Christmas after the death of a loved one

Posted on December 11, 2020 by Chris Messina under Grief , Holidays
Leave a comment

This has been a confusing and challenging year for everyone. But, for those who have experienced the death of someone they loved, the approaching holidays pose additional challenges.

For these folks facing this special time of the year without their spouse, sibling, parent, child, or dear friend, the season comes with mixed feelings. Poignant is the perfect word to describe the combination of emotional, touching, heartbreaking, and nostalgic. It is a mixed bag of normal feelings that can fester if ignored or spoil everyone’s holiday joy if allowed to build up and explode unexpectedly.

What works best is to just take the bull by its horns as they say. Plan for how you will include your loved one in your holiday observance. First, decide if this will be something done alone or in the company of others who share your loss. Remembering and honoring the memory of your loved one can be as simple and solitary as a prayer whispered at the grave or in church or as inclusive as memory sharing time with family and friends.

If your plan includes something like a public toast before dinner be sure you have let other sensitive family members know in advance what you would like to do. As you are preparing your words—and it is a good idea to prepare—focus on the joy, love, or contributions the person who died brought to you and the family. Sharing memories of love and joy will usually enhance the holiday spirit. On the other hand, should one not prepare and fall into focusing on the feelings of loss and sadness that most surely are felt, there is a risk of spoiling the day. Focus on the person who has died rather than on your own feeling of loss. It is not that your feelings are not important, they most definitely are, it is just best if they are shared with a trusted confidant who expects to be comforting you rather than attending a celebration of the holiday.

Some things you can do to bring a much-loved person to the celebration of the holiday include serving his or her favorite food, or singing their favorite carol, or watching their favorite holiday movie. Consider making a little ceremony of passing on their “holiday job” to the next in line. Who will carve the ham, make the gravy, or read The Night Before Christmas? Pass the torch with a nostalgic remembrance of the deceased and an acknowledgment of the importance of the job by insuring it will continue in your holiday tradition.

With a little advance thought and preparation, remembering someone who was loved and died will add to the joy of the holiday celebration.

 

Elements of a Great Obituary

By West Cobb Admin • February 11, 2025
Some obituaries are simply informative. They let the neighborhood know when someone in their community has passed, inform them about when and where the funeral will be held, and detail the decedent’s family who will be grieving their loved one. These are the most basic versions of an obituary. And while there’s nothing wrong with writing one that’s on the plainer side, there’s a reason why these aren’t the obituaries that go viral.

Organ Donation: What is the Process?

By West Cobb Admin • February 6, 2025
We know that organ donation has the power to give new life to people in need, but just how does it work? The process starts when you sign up, but the actual donation portion happens after you die — and it has to happen fast. So, what does organ donation look like?

Mother’s Day

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
Mother’s Day is celebrated in 40 countries around the world. But, getting it started was not a slam dunk. Having a day just for moms was the brainchild of one Anna Jarvis, an American peace activist. When Anna’s mother died in 1905, she began lobbying the United States Congress to designate a single day as Mother’s Day. Although she was never successful with Congress, by 1911 all the states in the United States had embraced the concept of Mother’s Day. Finally, in 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May officially Mother’s Day.

Honoring a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
Memorial Day is a time to reflect and give thanks to the people who gave their lives to ensure your freedoms today. It’s a day to honor lost lives and support the loved ones those soldiers left behind. They all have sacrificed much. It’s important that we do what we can to give back.

So You Want to Donate Your Body to Science

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
By donating your body, you’re making a difference in death. Medical researchers rely on whole body donation to do everything from testing new medical devices to studying diseases to find potential cures. Donation services are always looking for people who are willing to become whole-body donors.

Am I Too Young to Plan My Funeral?

By West Cobb Admin • November 22, 2024
If you are thinking about planning your funeral it is a good sign you are not too young. Although most people tackle this task when they are preparing to retire or after the children have left home, many plan sooner. In reality, most plan because they want to or need to. Age is not the determining factor. Whatever the reason you are thinking about planning your funeral, trust yourself. It is a good enough reason. Don’t worry that you are not “old” enough.

Do I Have to Have a Burial Vault?

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
While you might be looking at burial vaults, liners, or urn vaults as simply added expenses, there’s a reason why cemeteries require you to use them. Burial vaults and liners keep a graveyard level, both for safety and to preserve the beauty of the cemetery ground. When your loved ones come to visit, they’ll be seeing a stable gravesite, safeguarded for years to come.

How To Prepare for a Funeral? Contacting Loved Ones

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
The death of a loved one is often the most challenging thing one will face in one’s life. It’s overwhelming, disheartening, and saddening for you personally, but also for those around you. As you prepare for the funeral, you’ll need to start contacting loved ones. How do you determine who to tell first and how?

What is a Burial Vault?

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
When you think about the process of burying someone who has passed on, you’re likely familiar with a few terms. You probably know what a casket is for, what it’s made out of, and where it goes. You might understand a bit about the embalming process and how a body is prepared to be laid to rest. But do you know what a burial vault is? It’s a term that many people are unaware of, but it provides support for the deceased and is becoming more and more common, especially in certain areas.

Where Can I Scatter the Remains of a Loved One?

By West Cobb Admin • August 7, 2024
It’s better to scatter your loved one’s remains either on private property that you own or on public land. When it comes to your property, what you do with it is your business. With public land and waterways, local authorities will be able to answer any questions you have to be sure that you are scattering your loved one’s ashes in an ethical, environmentally conscious way. Give your loved one a goodbye in a beautiful location, knowing that you’re not doing harm.
More Posts