribution is a lovely gesture of remembrance. Cures can be found, treatment provided, lives saved or enhanced, through charitable contributions.

If you are the family member deciding what to do – donations or flowers – there is no real right or wrong. Maybe you accept any form of condolences. Allow friends and family to express their feelings in a manner appropriate for them. Instead of using the language “in lieu of flowers” in the announcement just say, “Donations to __________ will be appreciated. Flowers or expressions of sympathy may be sent to .” That way folks can decide on their own how they want to show respect and provide comfort.

If you are going to a funeral and are undecided about sending flowers, a memorial item or a donation, do what feels good to you. If you think the family is likely to be overwhelmed with flowers you might pull together a group of folks, neighbors, co-workers, church friends, the bridge group, and send one floral arrangement or gift from all. If a charity has not been designated but you would prefer to contribute in remembrance of the deceased, contribute to a cause that is dear to you.

There is no right or wrong, sending flowers or a contribution, let the family know they are loved and the person they loved and lost was important.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

65 or over: don’t be a fall statistic

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

65 or over: don’t be a fall statistic

According to the CDC, an older adult (age 65+) suffers a fall in the U.S. every second of every day, making falls the leading cause of injury and injury death in this age group.

If you or someone you care about are in this age group, it is time to do a safety assessment and possibly make a few adjustments.

Footwear

Snow and Ice

Changing Position

Find a Safety Buddy

Keep Moving

Accidents are not planned. They always come unexpectedly. Listen to the little voice in your gut or head. When it says something should wait, or you should get help, or what you are considering doing is risky – LISTEN. Resist the temptation to overrule that inner warning. Look for a safer way to complete the task or work on finding someone to help you.

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What helps when a person is sad?

Fri, 11 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

What helps when a person is sad?

Some things are so simple that it’s easy to doubt their ability to help. In times of trouble, it is often the little things that make all the difference. Chicken soup when you feel a cold coming on, a hug, and a warm chocolate chip cookie all make a person feel better. Even though they don’t really fix the problem, they help.

Writing in a journal on a daily basis may seem like it’s too much trouble to undertake. Especially when a person is in the midst of major life changes like dealing with chronic illness, moving, divorce, or grieving. But journaling has been proven to elevate mood and really help people deal with crisis and loss.

A journal does not judge, a journal will not be uncomfortable with your sorrow, a journal will not try to “fix” you. A journal is a silent listener. You set the pace. It lets you have good days and bad days. A journal absorbs anger and celebrates joy. It helps a person move through the hard work of grieving.

If you know someone who has experienced a loss or is going through a difficult life change, give them a journal. If you receive a journal use it. It may take a while to become comfortable with writing on a daily basis. Stick with it. It takes a while to ingrain a habit.

Pick a time of day that works for you and set aside fifteen minutes to write. Some like to start their day with a journal entry. Others prefer to end their day with a few quiet minutes with the pen and a blank page. Write whatever comes to your mind. It’s not a novel. Spelling and grammar don’t matter. What you write doesn’t need to make sense or be eloquent.

What does matter is that you actually write, not type. Laying down words with a pen or pencil on paper is processed by the brain differently than typing. It just is. It also matters that you journal every day.

Writing in a journal won’t fix your problems, but it will help you grapple with and succeed at working through what ails you.

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Choosing the Right Funeral Service: 10 Steps to help you get it right

Fri, 28 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Choosing the Right Funeral Service: 10 Steps to help you get it right

Who gets to decide what is included in a funeral service? Each state has laws that govern who has control over the body of a person who has died. In most states if the individual was married, the spouse will be responsible for taking care of the disposition (what happens to the body) and funeral service. When there is no spouse the adult children will decide. If there is no spouse and the children are minors, then the parents of the deceased will be responsible. If the parents are also deceased, then brothers and sisters will become the responsible decision makers.

As you can see, there are a variety of scenarios where “who decides” can get messy. Also know that the person who is going to pay for the funeral is entering into a contractual agreement with those who will provide service – the funeral home, crematory or cemetery. As a result, that person will have the “power of the checkbook”. With that power comes a considerable measure of control over decision making.

There are different ways to approach putting together a funeral service. The “right” service is the one that honors the life of the deceased and provides ease for the survivors. When faith is important to the family or was important to the deceased that faith is usually reflected in the service. The right service fits the budget and does not create a financial burden. There are many options to consider in putting together a funeral. All of these choices ensure that every family is able to have a service that is right for them.

When you find yourself in the role of decision maker regarding a family member’s funeral, the ten steps below can help you assure the funeral will provide comfort to you and all of your family remembers.

Step #1 Take a deep breath and give yourself permission to fall short of “perfect”.

Remember these famous words …

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t …” … please all the people all of the time” (Poet John Lydgate as made famous by Abraham Lincoln ).

Know that even when you do your best there may be some people who would have done differently.

Step #2 Make a list of the people who are the “some” that you really do want to please

The spouse or partner, the children, the parents, sisters and brothers, and close life-long friends are all people who are likely to be deeply affected by the funeral service. These are the people the service needs to please. In order to plan the “right” funeral you will need to know what is important to these people. This does not mean everyone needs to or will agree. Nor does it require everyone weigh in on every decision.

Step #3 Ask each of these people, “What is the one thing that you would most like to see included in the funeral service”

Write these answers down. Ask clarifying questions if needed in order to be sure you really understand what is most important to each of the people you are aiming to “please”. Don’t make any promises beyond that you intend to do your best. Do this before you have your appointment with the funeral director. Don’t forget to include what is most important to you on your list.

Step #4 Consider your budget and make a list of the questions you would like to ask the funeral director

There is no need to have all the answers or know exactly what you want included in the funeral service before the funeral arrangement conference. In fact, having your mind completely made up regarding service options might mean missed opportunity. No one knows better than the funeral director what can be done. After all, they do funerals every day. Fortunately for most of us, we are only responsible once or twice in a lifetime.

It is a good idea to review any insurance policies or other funding that will be used to pay for the services you select. The “right” funeral should not create a financial hardship for family. Have an idea of what you can spend before you meet with the funeral director.

Step #5 Choose the person or persons who will go with you to the arrangement conference.

Because you have asked the important people for input, it will probably not be necessary to bring the entire group to the conference. You have already included them and will be able to represent their needs.

The arrangement conference is an emotional experience. Choose someone who will be helpful to you, who will support you. Bring those who will be attending the arrangement conference with you up to speed regarding the work you have already done. Review the information you have gathered from family members and discuss the budget with this person before your appointment.

Step #6 Prepare for the arrangement conference

Step #7 Consider how you want to remember the person for whom you are making funeral service arrangements

Not all families have a connection with a church. In fact, religious affiliation in the US has been on the decline the last two decades. For families with no religious connection including a spiritual component in the funeral service can become a little more of a challenge. When there is no formal religious affiliation there are several ways to handle this aspect of the funeral service.

Your funeral director will no doubt know of a cleric who is willing to perform a service for persons who are not members of his or her congregation. In order to be sure this person is a good fit for your family, it will be important to think about what you do and do not want included in this part of the service. Share this with your funeral director and ask for guidance in choosing a person who will meet your expectations. When you contact the clergyperson be sure to ask what will be included in the sermon and service. Be sure the tone and content of the service will be a good fit for your situation.

In many areas of the country there are funeral celebrants who can be very helpful with putting together all aspects of a funeral service. Ask your funeral director if there is such a person in your community.

Step #8 At the Arrangement Conference You’ll Decide

A funeral service can take place before or after disposition of the body (burial or cremation). A funeral service that takes place after the body is either buried or cremated is called a memorial service. A memorial service may be selected to comply with religion or because it is preferred by the family.

Some religions require that the body be buried or cremated within a brief time period following the death. For this reason, the funeral will take place days or even weeks after the burial has taken place.

Family preference is another reason for the funeral to take place after either cremation or burial. Today many families live at great distances from each other. It may take weeks for travel arrangements to be coordinated and carried out so that everyone can come together for a service. The positive side of being able to delay service and opt for a memorial service is that no one misses out on the benefits of sharing the loss with others in the family circle. Talking out the cause of the death, remembering the good times, being a part of the service are all important steps on the path of reconciling loss of a close family member. All of these are a part of the right funeral service.

The downside to delaying service and option for a memorial service can be the length of time between the death and the healing power of gathering and having a service. When the time between the death and service stretches into weeks or months it can present a hardship for some family members. Some people can become paralyzed in moving forward with their grief work.

Funeral services and memorial services may take place entirely at the funeral home. Funeral homes are clean, company ready, and have ample parking for all types of services. Most have equipment on hand to support any kind of service. Formal, informal, religious, celebration of life, and memorial services can all be accommodated at most funeral homes. Some funeral homes have the ability to host a funeral luncheon or brunch.

Funeral directors will also help those who chose to have the religious part of their service at church. For those who want or need to have their funeral service at a club or private location, the funeral director is ready to help facilitate that as well.

People have many aspects to their life. Sometimes they are serious, sometimes thoughtful and at times these same folks are playful. A funeral service may include these same kinds of changes in mood. There may be formal serious moments followed by less formal moments of sharing memories. Funerals almost always include both laughter and tears.

Step #9 Include Family members in the preparation and planning of the service

When you return from the arrangement conference with your funeral director you will have a list of decisions to make and things to do. Look at your list of core people. Who can help? Involving those who are up to helping is good for them and good for you. Many of the tasks that come with putting together a funeral not only serve the purpose of getting the funeral right, they also help those close to begin a healthy grieving process. Ask for help and delegate tasks. Some things that fall into this category include:

When you delegate any of these tasks be sure that you share the parameters. What exactly do you need and what are the limits? For example, perhaps the minister has asked that you select three songs for the service. Or, the funeral home will run a loop of thirty-five pictures on a television. Be sure the person you are placing in charge has all the information that they need to do the job correctly. Then step back and let them take over.

Remember you are working with people who also loved the person who died. Allow them to express their loss in their way. Understand they will choose differently than you would. Give them the gift of being allowed to participate in putting together a final tribute for the one you all loved.

Step #10 Review your plan

Before the day of the service take a moment to review what has been planned. Take a look at the first list you made. The one where each of your key people told you what was most important to them. Have you done your best to make sure they are each getting what they need? Is there anything that will take place in the service that is likely to catch a family member or close friend unaware? Is there any conversation you should have with anyone to explain or clarify anything that is planned?

Most important be sure the service you have arranged is “right” for you and your family. If the minister always does something that does not seem to fit right for your family speak up. If where you live people “always” have a receiving line or anything that you and your family don’t really like, speak up and change it. Funerals should be helpful and healing. They tend to stick with the closest family members. Make sure what you have planned is what you and your family want and need.

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Celebrity Funerals and Ceremonies

Fri, 14 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Celebrity Funerals and Ceremonies

On February 24 ^th , twenty thousand mourners filled downtown Los Angeles’ Staples Center — “the house that Kobe built” — to celebrate the lives of the 41-year-old Lakers star and his 13-year-old daughter, who were killed alongside seven others in the crash in Calabasas. With tears streaming down his face, Michael Jorden spoke about his “big brother” mentoring relationship with Kobe. Beyoncè sang KO, one of Kobe’s favorites, and his wife Vanessa bravely spoke about her daughter, her husband, and her loss.

Kobe’s life is not the first to be celebrated in a large public way. Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, and John McCain all had funeral services that were shared with large groups of their fans or followers. These very large and very public funerals acknowledge the family’s loss is our loss too. They help the community heal.

We may not have ever had a face to face conversation or sat down to break bread with any of these people, but we loved them. Kobe was a master of his game and it was pure joy to watch him play. He went well beyond just playing basketball and shared his love of the game and impact it had on his life with a whole new generation in his books and his movie. He was larger than life.

His wife and family’s kindness in sharing their celebration of his life, and that of his daughter, with his fans is beautiful. It will help all of us heal. We can only hope knowing this, we were there witnessing tributes to a man who was admired, respected, and loved by so many. Hopefully the healing began then.

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Core Values and Funeral Decisions

Fri, 30 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Core Values and Funeral Decisions

From Birth to Funeral … The Best Decisions are Based on a Person’s Individual Values.

There are lots of labels out there. There are categories we are placed in by others or designations we choose on our own. We are male or female, brown, black, or white, boomers or millennials, Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, republican or democrat. Each of these labels comes with a set of expectations regarding what we value or care about. Because we are male or female, republican or democrat, a set of values is attached to us.

Being part of a group can be comforting. It is nice to hang out with people who share beliefs and values. There is, however, a downside to labels. They are rarely a perfect fit. Most of the time individuals share some of the values of their group, but not all of those values. Just because an individual is a woman, it is not a given that she likes to cook and does not like to hunt. That is why it is important for individuals get in touch with their own personal values and base their decisions on those values. The group may provide guidance, but people make their best decisions when those decisions are based on an individual’s personal values.

Decisions regarding the size and make-up of the family an individual will have needs to fit that person’s personal values. Will there be a life partner? Will there be children? Will the children be natural or adopted? Family life works out best when decisions are based on what a person really cares about. Decisions regarding how to celebrate the life of a person we loved who has died will bring the most peace and comfort when they are in sync with personal values. The way in which a life is memorialized provides the most comfort and meaning when it honors the values of the close survivors.

There are a number of websites that offer ideas about how a person can identify their own values. Most suggest limiting the value list to three to five. A person’s core values are deeper than a list of likes and dislikes. Core values are not driven by fear or fad. They run deep.

A person must ask themselves what they really care about. Things like family, financial security, kindness, faith, environmental stewardship, honesty, responsibility, learning, and balance are all examples of values that resonate with different people. Decisions—who to marry, how many children to have, where to live, what work to pursue, who to vote for, and how to remember a loved one who has died—are all best made based on personal core values.

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Thinking no funeral? Think again.

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Thinking no funeral? Think again.

Maybe you’ve said it, or thought it? “I don’t need a funeral. You can just bury me in the backyard”. That’s the male version of negating the need for a funeral. But the sentiment is not unique to men. Women just say it differently. “I don’t want you to make a fuss. I don’t need a funeral.” These folks are right. The person who died doesn’t need a funeral. They just need a legal, respectful disposal of their body. It’s the people who are left to do the work of grieving that need the support and community from a funeral.

Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Aretha Franklin, John McCain, and most recently Kobe Bryant, didn’t need the memorials, teddy bears, or flowers. We needed them. We need to be a part of acknowledging the loss. We find comfort in being able to be a part of the service that honors their lives even when our part is just being an observer via television. We are comforted, in some measure, just by being able to observe.

It is human nature to seek community in times of trouble and in times of joy. People are pack animals. We don’t live in isolation. We touch the lives of others. We celebrate birth with family and friends. We celebrate the coming together of two people in marriage as a group. We hold each other’s hand in times of tragedy. When we express our caring feelings, it is not weakness. It’s our strength. We are human beings, we care.

Having the opportunity to express our feelings is not expected to “cure” our grief. Coming together does not provide closure. The door never really closes on the love one human being has for another. Coming together, expressing our feelings in the presence of our community, are steps in the healing process. Being able to express our feelings in a safe, accepting environment provides some measure of healing.

Grief in the early days is raw. As time passes it softens. The hard edges become rounded and we begin to find the joy we had with the one we loved in our memories. Grief is hard work. It’s a journey.

Why should anyone have to begin this journey alone?

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Why do we have eggs and chocolate rabbits at Easter?

Fri, 02 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Why do we have eggs and chocolate rabbits at Easter?

How did rabbits and colored eggs come to be associated with Easter, the most significant holy day of the year for Christians? To get the answer to that question one needs to go back in time. Imagine yourself on earth before digital, before refractory lenses, before watches. Go way back to when people watched nature to gain some understanding of what was to come.

Envision what it must have been like to watch the days become shorter and darker and not have any idea of what was happening or how long it would last. It’s easy to see how it would be possible to fear the sun was burning out! Then think about how elated people would be when they figured it out. When they observed, and began to record, repeating patterns… the Equinox and the Solstice.

The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year and occurs in December. The summer solstice is the longest day of the year and occurs in June. The equinox also occurs twice a year. It occurs when the number of hours of daylight are equal to the number of hours of darkness. As you would expect, the Equinox is a predictor of what’s to come. In the Spring (hooray!) the cold will be coming to an end. Time to plant, fish, and hunt. In the Fall, the Autumn Equinox indicates the time to stock up. Salt the fish, and dry the meat, the cold days are coming.

In Roman times, before Christ, the Pagans (from the Latin, paganus meaning country dweller, villager, or hick) celebrated these natural repeating patterns in a big way. In the Spring the Equinox would be celebrated as a renewal of life. To the Pagans the egg was a symbol of the renewal of life. Eggs were presented to friends as gifts in celebration of Spring. Rabbits, baby chicks, and new fresh green grass were all signs of Spring and new beginnings.

That is what Easter, rabbits, and colored eggs have in common. The Spring Equinox! In 325 AD, at the Council of Nicaea, which was the first major church council, it was decided the celebration of Easter, the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, would be celebrated on the first Sunday following the first full moon after the Spring Equinox.

Since that time, the celebration of the resurrection of Christ has been in the Spring very near the Spring Equinox. As a part of celebrating the resurrection, we go to church, we color and gift eggs, we line baskets with grass, and we devour our chocolate rabbits.

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Jewish Funeral Traditions

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Jewish Funeral Traditions

As we begin to learn more about religious practices outside of our own, it is sometimes surprising to find how much different faiths have in common. Mourners of all faiths understand the power of grief and the comfort of community. So, what happens when a person of the Jewish faith dies, and how can a person outside that faith support a friend or neighbor who is grieving?

In order to support a person of the Jewish faith when they have experienced a loss, one must learn about the Kaddish and sitting Shiva. According to Jewish Law anyone who has lost a parent, sibling, child, or spouse recites Kaddish every day beginning with the funeral and continuing for thirty days after the death. The Mourners Kaddish is a prayer, a profession of faith. The prayer is a listing of God’s holy attributes. Jewish law requires that sanctification of God’s name and requires ten voices … a minyan. This requirement of a minyan assures that the mourner is not alone. For thirty days the Mourners Kaddish is recited in the presence of at least ten people. According to Anita Diamant in her book Saying Kaddish… “The power of Kaddish comes, in large measure, from the consolations of being in a group that recognizes and embraces the bereaved”.

The Hebrew word for funeral is Levayah, which means “accompanying”. There is no religious requirement for clergy to be present at a Jewish funeral. The responsibility is on the family. The service does not address the ideas of heaven, redemption or reunion, the focus is on the life of the deceased. The service is simple. Here are no flowers or music, the casket is lowered and all in attendance participate in covering the coffin. Once the casket is lowered the business of caring for the dead is ended. The focus now shifts to mourning and supporting the family in their grief.

Shiva or “sitting Shiva” is a time for the bereaved. Traditionally Shiva lasts for seven days, although in modern times that is sometimes abbreviated to three days. It is a time to “sit” with grief. During Shiva the bereaved do not work or play. No calling into the office, no cooking, no dishes, no television or video games. Shiva is a time to do grief work. It is a time to explore emotions and feelings, to cry and to laugh. It is a time to share memories, tell stories, and receive consolation.

When a Jewish person dies:

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What is a Celebration of Life?

Fri, 05 Mar 2021 05:00:00 GMT

What is a Celebration of Life?

Do you have to be rich or famous to have a celebration of life?

The celebration of life is the personal or individual aspect of a funeral service. It is about the person who died. It is about their relationships, their loves, their passions, their accomplishments, their beliefs, their talents. It is about what and who they cared about as they lived their own unique life. How did they make a difference?

A person does not have to be rich, or famous, or even publicly successful to have had a life that can be celebrated. Maybe they were simply a dependable friend, or a loving parent, a great teacher, or just fun to be around. Isn’t that enough reason to celebrate?

A celebration of life can be compared to a couple writing all or part of their own vows for a wedding ceremony. It is the part of the service that is about the person. It can be the cookies they baked, the children they raised, the oceans they sailed, the buildings they built. What made them who they are and different from the person who was in this funeral home last week? Why will they be missed?

Believe it or not, every person is unique. We all have a unique fingerprint, ear shape, and “thermal plume”. Our own little cloud formed of a combination of 44 compounds given off by our bodies as we strut our stuff around town. We are unique. That is what a celebration of life is all about, who we were and how we touched others as we lived our life. Anyone can have a Celebration of Life.

A Life Celebration is not an either-or proposition as in “should we have a religious funeral or a Life Celebration”. It is an and also proposition . You can have both. Especially when a person has a strong belief system that is just part of who they were. Talk to your funeral director. He or she can help you both honor faith and celebrate life.

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How can we use pictures at a funeral?

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

How can we use pictures at a funeral?

Saying good-bye to someone you love is hard. Using pictures at the funeral of the person who died is a wonderful way to help tell a life story. There are a variety of ways to use photos.

Using photos that span the entire life of a person—Mom as a little girl on the farm, as a young bride, a mother, at work, and as a grandmother—just brings it all back. Pictures trigger memories and that is one of the important functions of a funeral. You want to remember the life, not just the illness or accident that ended the life.

A lot of pictures may not be required to tell the story. A few pictures can be enlarged and displayed around the room. If you have a lot of pictures that your family wants to use, they can be displayed in photo frames or albums. Many funeral homes are equipped with electronics that make it possible to show photos on large screens or televisions. These video tributes can be woven into the format of the service or stand on their own for people to view at will. Ask your funeral director for ideas and how they can help you achieve your goals.

Taking the time to come together and go through the family photos can be a healing process on its own. As you are putting together the photos be certain the entire family is well-represented. Everyone will enjoy seeing themselves with the family member who passed.

Remember: funeral directors are helpful people. They want your family to have a good experience. Still, they may not be aware that you have an amateur film producer in the family. Be sure to share the talents that your family has at their disposal as well as your family’s vision for the use of pictures at the funeral. A good picture is worth a thousand words. By all means, use those words and bring out those pictures for the funeral.

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How did St. Valentine’s Day get started?

Fri, 05 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

How did St. Valentine’s Day get started?

Hearts, flowers, chocolate, the feast day of a Saint, just what is Valentine’s Day? Some tell us it is a holiday created to brighten the cold dark winter month of February. The holiday goes all the way back to the Romans.

The Roman Festival of Lupercalia held in mid-February to celebrate the coming of Spring culminated in a lottery that matched up men and women. It was all about love from the beginning. In the 5th century Pope Gelasius I changed the festival to Saint Valentine’s Day, but the love stuck. Saint Valentine’s Feast Day was associated with courtly love. By the 14 ^th century Valentine’s Day was a day to celebrate romance. Flowers, cards, and chocolate were soon to follow.

Today, on Valentine’s Day we still celebrate love. What could be better? What is more important than those we love? On February 14th we push the pause button on the demands of life and make telling our husbands, wives, children, parents, brothers, sisters, and friends they are important to us and we love them.

It is a little holiday. It does not take a lot to let someone know they are loved. Remember you will not have these people forever. Take a minute or two to share the love!

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Cooking for One …The Perfect Egg

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Cooking for One …The Perfect Egg

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, standing in the checkout line at the local market, a woman looked up and saw a man gazing longingly at her cart which was full of food. As he looked at the food, he said, “I should learn to cook.” As the conversation progressed, he shared that his wife had died awhile back, and he was still eating frozen dinners. He should learn to cook.

As it turns out, cooking for one is one of the most difficult hurdles a person faces when they lose their life partner. The first step is deciding to cook. Change the way you view cooking. Try looking at making food for yourself as an opportunity, rather than a chore. Take on the challenge of making simple food perfectly. Try to see something positive in the experience. One woman said she can eat when she wants and what she wants. That is her positive. She turns on the TV for company. You deserve to eat well.

Mastering the egg is a great place to begin. A lot can be done with an egg. Eggs can be stored in the refrigerator for weeks and can be used for any meal. Start with a few egg basics. Do cook your eggs gently. Lower the heat and cook them for a little longer time. When cracking an egg, tap it on a flat surface like the kitchen counter rather than the edge of a bowl or pan. This will prevent getting eggshells in your dish. To prevent rubbery egg whites always wait to salt your eggs until after the white is set.

Scrambled eggs are not just for breakfast. They can also be brunch, lunch, or even supper. To make a lovely scrambled egg the most important thing is to get air into the egg mixture. That is what makes them light and fluffy. So, crack a couple of eggs into the bowl add a tablespoon of milk, cream, half and half, sour cream, crème fraiche or even coconut cream. Then use a whisk or a fork to whip the eggs. Elbow up! It is all in the wrist, get some air in those eggs. Melt two tablespoons of fat such as butter or margarine, oil, or spray the pan with a cooking spray. Add the eggs to the fat and stir gently. Remember, medium heat not hot. Cook until they are the way you like them – soft and a little runny or dry. Just before plating your eggs, sprinkle with salt and pepper to your taste.

Hard-boiled eggs have a lot of uses. They can be added to a salad, or chopped with a little celery, onion, mayo and mustard to make an egg salad sandwich. Hard boiled eggs are also a good snack. A properly made hard-boiled egg will have a solid but moist yolk. Green rings around the outside of the yolk are an indication of over cooking. Place cool eggs in the bottom of a saucepan cover with cool water and bring to a boil then turn the heat down and simmer the eggs for seven to eight minutes. Remove the eggs from the pan and put them in a bowl of ice water. Once they are cool, crack the egg on the bottom (not the side) and peel under cold running water. Older eggs will peel the easiest.

Making a Frittata is easy and provides a hearty supper. A frittata is a good way to use leftovers. Served with a small salad or rolls, it makes a complete dinner. Prepare an oven proof skillet and eggs as for scrambled eggs. Before you add the eggs to your skillet, sauté your vegetable and or meats in the pan. Some good combinations include broccoli, potato, and ham or spinach, red onion & bacon. Really, just use what you like and have on hand or left over. Once your veggie mixture is cooked, pour in your eggs and add a handful of the cheese of your choice. You can even top the egg mixture with tomato slices if you are a fan of the tomato. Pop the mixture into a 375-degree oven and bake until puffed and set. Cut and serve. Yum, look what you made!

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Choosing Music for a Funeral

Fri, 08 Jan 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Choosing Music for a Funeral

Should we play music at the funeral? What music can we play at the funeral?

If it is given some thought, music can say everything about a loved one.

Too often the power of including music as a part of a funeral service is overlooked. There is a lot to think about when planning a funeral so it is easy to see how music can get lost. There are many ways music can be woven into the service. It can be played as people arrive or depart. Music can accompany the presentation of pictures and it can be played at the graveside. Music can have a little tiny part in the service or have a bigger role.

Almost everyone has “their song” or a band they grew up listening to. A surprising number of folks have musical talent. Maybe they played an instrument or sang in the choir. The music that is played at a funeral can help tell the life story. If as a child, you were forced to endure Frank Sinatra on any road trip you took with your parents, why not include a little Sinatra in their funeral service?

When selecting music for a funeral think more about the person who died and the music they listened to, and less about finding appropriate funeral music. The music you select does not need to be about loss, it just needs to remind folks of the person they loved. The music will mean more to those attending the funeral when the link to the person they loved is clear. If that musical talent trickled down to the next generation, ask a grandchild or child to sing or play at some point during the service.

Not sure about what music mom really liked? Check out her records, CD collection, or playlist. You will likely find what you need. Talk to your funeral director, funeral celebrant, or clergy person to help you determine when and where to use music.

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What does the embalming room look like?

Sat, 26 Dec 2020 05:00:00 GMT

What does the embalming room look like?

What happens during the embalming process?

What are the benefits of embalming?

What are the options if I do not want my loved one embalmed?

Embalming takes place in a designated area of the funeral home. This space is off-limits to all but the professional staff members. Similar to a surgical suite in a hospital, the embalming room is built and furnished with hard surfaces, like tile, stainless steel, or concrete. These materials are easily cleaned and nonabsorbent. The embalming room is very clean and is designed and maintained like a medical procedure room.

During the embalming process, the deceased is placed on a hospital-style gurney or embalming table. Throughout the process, the body is treated with the upmost respect and dignity. It is covered except when it is necessary to expose a part in order to complete the procedure. Funeral directors are very aware that the body was home to the spirit of a valued family member, and it is treated accordingly.

During the embalming process the body is cleansed, body fluids are replaced with embalming fluids, features are set, and make up is applied to create a more natural appearance. In some cases, restoration is needed. Restoration is used to “repair” the body when an accident, violence, or disease has caused the body damage. Finally, the body is dressed.

Embalming is an ancient process that goes back to the time before Christ. It has been updated over time to use fewer and less toxic chemicals. It is a form of preserving the body. In America embalming came into regular practice during the civil war. An embalmed body could be preserved and transported back to the soldier’s home so that the family could say their goodbyes. Today, embalming is required by law in some states when the body is going to be transported across state lines. Embalming is required by most funeral homes when a visitation with the body present will be part of the service.

Dying is often very hard on the body. Body mass is lost, pain and suffering make their mark on the facial features. Efforts to keep the dying person alive or comfortable, bruise the body. Embalming provides the benefit of rolling back the clock and giving friends and family an opportunity to say their farewells to someone who looks more like the person they remember. For most people, the final expression they see on a loved one’s face sticks with them and is a lasting memory.

For those who prefer not to embalm, but still have family members who would like to have a private family viewing, other options are available. The family just needs to talk to their funeral director. Refrigeration can be used to slow down decomposition and can be a good alternative when religion or family custom eliminate the option of embalming.

The cost of embalming varies from one part of the country to the next. A family should not eliminate embalming for cost reasons alone. Talk to your funeral director. Always share both your family’s wants and needs as well as your budget with the funeral director. You may be surprised to find out embalming is less expensive than you expected.

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Christmas after the death of a loved one

Fri, 11 Dec 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Christmas after the death of a loved one

This has been a confusing and challenging year for everyone. But, for those who have experienced the death of someone they loved, the approaching holidays pose additional challenges.

For these folks facing this special time of the year without their spouse, sibling, parent, child, or dear friend, the season comes with mixed feelings. Poignant is the perfect word to describe the combination of emotional, touching, heartbreaking, and nostalgic. It is a mixed bag of normal feelings that can fester if ignored or spoil everyone’s holiday joy if allowed to build up and explode unexpectedly.

What works best is to just take the bull by its horns as they say. Plan for how you will include your loved one in your holiday observance. First, decide if this will be something done alone or in the company of others who share your loss. Remembering and honoring the memory of your loved one can be as simple and solitary as a prayer whispered at the grave or in church or as inclusive as memory sharing time with family and friends.

If your plan includes something like a public toast before dinner be sure you have let other sensitive family members know in advance what you would like to do. As you are preparing your words—and it is a good idea to prepare—focus on the joy, love, or contributions the person who died brought to you and the family. Sharing memories of love and joy will usually enhance the holiday spirit. On the other hand, should one not prepare and fall into focusing on the feelings of loss and sadness that most surely are felt, there is a risk of spoiling the day. Focus on the person who has died rather than on your own feeling of loss. It is not that your feelings are not important, they most definitely are, it is just best if they are shared with a trusted confidant who expects to be comforting you rather than attending a celebration of the holiday.

Some things you can do to bring a much-loved person to the celebration of the holiday include serving his or her favorite food, or singing their favorite carol, or watching their favorite holiday movie. Consider making a little ceremony of passing on their “holiday job” to the next in line. Who will carve the ham, make the gravy, or read The Night Before Christmas? Pass the torch with a nostalgic remembrance of the deceased and an acknowledgment of the importance of the job by insuring it will continue in your holiday tradition.

With a little advance thought and preparation, remembering someone who was loved and died will add to the joy of the holiday celebration.

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Three things to include in your funeral plan

Fri, 27 Nov 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Three things to include in your funeral plan

Many people plan their own funeral in advance. They keep their plan on file at the funeral home of their choice so that everyone in their family knows exactly what to do when they die. Others choose a more informal route and just tell their kids what they would like to have done. In either case, there are three things that will need to be covered.

First consideration should be given to the service. Where will your family and friends gather together to share memories, give each other hugs, and accept the reality that you have died? How will the service be organized? A funeral service can be a celebration of life, a religious ceremony, or a combination of both. It can be held entirely at the funeral home or some part may take place at your place of worship or even a private club. The service that you plan and ask your family to carry out should be based not only on your personal preferences but should also be made with the needs of those closest to you in mind. What should be included to honor your life and give comfort to those you loved?

Second a plan must include “final disposition.” What will happen to your body? If you choose to be cremated, where will your cremated remains finally rest? If they are to be kept in an urn by family members, how will that plan play out for generations to come? If your children are happy to keep you inurned on the mantle, will your grandchildren and great grandchildren continue that tradition? There are several options for final disposition for cremated remains. They can be buried, they can be placed in an urn and rest in a columbarium niche, they can be kept by family members or they can be scattered. What is important is the plan include the final step. What happens after cremation? Body burial is a bit more straightforward. One needs only to decide on a cemetery and purchase a burial space.

The third and final step in planning is to determine how your funeral be paid for and who will be responsible. All three of these steps are easy to work out with the help of an advance funeral planner. Funeral homes all have a person on staff who will help you complete all the necessary steps. The best part? Planning your funeral is a free service and will include a cost estimate and keeping your plan on file at the funeral home. What a great gift for your family!

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Three things you need to know about THANKSGIVING

Fri, 13 Nov 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Three things you need to know about THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving became a National Holiday in 1863 during the Civil War. A woman named Sarah Josepha Hale convinced President Abraham Lincoln that a national Thanksgiving holiday would help heal a war-torn country. The Civil War literally tore families apart. Cousin fought against cousin, neighbor against neighbor, and brother against brother. President Lincoln wanted to bring the nation back together. He hoped a national holiday focused on a celebration of the harvest and expression of gratitude would have a universal appeal.

Today, Thanksgiving is a positive holiday that crosses religious lines and does not involve gifts. With or without football and black Friday sales it endures. Thanksgiving is perfect in its simplicity. We gather with family and friends, break bread, celebrate the harvest, and express our gratitude for our blessings.

We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country. – Abraham Lincoln, 1862

The picture we all have in our minds of a long table piled high with turkey and pumpkins with English colonists and Native Americans of the Wampanoag Tribe sitting side by side celebrating a bountiful harvest didn’t really happen that way. According to modern day historians we now know there was a harvest celebration in 1621. The colonists were pleased that they would go into their second winter in the colony with adequate food stored. Their first winter found them unprepared with little grain and in danger of starving. They solved their problem by stealing corn from the stores and graves of the Wampanoag.

The Wampanoag are a Native American people. They were a confederation of several tribes in the 17 ^th century, their population numbered in the thousands. After the colonists came their numbers were diminished by disease and war. The first Thanksgiving/harvest celebration really went down like this. The English fired their guns in the air to celebrate their successful growing of Maize. The Wampanoag men came to see what was going on and settled into the woods to keep an eye on the situation.

What was being eaten during the three days of celebration that took place sometime between mid-September and early November 1621? Turkey, eel, lobster, wild onions, native nuts, squash, beans and of course the corn.

Today, the Wampanoag descendants, also known as the “People of the first light”, commemorate Thanksgiving in different ways. Some consider it a day of mourning given the effect rapid colonization and displacement had on their people. Others gather with their families but without any talk of pilgrims. Native people celebrate a number of thanksgivings throughout the year because giving thanks is a big part of the Wampanoag members’ spiritual life.

Psychologists tell us grateful people are happier. (Psychology Today) “Gratitude is a positive feeling that has healing benefits. Gratitude is the expression of appreciation for what one has. It is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth. Spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth.” You may want to read that again, it’s worth a second pass.

Some folks wake up every morning and they are just grateful. Grateful for another day, the sunrise, bird song, whatever they are presented with they are just naturally grateful. For others that warm feeling that is a bi-product of gratitude does not come naturally. It is something that they must work to achieve. Fortunately, anyone can improve their emotional health by consciously practicing gratitude.

Cultivating Gratitude begins with noticing the goodness in life. It is not about the stuff you have. It’s about the people. The family, friends, and the furry friends that you have around your real Thanksgiving table or your virtual Thanksgiving table. Connecting with these people is a good place to begin to grow your gratitude and happiness. Connecting is more than being in the presence of, it is talking to, and listening to, those close to you. It’s caring.

Consider putting Thanksgiving in your heart and carrying it with you for the rest of the year. Each day, consciously connect with someone. Get a journal and make a note of three things for which you are grateful. Do this each and every day. It will make your year happier.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Trouble Sleeping After A Loss

Fri, 30 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Trouble Sleeping After A Loss

“The Darkest Hour is just before dawn,” or “Things will look better in the morning,” both are old sayings that could be interpreted in different ways. One theory holds those sayings refer to “night dreads”. Night dreads are when sleep is interrupted abruptly with anxious feelings of dread. You wake after just a few hours of sleep when it’s too early to begin your day. The mind is racing in a negative direction swamped by feelings of alarm. These feelings that seem overwhelming at 3 a.m. magically evaporate when the sun comes up and the day begins for real.

Waking in the night with these negative thoughts seems to happen more often as we age and our sleep patterns change. They also happen more often during periods of stress. So, if you are a caregiver for a family member or have experienced a death in your family you may be familiar with episodes of “night dreads”. If that is the case, you know it can be difficult to get back to sleep and feel rested for the day ahead.

When you wake with your heart pounding and your brain racing there are a few things you can try to undo the interruption. First, uncoil, change your position in the bed. Make sure your head and neck are well supported. Slow your breathing and actively work on directing your thoughts in another direction. Be very mindful about your breathing.

Softly close your eyes and draw your awareness to what you see as you slowly breathe in and out. At first, you may think you see nothing. But, be patient. Just keep breathing slowly and looking. In a little while you will begin to see patterns of light and dark. Stay focused on the patterns. Just watch them drift and move. Concentrate on your breath and the patterns. The negative thoughts will be crowded out and you will drift off to sleep. The key is not to get wrapped up in the negative spiral where one negative thought or fear connects to the next and the merry-go-round of thought is going faster and faster until you have no reasonable hope of sleep.

If mindful breathing doesn’t work for you, try telling yourself a bedtime story. Be very colorful and descriptive as you develop your story over the details. What are the golfers wearing? Ball caps or visors, short sleeve shirts or sweaters, is the wind blowing, are the trees green or in fall color? How does the ball sound when it is struck by the club? The details are what will take your mind to a simpler, calmer place. Be very descriptive in your thoughts.

If these techniques don’t help and your night dreads are becoming more frequent or they do not evaporate when the sun comes up, talk to your doctor. Sometimes there are physical connections to night dreads and the doctor can help. A good night’s sleep is important for health and well-being.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Where did summer go?

Fri, 16 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Where did summer go?

It’s that time of year… autumn.

Even if your routine will not be dramatically impacted by the change of season there is just something refreshing and rejuvenating about fall. When a person is a little sad or lonely, maybe they have recently lost someone they love and are working out living on their own. Tuning in to the world God created can help. Embrace the change of season and let it refresh a soul seeking a new season.

First, just pay attention. Take notice of what’s happening around you. As fall arrives, the air becomes cool and crisp, the smells change, and the sky is bluer! It really is. (Check it out. It’s called the Rayleigh Effect.) Oh, and the night sky. It’s amazing in the fall. Travel away from the city lights, find a dark place and just look up. It’s free! You don’t need money. But, you do need to be a little patient. Keep looking. In a little while something almost magical will happen. Your eyes will begin to see more and more stars. You might even see a shooting star.

Second, share the season. If you know someone who is lonely or needs lifting up, call them. Take them to pick apples or pumpkins. If you are the lonely one, call a friend. Bake a pie together or just go out and eat a piece of pie and drink a cup of coffee. We all live under the same moon. You can call a grandchild or a faraway friend and share the Harvest Moon on September 14 or the Hunter’s Moon on October 13.

Finally, tap into your inner child and learn something new. Learn how to bake a pie or teach someone to how to bake a pie. Learn more about the fall constellations – Andromeda, Aquarius, Capricornus, Pegasus and Pisces. Download one of the NASA apps like Sky View and learn to identify the constellations of the night sky. Visit a science museum or planetarium and see what you can learn there.

Every day of every season is a gift. Embrace your gift.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Top three priorities for those who are grieving

Fri, 02 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Top three priorities for those who are grieving

When a person is in the midst of grief, taking care of themselves can get lost in the mayhem. There really are so many things to do. Eating well, exercise, and even sleep just don’t seem that important. The reality is that grief takes a lot of energy. Self-care might just be the most important item on the agenda.

If you know someone who is grieving, feed them. Make it easy. Take them something to eat. The effort of ordering a meal or getting dressed to go out to eat can be overwhelming to a person who is mourning a loss.

If you are grieving, buy a few easy-to-prepare foods. Eggs and soup can be a good start. Don’t overlook the freezer section. Buy an apple. Microwave popcorn is not a meal!

Exercise doesn’t always need to involve weights, running, or even sweat. Just take a walk. Start small. Try ten minutes the first few days and then see if that can be increased each week. Set your sights on a 30 minute walk each day.

The experts tell us we need seven to eight hours of sleep a night. They suggest going to bed at a regular time and getting up at a regular time. Set the alarm and watch those naps. It is tempting to use sleep to avoid those sad feelings. Too much sleep is no better than too little sleep. Try turning down the thermostat at night. Those in the know tell us 65 to 68 degrees is the optimal temp for sleep.

Paying attention to these three basics, eating well, exercise, and sleep will help support a person who is involved in the difficult task of grieving.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Why don’t we celebrate life while the person is alive?

Fri, 18 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Why don’t we celebrate life while the person is alive?

Interesting question, isn’t it? The person asking the question had recently attended what he described as a “fabulous funeral.” Turns out the funeral was billed as a celebration of life. Our questioner, Mark, attended because the person who died was the mother of a co-worker he had worked with for more than 30 years.

Mark was so impressed with the woman’s talents, interests, and accomplishments, all of which were highlighted during the service, he said he wished he had known her. The service got him thinking. Perhaps the deceased would have enjoyed seeing how much her neighbors, friends, grandchildren and children thought of her? Mark was thinking it might be better to celebrate a person’s life BEFORE they die.

What about that idea? Don’t we do that? Celebrate a person’s life while they are alive. It’s called a birthday party. Maybe we hold back a little. Perhaps we don’t gush over the person’s accomplishments as much on the birthday because the birthday boy or girl is too humble to feel comfortable being lauded while present and breathing?

So, is the value of a wonderful life celebration/funeral diminished because the person it was all about isn’t there to enjoy it? Or does the “value” of a funeral run deeper than that? Isn’t a funeral a validation of the significance of life in general? Might the fact that Mark was so moved by this ordinary women’s life inspire him to make more of his own? Isn’t it a worthwhile lesson for all of us to take a few hours and remember a person who died? Each of us is unique. Each of us walks a different path. Shouldn’t just about everyone’s life be summed up with a “fabulous funeral”?

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

The Best Gift Ever for Your Adult Kids

Fri, 04 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

The Best Gift Ever for Your Adult Kids

Gifts that please, surprise, are useful, and don’t break the bank are hard to come by.

So, here’s one that no one will see coming. What if you could give the gift of being prepared? You can.

All you have to do is call the funeral home and get on the schedule to speak to the preneed person/advance funeral planner. Just get all your questions answered. Get a plan written and on file at the funeral home. That way everyone knows who to call, what to do, and maybe even how it’s all going to be paid for when the time comes.

Does your family need this gift? Here’s a test. When you order a pizza does everyone want the same toppings? If your family takes a bit to decide or you always order half this and half that, a funeral plan will be a terrific gift. If your family is blended, then absolutely this is a perfect gift. If yours is a second marriage, for sure they’ll all appreciate this gift one day. Even if your kids are all equally successful, agree on everything, and belong to the same church, they will still love this gift!

No one will expect your gift of a completed funeral plan. No one will need the receipt to return your gift. Your gift will not be too big, too small, too out of style, or re-gifted. It will absolutely be used someday. It will be appreciated.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Opportunity

Fri, 21 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Opportunity

Every day is full of moments. Moments charged with opportunity.

You are probably familiar with the iconic National Geographic photo of a grizzly bear just about to close his jaw on a salmon that is literally jumping into his mouth. That photo, taken by Joel Sartore in 1999, speaks to us because it perfectly captures a singular moment of opportunity. An opportunistic moment is something a whole lot of folks are hoping will come their way. They are waiting for their moment.

Do you think Joel, or the bear for that matter, waited for that moment? How many fish do you suppose the bear missed before he caught that one? How many fish did he catch before or after in a much less choregraphed (perhaps even awkward) manner? Do you suppose that was Joel’s only shot of the day or do you imagine he took lots and lots of shots before luck and skill came together and he captured that one?

Here’s the thing, it’s easy to miss a million little moments of opportunity when you are waiting for the perfect big opportunity. This pattern of waiting is especially easy to fall into when you are grieving or are overwhelmed with care giving. The sad thing is that just when a person would benefit the most from little shining moments, those moments pass by unnoticed.

So, open your eyes and look. When your caregiving duties have you up in the night just take a moment to look at the night sky. When you are out shopping at the food store or picking up something at the pharmacy, speak to the checkout person. See if you can make them smile. Nothing warms the heart like making another person smile.

Grief and loss are difficult. Caregiving can feel thankless. Still, every single day comes with many little moments that can lighten the load. They are there. However, you have to be open and make the effort to see the opportunity.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Moving on With Life After the Death of a Loved One

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Moving on With Life After the Death of a Loved One

Moving on is not the same as forgetting. Moving on after the death of a loved one, especially a spouse, just means actively engaging in life. It means reaching a point where the mourner has things to look forward to again. J. William Worden, PhD tells us the fourth task mourners must accomplish as they move through grief is to “find an enduring connection with the deceased while moving on with life.”

In Worden’s model, moving on is described as a task rather than a stage. That’s an important distinction and implies active engagement on the part of the mourner. It gives the survivor some control and responsibility for the direction of their life moving forward.

The more closely entwined the mourner’s life was to the life of the deceased the harder it will be to “move on with life.” When a person’s life has been moving along in lock step with a spouse or partner for the better part of his or her adult life, the adjustment can be very difficult.

Some mourners will decide to move on with life as a single. That will mean changing plans. The trips or activities a couple planned to do together will now need to be undertaken alone, with a friend, or abandoned and changed entirely. An open mind and willingness to stretch one’s comfort zone can bring new opportunities.

When one door closes another door opens. Painful as it is to lose a spouse, it is possible to find yourself with time to engage in hobbies or interests that had be put on the shelf because they were not enjoyed by a partner.

Some mourners will partner up again with someone new. With that method of moving on comes the task of overcoming fear and putting oneself out there … dating. It may mean working with other family members to gain acceptance of the new person in one’s life. It will most certainly mean adjusting to new expectations, personalities, and habits. A new spouse will never be just like the one who died.

Whatever the path a widow or widower takes new skills will need to be learned, new things will need to be tried, and adjustments made. It takes work. But then isn’t that just a part of life?

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Who Becomes a Funeral Director?

Fri, 24 Jul 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Who Becomes a Funeral Director?

The funeral director is often the son or daughter of a funeral director. They grew up understanding the contribution the job brings to the community. Funeral directors are helpers. It’s more than just being understanding and compassionate. Funeral directors know what to do. They can guide a family that is in disarray due to a sudden loss of a family member. They know exactly where to begin when no one in the family has any idea what to do.

For the funeral directors who did not grow up in the business, they were drawn to the profession by their own memorable experience with loss. Having been comforted and supported by a funeral service themselves, they chose to enter the profession to help others. Funeral directors are helpers.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association , 16% of their member funeral directors are women. You can expect to see that number increase as 61% of current mortuary school students are female. Some suggest the increase in women entering the profession reflects changes taking place in the funeral service itself.

The idea of celebrating the unique life of an individual who has died opens unlimited possibilities. Today’s funeral directors are increasingly involved in coordinating with clergy and a whole host of family members and others to ensure the service reflects the life of the person who died. This planning and developing a personalized service is appealing to many women.

The profession has always taken care of the deceased, lifting that burden from families. Today’s directors still take care of the one who died, but the real emphasis is on helping the survivors begin a healthy grieving process.

Who becomes a funeral director? People who care, people who can lead, people who can mediate, people who are team players, people who quiet chaos. In short, people who help.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Age-Associated Financial Vulnerability

Fri, 10 Jul 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Age-Associated Financial Vulnerability

Read this blog even though you don’t want to. Especially if you or your parent is over 65 or living alone. Age Associated Financial Vulnerability is a real thing and it affects intelligent independent people. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau puts the cost of elder financial exploitation as high as $36 billion a year.

If you are or you know anyone over 65 you know about the exploitation part. Those calls that come many, many times a day and at increasingly unorthodox hours of the day. Why are older Americans targeted? Because they hold a large percentage of the wealth. Some estimates have the over age 50 population holding as high as 83% of America’s wealth. And as we age, we become more vulnerable. It’s as simple as that.

If you think you are not a likely candidate for fraud, think again. Victims are not who you think they are. They are high functioning seniors and often test as “normal “on cognitive function assessments. It’s complicated. You can check out the report Brains and Losses at marketplace.org . It has to do with changes in our brains as we age. How we process information when we are in emotional state. That includes being angry (at the caller), being scared or just being a nice person. Scammers know how to exploit our emotions.

Bottom line, living alone increases susceptibility because, when you are alone you don’t have that close contact to hash over a call or contact you receive. Prevention is the key. If you are living alone, open-up to someone you trust. If you have a parent or relative living alone check in on them regularly. Don’t judge. Make yourself available. Ask your parent what they know about scams. Teach your parent how to screen calls.

Being susceptible does not mean an older person needs to go to a nursing home or lose independence. It does mean both the aging and those who love an older person need to be on their toes, maintain close contact, and have open conversations.

Some ideas about setting hard and fast lines of defense will follow in a later blog at this site.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Independence Day

Fri, 26 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Independence Day

Parades, speeches, and fireworks. The fourth day of July is the day we celebrate our independence. We put aside our differences and celebrate our great country together. We celebrate the polished, pretty version of our history as we lament our current gritty selves. But here’s the thing: no life, and that includes the life or our great nation, is without grit. It’s easy to picture the signers of the Declaration proud, happy, and in agreement as they signed the document, but, truth be told, it was not all that easy.

First, the Declaration that we cherish was not a declaration of war. The war for independence had been going on for more than a full year when the document we celebrate on July the 4 ^th, was written by a committee of five. Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Robert Livingston, and Roger Sherman were assigned the job of writing the declaration. Thomas Jefferson was asked to produce a draft for their comment and approval. There were several drafts and revisions.

Jefferson was, at first, reluctant to author the document. He wanted John Adams to do it instead. Adams writes in his account of the episode in a letter to his friend, Timothy Pickering, a Massachusetts politician:

“Jefferson proposed to me to make the draft. I said, ‘I will not,’ ‘You should do it.’ ‘Oh! no.’ ‘Why will you not? You ought to do it.’ ‘I will not.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Reasons enough.’ ‘What can be your reasons?’ ‘Reason first, you are a Virginian, and a Virginian ought to appear at the head of this business. Reason second, I am obnoxious, suspected, and unpopular. You are very much otherwise. Reason third, you can write ten times better than I can.’ ‘Well,’ said Jefferson, ‘if you are decided, I will do as well as I can.’ ‘Very well. When you have drawn it up, we will have a meeting.’ “

So, we see political considerations were involved from the very onset. Jefferson wrote the Declaration not just because he was eloquent, but also because he did not have Adam’s baggage (a quarrelsome reputation) and he was from Virginia—a colony it would be important to have on board.

The Declaration of Independence is a document of state. It was intended to describe who was doing what and why. The Colonies were coming together as “United States.” They were declaring themselves independent from England. The main body of the Declaration includes a long list of reasons or grievances against the King. The why.

So, then who actually signed on July 4 ^th , 1776? John Hancock was the only person to sign on the 4 ^th , many others signed on Aug. 2 and the last person to sign was New Hampshire delegate Matthew Thornton on Nov. 4, 1776.

Every step along the path to independence was debated, discussed, revised and worked out between people with like and differing ideas. We are a nation born from grit. Mistakes have been made as well as great things accomplished. So, as we head out to the parade or barbeque this year maybe we can lean in, embrace our grit, and be proud we live in a country where we can have our differences and still all love our country.

Great Reads about our History:

These Truths a History of the United States by Jill Lepore

Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow

John Adams by David McCullough

American Sphinx by Joseph J. Ellis

Jefferson Himself… The Personal Narrative of a Many-Sided American Edited by Bernard Mayo

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Making the Funeral About the one who Died

Fri, 12 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Making the Funeral About the one who Died

A “personalized” funeral is not just for the rich and famous. When someone we love dies, we want to remember that person. We want to celebrate the life that was lived. A life story does not have to have a dramatic plot twist or culminate in fame and riches to be worthy of remembrance.

So, how does one go about putting together a life celebration?

Pictures are a great place to begin. Look for pictures that span their lifetime, show their personality, celebrate their relationships and friends, put them in the context of their work, hobbies, or passions. Most funeral homes now have equipment to create a video that can be shown in a loop on a television or larger screen. It is also relatively inexpensive to get photographs of those milestone moments made large. Ask your funeral director how these can be displayed at the funeral. They can also direct you to local retailers who will be able to assist photographs.

Consider integrating pictures with the eulogy. For example, the eulogist might share stories about the childhood years of the person who died while childhood pictures are shown in the background. Don’t be shy about asking the funeral director for what you envision. Maybe you would like two different video tributes. One might showcase family life and one sports, hobbies or special interests. Just ask, funeral directors want the service to be meaningful for the family and friends. They are there to help you honor your loved one.

Music can also be a great background and can be integrated into the service. Nearly every family has someone who can put together a play list. Choose musical favorites of the deceased. There are also many songs that relate to death or loss in every musical genre from country to classical. Be sure to check with your funeral director to make sure the format for the music you would like to use is compatible with the funeral home’s equipment.

There really is no end to the ways you can express the personality and interests of the person you loved and lost. Talk about your ideas with the key people in your family before you attend the arrangement conference with your funeral director. Then just ask away. Can we bring the dog? Can we bring in some of Mom’s artwork? Can we give everyone a golf ball? Just ask you might be surprised to find your funeral director has some helpful ideas for a fitting farewell.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Planning for Cremation

Fri, 29 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Planning for Cremation

Start with the end. Where will your cremated remains “rest?” On average, a cremated human body will be reduced to about five pounds of coarse “ash”. There are three general choices for resting places and a variety of options within each choice.

Very few people really “don’t have anybody”. Friends are the family we choose, and then there is the family. Most of us are deeply connected to at least one other human being. These are the people who will need some time to process their loss of you.

Funeral homes either provide cremation at the funeral home or coordinate transportation from the place of death to the cremation facility. They can also help you choose a final resting option and coordinate the closing ceremony. Most funeral homes have a person on staff who will answer all your questions and help determine which options work best for you and the people who are important to you. Amazingly enough, this is a free service. A cremation society or direct cremation provider will take care of the cremation.

You can:

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What to Give Mom for Mother’s Day

Fri, 15 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

What to Give Mom for Mother’s Day

What a word! What a concept! What a job! Mother can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adjective. The female parent of a child or children is a mother. A mother can be a leader of a religious group, or even a term used to designate an elder or senior woman. To mother is to nurture, to invent, to originate.

The word mother has many uses and meanings. Like the word, mothers are not all alike. Some are round and soft, others are straight and firm, some delight and some disappoint. Still, your mother is your mother at seven or seventy. The mother child relationship has staying power like no other. She is yours and you are hers, forever.

Mother’s Day is a time for showing your appreciation for all the effort your mom put into you. Taking care of you when you were sick, cleaning up after you, keeping your clothes clean and a million little things that helped get you to where you are today; So, what is the perfect Mother’s Day gift?

TIME.

For the mother of young children, it might be free time. An hour or an afternoon free from the responsibility of childcare. Time for a soak in the tub or to read a book.

For the mother of a teen it might be time in the form of a shared activity. It could be as simple as working on a puzzle together or watching a movie (no devices in hand) and a little conversation about the movie at the conclusion.

For the mother of an adult child it might be a lunch, FaceTime call or walk with her child. A few minutes or even a couple of hours of just you and your mom.

For the mother of an older child, if you are sixty that probably means mom is in her eighties, how about some time for help? Give advance notice and ask for a list of little jobs or things that are annoying you could fix. Has her computer stopped talking? Does the TV speak the wrong language or have annoying closed captions that just appeared on their own? Has there been an invasion of ants? Are there weeds? What needs time?

For the mother who lives far away take time to write a thank you note to your mom. What do you remember? What do you do now that you learned from her?

TIME, TIME, TIME, … just a little time is what most moms really want for Mother’s Day.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

The best insurance purchase you will ever make

Fri, 01 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

The best insurance purchase you will ever make

The storm passes and we are once again caught up in our love/hate relationship with insurance. Typically, we pay and pay and then we pray we don’t ever need to file a claim. No one wants to have their house burn down or blow away. But, it is also hard to write that check every month. Most folks do so because they are afraid not to.

However, there is one kind of insurance you will absolutely use. You’ll get more than you paid in, and you don’t have to pay endlessly.

Funeral insurance, not to be confused with final expense insurance, is the rare insurance product designed to cover a cost that you absolutely will incur. We all die in the end. So, how does it work?

Funeral insurance is sold through your funeral home. The amount of the insurance matches the cost of your funeral in today’s dollars. It can be paid in one payment and you are done. Or, you can pay over three to 20 years and be covered for the whole cost of your funeral while you pay.

It’s easy to find out more. Just call the funeral home and ask to speak to someone in the advance planning department. You will want to set aside one to two hours for your meeting with the advance planner. You will have questions. Remember to ask how funeral insurance is different from final expense insurance.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Embalming … What Funeral Directors Do

Fri, 17 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Embalming … What Funeral Directors Do

What is embalming?

Embalming is the art of slowing the decomposition of the human body. The embalming process is carried out in a clean environment, and proceeds in a fashion similar to medical procedures.

First, the body is washed and sanitized, and the limbs are massaged to remove stiffness. The facial features are then set, eyes closed, and jaw fixed in a pleasant expression. The body’s own arterial system is used to replace blood with embalming fluid. The abdominal cavity is drained of fluid and gas and embalming fluid is injected into the organs. Once the body is prepared, the hair is washed and arranged, cosmetics are applied, and the body is dressed.

Why embalm?

We embalm because we are humans and it is human nature to want to see the person who died. “Seeing is believing” is often said and certainly true, especially when death is sudden or unexpected. We humans have a basic to need see in order to accept the reality of the death. Most people want and need time for a final goodbye. Embalming improves that experience and makes the body presentable.

Have we always embalmed?

Evidence has been found that as long ago as 5000 to 6000 BC, the Chinchorro culture of Chile and Peru practiced embalming. Ancient Egyptians believed the soul would return to the body, but only if it could recognize the body it belonged to. They developed complex rites and rituals surrounding mummification, a form of embalming. Embalming was also practiced by Aztec, Mayan, Ethiopian and Tibetan cultures. Xin Zhui a Chinese noble woman who died 160 BC was meticulously embalmed her body is still recognizable today.

Embalming in America began during the Civil War. Hundreds of thousands of men were dying far from home and their families. Dr. Thomas Holmes was commissioned by the Army Medical Corp to embalm the bodies of Union officers so they could be returned home for their wives and mothers to gaze upon them one last time. Holmes embalmed more than 4,000 soldiers during the Civil War.

Is embalming required by law?

No law requires a body to be embalmed. However, most funeral homes require embalming with some service options. Your funeral director will be pleased to discuss all options with you. Today, embalming is standard practice in Canada and the United States.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Social Distancing, Weddings and Funerals

Fri, 03 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Social Distancing, Weddings and Funerals

Does it take losing something to make us see its real value? Suddenly we find ourselves in a world where weddings and funerals may not happen. Just a few weeks ago people might have questioned the need for these kinds of gatherings. Now, we begin to feel what we have lost. Albeit a temporary loss, something we must do for now, perhaps a takeaway is a clearer understanding of how important our social rituals really are.

A wedding is much more than the party and the white dress. It’s really about witnessing two people making a commitment. It’s the vows. When two people look at each other, with love in their eyes, and vow to walk through life together through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death parts them. That is a wedding. That is important. A party can be held to celebrate the union any time. It’s the vows that make it a wedding and having family and friends witness those vows means something.

In the same way a funeral has a moment. A life can be celebrated weeks or even months after a death. However, when a person close to us dies the immediate response is numbness and disbelief. A funeral fills the important need we have to come together and share. At the funeral we understand the death is real and we do that in the comfort of community with family and friends. Funerals help.

For now, our gatherings may be curtailed. We will do what must be done to deal with a very real and very scary threat. Weddings may be postponed, and we will comfort those who experience a loss as best we can.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Where are you now? Three to six months after the death of a spouse

Fri, 03 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Where are you now? Three to six months after the death of a spouse

Grief is individual. Everyone experiences the sorrow over the loss of a loved one in their own way and at their own pace. That said, there is enough common ground for scientists, behaviorists and psychologists to describe steps or stages of grief. These scales for grief are useful. They can be helpful to see your feelings mirrored in the process and it is good to see that progress is to be expected.

In his book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy , William Worden takes a little different approach. He describes four tasks the mourner must accomplish.

The task of accepting the reality of the loss usually takes place in the first weeks and months after the death. This is a busy time. There are many things to do. The busy work of filing papers and getting affairs in order can distract a person to the point they don’t feel the loss. This in turn can delay task number two – Working through the grief and pain. At some point, it is necessary to slow down and allow yourself to feel the pain. As Worden tells us, “The prescription for grief is to grieve. In my experience I have seen that despite best efforts, there is no way to “get around” grief; we have to be willing to go through it in order to get to the other side.”

Sometime around that three to six-month time frame, it will be time to begin the work needed to accomplish task number three, Adjust to a new environment . This task requires much and takes time. It can mean learning how to live alone, learning how to pay your bills, cook your food, or care for your car. It can mean learning how to ask for and accept help. For some, this may be the hardest part.

However, just as grief can’t be skipped or glossed over, adjusting to life without a person’s loved one must be done by the mourner. No one can do it for them. Others can help, but if one is to go on with life and experience all the joy of the future, it is necessary to engage in this task.

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Until Death Do Us Part: Losing a Spouse Three to Six months after loss

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Until Death Do Us Part: Losing a Spouse Three to Six months after loss

By now most of the big stuff is probably done. The thank you notes have been written and mailed. The marker or head stone has been placed or you’ve found a place for the urn. You’ve probably filed for the life insurance, and perhaps you’ve even begun to clean out his closet.

You may be wondering, what have I missed?

How about you? What are you doing to take care of you?

Scientists tell us there is a hand/mind connection. Doing things with our hands actually increases our sense of well-being. Even simple chores such as washing the dishes, preparing your meal, or even making your bed help to provide purpose and a natural routine. Why not step outside of your box and try something creative that you used to enjoy doing or have thought about trying? Don’t discount the value of a craft, woodworking or art project.

Finally, see people. Human contact is vital to your new normal. If your friends and family aren’t calling you, then call them. Look for a movie you would like to see, a museum you would like to visit, or a restaurant you would like to try and ask someone to join you.

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Mother died…how long do we keep her things?

Fri, 13 Mar 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Mother died…how long do we keep her things?

Separating from a loved one’s belongings is one of the more difficult jobs you will have to do after a death. It is amazing how much is collected over a lifetime. You probably won’t get it done in a day and you will probably shed a few tears.

Ask for help. Accepting and asking for help is harder than you might think. It is hard to turn over the decision of what goes and what stays to someone else. If your offer of help is refused, be understanding. Your mother may need to handle every one of your deceased father’s possessions before anything can go. Give her some time and then offer to help again a little later. Offering to box or bag after items have been sifted through is a huge help.

If you are the decision maker, consider providing some guidelines and then letting go. It’s a big job. Some help will be nice.

First contact your family members to determine what they might be interested in having. Give people some notice and a time limit, “If there is anything that you want from Mom’s wardrobe please come and get it before next week. I am going to sort through then and will be giving things to charity.”

Second, make it a goal to handle things once. To keep you on track, get boxes, bins or bags and mark them FOR CHARITY, FOR TRASH, TO KEEP. Keep those boxes moving. At the end of the day take the trash to the trash and the charity to the donation site so that you won’t be tempted to go through them just one more time.

If you are thinking about having a sale, think long and hard. People haggle at tag and garage sales. Are you emotionally prepared to dicker over the value of your dad’s favorite tie or his collection of fishing lures? Might it be better to think of his things finding new homes with people who need them? Sales are a lot of work, be kind to yourself, avoid taking on too much.

Procrastination won’t make the task easier. If you cannot take care of the sorting and giving, turn the job over to someone else. If you are a procrastinator, storage units have your name written all over them. Calculate the annual cost. Ask yourself, “What will change between now and next year?” Have a plan. When does the storage end?

Memories are attached to our stuff. You will no doubt take more than a few walks down memory lane. Slow down and enjoy the journey. A life is over, but it’s not forgotten.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Preparing The Eulogy

Fri, 28 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Preparing The Eulogy

Writing and delivering a eulogy can be a daunting task. How do you sum up a life in three to eight minutes? If you are not accustomed to public speaking the idea of “being on stage” can add to the discomfort. But take heart, what you are going to do is important, but perfection is not required.

Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

Preparation is important and should not be skipped. A eulogy is not something one can just do “on the fly”. Even the most seasoned of writers and speakers perform better when they plan and organize.

Begin by briefly introducing yourself. Share how you are connected to the deceased. If you are representing the family thank people for coming.

Do your homework. Start with a basic outline of the person’s life. Include where and when they were born. Mention parents and siblings. Include basic information about marriages, children born, education and work.

The best eulogies capture the essence of the person who died. Include words like kind, loyal, hardworking, free spirited. These are descriptive adjectives that everyone who knew them can relate to as soon as the word is spoken.

A good way to capture that essence is to interview a few people who knew the deceased well. You will find most friends and family will be more than willing to help you. These interviews are one of the most important parts of your preparation.

Plan to ask the same simple questions to each person you interview. Ask permission to record the interview. When a death has occurred, it is too much to expect that you’ll be operating at peak performance. Being able to go back and listen to your interviews will become important as you begin to put the information you receive from everyone in writing.

Ask open ended questions. How did you know _______? How would you describe ________? What will you remember about ________? Do you have a story to share? What should I not forget to say about ______? Don’t forget to answer the questions you asked others yourself.

After you talk to a few friends and family you will probably begin to see the essence of the person you are going to talk about begin to emerge. Include a story that illustrates this essence. Be descriptive. Include humor if it feels natural and comes easily. Don’t try to force humor if it doesn’t feel comfortable to you or because you think there should be something funny included.

Finally, you must say farewell. There needs to be a conclusion. If words do not come to you borrow words from a poet, a song writer or scripture. Perhaps the person who died had a favorite such person that you can quote.

Don’t forget to practice. Read the eulogy you have written out loud. Make corrections and read it again out loud. Time yourself, edit if you are going over 10 minutes. Finally, check with others involved in the service regarding the order of the service. If there is more than one eulogist be sure you are not sharing the same story or information.

When the time comes, speak slowly and distinctly. Most people tend to speed up when they are nervous. If emotion surfaces, stop, take a minute and a deep breath before continuing. You’ll be glad you practiced.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

When I die, I just want you to …

Fri, 14 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

When I die, I just want you to …

Adult children of parents of a certain age frequently find themselves caught off guard by parents who want to share their do’s and don’ts about their funeral service. It’s just natural to want to share thoughts on one’s final wishes. Most families appreciate the guidance. However, something this important really should be written and on file at the funeral home.

Consistency is crucial. A series of “in the moment” comments to various children at different times, almost always leads to each child having at least a slightly different page at a time when they really need to work together.

Those off hand missives are very frequently made without consideration of the mourners. Telling children, you don’t want to be viewed after death may mean that a dear granddaughter who lives far away misses out on the opportunity to say “good-bye” in a way that would have helped her. So, before telling your children what you would like for your funeral service consider asking them what they would like to do for you. It’s also for the family that is left behind.

Enlisting the help of a funeral director or advance planner is very helpful and not at all difficult. Nearly all funeral homes have dedicated staff to help people plan funerals in advance. Parents and children can come together for the planning meeting and ensure everyone is on the same page. This service is typically provided by the funeral home at no charge and can provide peace of mind for the whole family.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Answering the question after the funeral: “how are you?”

Fri, 31 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Answering the question after the funeral: “how are you?”

It’s a question we all hear almost every day. “Hi, how are you?” But it has a different feel when you have recently lost someone you love. It just feels heavier. So how do you deal with that question?

It may be tempting to just sort of brush it off saying something along the lines of, “Oh, I’m fine” or “I’m doing ok.” It’s easy to go back into before your loss mode. But, are you fine? How do you get back to being truly fine?

Consider opening your heart to your closest friends. Let them in a little. The ones who are especially close to you truly do want to help. If you are struggling, say so. Then be specific about what is hard: “I hate eating alone. Sunday evenings are really lonely, I miss going to church with Frank.” Give people a little information that will give them some idea of how they might help.

As the days, weeks, and months pass and you are still struggling to find peace and normalcy, you might feel like your sadness is becoming a burden to your friends. So, you just clam up. No one wants to feel like a burden.

First, understand that you are not a burden to your family and friends. It is simply time to change your healing process.

When confronted with “how are you” question, consider giving an honest but brief response followed by something positive about your progress. “I still miss Frank terribly, but I have started having Sunday dinner with my son and his family and that really helps.” You might even use this moment to take the bull by the horns and suggest something that you would enjoy doing with your friend. Ask if they would be available for lunch, dinner, or a movie. Take charge of your grief.

If your grief is stealing your gratitude and you really cannot see where you are doing better, try this. First thing, when you wake up in the morning, think about yesterday. What was good? Make a note of just three of your blessings. Maybe you enjoyed a long telephone call with your brother, or you finally made a decent egg for yourself, perhaps you have baby bunnies in your garden. Where were the little moments of gratitude?

If you look for little joys, you will find them. Those joys will feed your healing and grow the positives in your world. Don’t be afraid the joy your life has to offer. Joy does exist after death. Don’t confuse your joy with not caring for your loved one. Make it a tribute to the joy he/she brought to your life. Making a habit of looking for and noting what you are grateful for in your life really can help.

westcobbfuneralhome.com

Funerals are changing … but grief is still the same

Fri, 17 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Funerals are changing … but grief is still the same

Without a doubt, funerals are changing. Funeral services have become less formal and are noticeably more personal. They are sometimes religious and sometimes they are not. Funerals are often shorter and sometimes take place weeks after the death. There may be more songs, more pictures, and there is much more creativity at many funerals today.

But the feelings people have when someone they love dies are the same. Grief does not change. People feel detached, alone, numb, untethered. It is hard to believe the person is really gone. You feel their presence, and it hurts to feel it, but you are afraid not to feel it. Grief is hard. When someone important to us dies it is significant and there is a need to grieve and say good-bye.

Most of the changes in funeral services are no more than updated ways to do what funerals have always done. Funerals gather us together so we can cry, hug, laugh, and remember with our family and friends. Funerals let us know we are not alone and provide a way for our friends and family to feed us emotionally and physically.

Funerals provide an avenue toward acceptance of the reality of a death. While a funeral does not alleviate the pain, it is at least a little easier to begin to accept the loss in the embrace of family and friends.

Funerals help us acknowledge that life had value. This person was once a child. They were a mother, father, brother or sister. Whether they were famous or infamous, rich or poor, kind or mean, they lived.

Funerals can’t erase the pain of loss. When the funeral is over the grief is not over. However, skipping having a funeral won’t eliminate grief either. It won’t make death any easier. The ceremony of a funeral answers an instinctive need when going through the grieving process.

Watch the reaction of a child when death impacts their life. Little children seem to just instinctively know what needs to happen. When their goldfish dies, they know they need the help of their parents to deal with loss. They are drawn to ceremony of a funeral to complete their grief an understand the feelings that go with it.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Scam protection

Fri, 03 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Scam protection

How do I protect myself from scams that have become all too common in society today? How do I prevent myself from becoming a victim of the scammers who are on the phone, on the computer and at the front door?

It’s summer the sun is shining, and stuff needs to get done around your house. Maybe you could use some help with yard work, painting, window cleaning, or a new roof. You answer the phone. Another group is asking for your monetary support. What do you do? How do you respond?

Take the time now to familiarize yourself with hard and fast rules designed to help you make good choices and avoid the masters of the scam.

Rule number 1: NEVER hire someone you don’t know to do a job who comes to your door and asks for the job. Here’s what they will tell you:

Just say no nicely and shut the door. Better yet, don’t open the door to a stranger! Only hire someone you call and who provides references.

Rule number 2: When it comes to the phone and internet, NEVER give ANY personal information, make a financial contribution, or buy anything from anyone who calls, emails, or texts you and asks. Just say, “I do not ever do that.” Here’s what they will tell you:

Just say no and hang up. Better yet, screen your calls.

Rule number 3: Give yourself a COOLING OFF PERIOD. NEVER be pressured into a quick decision, especially one that involves money. Designate someone you trust to be your decision buddy BEFORE you need them. Make a hard and fast rule for yourself that before you act, you’ll share what you are thinking about doing with this person.

Talk to your spouse partner or parents about scams and scammers. Make a short list of rules for yourself. No exception rules, short and easy to remember. Sign up for AARP fraud alert network at AARP.org. Be prepared.

Finally, if you have been scammed don’t keep it a secret. Report it to your state’s Attorney General, the FBI, or Federal Trade Commission. Ask for help. It is embarrassing. Once you realize what happened, you feel foolish and that can be depressing. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Stuff happens. These people know exactly how to push the buttons of nice, kind, folks. Prevention is the only real defense.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Happy New Year 2020

Fri, 27 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Happy New Year 2020

Wow, it’s hard to believe we are twenty years into the new millennium. Twenty years ago, as we moved from 1999 to 2000 people were stock piling all manner of survival goods. There was widespread panic over what would happen as the clock ticked down to the new year. It was called the Y2k glitch. We worried. Would computers fail to read the 00 correctly? Would the entire power grid shut down?

As midnight approached, we all wondered and watched. Thankfully the lights stayed on and life continued to move forward. Leading up to the year 2000, books were written that predicted we would be obsessed with home security, we would have watches that provided health information, and we would watch movies at home instead of going to the theatre. It all seemed far-fetched then, but now in 2020 it’s our reality.

So, what about this year? This gift of a new year. What will it bring? For sure there will be challenges and triumphs, sadness and happiness, and opportunities. We will take some of those opportunities and act on them and let others go. It’s all about choice.

Will you sit in the chair and watch TV or will you go for a walk and smell the roses? Will you eat the carrot or the chips? Will you speak to the person at the grocery checkout or ignore them? Will you vote or stay home and complain? Will you help or hinder? Will you smile or frown? Will you be kind or be a bully? So many choices.

Every choice we make has the power to change our lives. We make our year.

“ Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision. ” — Tony Robbins

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Christmas

Fri, 20 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Christmas

Not everyone anticipates the approaching Christmas holiday with enthusiasm. Let’s face it, Christmas comes around the same time every year and it’s just bound to hit everyone at a low point at least once in a lifetime. So, if this is not been your best year and you are not really looking forward to Christmas, here are a few tips to help you cope.

Be sure you have a plan – Before the holidays are upon you take time to make a plan. Think about who you want to see during the holidays and plan to spend time with them. Think about what events you really want to attend. Whether it is your granddaughter’s school play or the church breakfast, put those on your calendar. Also think about things you don’t want to do and politely decline those invitations. If you want to put up a tree but are dreading doing it alone, invite a few of those people you want to see and have a potluck tree trimming party. Have a plan and stick to the plan.

Don’t take on things that cause stress – This is the year to cut back. Do what you want to do and let go of the idea that you must do everything that you always did. Less can be more. Be kind to yourself.

Put exercise at the top of your list – Time is a precious commodity this time of year. It’s easy to put the things you do for yourself at the bottom of the list. If you are struggling with the holiday season, don’t shortchange your exercise program. When you are doing your planning, put your exercise on your calendar and keep it there.

Get out in the light – Days are short this time of year. The lack of exposure to light can make people feel sad. Get out during the daylight hours and take a long walk.

Remember the real purpose of the holiday – We have Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. He taught us to be our best kindest selves. It’s not about 20 different kinds of cookies, or a huge pile of presents. Nope, it’s about love. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. You’ve got to love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Lower your expectations for just this one tough year.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Too little too late – a memorial gone wrong

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Too little too late – a memorial gone wrong

Yesterday, Jane was on duty as a tour guide at a lovely little pre-revolutionary war church in rural Virginia. It was late in the afternoon when a youngish woman wearing shorts and a Cubs ball hat stepped into the visitor’s center looking lost. Thinking that she might need directions, Jane quietly approached to offer her assistance. The seemingly lost young lady said she just wanted to go in the church.

Since visitors were not allowed in the church without a docent, Jane began to accompany her guest to her destination. Striking up a conversation, Jane quickly discovered there was a story behind the sad eyes of her visitor. She revealed her name was Stella and she was here from Chicago. The pair talked a bit and Jane started to tell her about the church. As they walked and talked, Jane casually asked, “What brings you to this part of Virginia?” Stella spoke in a soft tone revealing she was here for a “sort of” memorial service for her mother. The pain was obvious on her face with her lips quivering and eyes glistening with small pools of tears.

They walked into the church and sat in one of the high back pews carved from pine when George Washington was just three years old. The sun was shining through the wavy glass windows. Jane took Stella’s hands and asked her, “Would you like to tell me a little bit about your mother?” The floodgates opened. She talked for an hour. She told the story that was her Mom.

Stella was the single daughter. She had been the caregiver for her mother who died ten months ago. Her brother lived abroad and her sister and her family traveled frequently. Because it was hard to get them together, they all decided to forgo a funeral service and ship Mom’s cremated remains to Virginia for burial. It seemed, at the time, to make more sense to get together later.

They agreed on June for the get together since that’s when their family typically came to visit mom and dad in this part of Virginia. They all stayed at a local inn and had dinner at their parent’s favorite restaurant. It was nice, but something was missing. There was no service. No words were spoken for Stella’s mother. It wasn’t enough for her. It was too little and too late.

It was obvious to Jane that Stella was distraught. There had been no closure. Jane’s heart broke for her. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder why. Why was there no service? Even something small, private and simple would have been better than nothing.

Jane knew some people had a fear of planning a service. They don’t know how to or what to plan. They are at a loss. They should have they called the local funeral home for help. The funeral director could have helped them find someone to pull together a brief ceremony at the graveside or in the chapel. There could have even been a service in the lovely little church where Stella sat and cried with a stranger.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Should I go to the funeral?

Fri, 06 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Should I go to the funeral?

Why should you attend a funeral? The presence of family and friends at the funeral is appreciated. We gather to acknowledge a life that was lived. We gather to comfort those for whom life has just been forever changed by the death of someone they loved.

If you care for one or more of the survivors, you should attend the funeral (even if you did not know the person who died). Your friend will appreciate your presence. Being there shows that you acknowledge that your friend’s life has changed in some way. Your presence shows your support.

If you knew the person who died but do not know their family, you should attend the funeral. Your presence demonstrates your respect for human life in general and the life of the person who died in particular. Perhaps you worked with the person who died. It is comforting for the surviving family to know the person they loved was also appreciated at work.

If you are hesitating because you are unfamiliar with the person’s faith and fear you will embarrass yourself or feel like a fish out of water, go anyway. You will be fine. You can prepare a little in advance by looking for some information online about the funeral customs of the family’s faith.

When should you stay home? Anytime you are going to a funeral and you know it will make one or more members of the immediate family uncomfortable, perhaps you shouldn’t go. If going is more about you and less about the deceased or the surviving family, don’t go. A funeral is not a place to prove a point.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

The gift of a note to your family

Fri, 29 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

The gift of a note to your family

Nothing means more to a grieving child, spouse, sister, brother or friend than a personal note from the deceased. It’s something that will be cherished. The note will make its way out of it’s safe keeping spot whenever the mourner needs to feel close to the person who died. It will be read on those tearful days that are sure to come. It will also be read on those days that are full of joyful remembrance.

The note doesn’t have to be eloquent. It doesn’t have to be brilliant or witty. It doesn’t have to be long. It just needs to tell the person how you feel about them. The writer might also include what they liked about recipient, enjoyed doing with them, or how the person was helpful. The note can express gratitude or love. It can include a shared “remember when” story. In the end it’s a love note. A personal connection that lasts even when life has ended.

So, when do you write these notes and where do you keep them? There really is no need to wait. Write your notes today or tomorrow as you live your life. They can always be revised and updated. Waiting may mean that you never get around to it. Remember, life is fragile.

If you have an advance funeral plan on file at your preferred funeral home, you might ask the funeral director to keep them for you. Just imagine how lovely it would be for your family to receive your note at the conclusion of their conference with the funeral director to finalize your arrangements. If you don’t have a plan on file, make sure someone in your family knows where the notes are kept and when they should be distributed.

“We are fragile creatures, and it is from this weakness, not despite it, that we discover the possibility of true joy.”
― Desmond Tutu, The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

The holidays aren’t the same this year

Fri, 22 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

The holidays aren’t the same this year

The Holidays are full of memories. Extended family gatherings at grandmother’s house and great big pot luck dinners all make us wax nostalgic. But the holidays, like the rest of life, do not stay the same. They change over time as circumstances change.

Grandma dies, grandpa remarries, family members move across the country, cousins marry and go the wife’s family for Christmas, people divorce, and the celebrations change or maybe fall apart all together. It might be easy to get caught up in the memories and get stuck in the sad. Mourning the loss of what was is not the problem. The problem occurs when we are not able to enjoy what could be or what we have.

The trick is balance. Cherishing the memories while jumping into making new memories and enjoying what we have right before us. It’s not easy, especially if the event that changed the holiday is fresh. Before a person can move on, they need to let go of the past. Letting go does not mean forgetting. It means opening yourself to new happiness, allowing yourself to enjoy the present.

That can be hard. It may mean you have to look for something you like about grandpa’s new wife. It might mean you have to try your son-in-law’s fried turkey! Roasting is not the only way to cook a bird, you know.

If the gathering has become smaller. Look for the opportunity having a smaller group presents. Perhaps the kids can decorate cookies or help another way in the dinner preparation. Make new memories and traditions.

As the day draws to an end, those gathered can take a moment to share one of their favorite memories of holidays past. Then everyone can also share what they loved about the present get together. Finding a way to enjoy what you have now doesn’t diminish what you had in the past.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Oh Boy here come the HOLIDAYS

Fri, 15 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Oh Boy here come the HOLIDAYS

Where oh where did we ever get the idea the holidays should be perfect? Of course, they are often fun, but perfect? Most of us remember the Thanksgivings of our past as much for the things that went wrong as the things that went right. Lumpy gravy, a rare bird, fire in the deep fryer, all etched in our memory. Even with all of our experience we still begin the holiday season with dreams of a perfect Thanksgiving dinner.

But how can you have a perfect holiday when someone is missing? Death, divorce, or even distance might mean that the family that gathers around the table this year is one or more short. Loss is always hard, but it is really difficult around the holidays. So, what do you do?

First, consider aiming a little lower. Don’t expect perfect. Instead, aim for pleasant. Know the day will be a little different from holidays past.

Second, have a plan that includes being with people. Friends are the family we choose. Pull together a pot luck of other folks who will not be with family. If you have no one to spend the day with, volunteer to serve dinner in a shelter or church. Don’t spend the day alone.

Number three, acknowledge the loss. If you lost a loved one share a memory, “Remember how dad would never let the turkey rest,” or “How Ryan always mixed his corn with his mashed potatoes?” If you are missing someone because of distance, FaceTime them or call. Just be sure to address the elephant in the room.

Finally, focus on the people who are with you. Revel in your blessing. Celebrate that you can help people in need, that you have friends to gather with, or that even though your family is missing a father or son, you still have loved ones around you. Be present. Be grateful. Let go of perfect.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Saying thank-you to a Veteran

Fri, 08 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Saying thank-you to a Veteran Posted on November 8, 2019 by Chris Messina under Veterans Leave a comment There are a million ways to say thank you. Great or small they all have value. Decide to always just say thank you whenever you see a person in uniform. When you see a person in uniform at the coffee shop or fast food restaurant pick up their tab if you can. At the airport trade your first class or comfort seat for their standard seat If you have a neighbor who is deployed offer to play catch with the kids or mow the lawn. Ask how you can help Send a care package by contacting Operation Gratitude Donate your old cell phone Drive a Veteran to their doctor appointments (contact the hospital services coordinator at the local VA hospital) Write a letter Volunteer at a VA hospital If you run a business hire a veteran – Hire Heroes USA Donate dollars or time to train service dogs for veterans – Patriot Paws or Puppy Jake Foundation Build a house for a veteran – Building Homes for Heroes Big dollars or only a few dollars, lots of time or only a little time, where there is a will there is a way to say thank you to those who serve in our military. www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Vanished without a trace

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Vanished without a trace

No obituary was written, no stone was laid, no words were spoken, no one gathered, no songs were sung and yet…

She went to church almost every Sunday of her life. She loved music. The opera and the song Amazing Grace were at the top of her list. She played golf and bet on the ponies. She traveled to China and saw the Great Wall, and to Rome, Paris, and Budapest. She won trophies at golf. She skied and was a master at bridge. She swam in the ocean, collected seashells and watched the whales. She read hundreds of books and saw scores of plays and movies. She painted walls, and flowers, and pictures of her pets.

She raised five children and played with grandchildren and great grandchildren. She went to all the weddings, graduations, bridal showers and baby showers. She moved her family and her life 11 times to accommodate her husband’s career. She made new friends (that she kept forever) everywhere she moved. She started a new career of her own time and time again. And made more friends. She called friends, visited friends, wrote to friends and hung out with her friends.

She was loved by her family and they visited often. Her home was full of pictures of family and friends. Her grandchildren learned about growing flowers and berries and tomatoes from her. She lived a long and productive life.

So how, you might ask, did she come to pass from this earth without the event being marked or her life celebrated? How is that her friends do not even know she is gone? Why are her children and grandchildren bearing the loss without the comfort of each other’s company?

She told them, “Please don’t make a fuss.” Her family took her at her word. No fuss was made. She vanished without a trace.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What can the funeral home do for a Veteran?

Fri, 25 Oct 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What can the funeral home do for a Veteran?

Many who serve in the United States Military make a career of service. Others serve for a brief period and then move on to other careers. Regardless of whether the military is a person’s life work or a part of their life for a brief period, the experience often leaves its mark.

When the time comes to plan a funeral for a veteran it can be difficult for family members to sort out how much to emphasize the military service. Your funeral director is just the person to help.

He or she can suggest ideas that incorporate all the important aspects of one’s life into a single cohesive service plan. The funeral home offers many products that have a military theme. Caskets, vaults, and cremation urns that represent each branch of the service are available to honor a veteran’s service experience.

Pictures and video tributes can be put together that showcase all aspects and stages of life. Music selections may include the familiar songs that identify each branch of the service. All of the military aspects can be integrated with love of family, interests and hobbies, as well as spiritual beliefs that identify the multifaceted person who has died.

The Federal Government provides burial benefits for those who are honorably discharged from any branch of the service. What is provided is dependent upon enlistment status at the time of death and circumstances of the death. Suffice it to say the burial benefit provided by the government will not take care of everything. The funeral director will help a veteran’s family access those benefits available and fill in where needed.

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

What is the Day of the Dead?

Fri, 18 Oct 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What is the Day of the Dead?

Day of the Dead is a two-day Mexican celebration beginning on October 31 and ending on November 2. The multi-day holiday involves family and friends gathering to pray for and remember friends and family members who have died. In Mexican culture, death is viewed as a natural part of the human cycle. Mexicans view it not as a day of sadness, but as a day of celebration because their loved ones awake and celebrate with them.

It is a lovely celebration. The spirits are not feared but are embraced. Prayers are offered to help the deceased on their journey. Graves are tended and decorated with flowers, usually marigolds. Whole families go to the cemetery, they bring favorite foods and memories about the deceased are shared.

The holiday dates back 2,500 – 3,000 years to the ancient pre-Columbian culture of ancient Mexico. Although Day of the Dead festivities happen at the same time as the American holiday Halloween, they are not the same. The tone of Day of the Dead celebrations is full of color and joy whereas Halloween is dark and mysterious. In the ancient Mexican tradition, the dead are still considered members of the community, kept alive in memory and spirit.

Altars built to honor the dead include the four elements, water, earth, wind, and fire. A water pitcher sits on the alter for the spirits to drink from. Wind is represented in small colorful flags that flutter in the breeze and a candle is present to represent fire. Finally, the food, especially bread, symbolize earth.

This year when you see the those brightly painted skeletons, you’ll understand that they are not about Halloween but are part of a holiday that celebrates family and friends who have gone before. How nice is that?

www.westcobbfuneralhome.com

Dad died. What do I do with the pills?

Fri, 11 Oct 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Dad died. What do I do with the pills?

Prescription medication is expensive. Just that fact can be an understandable motivation for some risky business. When my father died, my mother was asking everyone, “Aren’t you on blood pressure medicine? You take this heart pill don’t you? What do you take for depression?” Her plan, no waste. My mom will also save four string beans when dinner is over. The beans I can live with, the pills I think we are treading on thin ice. It’s just best to follow the FDA recommendations.

In order to keep drugs from falling into the wrong hands (little people, pets, and addicts) the FDA recommends that you dispose of all medication as soon as possible. They suggest three options.

Take Back Programs :

These are periodic events scheduled in your community for a specified date and time. In addition, some communities have permanent collection sites, you can find the location of permanent collection sites at the FDA website .

Disposal in Household Trash:

Many medications can be disposed of in the household trash following this process.

Flushing down the toilet:

FDA recommends that a short list of drugs be immediately flushed. These drugs are dangerously addictive for children and others who have not been prescribed the medication. A complete list of these drugs is posted on the FDA website .

Cheap cremations

Fri, 04 Oct 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cheap cremations

How cheap is cheap cremation? How do they do it so cheap? How is cheap cremation different from the cremation services provided by your local funeral home?

The least expensive form of cremation is direct cremation. Direct cremation means that the body is picked up from the place of death and taken directly to the cremation facility. Cremated remains are returned to the family in a simple container.

Direct cremation takes care of the body but does nothing for the family left behind.

All funeral homes offer the option of a direct cremation. So, what is missing? Service. There is no help with a memorial service, gathering or celebration of the life. Most families need more assistance. They need and want to come together and remember. However, in most circumstances, families need help putting together a memorial service after losing a beloved family member. Family members are stunned after a sudden loss and exhausted when death follows a long illness. They appreciate help.

Cremation societies may advertise very low-cost cremations. Very low cost usually means low staff levels, unskilled labor, people who have not been trained to serve families and no service. When you sign up ask who will pick up the deceased. Ask if more than one body is transported to the cremation facility at a time. Ask how you can be sure the cremated remains you will pick up will be those of your family member. Compare the cost of the cremation society cremation to the direct cremation cost at your funeral home.

Finally, consider your family situation. Do all your family members live in town? Do you have children away at college? Won’t that child want to have a final good-bye with her grandmother before nana is cremated? The funeral home usually can make that good-bye happen.

Your local funeral home offers more options and more service than a cremation society. Saving money may be important but cheap just might not be what your family needs.

What to look for when you are buying final expense insurance

Fri, 27 Sep 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to look for when you are buying final expense insurance

Cost is important, but it’s not the whole story. Take a look at the premium, the amount you will pay each month, how long will you pay that amount? It is not uncommon to pay until you are 100 or even older. Will you be able to pay that amount each month as you age? What if you live to be 100? Will the benefit stay in place? How much will you have paid in by that time? It’s not unheard of for people to end up paying more than they will receive in death benefits.

Look at the coverage. How much will be paid on your death? Most policies are for a fixed amount your family will receive when you die. This is the death benefit. How soon will you be covered for the full amount? Sometimes you will need to make payments for as long as two years before you would be eligible for the full death benefit. Often the death benefit stays the same over the course of your lifetime. So, as you age and the price of funerals increases, your policy is at risk of falling short and not providing your family with enough to cover the cost of your funeral.

Before you sign anything, call your local funeral home. Ask for an appointment with the funeral professional who takes care of advance funeral planning. When you meet with this individual be straight forward. Share your financial situation. See what the funeral home has to offer.

Most of the time the funeral home’s funding program is a little more per month but you make payments for a much shorter period of time. So, you pay much less in the long run. If you are in good health you will most likely be covered as soon as the policy is issued. Some funeral homes even offer a cost guarantee which means you have no worries about the rising cost of funerals.

It’s always worth the extra time to be sure you are getting the best final expense coverage you can afford. The one that will really be there for your family when it’s needed.

Where did summer go?

Fri, 20 Sep 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Where did summer go?

The yellow school buses are hitting the roads and new shoes are flying out of the stores. It’s that time of year… Autumn.

First, just pay attention. Take notice of what’s happening around you. As Fall arrives the air becomes cool and crisp, the smells change, the sky is bluer! It really is. (Check it out. It’s called the Rayleigh Effect.) Oh, and the night sky. It’s amazing in the fall. Travel away from the city lights, find a dark place and just look up. It’s free! You don’t need money. But, you do need to be a little patient. Keep looking. In a little while something almost magical will happen. Your eyes will begin to see more and more stars. You might even see a shooting star.

Finally, tap your inner child and learn something new. Learn how to bake a pie or teach someone to how to bake a pie. Learn more about the Fall constellations – Andromeda, Aquarius, Capricornus, Pegasus and Pisces. Download one of the NASA apps like Sky View and learn to identify the constellations of the night sky. Visit a science museum or planetarium and see what you can learn there.

Every day of every season is a gift. Embrace your gift.

Remembering a rabid football fan

Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Remembering a rabid football fan

Football, the American kind played with a spheroid shaped ball called a pig skin, is the be all end all Fall activity for millions of Americans.

Fans purchase large screen televisions just to watch the game. Others set up multiple televisions in their game day viewing rooms. All manner of hats, shirts, blankets, sweaters, jackets, mugs, and glasses in team colors are sold each year. Added to the dollars spent on equipment and tickets to events, it all adds up to $100 billion spent each year by fans. Football fans are mighty in number.

It’s no surprise then when a fan dies and the family is putting together a funeral or memorial service, thoughts turn to how to incorporate the football passion in the service in a tasteful manner.

This is a great idea. One of the most important benefits of a funeral service is having the opportunity to gather with others who knew and loved this person and reflect on the good times had together. Why not include something he or she enjoyed?

So, talk to your funeral director. Ask for ideas. There are caskets and urns that are made for fans. A team blanket can be draped over the casket or the person. Don’t forget the music. Ask about having the team song or alma mater played at some point in the service. Consider printing the words to the song in the program so everyone can remember their friend and sing together.

Think beyond the things you can bring in or wear and ask the eulogist to share some of the stories that make you laugh. You know, the time the car was loaded with the entire family and they drove three hours to the game only to realize when they got there the tickets were left on the table at home. Share the story of the fabulous tailgate or the terrible tailgate, freezing in the cold, or getting soaked in the rain, or losing the car in the parking lot. There are bound to be stories. Talk about how much friends and family enjoyed sharing the football passion with the person who died.

It all pulls people closer to the one they loved. Remembering the life, not just the cause of the loss, is the beginning of learning to live with the loss.

How should I prepare for my funeral preplanning meeting?

Fri, 06 Sep 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How should I prepare for my funeral preplanning meeting?

First, relax. Talking about your funeral plans might make you a little uncomfortable at first but making a plan doesn’t mean you will be using it anytime soon. Your funeral director or advance planner will guide you through the process. Most people get very comfortable in just a few minutes.

Do consider bringing someone with you. Be aware that children are often reluctant to come. They don’t want to think about losing you. Insist they come anyway. They will thank you later.

Do allow enough time. Typically, you will need an hour or two to get the most from your preplanning appointment.

Make a list of your questions. You may be undecided about some things. That’s fine. This meeting is a good place to get the information you will need. Just ask. Why should I have a gathering? Is it important for my family to see my body? If I am cremated what are my options for a service? What are the benefits of paying advance? If I pay in advance can I make payments? Any question you have, is a good question.

Probably the most important thing you can do to prepare for your meeting is simply to think about your family and your friends. Who are your people? Brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, the friends you have known forever and the friends you see every day. Picture them. Think about them. What will they remember about you? What kind of a service will bring them comfort? Will they want to share stories? Will music be important? Will a spiritual component be a valuable part of your service?

Become aware that not everyone in your circle may find comfort in the same way. Tell your planner about the needs of your family and friends. Let the funeral professional help you find the right fit for your people. The funeral is for the survivors, so think about them.

People smile, they even laugh at these meetings. What you are about to do is a final gift for those you love.

What to expect when you expect to be cremated

Fri, 30 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to expect when you expect to be cremated

Cremation has been around for thousands of years. It is required by some faiths and forbidden by others. Governments, charged with protection of the public health and esthetic of the community, have laws governing both cremation and burial practices. One way to view burial and cremation is to look at each as a means to the same end. Dust to dust. Cremation is quick, and burial is slow. Either one is a legal and acceptable means to the end. Most people understand what burial is about, but questions remain about cremation.

Cremation takes place in a chamber designed specifically for the purpose of reducing human remains to basic elements. This chamber is called a retort, cremator, or cremation chamber. One human body and only one at a time is cremated in the cremator. The body is clothed or shrouded and placed in a container before being placed in the cremation chamber. The container is made of a combustible material.

The cremation process takes from 2 to 3 hours. The time varies based on the size of the body and heat capacity of the cremation chamber. Typically, the chamber reaches between 1500 and 1900 degrees during the cremation process. The body is reduced to bone fragments. After cremation the chamber cools and the contents are swept clean, any metal is collected, and the larger bone fragments are crushed. The finished product is grayish white in color and is similar to the consistency of aquarium gravel. It is coarser than dust or ashes.

On average, four to six pounds of cremated remains are produced. The height of the individual has more impact on the amount of remains than the weight of the person. The composition of cremated remains is largely calcium carbonate. There are several options of what to do with remains. It is important, and sadly often overlooked, to have a plan for cremated remains that is acceptable for the family.

Cremated remains can be buried in a cemetery. Many cemeteries allow one cremated family member to be buried in the same grave space along with another family member. This option is a cost savings since a second burial space is not needed. It also gives family members the benefit of having a location to visit and remember.

Ashes can also be scattered on private property or buried at sea. See epa.gov for the laws regarding burial at sea. There are also services that will assist a family with carrying out a sea burial. It is always advisable to work through your family funeral home. Your local funeral director will know who to call and who can be trusted to carry out your family member’s wishes.

It is also possible for family members to keep the remains in an urn or in attractive jewelry pieces. The best person to help you sort out all of these decisions and choices is your funeral director or advance funeral planner. Both typically offer consultation at no cost.

It’s not really a funeral plan if it’s not at the funeral home

Mon, 26 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

It’s not really a funeral plan if it’s not at the funeral home

It’s fair to state that funerals stick in the mind of a loved one years after a death. It’s important that you get it right . Please don’t put your wishes in the drawer with the rest of your files. Oh, and that thing where you tell the kids what you want. That’s not the best either.

Here’s what often happens:

The funeral plan in the file – It might be part of the estate plan or stuck in with the financial advisor’s paperwork, or just written on some paper. It is highly likely that it will not be found until well after the funeral is over. In the hours following a death there are literally more than a hundred things to do. The list exists and people count this stuff. There is a lot to do over a short period of time when someone dies. Your family will not be going through the files.

They will not know you wanted to wear your blue dress and that you wanted The Wind Beneath My Wings sung at your funeral. They just won’t. So, imagine the anguish when they find your “plan” two weeks after the funeral service is over.

Imagine how they are going to feel when they realize they buried you in the wrong dress and sang the wrong song. Terrible. That’s how they will feel. Sadly, they’ll feel that way for a very long time.

You’ve told your kids what you want – Seems like it will be ok, but maybe not. A woman and her two sisters have not been on speaking terms since their mother died. Seems everyone heard something different from mom regarding what she wanted. The twins heard she didn’t care, just “do what you want”. So, when mom died visiting one of them, a Southern Baptist service was arranged. That service stunned Martha who was raised Catholic and heard mom say she wanted “a service just like the one we did for your dad.”

Call the funeral home, make an appointment and get everything written down and on file at the funeral home. It’s easy and there is no charge for the appointment.

Cremation or burial … is that the question?

Fri, 16 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cremation or burial … is that the question?

When a family member dies or when a person is planning their own funeral in advance, one of the first questions that will be asked is, “Do you want burial or cremation?”. The burial or cremation question is a starting point for a number of choices that must be made. It’s a place to start. But it is absolutely not the entire story.

So, how do you decide?

Approximately 50 percent of people choose burial, so that means the other half choose to be cremated. The numbers vary vastly in different parts of the country, from small towns to big cities, from one faith base to another, from one family to another. The most important things to remember when you are the decision maker is let go of what you think burial is, let go of what you think cremation is because either can be just about anything you want or believe will provide the most comfort for your family. So, yes, cremation can include faith, gathering, visitation, a funeral and burial. And, yes, burial can include a celebration of life, music, and pictures in addition to visitation, faith, and funeral. Woo Hoo! Who knew you can have it your way!

Here are a few things to consider when deciding between cremation or burial. What is your family tradition? Do you want to continue with that tradition, or do you want to change things up? Do you and your family share a faith base? Where does your faith stand on the cremation or burial question? Where do you live? Does your family live near you? Will someone be around to tend or visit your burial place? Will your family be disappointed if there is no grave to visit? What is your budget? What will your family be able to do? Will they put together a video, sing a song, tell a story, host the gathering? What can they do and where will they appreciate help?

If the choice is to bury, a cemetery will need to be selected and then a location within that cemetery. The burial site provides a place for family members to visit and remember. They can bring flowers or flags to decorate the grave site during the course of the year. These are all actions that many families find help them with the grieving process.

If the choice is to cremate, then a final location for cremated remains will need to be selected. Sadly, this final and very important decision is often overlooked. There are many options. Cremated remains can be buried, placed in a niche, scattered, or retained by a family member. Careful consideration of those left with the ashes should be made before deciding on a final resting place for cremated remains.

It is a lot. Fortunately help is available. A funeral director or advance funeral planner can help, all you need to do is call the funeral home and arrange for an appointment. There is usually no cost for an arrangement appointment.

Flowers and Funerals

Sat, 10 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Flowers and Funerals

What’s the story behind flowers at a funeral? Well, back in the day before funeral directors perfected the art and science of embalming, flowers were used to mask the odor of the body.

In modern times flowers are no longer needed to mask unpleasant odors but they have come to be a part of the funeral for other reasons. When we struggle to find words to comfort a friend, flowers speak eloquently for us. The say we care. Flowers can be sent from any place in the world to any place in the world. When we are not able to go to the service, flowers stand in our stead. Flowers are always in good taste and they are appreciated for the beauty and serenity they bring to the occasion.

Did you know different flower colors have different meanings? White flowers symbolize honor and innocence. In many religion’s death means going to heaven and a return to innocence. White lilies, carnations, roses, and cushion poms are often used in funeral arrangements.

Red flowers are frequently given by a spouse or close family members. Red blooms symbolize courage, strength, and love. The red tulip is a symbol of perfect love. Blue flowers such as hydrangea and cornflowers represent peace and serenity. Yellow flowers symbolize friendship and new beginnings.

Flowers for the casket are usually provided by close family members. Funeral flowers are sent directly to the funeral home and are not usually addressed to a particular family member, but rather are sent in honor of the deceased. It is appropriate to send smaller cut flowers or plants of remembrance to individual family members at their home.

Flowers help us communicate feelings of the heart. Flowers speak for us and say we love you, we support you, we are proud of you, and we are with you on your grief journey.

In recorded time, and probably before, communities have understood the importance of gathering following a death. Paying respects to the deceased and comforting the survivors has been a part of life. Coming together when an important life event occurs is just natural. We come to see the new baby and we gather when a loved one’s life on this earth ends. We celebrate and remember with flowers.

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Celebrating Grads and Grands

Fri, 02 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Celebrating Grads and Grands

According to the National Center for Education Statistics , more than three million high school students will graduate this year. There will be parties, balloons, cakes and speeches. Many of these young people will receive the gift of a wonderful little book written at 87 years of age by Dr. Seuss.

Oh, the Places You’ll Go! was the last book to be published during Seuss’s lifetime. It’s about the journey of life and its challenges. It’s inspiring and makes a terrific graduation gift and is sure to be appreciated by any graduating senior…especially when a check, gift card, or tickets to Europe are stuck inside.

But what about the other end of life. Shouldn’t there be another book… Oh, the Places You Have Been? Why, do people feel diminished as they age? Why are we taking less and less time to wrap up a life and tie it with a pretty ribbon? Why do we say, “No fuss needed for me, no funeral needed.”? Surely six, seven, or even nine decades of life are worth celebrating.

At the end of every life shouldn’t there be a look back? What about the choices that were made, the work that was done, the people encountered, the things that were learned? What about all that? Shouldn’t just sticking with it through all the ups and the downs of life merit a celebration of some kind? As Seuss advises, “With brains in your head and shoes full of feet, you can steer yourself in any direction you choose.”

There have to be stories. This is the generation that began with a party line telephone and is ending up with telephone watches that take pictures and tell you how many steps you’ve taken in a day! There have to be stories. These people served in Vietnam, listened to the Beatles, watched a man land on the moon. They had black and white TV that only sent a signal a few hours a day and they walked to the TV to change channels! There have to be stories.

Now is the time. Capture those stories. Ask your parent(s) about their life before you. Ask the same of grandparents. Ask about their hopes and dreams. What surprised them? What was fun and what was hard? Capture the stories and the life lessons. Prepare to celebrate the grands as well as the grads.

What do you do with cremated remains?

Thu, 25 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What do you do with cremated remains?

What happens when no one decides what to do with the six pounds of cremated remains that are left following the funeral or memorial service? You might be surprised at some of the unusual places where they show up.

For example, let’s just say you buy a swell little red two-seater sports car and drive that baby home. Of course, you are going to give her a good sprucing up. When you get around to cleaning the trunk you find a non-descript little plastic box. Close inspection reveals it’s full of a chunky greyish white substance. On the bottom of the box you notice there is a label and a name! OMG! You have what’s left of someone you never knew in your trunk! Or, you buy a house and it looks like someone left a nice vase in the attic you get where I am going with this, right? As life moves on sometimes well-meaning people lose track of the box or urn they were looking after.

Thrift stores and Goodwill are often the recipient of cremated remains. And guess what? They don’t want your great uncle Henry.

How can this be? Well, family members are not always comfortable with the scattering plan the deceased requested. It’s hard to dispose of what remains of someone you loved. Perhaps the plan wasn’t even realistic. The sand trap on the seventh hole is really not an easy place to “scatter” six pounds of crushed bone fragments. It’s not sand. All too often, cremated remains find their way back to the funeral home years after the funeral service took place. It’s the boom-a-rang effect, leaving the funeral home with the task of tracking down a living relative.

The moral of this story is simple. When someone you love tells you they “just want to be cremated” ask this question, “And then what shall we do with your ashes?”. If you are thinking about cremation don’t leave your plan partially complete. Talk to your funeral director or advance funeral planner (both can be found at your local funeral home) about your options for after the cremation. Make sure the family members you designate to carry out your final plan are comfortable and able to take care of the final resting place for your ashes.

Finally, if you have a family member’s cremated ashes in the attic, trunk, or somewhere unusual and you need help with a final plan call the funeral home. They can help you with choices.

Cheap Funerals

Thu, 18 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cheap Funerals

Funerals, like everything from paper towels to cars, come in cheap and expensive. It’s not as easy as you might think to figure out what qualifies as cheap when it comes to funerals. This is due, in part, because we don’t all have the same idea of what a “funeral” is. For some folks, a funeral includes a gathering of friends and family the evening before, a trip to the church with the body, a graveside committal service and a luncheon for all attendees following the burial.

When families begin to talk about the cost of a funeral, they need to include all the hardware (casket and vault) that goes with all these steps and sometimes the real estate (burial plot) as well. For sure, you know that what you choose to eat for lunch is going to make a difference in the price tag. So, the first thing a person needs to do when shopping for cheap funerals is have a talk with the decision makers in the family and decide what you are looking for in a funeral. What does your family want, need, and expect?

That done, you gotta know cheap is cheap. Think about those paper towels. You don’t have the same experience with the cheap paper towels as you do with ones that cost a bit more. If you are paying significantly less, you should expect less. Less staff with less education, less time spent with you and your family, less support. You should expect less to be included in the cost you were quoted and more to cost extra, over and above the cost you were quoted. So, in the end cheap funerals, like cheap paper towels (where you end up using twice as much), can cost MORE.

That does not mean that you can’t find a good value. Talk to your local funeral director. Instead of calling on the phone and asking, “How much does a funeral cost?”, call and ask for a meeting. Go in prepared with what you want in a funeral, share your budget. Be honest and clear about what you want and need. Also bear in mind, you aren’t really looking for cheap funerals – plural. You are looking for a one-time experience (one funeral) to honor the life of someone close to you. Look for value not cheap. If you are looking for a cheap funeral for yourself remember the funeral is for the living, the family and friends. The burial itself is the only part that is for the individual who died.

The 4th of July…Birth of Our Great Nation

Fri, 12 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The 4th of July…Birth of Our Great Nation

It’s a time to celebrate. Summer is in full swing. We get out the barbeque and cook our hot dogs and hamburgers. We fly the flag, go to a parade and end the day with fireworks. Happy Birthday America!

Two hundred and forty- three years ago, this July 4th, the Declaration of Independence was signed in Philadelphia. Twelve colonies, New York abstained, declared separation from Great Britain. The actual war of independence had already begun in 1775 and would continue until the final battle in 1781 at Yorktown. The war was not officially over until the Treaty of Paris was signed in 1783.

But what was born? Who are we as a Nation?

Four hundred years ago in 1619, the seeds of who we wanted to be and who we would become were sown in Jamestown, Va., as the reorganization of the bewildered Jamestown settlement was begun.

Second sons who would not inherit from their fathers on the European continent traveled across the Atlantic seeking land and success. Vicars, and those of the church, came to the new world for the opportunity of religious freedom or to save the souls of the natives. Others, like the Virginia Company, came to find riches for their investors. Some of the early founders, like Edwin Sandys, saw the opportunity to build a colony of people governed for the common good of the people, to establish a commonwealth .

However, we were never all of like mind about our goals, objectives and purpose. James Madison and Alexander Hamilton worked together on The Federalist Papers and then were at great odds over the creation of a national bank. George Washington mediated between Thomas Jefferson, who favored States rights, and John Adams, who believed a strong central government was necessary to hold together the infant United States.

We the people have, from the beginning, held very different ideas about how to go about pursuing happiness, but we have always been of one mind about the desire to pursue. We have all embraced the quest for opportunity from the very beginning.

When we are at our best, we listen with a desire to understand our fellow countrymen’s viewpoint. Jefferson famously invited his friend Madison and his rival Hamilton to dinner at Monticello where the three broke bread, talked, and listened to each other. They agreed to support both the creation of a national bank and the placement of the capitol on the Potomac. Prior to that dinner they were locked in an intractable debate with Hamilton wanting the capitol in New York and a national bank and Madison and Jefferson wanting the capitol in the South and squarely against the creation of a national currency and bank.

The riddle of who we are continues today. We disagree, sometimes with vigor, on how best to go about the pursuit of happiness. But we are all of one mind when it comes to the value of the pursuit. We all love our country; we all want it to be the best. We care. What if we each make a commitment, as a birthday gift to our nation, to really listen and really understand more often?

Preplanning Your Funeral in Your 60’s

Fri, 12 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preplanning Your Funeral in Your 60’s

According to a National Funeral Directors Association survey, more than half (62.5%) of us expect to participate in making our own funeral arrangements. And yet, less than a quarter of us have actually acted on that impulse. Not really so surprising since making funeral arrangements can literally be the very last thing we do. We can put it off right up to the end!

So, when do you think you should just go ahead and get it done? How about when you are critically ill? Or, maybe before you go on that cruise? Does when you go into the nursing home seem too late? How about as you are preparing for retirement? Actually, sooner is better than later for several reasons.

First, there is no down side to having your arrangements in place. If something new comes along or you change your mind about what you want you can always make changes to your plan. If you move you just move your plan. Nothing is carved in stone.

Second, there are some real up-sides to getting your funeral plan written and on file at the funeral home. For one thing, you just never know. people do die unexpectedly. And then there is the money. Historically funerals, like almost everything, have gone up in price over the years. The funeral of today will likely almost double in cost in 10 years. Why are you waiting?

Prearranged funerals are often funded in a way that buffers or even eliminates the impact of rising prices. You buy at today’s prices and you are done. When you plan in advance you also have the benefit of being able to pay over a specified period of time (you choose). As you age your choices become more limited. When you make your arrangements while you are in reasonably good health the cost of your funeral can be paid in full should you die before you’ve completed your payment cycle. Again, sooner is better than later.

The early 60’s is a good time to visit your neighborhood funeral home and get your plan written and on file. This is when you will get the most out of the funding options. It is also when you are likely to have a good idea of what you will want in the way of services. At this age you are grounded and you are likely to still be earning income. Making payments for a bit will hardly be noticed. Then when you retire, and take that cruise, you can just enjoy. You’re all set to just enjoy the rest of what life has to offer.

Grief is Individual

Fri, 12 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Grief is Individual

Let’s talk about the stages of grief. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I studied them in nursing school, reviewed them when I got divorced and generally found them to be a pretty accurate and helpful bit of knowledge. And then, a family member died. Stages?

In our house it was more like we all went to the amusement park and were all on very different rides. Up and down, round and round, quiet and loud. We were definitely not that family walking together peacefully along a path through stages. We were all a bunch of nuts. Although we love each other, we were dangerously close to coming apart at the seams.

I don’t think we are the only ones. Death is the number one stressor for families. I’ve seen families break under the weight of illness and loss. Funeral directors will tell you the hardest part of their work is dealing with families who are emotionally fragmented.

We all experience grief differently. It’s a singular journey. But, you have to get along. If you don’t work it out you risk loosing your family, not just the one member who actually died. So what helped us?

Deep breathing and listening, I mean really listening to understand not just hear. Recognizing anger as an expression of fear. Seeing frenzied activity as a coping mechanism for helplessness. Making room for each other’s ways of expressing love.

Accepting the prayers and the mementos even when the prayers aren’t ours and the memento is not what we would choose for a funeral.

Being tolerant of each other’s needs and expression of their personal grief. Looking for what’s motivating the behavior not just the behavior itself. Being kind and tolerant. Hugging the huggers and giving the non-huggers their space. Letting go of judgment and making room for differences. I mean really, so what if your sister cries loudly? What’s the harm?

The days before a funeral, the time during the arranging of the funeral and weeks following a funeral are not easy. You and your family can come out of it broken or stronger.

Honoring Military Service

Fri, 14 Jun 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Honoring Military Service

Taps. There is nothing like the sound of those patriotic notes. It grabs your heart, it makes you cry. It honors the service and risk a man or woman took for our safety and the safety of our country.

Public law provides military burial benefits for all who served and were honorably discharged from any of the five branches of the U.S. Military. Your funeral director or advance funeral planner can explain all of the benefits you or your family members are eligible to receive. They will also access those benefits related to the funeral or burial on your behalf. Your funeral director can help you weave the remembrance of your loved one’s military service into the fabric of their full life experience.

Most who have served in any of the branches of our military, whether it be for a few years or as a career, will tell you the experience had a profound impact on their life. Even when the service period was brief and at a tender age and followed by many years of some other vocation, that service should be honored.

The funeral professionals at your local funeral home have the resources and know how to help you get the remembrance just right. In addition to the playing of taps and flag ceremony provided by public law, there are caskets, vaults, and urns that highlight each branch of the armed services to be considered. Photos and music can also be a part of the funeral gathering or ceremony and can add so much to the remembrance.

How much or how little your family wishes to focus on the military service of a loved one is a matter of personal choice. With the assistance of your funeral director, a military service can be planned that finds the perfect balance for your family.

Father’s Day

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Father’s Day

Let’s all give a big shout out for all the fathers! Boy, have they ever stepped up to the plate and embraced the changing role of fatherhood. Lots of those who are young dads today were raised by a very different kind of dad. Their dads may have never changed a poopy diaper or traveled alone with an infant. But times have changed.

Now, dads are all in. You see them on planes toting a little one in a carrier on their chest, no mom in sight, so you just know they will be changing that diaper. We have stay at home dads, dads who cook meals inside the house as well as on the grill, and dads who know where the kids’ PJs are stored. Lots of big changes in one generation.

That’s not to short-change the granddads. The generation that spawned those super adapters. They are now grandfathers and were grand fathers. A generation ago lots of dads supported the family all by themselves. They also coached, were scout masters, mowed their own lawn (with a push mower) and made pancakes on Sunday mornings. These same guys are now the grandpas who are teaching their grandchildren to fish and holding the hand of a princess in a tutu as they wander the zoo. Kudos to the Dad’s! It’s their day!

Today is the day to appreciate your dad and to say thank you. You won’t have him forever, you know.

Thinking About Skipping the Funeral?

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Thinking About Skipping the Funeral?

Are you considering going to a funeral? Will you be a guest or, are you the survivor in charge and deciding if there will even be a funeral? Either way, before you just skip the funeral perhaps you should consider how elephants behave when one of their species dies. Perhaps we have something to learn from Dumbo.

First of all, elephants are very busy mammals. Just like us, they have to work hard to keep life together. An elephant needs to spend nearly 20 hours per day looking for and eating food. However, they do take time to honor their dead. It is rare to see an elephant in the wild stand still. However, when they happen upon the remains of an elephant, they seem to understand they need to stop and take a minute to pay homage.

Elephants have a natural curiosity about death. They seem to understand that somehow death is connected to their own existence. They use their trunks to fondle the bones of the deceased. They are still and strangely quiet. They raise one foot and paw the air, they are gentle, and they shed tears.

Elephants, like humans, have very strong social bonds. They help one another. A funeral is an opportunity for people to gather and be still. It is our opportunity to pay homage to our human existence. It’s a safe place to shed a tear, give a hug, or tell a story. A funeral, in any one of many forms, is an opportunity to reach out to our fellow man and give or receive help and comfort.

There is still a lot of debate regarding whether or not elephants feel emotion. Some think yes and others are equally convinced emotion is exclusive to humans. So maybe we humans should embrace our emotion and just feel it? Having a funeral doesn’t make you sad. You are sad because someone has died. That sad emotion won’t go away just because you skip the funeral. The funeral is actually the first step in the long journey to feeling better.

Memorial Day

Thu, 30 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Memorial Day

What is the purpose of Memorial Day? Why do we have this holiday?

Of course, it is a three-day weekend. A perfect time to hit the road and do something in the great outdoors. After all, in most parts of the country it’s the start of the Summer season. Time to clean off the grill, get out the frisbee, and invite family and friends over for the first barbecue of the season.

But wait, before you get going on the “Yay! It’s Summer” theme, take a moment to remember the origin of this holiday.

It started as Decoration Day. The Civil War ended in the Spring of 1865 claiming 600,000 lives. More lives than in other wars in US History. Decoration Day was a day set aside to decorate the graves of those who died in this war. Graves were decorated with flowers and flags with a goal to honor the ultimate sacrifice of those who died. By the end of the 1800’s Decoration Day was an official holiday.

After World War I, Decoration Day was changed to Memorial Day. The revamped holiday was set aside as a time to remember all who gave their lives in service of our country in any war. Memorial Day is a distinctively American holiday and is properly celebrated with red, white, and blue American enthusiasm.

It is also a time to visit the cemetery and decorate the graves, fly the flag, and go to a parade. It might also be a time to think about and learn a little about American History. You could even make it a family activity. Get the kids to put those electronic devices to good use playing Memorial Day Trial Pursuit of sorts. How many wars have we Americans participated in? Where did we fight? Why were we fighting? Just go with the tried and true journalism questions who, what, where, when, and why. There is a lot to learn. Your family might even have a discussion!

Use a little of that time off work to learn about, remember, and honor all the men and women who have died in military service.

Normandy’s Hallowed Ground

Thu, 30 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Normandy’s Hallowed Ground

On June 6, 2019 the world will mark the 75th anniversary of the Normandy Invasion during World War II. The invasion by the Allied Forces established a foothold on the shores of France; and was the start of the Allied advance into the interior which eventually lead to victory in Europe and liberty for the millions of people living under the tyranny of Adolf Hitler. The costly battle was the most important allied victory in the second world war.

The campaign began on June 6 and ended on June 30. During that period 425,000 Allied and German troops were killed, wounded, or went missing. Many are buried in the 27 war cemeteries, ranging in size from 30 graves to 20,000, in Normandy.

The Normandy American Cemetery is the resting place for 9,387 Americans, most of whom gave their lives during the landing operations and in the establishment of the beachhead. The headstones are of white Italian marble adorned with a Star of David for those of Jewish faith and a Latin Cross for all others. The permanent cemetery is located on land France granted to the United States in perpetuity.

For those fortunate enough to visit the burial grounds, the experience is singular. Approaching alone or with a group the mood changes. Breathing slows, the chatter quiets, tones are hushed. The feeling is somber. It draws you in.

And then, there it is, pristine lush green lawn dotted by thousands of white markers in perfect formation overlooking the very beaches where those buried here fought and died.

Visitors are, at first, overwhelmed by the sheer number of markers. But as you get closer and begin to read the engravings, the reality of the cost of war begins to sink in. So many died, they were so very young, and all lost in such a short span of time.

All those lives ended before they ever really began. So many who would never find their true love, hold a new born child of their own, or buy a home. So many who never got to experience all the post war changes the rest of us take for granted. Those buried here did not live to see air travel become commonplace, a man land on the moon or watch a color television.

They were heroic and their sacrifice was great. We must never forget.

The anniversary is an opportunity to honor those lost. It is also an opportunity celebrate peace and reconciliation. In our mindfulness we become aware of the fragility of peace and the pain of war. It is that mindfulness that makes us better people.

In the words of the late John Lennon

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will be as one

Cremation Society or Funeral Home

Fri, 10 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cremation Society or Funeral Home

Cremation, like electric cars and cell phones is here to stay. For some people cremation is part of their religious practice. For other people, cremation just feels right for them. The big question is who should help you with your cremation, a society or a funeral director?

Cremation Societies specialize in what is called a direct cremation. Direct cremation means the society will remove the deceased from the place of death and take the body directly to their crematory where the cremation process will take place. Following cremation, the ashes are returned to the family in a bag or box. It’s all pretty quick. The cost is quite low for direct cremation.

But something is missing.

How do we feel when a family member dies? What helps? Death is a loss. It is hard to describe how loss feels, but it is something like a void, a vacuum, or an energy shift. You see something close when you watch victims of the California wild fires or a tornado on television. You see that dazed and stunned look on their faces. That is loss. There they stand looking at a pile of rubble that was their home and now it is gone. That look is about loss of a building. Loss of a person, someone you love, is so much more. It hurts your heart.

Funeral directors are trained and specialize in taking care of the deceased AND in taking care of the family of the deceased. They know people need more. They are going to encourage you to slow down a little and give the family a little time for the reality of the loss to sink in. Give a little time for the family to consider what they need to do to begin to heal.

Funeral directors specialize in helping families put together a gathering to honor the one who died. They know that being with those you love and who love you helps. They know words, as a part of a religious, spiritual, or life celebration ceremony help. Funerals are the funeral director’s specialty. They have done this many times with many families. Funeral directors are the experts.

Of course, the funeral home will help you with a direct cremation if that is what your family prefers. To be fair, cremation societies will also add on some service options at the family’s request. As you add services the cost increases. It is important to look for value.

The funeral home is staffed by licensed trained funeral directors and serves families from a clean, company ready facility with plenty of parking and is a good value. Do your homework. Where will cremation take place? If your family wants service where will the service take place? If you add service and products what is the difference in price? How important is cost over expertise? Share your budget with the funeral director at your funeral home. Don’t assume you need to sacrifice ceremony for savings.

Mother’s Day

Wed, 08 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Mother’s Day

Mothers come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. There are tall moms, short moms, thin moms, and moms with soft edges. There are single moms, moms with partners and moms with husbands. Moms are an indispensable part of our existence. They literally keep the human species from becoming extinct. Hooray for Moms! Today is their day!

There are different ways to become a mother, but there really is no training program for being a mom. Most moms will tell you they had no idea what they were getting into. The job requires that one learns as one goes. On the job training.

There are a few how to parent books that may be helpful. Then there is always the option of getting advice from another mother or even your own mother. But, when all is said and done, it is the mom who decides. Moms decide what their children eat, what they wear, and when they sleep. Then one day the decision maker dynamics change. This change comes when the child develops a mind of his own. Children typically begin to come into their own mind beginning at about age three and believe themselves to know all by age 12. Then a mother prays.

Moms are always “moming” no matter how old their children become, no matter how many degrees they get or how smart they are, no matter they are moms themselves. Being a mom is a forever job.

Once you have a child you never really sleep soundly again. Oh, and yes, moms do have eyes in the back of their heads. They grow in when their child begins to crawl. They stay fully functional for the life of the mother. Some mothers are able to put blinders on those eyes once a child becomes self-supporting, but other moms just keep watching forever! Moms are wonderful but never perfect, you know.

So, how do you say thank you for all of that? It really doesn’t take a lot. Mothers are notoriously easy to please. A call, a card, dinner out, flowers. It’s pretty easy to please a mom. Don’t forget, May 12 is MOTHER’S DAY. Send her your love!

Spring: A Fresh Optimistic Start

Thu, 25 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Spring: A Fresh Optimistic Start

The birds are back. Nest building is underway across America. The early blooms dot the landscape with bright yellows and blues. The grass is that beautiful fresh green that only happens this time of year. Spring has arrived. People feel revitalized, ready to take on new tasks and are optimistic about the future.

Of course, not everyone is in on the fun. Some folks struggle. Perhaps they have experienced a loss or change in their life that has them feeling down. Or, maybe they are caught up in the negative spiral of information and talk. What makes the difference? What makes the optimist optimistic?

Are those optimists just lucky to feel so up and energetic? Are they without challenges and personal loss? Are optimists born or, are they made? Do they remain upbeat in spite of adversity or, are they just getting a free ride and feeling no pain?

Optimists tell us their positive outlook is the result of conscious effort. It’s mind over matter. Optimists work at focusing on the positive. They are not immune to those “Henny Penny the sky is falling” feelings of fear and panic. They get them too. The difference is they actively work at looking for the positive and protecting their optimistic attitude.

When optimists feel panic, they reset their thinking by asking themselves, “Am I really okay right now, in this minute? Is there something I can do to improve the situation or is it out of my control? Do I need to ask for help or do I have the resources to deal with this myself?” If action is needed, they take that first tiny step to improve their situation. They own what they can do and let go of what they cannot improve, change, or fix.

Optimists live in the moment. We all hear about living in the moment, but some have no idea what that phrase means, much less how to go about doing it. Living in the moment means being mindful. Paying attention to where you are and what you are doing right now.

So, for example, the simple task of walking the dog with your mind racing. Thinking about all you need to do when the walk is over is a chore. When approached from a living in the moment perspective you will pay attention to the way the dog notices little changes in the familiar path. See what he sees, smell the fresh air, notice the squirrels and birds look at the sun and the clouds. The same walk becomes a joy. Optimists milk the joy from every task from washing the car to weeding the garden.

Optimists protect their positive attitude. Everyone knows people who just want to talk about the bad stuff. It’s a world of the service is never just right, the weather is always a little off, and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. These people could drag down an elephant.

Optimists don’t play that game. They don’t feed the negative by jumping in it themselves. They shut that negative talk down with something positive, or they just don’t spend as much time with those people.

Seeing the good in things, being positive and optimistic expands and becomes easier as the attitude is nurtured. When we are kind and up-beat and others mirror what we do, we all benefit as the reflections become infinite.

Death and Taxes

Thu, 25 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Death and Taxes

Death and taxes (seemingly unlikely bed fellows at first glance) are often linked together because they have long been considered unavoidable life events. Some even say they are the only two things that are certain in life. Neither are something people typically look forward to, but they are both events that are anticipated and can be prepared for in advance.

This is the time of year when folks hope they have prepared well for their taxes. Most people prefer to get a tax refund rather than a tax bill. They hope the calculations have been made correctly and the payments made throughout the year will be enough to offset the sting of a big tax bill come April 15th.

Hmmm come to think about it, most folks don’t typically look forward to a big funeral bill at the end of their life either. Few want to leave their family responsible for funeral costs. However, many people don’t plan to offset that expense like they do their taxes.

Even though most people, 62.5 percent according to the National Funeral Directors Association ‘s (NFDA) annual Consumer Awareness and Preferences Study, think it’s important to plan in advance. Only a small percentage (21.4 percent) actually act on their good intentions. Why? They have the perception that prepaying is too costly.

Most people are unaware that prepaying does not mean you must pay in one single payment. Many funeral homes offer specialized programs that allow funerals to be paid in advance, just like taxes, in small easily digested bites. Payments can be made on a variety of schedules allowing the consumer the opportunity to choose how long to stretch out payments and how often to make those payments. Individuals can even choose to make one payment per year! That means a person could choose to put their tax refund toward their funeral. Taxes could pay for death!

What about that roughly one quarter of people who do go beyond thinking they should make a funeral plan and actually make one? How do they feel once they have their plan in place? Ahh, they feel good. Funeral planners often say they see shoulders go down, hear audible sighs of relief and get hugs at the conclusion of a planning session. It’s like cleaning out the junk drawer. Something most folks put off but when they dig in and get it done, it feels so good they just keep going back to sneak a peak at that drawer all in order.

Do I Really Need to Attend the Funeral?

Fri, 19 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Do I Really Need to Attend the Funeral?

Your presence is important. If there is any way possible, please, just be there. When a child is born it is a life changing event for the parents, siblings and grandparents at the very least. It may also be a life changing event for the kindergarten teacher five years in the future. Bottom line, life matters.

When a life ends, it is also a life-changing event. Regardless of the age at which the person dies or circumstances of the death, lives will change. Family and friends will never see that person again. They will not share in each other’s joy. Neither will they have the opportunity to heal old wounds. They will not hear that voice in praise, love or anger ever again. It’s over, and in some way everyone close will have to adjust to the change.

The funeral, the gathering together, acknowledges a living person is gone. Your presence says, “Yes, this life mattered. And, yes, your lives have changed. But not everything has changed, you still have us.” Going is important.

The funeral home is a safe place for the family to receive guests and their condolences. It’s ok to cry at the funeral home. In a few weeks when you see this friend of yours who lost her mom, you will want to say something. And when you do, the emotion will open up and the sadness will surface. Crying at the grocery store or the soccer field is uncomfortable for everyone.

When people organize a funeral gathering and ask friends and family to come to them to share in their loss and sorrow, to help them. Please go, hold a hand, give a hug, share a memory, offer your condolences, and smile at the video. Let them cry in a safe place.

Our Dog Died & Our Family Wants to Get a New One. Why?

Fri, 12 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Our Dog Died & Our Family Wants to Get a New One. Why?

When a beloved pet dies, the death leaves a void in its human owner’s life. There will be no jumping, wagging greeting waiting for them when they come home. Every pet owner knows there are days when the walk, or cleaning the litter, is more dreaded than enjoyed. But when the chore is gone, they feel the loss. Sure, they have their popcorn all to themselves. But they miss their fur friend. They miss those expectant eyes looking up at them waiting for a kernel of the human treat. Their pet is gone and it is missed!

So, what about getting a new dog? Getting new dog or cat is not for everyone. But for some pet lovers, that void, the hole in their life, is unbearable. They seek to fill the hole. They need that fur baby to take for a walk, to feed, to talk to, to sleep on their feet, to be glad they are home.

Fair warning to the mourning owner, a new pet is not a replacement for the beloved pet that has passed. Just as when we lose a human family member, the individual cannot be replaced. The pet that died was unique, one of a kind. There will never be another cat or dog just like your fur friend. For those who need to get a new dog, or cat, or bird, or snake, it’s the role the pet played in their life they seek to fill. There is just a need to fill the hole death has left in their life.

The pet who passed isn’t forgotten. People who have had multiple pets have a whole string of memories and stories. Those memories stay. They are with them always.

Pets enrich our lives. So, for some the need to have a new pet is almost immediate. Others need more time. Some fill the hole in another way entirely. Try not to judge the needs of a family member when their desire to get a new pet is out of sync with yours. Do your best to understand.

Finding Your Joy

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Finding Your Joy

Even months after the funeral it’s not uncommon to feel just not exactly right. We all lose our way from time to time. Things happen and we can’t find our JOY. It’s not really so much gone, as it is misplaced. Life feels dull and the days seem to drag. No matter what the circumstances, if you look for it, you can find your own personal JOY again. However, you will have to work a bit to find it and reconnect.

To begin, you must put on your little super power cape and take control. You’ll have to take ownership of your joy. Terrible things happen to us in life. Illness of a loved one, your own illness, even the death of a loved one, there really are a lot of things to be unhappy about. You can, however, experience joy in spite of adversity. Make a positive decision to take your personal joy into your own hands and get it back!

Start by connecting with your senses, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and sight. Take them one by one and dig in. What sounds bring you joy? Maybe it’s the sound of little kids on the playground, or the Beatles, or waves crashing on the beach. Get out a piece of paper and make a list. You may be surprised at how many little tiny things you enjoy related to your senses.

Once you have identified things you like to smell, touch, taste, hear and see, you need to make a plan to get at least one of those things in your life on a daily basis. Turn on the music you love, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, bake one little chocolate chip cookie every day! What the heck, they make that frozen cookie dough for a reason! Get up early once a week and see the sunrise. Take a walk. Put joy back in your life in its simplest forms. Just go for it. It’s not that hard.

Once your senses are starting to wake up again, start to think about gratitude. What are you thankful for? That time your dad took you fishing, that your grandmother taught you the names of all the birds, fireworks on the Fourth of July or the beauty of a tree. The list is endless, humbling, and there is joy in gratitude. Be grateful.

It’s YOUR JOY take it back.

Writing Thank You Notes

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Writing Thank You Notes

Writing thank you notes is usually one of the very first “after the funeral” tasks you will undertake. You may be surprised to find that your brain/hand coordination is not working so well. You sit there with pen in hand and well-formed thoughts in your head, but somehow it all gets lost between the head and the paper. Don’t despair. This is normal and it’s all part of the grief journey. You are not thinking straight now, but you will again soon.

First, let’s tackle who gets a “thank you” and then I can give you a few wordy ideas to help you get started. Anyone who made a donation or sent flowers should get a thank you note from a family member. You will also want to send a note to people who helped. Maybe they provided food or took care of the dog for you or picked up people at the airport. All of those folks should receive a note of thanks. You do not need to send notes to people who sent condolence cards, emails, or texts.

Your words can be brief. No one expects a long letter from you at this time. It is just nice to know that the flowers arrived, or the donation was received. Your kind friends just need to hear thank you.

Thank you for all your kindness .

Your help meant so much to us.

We all loved the broccoli, thank you for taking care of us .

Your flowers were so beautiful and such a comfort to us .

For some, these are written the day after the funeral. Everyone sits around the kitchen table to write the thank you notes and everyone laughs as more than a few notes are torn and tossed in the trash. This may be the first laughter heard in several days.

Email to a Funeral Director

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Email to a Funeral Director

To: Funeral Director

From: Dad with no plan

Subject: A question about funeral preplanning

Before I get to my question, I have to tell you the background.

Friday after Thanksgiving I took my wife (who cooked for a week for that dinner) and my kids (who came from west coast, east coast, and the middle) and the grandkids (who only ate rolls for Thanksgiving) out for pizza.

Sounds nice, right? OMG! It took us forever to order, no one could agree! We ended up with one cheese pizza for the picky grandkids, a large with ¼ meat lovers, ¼ with anchovies, and ½ supreme. We also ordered a medium white with gluten free crust. Still they were all picking stuff off, making faces, and huffing and puffing. OMG again!

So, my questionand I need your opinion herehow are they going to do when the time comes for them to meet with you to plan my funeral? Do you think maybe the wife and I should do one of those funeral preplans or advance funeral plans?

—————————————————————————————————

To: Dad with no plan

From: Funeral Director

Subject: Re: A question about funeral preplanning

OMG yes, you and your wife need a plan. Your family sounds perfectly normal! They’ll get over the pizza but I’ve seen too many families break apart over disagreements about how to honor their parent’s life. Decisions such as burial or cremation or who is going to pay can be tough when families are grieving. A funeral plan is an easy fix. Id be happy to help. When do you want to meet with me? At the funeral home or your house?

Thank You for Your Service

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Thank You for Your Service

Because you are there we all sleep better at night. You serve in the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines, and Coast Guard. Some of you serve for two years, some for twenty or more. Some enter into service at a tender age looking for opportunity. Some are following a longstanding family tradition. You are mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. We, thank you for your service.

You spend days, weeks, and even years away from your family. You are not always there to teach your daughter to ride her bike; perhaps you missed your son’s first steps. Because you serve, you can’t always be counted on to attend the baseball game or the teacher conference. With your service comes sacrifice. Sacrifices made by both you and your family. We thank you and your family for your service.

Thank you for being ready and on alert so that we can go about our business without even thinking about the “what ifs”. Thank you for putting yourself in harms way. Thank you for giving us your time, your energy and your youth. Thank you for representing us with honor where ever you are stationed.

Regardless of whether you serve us at home or in foreign lands, in time of war or peace, we thank you for your service.

On Memorial Day we remember those who gave their lives in our service, on Armed Forces Day we honor those currently serving. On Veterans Day we honor all who have served our country from the Revolution in 1776 to today. Thank you.

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

For most of us, one of the first questions think of when we think we need a funeral home soon is, “How much will it cost?” It’s understandable that everyone wants a simple answer to this question. Unfortunately, there is no one simple answer.

Think of the last time you bought a pair of shoes. It’s not really helpful to know that the average cost of a pair of shoes is $75.00. So, what does an “average” pair of shoes look like? Shoes come in many different sizes, colors and styles. You wouldn’t expect to call the shoe store and ask, “How much does a pair of shoes cost?” Everyone needs some help finding the right fit for his or her feet. You also understand that you’ll need to share more information about the kind of shoe you are seeking before you find the cost.

It’s the same with funerals. The funeral you choose will need to fit your family’s needs as well as your budget. The funeral director will help you with both. You will be pleased to know funeral homes are required to have standardized prices for everything they do. This price list must be printed and available for you. You should also take comfort in knowing there will be a range of prices associated with the choices you will be making. The funeral director wants you to be satisfied with both the service you select and with the costs associated with those services.

As soon as you are able, it is a good idea to call the funeral home and ask to set up a time to meet with a funeral director to review your options and prices. There should be no cost for this meeting. This is the best way to assure that you understand what is involved with the various services so that you can get the best value for your dollar. You can schedule this kind of meeting with as many funeral homes as you desire.

At first, this may seem like a lot of work. The reality is, however, that you’ll obtain far more information by meeting with the funeral director versus searching online or making phone calls. You’ll save time, too. Don’t wait to set up that meeting if you think you’ll need a funeral home soon.

Make Family the Foundation for Funeral Planning

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Make Family the Foundation for Funeral Planning

There are two ways to take care of funeral planning: 1) you can plan your own funeral in advance or 2) your survivors can plan your funeral for you after your death. Regardless of when or who plans the funeral, the planning needs to begin from the inside out. It needs to start with your family. Your family should be the foundation for funeral planning.

After all, the funeral is not really for the deceasedit is for those who survive. We show respect for all human life in the manner in which we care for the body that housed the soul or spirit of our loved one. Respect and dignity for the body is important. The funeral helps those of us who survive as by changing our focus from the cause of the death to the life that was lived. The funeral is the beginning of our grieving process and that is why funerals are so important.

If you are planning in advance for your own final remembrance, begin by thinking of those who love you. Your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, your friends and even your co-workers, what will they remember? What will make them smile? What will comfort them? What will they need? When they think of you what will come to mind? How is faith a part of their lives?

If you are planning a funeral for a deceased family member, involve the children, grandchildren and even close friends in the process. Ask them how they remember their friend or relative. Remember, we have all had a unique relationship with the deceased, so what you want to remember may be different from what your brother remembers. Ask your funeral director for ideas so they can help you capture and express the unique personality of your family member in the service plan.

For many years funeral planning started with a different set of questions. It started with questions about the faith. What church did your mother belong to? It followed with questions about the decedent’s wishes. What do you think your dad would want? These are still good valid questions but basing the entire funeral plan on only these aspects may not touch every family member.

Mother may have preferred that no one see her after death, but if you, her daughter, need to see her, speak up. If you don’t share your brother’s faith and you need to hear a eulogy that is all about his life or see pictures that bring back your time growing up together, speak up. The imprint of the funeral sticks with the surviving family. It is literally the last memory we carry of someone we loved.

Accepting an Invitation

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Accepting an Invitation

Previous blog posts have acknowledged how hard it is to deal with special occasions (e.g. holidays, birthdays) when you’ve recently lost the one you love. So, what do you do when you receive an invitation for that special occasion that you don’t feel like accepting? Maybe you are afraid you’ll be a wet blanket, or you aren’t eager to do something new and different because you really just want things as they were. That’s understandable but perhaps turning down the invitation isn’t really in your best interest.

Before you say “no” to an invitation too quickly, give yourself a few minutes to think about it. Take that time to consider your alternatives. What will you do if you don’t accept it? Is there something you would prefer to do? Think about it, do you really want to be alone on that special day?

It is important to acknowledge that the day won’t be the same. Acknowledge your loss. A woman who recently lost her husband goes to the cemetery for a little chat on those special days. She tells her husband how it’s hard for her and that she misses him. Then she tells him how she is going to spend the day.

It is difficult to do something different on those special occasions. Your first few efforts may even fall short. Eventually, perhaps even sooner than you expect, you will find your joy in those occasions again.

The First Thanksgiving Without the One You Love

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The First Thanksgiving Without the One You Love

Oh boy, here they come. The holidays! You can’t really ignore them, but they are going to be different because that special person in your life is no longer going to be sharing the day with you. So, what do you do?

First, acknowledge your loss and be aware that you need a plan. Thanksgiving isn’t just another day unless it has been just another day for you in the past. Losing someone you love always leaves an empty space in your life so how will Thanksgiving be different this year? So, what will change?

For some it may mean you no longer have a place to gather. For others it may mean no one knows how to cook the turkey, make the dressing, or smooth gravy. Maybe you lost the one who carved the bird or said the blessing.

Regardless, you need a plan. The time to deal with the loss of the gravy maker is not at the last minute when the turkey comes out of the oven. A sudden realization catching everyone off guard is likely to intensify and expand the feeling of loss and your day may fall apart entirely. Plan in advance and give the gravy job to another family member. Be prepared for a different sort of gravy. There may be lumps, it may come from a box, it might be better or worse, but it will all right.

If you are going to be alone this year, consider inviting others who don’t have family close at hand to join you. Make Thanksgiving a potluck. After all, that’s what the first Thanksgiving waspeople sharing the bounty of the harvest.

This year be sure that you include some acknowledgement of the one who died in your plans for the day. Maybe you pull out the photo albums after dinner and just express your gratitude for the good days with your loved one. Maybe you include your thanks in the blessing before the meal, or have everyone share something special about your loved one as you gather around the table. Yes, it is difficult, but don’t forget to look for the positives. They are there, you just have to find them.

Talking with a Veteran

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Talking with a Veteran

Talking with a veteran of the more recent wars or conflicts such as Vietnam, Afghanistan, or Iraq can be intimidating. You may have a parent or spouse who served in Vietnam who has never shared anything about their experience with you. The Vietnam War was different from wars in the past in that the value of the war itself was questioned and many of those who served came home to a hostile public. It was not a hero’s welcome. Their story may have been bottled up all these years and time is running out for families to learn about their loved one’s experience.

Since the Vietnam War, a small percentage of the U.S. population has served in our armed forces. This means the Vietnam experience is not shared by the broader population and those who did not serve can’t possibly understand what war is like. Not understanding can make us uncomfortable about starting a conversation. As a result, veterans can feel isolated while we remain unaware.

How can we push past our discomfort? How can we talk with these people we love and appreciate about a period in their life that was so very important to them? It can be tricky depending on how well you know the veteran. Below you will find some tips to aid your conversation with a veteran:

During the discussion:

Below are some suggestions you can ask:

You may want to avoid some of the topics/questions below:

It is always a good idea to do your homework and study the war prior to your discussion. And most of all, express your appreciation for their time and service.

Get Your Family Involved in Funeral Planning

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Get Your Family Involved in Funeral Planning

When death is near or has just occurred, there are so many things to do and yet there is nothing you can do. You feel helpless. You can’t make the person well or bring them back. But you know you will, very soon, need to make many decisions about the service, the final resting place, the music, food, flowers, donations, clothing and much more. Your mind is racing and oddly enough, at the same time, at a complete standstill. On one hand it feels like it is too soon to do anything. You’re just not ready. But at the same time, you feel the weight of all that is coming.

This is stress. It is hard. If you can, reach out to your family and friends and let them help you. Have your son or daughter get the older grandchildren involved in pulling together pictures and music. They are really good at this stuff. Going through the pictures brings back happy memories and it’s one of the most therapeutic chores that comes with funeral preparation. Let them do something that will help them – they are dealing with this loss too.

If would you would like family and friends to donate to a charity, put someone in charge of looking into that. Have your daughter-in-law pull together a few clothing choices for your final selection. Send your son-in-law to the cemetery or have him get the cars washed. You may want to delegate the task of writing the eulogy and obituary. Give someone the job of gathering information for the funeral luncheon or brunch.

Spread the work around. Let go, embrace help and give them something to do. You’ll feel better that things are getting done and they’ll feel better because they are involved and helping.

Where Should I Send My Condolences?

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Where Should I Send My Condolences?

Condolences do matter and timing is important.

Do not put off contacting your friend to express your sympathy. Options and opportunities may have changes over the decades, but the importance of reaching out to those suffering a loss has not. A call or a written note is always just right. Social media is just fine under some circumstances and a personal visit is lovely. Additionally, many funeral homes have a place on their website to post condolences. This format allows your expression of sympathy to be delivered privately and quickly.

So, let’s start with the newest trend – technology and social media. It’s so fast and so easy to access. If you are texting a co-worker several times a day about other things, it would seem rude to not mention the loss of her mother. Do use private messaging forms of social media with people you communicate with regularly in this manner. Caution!! Be very careful to not send a public condolence message using social media if your friend has not made an equally public announcement of his or her loss on the same platform. Do follow-up your message with a call or personal note. Finally, do not use electronic messaging if the receiver is not a regular user of tech.

Hand written notes or cards made for just this purpose should be mailed to the person closest to the deceased or to a personal friend who has experienced a loss. Your personal note should be simple. Thoughts such as you are sorry for their loss, you are thinking of them in this difficult time or they are in your thoughts and prayers are appropriate. If you knew the deceased, you might share a brief story about the person who died and shares your connection.

Should you make a condolence visit? Oh, my yes! A personal visit is the only way to give a hug. However, do call ahead. Do keep your visit brief and do focus on the grieving individual. Please, don’t say you know how they feel even if you share a similar experience. There will be a time for sharing later. For now, just let them know you are sorry for their loss. Come as a listener not a problem solver.

Why Plan Your Funeral in Advance

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Why Plan Your Funeral in Advance

The story below illustrates the benefits of preplanning your funeral. Also known as an “advance funeral plan”, “preneed”, or a “preplanned funeral”, it is one of the few things in life where you can pay today’s prices for a product and service you may not need for many years down the road, thus saving you money.

We buried my dad last week. My dad’s funeral would have been just a little more $8,000 not counting the luncheon or cemetery space. However, thanks to his pre-need funeral plan that he prepared 18 years ago at the funeral home, we got it for $5,000 and some change. Saving money wasn’t necessarily what motivated him to make the plan in advance. But, let me tell you, my mom was pretty pleased to know she didn’t have to write that check.

Now, I should clarify something here. My mom is more than okay financially. Paying, even the full $8,000, for the funeral would not have been a financial issue. It was an emotional thing. She knew the death of my dad was going to change her life. She just didn’t know how it would change. So, everything, every action and especially spending money, increased her anxiety. We didn’t need that. Thank you, dad, for taking care of the plan and its cost well before it was needed.

What motivated my father to pre-plan was the fact we are a blended family. It’s not the we don’t all get along, we do (most of the time). But, we don’t all have the same taste. My sister, his oldest daughter, likes the earth tones. Our mom, his wife, on the other hand, likes the jewel tones. My dad picked a black casket and even said he wanted to be buried in his navy suit. Seems like small stuff, but it probably saved us all some angst. There was no fuss, no brown suit and no hurt feelings.

If my dad would have asked us 18 years ago if he should pre-plan and pre-pay for his funeral, I feel certain all five of us would have said, “Don’t worry about that. We can take care of it when we have to.” I am so grateful that he did not ask and that he did not think just about the money portion of an advance funeral plan. Dad, thank you for being smarter than us and knowing that we would need your emotional support even in death.

Plan it…All the Way Out

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Plan it…All the Way Out

The ritual harkening the long-awaited approach of spring is upon us March Madness.

People of all ages, incomes, and professions will be completing their brackets and winding down to the biggest decisions of all the final four! Players and coaches have been working hard for months leading up to this finale.

The work and preparation leading up to the end of the college basketball season is not unlike what we all do in our professional lives. Most people work for years in anticipation of the day when they will retire and have the luxury of calling their time their own. The final five working years before retirement are typically the time to get your ducks in a row.

Most people approaching retirement begin to think about maxing their savings in those final years of earning. Many take care of deferred maintenance to the home and some even work on their estate plan. Fewer think about the final duck their funeral. Planning and funding your funeral during those years is a great time to get it done. Especially if being frugal about this expense is of importance.

Some of the benefits to planning and funding a funeral in advance include:

· A payment plan set up while you are still working and earning means the funeral will be completely paid for (at today’s cost) before you retire. That means you won’t need to withdraw from investments to cover this cost in your retirement years.

· Most people are in good health as they wind down their working years. That means the total cost of the funeral can be covered should something unexpected happen before the payments are complete.

· Funerals, like most things, tend to inflate in cost over time it’s not going to get cheaper. You can lock down your cost and be done before you retire.

It’s easy to find out everything you need to know about planning and funding a funeral. Just call the funeral home and ask to speak to the individual who takes care of advance funeral planning.

Plan early, live long and have fun during your March Madness and beyond!

To Plan or Not to Plan Your Funeral in Advance

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

To Plan or Not to Plan Your Funeral in Advance

How does Advance funeral Planning affect the first hours before a funeral and the days and weeks that follow?

CALLING THE FUNERAL HOME / MORTUARY

Funeral preplan already in place: When a funeral preplan is already in place and on file at the funeral home, there is no question as to who to call. The deceased has left a clear message. The stunned, tired, grief-stricken family just makes the call and the funeral home takes your loved one into their care.

No funeral preplan in place: When a death occurs and no funeral preplan has been recorded at a funeral home, the first order of business is deciding which funeral home to call. The stunned, tired, grief stricken family must agree upon who they will trust to guide them through this difficult time. They must determine the funeral establishment that will help honor their loved one in a way that satisfies all their needs and fits their budget.

THE EVENING BEFORE THE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENT CONFERENCE

Funeral preplan already in place: When a funeral preplan is in place, the family can take this time to comfort each other. They can share memories, go through pictures or just rest. Tomorrow they will meet with the funeral director and review the funeral plan their family member put together with them in mind.

No funeral preplan in place: For the family with no funeral preplan in place, tomorrow will bring many questions and decisions. Tonight, they will be weighing in on one big question burial or cremation. They’ll be figuring out how much to spend and who will pay for the funeral. They will need to decide which of them will participate in the arrangement conference. They will need to consider and agree upon how to honor their loved one’s life.

DAYS AND WEEKS AFTER THE FUNERAL

Funeral preplan already in place: The family with the funeral preplan has no doubts, no second-guessing, and no regrets. They know they did the “right” thing. They know they spent the right amount of money. They miss the one they lost but they have no regrets about the service that honored their loved one’s life.

No funeral preplan in place: Sadly not all families are able to pull together following the loss of a family member. Some are pulled apart because they disagree about decisions great and small. The days and weeks following a death are emotional and tense. It can be a very difficult time to be making group decisions.

The Cranberry Sauce is for Dad

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The Cranberry Sauce is for Dad

People often say that one of the hardest things about that first year, the year after your loved one died, is that no one uses their name or talks about them. The hole in your heart begins to feel deeper and wider because talking about them seems forbidden. And as the holidays approach, the quietness can feel even more painful. So, why not take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and find a way to bring your loved one to your holiday gathering in a light but meaningful way.

A good example of keeping your loved one in your holiday gathering is the family that always includes that jiggly cranberry sauce straight from the can on their table. There it is – just as it comes from the can – indentations, ridges, and all. Every year it’s there for dad. Every year it is ceremoniously placed on the table accompanied by a few words about how important it was to dad’s enjoyment of the holiday. Every year it brings lots of smiles and stories about dad.

If you have lost someone dear, and you miss them more at the holidays, consider opening the conversation, using their name, and talking about them in a positive way.

When Your Parent Loses Their Spouse

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When Your Parent Loses Their Spouse

“And the two shall be as one” just rolls off our tongue. But think about it. What does it mean to the one who lives when their partner has died? Are they now a half? Families are interesting in that we tend to “know” our family member as their role relates to us. Mom is mom, dad is dad. We kids typically don’t really see the couple side, or the work side, or the friend side of our parents.

So how must it feel to lose your life partner? Try to step into your parent’s shoes. Pretty quickly in a marriage the jobs are assigned. She does the laundry, he cooks the dinner, she manages the household budget, and he manages the retirement plan. Sure, they have separate interests but look at all those shared interests. Are they lost with this death? What happens to their couple activities? Do friends still invite them for bridge or to join the bowling team when they become a single? Life changes drastically when death parts a couple.

If your parent begins to date, it is not so easy to move from your point of view to understanding and accepting theirs. For a child it may feel too soon, like your living parent is replacing your deceased parent. Perhaps this new wife or husband is stepping in a way that you thought you would. She is going to the doctor’s appointments with dad or cooking dad dinner when you expected to fill that role. He is mowing mom’s lawn with dad’s lawn mower no less! It’s hard.

Consider working on changing the way you look at this budding relationship. How hard would it be to live as a half when you have been married for 35, 50, or even 60 years? Maybe this new relationship is a search for the happiness they had with your deceased parent? Try to understand that as we age, time really is limited and precious. And honestlymaybe they can’t wait. Maybe they need a partner, or another half, to be whole again.

Enjoyable New Year’s Resolutions

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Enjoyable New Year’s Resolutions

New year, new you. It’s an exciting concept full of promise, right? Then we take all the fun out of it by resolving to do things we don’t like to do. We’ll lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, give up ice cream. Ugh, no fun at all.

So how about selecting enjoyable resolutions instead? Some ideas to get you thinking are listed below:

1. Do more of something you love . Read more books, go fishing more often, spend more time with your kids or grandkids, binge-watch your favorite series from the start again. Just enjoy and give yourself a big old hug in the form of having fun your way.

2. Get better at something you really like to do. Take a lesson, learn to cook something new, improve your golf swing, learn a new knitting stitch, or just build on what you love.

3. Make a dream come true. See the mountains or the Grand Canyon. Go to the opera or to Disney. Buy the car, lease the car, or rent the car of you dreams for a weekend. Just complete the following sentence and do it: “I’ve always wanted to _______.”

4. See your town like a tourist . Everything fun doesn’t have to require a lot of money. Most of us have attractions, restaurants, natural wonders or parks close to home that we haven’t visited in ages. Just go.

5. Make lots of new friends. Some friends are for life while other friends can be for just for a few hours or even minutes. Try smiling and talking to the cab driver, the checkout person, or the person next to you as you walk into or out of church.

Enjoy your life. Seize the day. Happy New Year!

The Loneliness in Losing a Life Partner

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The Loneliness in Losing a Life Partner

To say one “feels lonely” after losing their life partner is an understatement, especially if you have been happily married for many years. In time, however, you may find yourself at a crossroads. On one hand you can’t imagine life with another partner while on the other you hand you can’t bear this loneliness. You want a partner again.

Where your adult children are concerned, good preparation can literally keep your family from falling apart. Hard as it may be, talk to them and share how you feel and what you are missing. As much as you love your family and as much as they love you, their love cannot satisfy what you need. Help your children understand that you are not trying to replace their mom or dad, but that you may want to have someone to eat dinner with or a bridge partner again.

As soon as the thought of dating enters your mind, before you bring the thought to life with a real person, think about how a new relationship will land with your adult children. Consider both the emotional impact and the financial concerns that might be raised. Make an appointment with your attorney and talk about how a second marriage would impact your estate. Family concerns about money or the inheritance will only make things more difficult if you begin to date. We’ve all heard stories, so get your affairs in order BEFORE there is a person you care about and share any changes you make to your estate with your children.

If possible, consider your pace. If you slow down just a little bit and really enjoy the dating part of a relationship, it will give your children some time to get used to the idea of you dating again. It can help everyone adjust to the changing family dynamic that occurs when a new person is added to the mix. Just as the family dynamic changed when your children dated and/or married, it will change again if you start dating.

Communicate, talk about how you feel, and if you decide to date, go slow. Take care of those money matters early on so that any changes will not be seen as the fault of the new person in your life.

Preserving the Family Relationship While Planning a Funeral

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preserving the Family Relationship While Planning a Funeral

You are with someone with whom you share some history. Maybe it’s a brother, sister, or a childhood friend. You are talking about an event from the “old days” and you suddenly realize you all remember the event a little differently. Most of us have had this experience. Our relationships work in a similar fashion. The way we love, like the way we remember, is unique to each of us.

A man’s children know him as Dad. Each child knows and loves a slightly different Dad. His wife knows and loves him in yet a different way. A wife may know fears, strengths, hopes, and dreams children never saw. They all love, but in such different ways. Though not a bad thing, it can add to the stress a family experiences during a death and subsequence funeral planning.

So how do you preserve your family relationship and plan a funeral that provides comfort for each family member?

1. Establish a common goal. For example: “We want a funeral that reflects Mom’s life, her love for us and our love for her.”

2. Understand someone has the final say. This is usually the person who is financially and legally responsible.

3. Agree to listen to each other. REALLY listen with purpose. Listen to understand a point of view, not with the singular intent of getting to the good part where you get to say what you want.

4. Seek input from a variety of close family members or friends. Don’t forget the little ones. Ask them about grandma. What did they love to do with her? Do they have a special memory or story?

5. Let go. Realize everything is not going to be as you would choose. Give a little or maybe even a lot.

6. Ask for a time out when you need it. Your first reaction to someone’s idea may be tempered with a little time and thought.

7. Use your questions: Tell me more about that? Why is ______ important to you?

8. Take the advice of Stephen Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand and then be understood.”

Emotions are raw when families are mourning a death. Tread lightly and be kind. Remember you may want to have Thanksgiving dinner with these people in a few months!

When Death is Sudden and Unexpected

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When Death is Sudden and Unexpected

Sometimes, if you are open to it, you can receive amazing information in the most unlikely ways. For example, there was a driver who was taking a woman to the airport when she received the news that a family member had died. The woman gasped and her driver, who was from another culture, asked if she was okay. Normally she would just say “I am fine” because she is a private person. On this particular occasion, however, she shared her situation with this driver. Upon hearing the news, this gentleman shared his cultural belief and at that momentit was exactly what she needed to hear.

He said, “When the soul leaves the body, it can take a long time or it can happen very quickly. No matter how, it is painful. It is painful for the one who is dying, and it is painful for those who are left behind. The separation of the soul from the body, that is the ending of life. That is death. No matter how it happens, there is pain.”

When death is sudden and totally unexpected, you may find that you and your family members react in ways that seem strange and unfamiliar. You get the call. Something terrible has happened. Someone has died. You are stunned.

As you begin to process the news, you may experience a strong pull to see where it happened. This is a normal response. Before you can accept the reality of the death you may have to see.

Seeing a loved one after their passing is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary for many. If you feel you need to see, honor your need. The funeral director understands this need and can help you. Even if your mother always said, “I don’t want people to see me after I die”, she probably didn’t understand back then how her passing would affect you now. Talk to the funeral director and he or she will help you honor your mother’s wishes and satisfy your need as well.

In addition to accepting the reality that a death has occurred, those who experience a sudden loss also have burden of working out how the death happened and why it happened. Many questions will go through their mind:

This is a normal. Be patient with your family members as each of you must work through this in your own personal way. When the soul leaves the body it is always painful, but when it happens suddenly and unexpectedly, there are additional burdens to work through.

Who Will Take Care of My Funeral Plans?

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Who Will Take Care of My Funeral Plans?

It is not uncommon for people to ask themselves, “Since I never had any children, who will take care of my funeral plans?” That is all the more reason to preplan your own funeral!

Each state has laws that say who will “own” your body when you die. The “owner” is responsible for making and paying for your funeral service and “final disposition”. Final disposition is simply what happens to your body in the end and those choices include burial, cremation or donation. Regardless of disposition, a funeral service with or without a religious component can take place before or after disposition. These are all choices the responsible person will make.

If you are to be cremated, there is still the matter of what will be done with your cremated remains. They can be kept by a family member, scattered on private property, buried in a cemetery, or kept in a columbarium niche. Again, this is a choice the responsible person will need to make.

In most states the responsible person is your spouse. When there is no legal marriage then your parent will be responsible. If your parents are deceased, then your child will take the lead. When there are no children, then your eldest sibling will be responsible.

As you can see, this system only works if you and your family are all of like mind regarding the funeral and you are on the same page regarding faith. Since this is not always the case, you can break the legal chain and designate a person of your choice to carry out your wishes.

It’s not at all difficult or even expensive. You just need to call the funeral home of your choice, ask for an appointment with the person who does the pre-planning. Be sure to tell that individual that you want to designate someone to carry out your wishes. He or she will need to get the proper paperwork for you to complete this task.

This is also a perfect time to talk to the pre-planning person at the funeral home about your ideas regarding both your funeral service and your final disposition. A funeral professional can help you get everything written down so that your designated person will know just what to do. Since this person will also bear the financial burden for your funeral service and burial or cremation, you will want to talk to the advance funeral planner about eliminating that burden by prefunding your plan.

Moving After a Spouse Dies?

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Moving After a Spouse Dies?

One of the realities of losing a spouse or a parent is the impact that event has on living arrangements. Are we living in the “right” place? Is the house too big? Is it too far away from family? Will my surviving parent be safe where they live? Should I move to be closer to mom or should mom move closer to me?

These are tough questions and they come at a time when emotions are running so very high. They also come at a time when income has likely decreased, perhaps requiring a change be made sooner rather than later. Conventional wisdom says wait at least a year before you make any big changes to your living situation, but the reality is waiting a year may not be financially possible. If you are able to slow down and let the dust settle a bit, that is no small blessing.

Really, it all boils down to three considerations: happiness, safety, and finances. The surviving spouse needs to be in a place that not only works financially, but also is safe and happy. You are going to need to use both your rational mind and your emotions if you are to make the best decision.

On the face of it, the financial consideration seems to be the trump card. After all, you have to be able to afford where you live. However, it is not always that simple. When the happiest place is affordable but not the most frugal choice, then maybe happy trumps financially smart? Decisions based on both emotion and rational thought are usually the best decisions.

That emotional happiness factor also impacts the safety issue. Perhaps the safest living arrangement isn’t going to be a happy situation? In that case, put your rational mind to work on finding a way to make the happy place safer.

You have to find the best fit answer for your family. As you are weighing those three considerations, resist the temptation to base the decision on what you think may happen or will happen down the road. Consider the wisdom of making decisions in the present, based on present circumstances. So, if dad is safe, happy and can afford to stay in his present home maybe no change is necessary for now.

Who Should Record My Funeral Wishes?

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Who Should Record My Funeral Wishes?

There is a woman who once thought that she’d like to have a hologram made of her wearing an Obi-Wan Kenobi robe for her funeral. Her four sons grew up during the Star Wars era and similar to Obi-Wan, she would love to pass along the wisdom she acquired over her lifetime to those she loves. And yes, she would also like to have the last word! So who should this woman see to discuss and share her wishes? Should she talk to an attorney? Her financial planner? Or a funeral director?

Both her attorney and financial planner suggested they could help but she wasn’t convinced based on her past experience. When her parents died the funeral was over before she even started to work on the finances and the estate. And there was so much attention paid to the final, final partburial or cremation. She decided to contact her family funeral home and she met with Sue, the advance funeral planner. As it turns out, helping people get their funeral plans in place is Sue’s only job at the funeral home. And help this woman Sue did!

They talked about what this woman thought she wanted for her funeral plans. They talked a lot about her family her husband, her four grown up sons, their wives and their children. Sue helped this woman see that although her sons would appreciate the Obi Wan idea, her husband would need something a little more traditional with a spiritual element. They talked about the cost and how she could keep that under control. They also talked about the burial and cremation options. Sue explained to the woman that if she wasn’t ready, she didn’t need to make a decision about burial or cremation. The woman ended up talking to her family about it and she was able to get her wishes recorded at the funeral home and she decided to use a payment plan. With her plan in place, she can go in and change her plans at any time (e.g. if she decides she wants to be cremated at a later date) and Sue will help her with that.

Sue also suggested the woman begin gathering those words of wisdom that she wants to share at her funeral and bring them to Sue so she can put them in the file. On the day of the woman’s funeral, the funeral directors will print these words of wisdom and hand them out to those attending the funeral. As it turns out, holograms aren’t available just yet, but Sue thinks they may be prior to this woman’s death.

In the end, leaving the finances to the financial planner, the will & estate planning to the attorney, and the funeral planning to the funeral home made the most sense for this woman.

A Year of Firsts

Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

A Year of Firsts

When someone close to us dies, a spouse, a child, a parent, a sister, brother, or friend, their passing leaves an empty space in our lives. We will go on and we will have happy moments, then happy days, and eventually whole stretches of happy time. However, that initial year, after the death, we must deal with a whole year of firsts. The first anniversary, birthday, holiday or vacation without the one we love can be challenging to celebrate.

Why are these occasions so hard and what can we do to get through this hard place? They are difficult because the pain of that empty space our loved one filled is so very acute on these special days. There is probably nothing that can be done to prevent the feeling of loss. It will follow you for sure if you run away from it and try to ignore the special day. But perhaps, with anticipation and preparation, the occasion can be made easier and maybe even special.

Keep an eye on your calendar, don’t be blindsided by an event. Prepare in advance, make a plan and include others. Tap your family members or your friends let them in, tell them this will be a tough day for you. Consider what will be the most difficult part of the day.

Maybe it’s not receiving a gift from the love of your life, or not having your wife bake your favorite cake on your birthday. What can you do to work around the pain, acknowledge the loss, and save the day? Perhaps you can go shopping with a good friend and buy yourself a “gift”. Then write a little thank you or whisper your thank you to the one you miss in your prayers. Pull out your wife’s recipe for that cake, call in a grandchild and bake it together. It won’t matter one little bit if the cake doesn’t match up to the quality of your wife’s baking.

As you make your plan for the special occasion be sure to include some way to honor the memory of the person who died. Your day will not be the same without the one you lost, death is a loss. However, you can ease the pain and have a pleasant day in a slightly new and different way.

Funerals are for Saints and Sinners

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Funerals are for Saints and Sinners

These days we’re hearing a lot about life celebrations. A funeral is a ceremony for someone who has died and the survivors. A celebration of life is a funeral with a celebratory feel and it may or may not have a faith-based component. Celebrating the life of the accomplished, the kind, and the generous feels natural. It feels like something we should do.

On the other hand, what do we do about the “broken” people? The bullies, the addicted, the angry, or those who just never got it all together. What do we do when they die? Most of us have one or more imperfect people in our immediate circle.

The loss of one of these folks is real and it hurts. Because they are gone, our lives will not be the same. We may be relieved of a burden, but we are also without hope. The hope that we will get a hug or a kind word is gone. The hope that a child will get sober and realize the potential you knew was there is gone. The hope that we will hear “I’m sorry” or understand the reason behind the addiction, the anger, or the hatred is now gone. It’s painful. Someone we love has died. Having a funeral will help.

It can be hard to know just what to do when “celebration” doesn’t feel right. This may be especially true if a faith-based service does not feel like the right fit. Ask your funeral director for help. There are funeral celebrants who are not attached to a church who can help you find the right fit. Your funeral director can help you find the right person.

Funerals are always for the survivors. Regardless of how the deceased spent their time on this earth, survivors need to gather with each other and their friends. Everyone needs to share in a safe place. All survivors grieve. We all need the opportunity to begin our grief journey in a healthy way. A funeral, a ceremony for someone who has died, is the beginning of that journey.

How to Thank a Veteran

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

How to Thank a Veteran

Three hundred and sixty five days a year, twenty-four hours a day, rain or shine, hot or cold, from the year 1776 to present day, they’re serving our country. They are our veterans and November 11th is the official day that we honor and thank them each year.

So what can you do to show your appreciation? Here are a few ideas:

Did you know you can even hold a “Care Package Party”? Here’s how:

1. Foot care products

2. Cotton socks

3. Flavorings for water

4. iTunes gift card

5. Snacks

6. Hand written notes expressing your thanks

Everyone is busy and on Veteran’s Day we’ll be inundated with advertising. It will be easy to see November 11th just as another great sale daybut it is so much more. Perhaps the most important thing you could do is ask a veteran you know to tell you about their experience and then listen. Just really listen.

The History of Veterans Day

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

The History of Veterans Day

What we know today as Veterans Day was originally called Armistice Day. On November 11, 2018, we celebrate the 100th anniversary of the armistice that ended World War I. This armistice was signed at the 11th hour on the 11th day in the 11th month of 1918. At the time, we believed World War I was “the war to end all wars”. One year after the armistice, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed November 11th as Armistice Day to commemorate the end of World War I. In his address to his “fellow-countrymen” delivered from the White House on November 11, 1919, Woodrow Wilson praised the contribution of the American people and shared hope for the future:

Memorial Day honors those who died in service, Armed Services Day honors those who currently serve. Veterans Day honors ALL veterans. Thank a Veteran on November 11th and be very proud and happy to go to bed tonight in the United States of America.

Food Provides Comfort

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Food Provides Comfort

Why is food such a fundamental part of any funeral?

Food provides comfort and strength. A gift of food shows that we care. It’s natural to connect food with the healing process of a funeral.

When should you give food? What’s helpful without being overwhelming? How do you accept food graciously without having to buy a second refrigerator?

If you’re helping a friend who is dealing with the death of a loved one, a gift of food is appropriate before the funeral, at the conclusion of the funeral, and even weeks or months after the funeral.

As you think about your gift, be aware that your friend may not even know they’re hungry. They likely won’t be able to tell you what they want or need.

Take the initiative and make it easy on them. Call with a simple offer that can be changed to meet the needs of those on the receiving end. You might say something like this:

“I’d like to bring your family dinner tomorrow evening. I thought I’d bring you a turkey roast with a broccoli casserole. Will that work for you? I’ll bring dinner by around 10:30 a.m. It’ll be all ready for you to warm in the oven or microwave.”

When you’re on the receiving end, be gracious, but honest.

Your friends want to help you. If their offer won’t be helpful, give them an opportunity to make a different suggestion.

“Thank you for your offer, but we’re all set for the next few days. May I have a rain check?”

If you’re part of a close circle of friends, consider coordinating with others in your group to cover the family’s food needs on different days and with a variety of dishes.

Consider breakfast food. A basket with granola, muffins, or a breakfast casserole may be a nice change.

Sheet pan dinners, where the entire meal is cooked on one pan in the oven, are easy for both parties. You can find lots of recipes online.

If you don’t cook, consider giving a gift card for a local restaurant that offers take out.

Whatever you do, don’t forget your friend after the funeral is over. Most people find sitting alone at the dinner table one of the bigger challenges of their bereavement.

A loaf of your famous zucchini bread will be greatly appreciated and it’ll be even better if you can share it together over a cup of tea.

What to Expect at a Funeral

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

What to Expect at a Funeral

We’ve all been there. Going to a funeral can be a little daunting, especially if it’s your first or if it’s been awhile since you attended one. Let’s talk a little bit about some of the terms you will hear and what you can expect in general.

There’s a great deal of variety in funeral service today. The funeral home works with the surviving family to help them choose service options that reflect their lifestyle and belief system. The spouse, parents, or children of the deceased determine the content of the service.

The service typically includes:

1. A gathering or visitation

2. A religious ceremony

3. Burial or placement in a final resting location (committal)

4. A luncheon, brunch, or wake

The gathering may be held the evening before the service or the same day as the service.

The religious part of the service may be held in the funeral home chapel or in the family’s place of worship.

At the conclusion of the service, a procession will usually travel to the graveside where the casketed body will be buried. Cremated remains may be buried, placed in a niche, presented to a family member for keeping, or scattered.

The committal service is often followed by a meal at the church, the funeral home’s celebration center, the family home, or a restaurant.

If you are attending a gathering or visitation that takes place before the service, the body may or may not be present. When the body is present in an open casket, attendees will usually approach the casket briefly and silently say a few words of farewell or prayer.

The family may choose to receive their guests informally and casually engage in conversation as they circulate among those attending or they may choose to receive guests in a more formal receiving line.

If you are attending a memorial service, the body will not be present. A memorial service may take place weeks or even months after the passing and may or may not include the presence of cremated remains.

The family may choose to have a memorial service for a variety of reasons. Some religions require that the body be buried immediately, necessitating service after burial. Some families just need more time to come together.

How we celebrate a life is often less formal today.

The service may include pictures and music that reflect the lifetime of the deceased. Work or interests of the deceased are often reflected in objects placed in the room or favors shared with attendees.

Attendees may participate by sharing memories of the deceased. A family member or celebrant may also tell the life story in the form of a eulogy.

Funerals are an important part of the grief journey that all families must travel when they lose a family member.

We attend to support and help the family members transition their thoughts from the cause of death to the life’s legacy. This is so they can begin their long healing process.

Your attendance is appreciated and important.

How to Dress for a Funeral

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

How to Dress for a Funeral

First, understand that what you wear to the funeral is much less important than actually going to the funeral or gathering. Don’t underestimate the value of your presence.

Your kind words, shared stories, or even just a hug will mean a great deal to friends and family when there has been a death. Don’t let not having a pair of dress shoes keep you from offering your support.

That being said, what you wear depends on several different factors. The first thing to consider is who died.

If your 80-year-old grandfather passed, the funeral is likely to be more traditional. His older friends will attend, so you will want to be more conservative.

A pair of slacks and a collared shirt for men and boys will do nicely. If you own a sport coat, by all means wear it. A tie with or without the jacket would be a nice, but not a required, addition.

For the ladies and girls, dress slacks and a nice sweater or blouse will serve the purpose. A dress or skirt would also be lovely. Do pay attention to necklines and length of the skirt.

When the funeral is for a younger person or will not be faith based, it may be more informal.

A celebration of life is typically more relaxed and may even have a theme that the family will ask attendees to support. So if you’re asked to wear golf attire to the funeral of an avid golfer, don’t be surprised.

Like the dress code for most events today, what we wear to a funeral has relaxed. Black is no longer required, but neat, clean, and subdued are always in good taste.

A funeral is not a place to stand out or be the center of attention. As you survey your wardrobe, think in terms of what you would wear to an important job interview or something you would want to wear to apply in person for a bank loan.

What do funeral directors do?

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

What do funeral directors do?